I’ll never forget the day of my dad’s funeral. Never had I felt so depleted — physically, emotionally, or spiritually. And I was slated to deliver one of two eulogies in his honor. As the service progressed, I wasn’t entirely sure I’d be able to walk to the front of the church, much less deliver my remarks without the onslaught of tears that accompanied all my rehearsals.
At the time, I was awaiting my second back surgery, which I’d postponed for two weeks so I could travel to the service. I was barely able to stand or walk, except during occasional, short-lived reprieves from medication.
It seemed my turn to speak to the crowded church would never come. With each passing moment, the nerve pain in my left leg increased and I felt more and more unequipped for the task.
I was at the end of myself.
My 8-year-old son sat next to me on the hard wooden pew. I leaned over to him and whispered, “Mommy has to walk up to the front soon, and I don’t want to make a scene or have people know how much pain I’m in. I want to honor Grandpa, and keep the focus on him. I need to walk tall and be strong throughout my whole speech. I need you to pray for me from the moment I get up all the way until I get back to my seat. Can you do that for me?”
“I’ll pray Momma. I’ve got you, and so does God. You can do this.”
I quietly prayed the verses from 2 Corinthians 12:9 in my head.
But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
There was no doubt I was weak. But honestly, I wasn’t sure I would receive the answer to my prayer. I needed God to show up, in a mighty way.
Miraculously, I walked to and from the altar and delivered the eulogy without incident, or tears. No one knew the pain I was feeling or the emotional state I’d been in the last few days.
Afterwards, people praised the memorable and beautiful tribute to my dad. They told me how eloquent and strong I was.
I knew better. It wasn’t my strength or eloquence that caused them to take notice.
What they saw was God’s power on display in one of my greatest moments of emotional, physical, and spiritual weakness!
Those days and months surrounding my dad’s death and my surgery are etched in my memory as some of the lowest points of my life to date. But they are also imprinted on my heart as a testament to God’s faithfulness.
When you have a living experience with a Scripture, it changes you. I have seen God’s power at work in my broken, empty, and depleted state. Now I know what Paul meant when he said he would boast even more gladly in his weakness.
I will never look at those words the same again, because I’ve encountered them.
When we don’t think we can bear our circumstance any longer, God acts in our lives in such profound ways that we cannot help but see His glory. When we recognize that we are at the end of ourselves God delivers us in another powerful act of His amazing grace.
There is no doubt that His grace is sufficient. Therefore, I, too, will gladly boast.
Leave a Comment
Michele Morin says
“A living experience with God.”
Beautiful words, and thanks for sharing the reality of your own faith in the God who meets us in our weakness with His own strength. There’s nothing more powerful than a record of His faithfulness to give us courage to face future challenges.
Blessings to you, Sarah!
Sarah Beckman says
Michele, You are right… a record of his faithfulness serves us well every time… if only we look at it right? I often don’t focus on what he’s done for me in the past in exchange for the poor mentality of “what have you done for me lately?” It’s a challenge to remind myself continually that he will provide and I have to trust! Thanks for stopping by great to “meet you!”
Becky says
Thanks Sarah! What a blessing to find this post from you here!
Sarah Beckman says
Thank you Becky!
Linda says
Thank you for sharing those words. I really needed to hear them. I found this website a few days ago. Just what I needed and need on a daily basis. Thanks so much!
Sarah Beckman says
Linda, So glad you found (in) courage… so much encouragement here and you will be continually amazed at the life giving that happens here! YAY! Press on.
Therese B Chanco says
What more can we say but that God is faithful & His mercies endure forever.
Great is ahid faithfulness.
To God be the glory!
Sarah Beckman says
I love this… his mercies endure forever, yes! and he showed me so much mercy that day. And countless days thereafter. Thank you Therese.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Sarah,
Sometimes I look at my life and ask God, Why? 5 surgeries in 5 years, staring down cancer twice, a painful divorce, prodigals, a life of living with OCD and depression….I don’t say this for sympathy. I say this because I KNOW what it feels like to be weak and completely helpless….depleted….at the end of myself. I have learned through all of this that my strength doesn’t come from me at all. This once prideful to be self-sufficient gal, will readily admit that her strength comes from the Lord. I have learned that the ONLY way to live is with complete and total dependence and reliance upon Him. I will boast not in myself, but in Him, because it is only through Him that I am strong. Amazingly through it all, God has given me joy. Maybe because I’ve endured such pain, do life and my blessings seem sweeter.
Wonderful example, Sarah, of living in God’s strength and not our own.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Sarah Beckman says
Bev, It sounds like you are “walking well with God” for sure! Each of us has our own cross to bear — and you’re carrying yours with the loving arms of your savior helping you every step. Your story is encouraging – thank you for sharing it. As a 4x back surgery patient and one who lives with pain every day I needed to be reminded of what you say about total dependence. Bless YOU!
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Sarah,
Your back pain reminds me of several friends who live with chronic pain and the story of Paul asking the Lord to remove the thorn and He tells Paul no, but that His grace is sufficient for him. Praying the Lords sufficient grace for you.
