This morning I was making espresso, an eggnog latte to be exact, in the bathroom for my husband and I had an epiphany. Our espresso machine is in the bathroom. Our microwave is on the floor in the dining room, and we do dishes in the bathroom sink. If you walked into our home today, you would think that our life is messy.
Things are being gutted; painted, rearranged, and cleaned so there will be newness from the inside. We could have bought decor, painted things, bought new appliances, and it would have looked nice on the outside, and it would have been so much easier. The hardest part is living in the messiness while we are slowly redoing our home.
The early sun was already hot this morning coming through our bathroom windows. While I was pouring eggnog and vanilla flavors into my husband’s travel mug, my mind was consumed with confusion about a situation in my life. Late Saturday night I sat down on the couch and shed tears while my loving husband helped me try to sort through what’s going on.
I stumbled this weekend after a conversation with a friend.
It exposed in me the areas where I struggle most; deep connection, sincere conversations, every day connections with other women.
I am still trying to sort the situation in my mind, and trying to understand it. I finished the flavoring for Tony’s drink, and as I began to steam the milk, God’s peace and understanding rushed through me so quickly I blurted out loudly, “Whoa!”
Sadly, I have been looking for deposits in the wrong place. I let my mind wander to things I can’t understand; sin, relationships that, right now, aren’t functioning in the wholeness and healthiness of God. I have spent time in my mind dwelling on this and trying to figure it out, when it isn’t mine to sort. It’s God’s.
After I felt overwhelmed by God’s love for me, I set the steamed milk down and poured Tony’s double shot. I felt God’s direction for my morning, and I embraced it with excitement. He wants me to put my energy, my focus, and my heart into things that I can understand; Him. He wants to be my confidante; to share my heart with Him. To give Him my undivided attention. To listen.
With Tony’s latte ready, I quickly made my own, and went to our spare bedroom which will belong to our little girl, but which now holds all of our homeless possessions. I sorted through the piles of books on the floor until I found my devotional. I grabbed it and got ready to head out the door to work.
I turned around on our porch and locked our glass door, looking through it as I turned the key. I am glad our home is messy right now. That means we are working on it, changing the things that need to change, and making it better.
If our house was clean and things were still in their places, that would be fine, and easy. I wouldn’t have to scrub raisin bran cereal out of our bathroom sink, and I would feel less weird because I wouldn’t be making lattes in our bathroom.
I guess my heart is a little messy, too. It would be easy if things didn’t get uncovered. I wouldn’t feel like I was navigating through such treacherous territory. But in the same way I looked through my door this morning at our messy home and was thankful, I’m thankful my heart is being worked on. I wouldn’t want to stay the same.
By Katie at A House Blend.