Bev ((hugs))
Sarah Beckman says
That is often one prayer I wish he woulda answered! LOL. The whole thorn and removal is just a reminder to me that I might be outta luck on that one ; ) But in it all, he is ALL. I just have to remember that he can do what needs doing – and sometimes what I think needs doing is different. Each day is a learning opportunity huh? Bless you.
Naomi Fata says
I love how your son responded! And the childlike faith he displayed! Sometimes I can think of His strength being in really big miracles but this is a poignant reminder that in all situations of life when we feel weak we can call on Him and He will answer !
Sarah Beckman says
Naomi, Yes, he is a faithful one (and now he’s 20) and I adore him. And you are so right – God ANSWERS.
Darlene says
Beautiful post! What a great reminder that HIS strength is made perfect in our weakness! Blessings, thank you for sharing your heart! God is so faithful, to Him be glory and praise!
Darlene
Sarah Beckman says
Darlene, Thank you for reading and stopping by! We just have to keep our eyes on the perfecter and author, right? : )
Pearl Allard says
I have an 8-year old son right now and am amazed at the maturity and empathy yours displayed. What a gift of God’s goodness! Kids can shine for Him, too. Sarah, I know that wasn’t your main point, but that is what blessed me. I’m not sure I’ve ever asked my children to pray for me before. Thank you for your post.
Sarah Beckman says
Pearl, Yes! I was desperate at the moment, but what I learned was even more valuable… never underestimate our kids, OR GOD!
Penny says
Sarah,
What a kind gesture from your son …
It’s amazing how God gives us strength to do what we think we can not do. It was deeply touching to hear of how you overcame your weakness by the Lord seeing you through. Thank-you so much for sharing this morning……
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
Sarah Beckman says
Penny, Our Lord is faithful and strong! All praise to Him!
Thanks for your encouragement.
Becky L says
Good words and thoughts Sarah. It’s hard enough to lose a parent and have physical pain as well. Scripture helps as well as prayer. I remember the night my mom died. We were on our way to the nursing home where she was at. One last time. The first song on the radio was “I Will Rise” sung by Chris Rice. What a song for such a time as this. It was like a voice from God. It made me strong to see her one last time. I commended her spirit to the Lord before we left her room. I needed to do it. We’re stronger with Him even when we don’t feel it at first. God bless you.
Sarah Beckman says
Becky, I love this story! Isn’t God sweet when he sees us in our hardest places! I love that song. And how perfect for the timing.
Mary Ellen Shedron says
Dear Sarah,
Thank you for allowing yourself to be a bearer of God’s message of hope and encouragement to countless souls!
Three entences virtually leapt from my smartphone screen when I read your story:
• “I was at the end of myself.”
• “When you have a living experience with a Scripture, it changes you.”
• “When we don’t think we can bear our circumstance any longer, God acts in our lives in such profound ways that we cannot help but see His glory.”
Never would I have dreamed that in the summer of my 60th year I would find myself homeless, financially stressed and physically/emotionally bankrupt … the exact state of my being needed for God to showcase countless displays of His love, grace, strength and peace.
Wraparound Blessings,
Mary Ellen
Sarah Beckman says
Mary Ellen, May he meet you right where you are today, again. And remind you what a gift we have in just knowing and being with him. May your story of redemption and ultimately restoration be one where he can really SHOW OFF! Praying for you to be joyfully on the other side before you know it! God’s blessings upon you.
Rebecca L Jones says
I was ready to cry at the first few paragraphs, I know about back pain too. What a blessing that your son was able to pray for you. You are absolutely right, it is a living experience and His word changes you, heals you from the inside out. I try to remember that His grace is sufficient as well, And I can only brag about Jesus. I hope you find healing and His peace, I think your father would be proud.
Sarah Beckman says
Rebecca, Thank you so much – I do think my Dad would love my life right now… and I love being able to brag on Jesus. AMEN. Bless you in your own personal pain. May He provide in ways that you CANNOT HELP BUT SEE!
Kim says
Your story today reminds me of my own dad’s death and subsequent funeral where my sister and I had to perform his favorite song, “How Great Thou Art.” And, I played the piano for our performance. I could not tell you to this day how we got through that, other than, it had to be God!
I’m facing circumstances currently that God has been helping me with and I’m sure He will continue. There’s no way I can do it alone.
Sarah Beckman says
Kim, It is amazing to think back on all the times God gave me strength. I should do that more often! Maybe I wouldn’t worry so much about the future then… I pray for your current situation – and that you will FEEL his presence and PROVISION. Blessings.
Beth Williams says
Sarah,
Great story of God’s goodness & grace just when we need it. We’ve all witnessed God’s greatness in the past. We just need to remind ourselves of those. God is still in the miracle business-He just wants us to ask Him for help. I believe that is why we all have thorns in our flesh from time to time. It brings us to the end of ourselves & makes us look to Him. Let’s all boast in our weakness!!
Blessings 🙂
Sarah Beckman says
Beth, It’s so easy to slip into self-dependence huh? I am easily swayed into thinking “I’ve got this!” when in fact, I don’t. : ) I have to remind myself that if I’m in that place then I can boast in my King!