We dipped into hearty bowls of butternut squash soup garnished with sprigs of fresh parsley. We passed platters of golden roasted turkey, Nana’s green bean casserole, and homemade crescent rolls. My dear friend added a plate of her family’s special Salvadoran pupusas to the mix, while my famous pumpkin tiramisu chilled in the refrigerator for our grand finale.
What mattered that year was not what we were serving up on our plates but what we were serving up in our hearts. There was a deep gratitude that was almost palpable around the table after the grief journey we had endured as a family.
Just the year before, we had navigated our first holiday without my beloved husband. He was diagnosed with stage four cancer that May and soared to heaven in September, leaving our whole family and community reeling. I never imagined this would be my story. I didn’t ever believe the tasks of a widow-mama would be in my wheelhouse.
That first Thanksgiving we all had to recalibrate for we had lost our leader. I missed him helping me chop the celery for the soup. I missed his booming voice saying the blessing. I missed him entertaining the girls and laughing loud during dessert. His absence loomed large at the table. I had to dig deep to pull up the gratitude then. I had to train myself to name the small gifts – breath in my lungs, three brave daughters, sunsets chasing across the sky, and saving grace.
A year later, the landscape of my heart and our family had changed dramatically.
Just like the abundant food on our table, the blessings were abundant too. My fiancé sat to my right. He started the meal with a blessing-prayer, thanking God for our first meal as a family in the new home we just bought. My youngest girl with the golden hair, like her “Daddy with Jesus,” squeezed the hand of her daddy-to-be. She was bubbling with excitement for the wedding in January where she would be the flower girl.
My dear friend from El Salvador, her two sons, her husband, and his two sisters from India joined our table. They, too, had tasted grief that year as their dad had journeyed through cancer. These were friends who had become like family to us during crisis.
We shared tears and prayers. We drew close together in the gratitude.
After we had emptied the bottles of sparkling cider and most of us were pushing back from the table, there was a kind of hush. A signal that it was time for our traditional sharing about what we were thankful for that year. My parents started it off with tears sparkling in their eyes. My mom talked about how grateful she was for my friend-turned-kinsman-redeemer Shawn, and for the way God orchestrated our relationship. Dad added his eagerness to welcome another son-in-law into our clan.
My mother-in-law, who buried her only child just a little more than a year earlier, expressed her surprising happiness and healing to sit at this table together again. In a trembling voice, she reminded Shawn how she had adopted him into the family years ago when he and her son had become good friends.
Only God knew the next chapter of this wild redemption story and how we would all sit at this Thanksgiving table one day.
My oldest daughter offered up her thanks for our amazing community of friends – people who had shown us what it means to be Emmanuel, God with us. My middle daughter chimed in, reminding us in her ever-sensitive way that her daddy was present with us right there at the table.
My father-in-law said it simply, “A miracle.” It was all an unexpected Thanksgiving miracle.
In these three years, I have learned that every holiday will hold a tinge of grief and a taste of God’s glory. The joy and the pain are always intermingling. And we must lean in. We must gather back at the table and look for the new story unfolding. We must believe that He is always making things new. And we must give thanks for the feast.
Leave a Comment
Meg says
Well written & such a beautiful reminder of God’s “wild redemption” story and making beauty out of ashes! Thanks for sharing your story because it touched my heart 🙂
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thank you for your kind words and for reading, Meg. They mean so much!
Rosemarie says
AMEN!!! Meg – this past June my husband of over twenty years married very unexpectedly died and this year is going to be very different for me as well. So thank you Lord for Dorina sharing these beautiful words with us this day to bring me some comfort.
Lisa Appelo says
<3 Praying for you now, Rosemarie.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thank you for sharing your story, Rosemarie! Praying for you as you enter the holidays. Permission to grieve and also to taste joy in the midst of it!
Rosemarie K. says
Thank you Dorina for praying for me. And I Praise Jesus for your compassionate spirit, of encouragement, for me during this season of life – “To taste the JOY in the midst of my grieve.” God Bless You my sister!
Vickie G. Lynch says
Dorina’s sharing is needed by many this Thanksgiving. While there may be pain, there is always gratitude and giving thanks. Spiritual tears and smiles this morning.
Psalm 100
Psalm 147:7
Ephesians 5:20
Revelation 7:12
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thank you for this, Vickie. I will return to these scriptures anew!
Michele Morin says
Dorina, I find myself repeating your father-in-law’s response: “A miracle!”
Thanks for sharing this story to remind all of us that no matter where we are right now for this Thanksgiving celebration, we are not stuck, and God has plans of hope and redemption for His daughters that would take our breath away if we knew His thoughts.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Indeed, He longs for us to behold the wonder of His plans for each one of us!
Tami says
Thank you, I needed to read this. I am still struggling with the loss of my mother, who died from ALS in July 2015. Gratitude is not something I have even thought of through this painful experience. I will now try to focus more on the things God has blessed me with, rather than what I have lost. God bless you and your family.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Tami, I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother. My prayer for you is that you might give yourself permission to grieve but also to find a pathway into gratitude that would draw you closer to God in this season.
Eunice B says
This is beautiful, and what a raw sharing of your heart, dear friend! <3 Thank you for the reminder as we're planning to be away from our immediate family for Thanksgiving this year, there is a sense of grief and longing in my heart. Thank you for the challenge to look for the blessings in this season and be Thankful!!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Grief and glory always dancing together! My prayers are with you as you navigate this present season.
Amanda Goodwin says
This touched my heart. My husband and I have been on a painful infertility journey for 17 months and in both July and November, we lost two of our IVF babies in utero. The holidays have been a huge mountain looming in the distance. I’m terrified of this year’s family gatherings and performing joyful traditions when I’m missing a massive piece of my heart. No matter the overwhelming pain, we still have so much to treasure and be grateful for. Thank you for your encouraging story.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Amanda, thank you for relating your story. I do not know that kind of grief personally but I’ve walked alongside several friends who have journeyed through infertility. My heart is with you during this season. I pray that you will find glimpses of true joy and grace even in the delicate dance of grief.
Heather Winslow LeFebvre says
Thanks for this glimpse into your life! I lost a dear friend last January and I know that her husband and daughter will be feeling some of what you felt that first Thanksgiving as they gather for the holidays this year. And I find it helpful to be reminded that joy and grief always intermingle since the holidays often remind me of the imperfectness of family relationships.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thank YOU, Heather! I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Let me encourage you that being present for her husband and daughter in any way you can, however awkward, is so important. God has used so many in my community to show me He is Emmanuel through the ministry of presence.
Penny says
Dorina,
I was saddened at first while reading your story, but by the end I thought it to be remarkable, not only by your gratitude but by the acceptance of you all, (thank-you for sharing it with us all).
Blessings to you all,
Penny
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thanks for reading and experiencing the grief and the grace with me, Penny!
Orphaned Daughter says
Thank you for sharing your story. Today, is my mom’s birthday. She would have been eighty. Her 14-month journey of decline in health, surgeries, rehabs, and more recently, cancer, ended October 8, 2017 in peaceful transition into Heaven. I’m unsure how my Thanksgiving will turn out, but I am thankful I know JESUS and trust that all will work for good and His Name will be praised.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, but like you, grateful for the hope of Heaven. Give yourself grace and space this Thanksgiving. It’s ok to start new traditions and give yourself permission to both grieve and celebrate.
Janet says
Precious-thank you for sharing! God had used you to encourage my heart.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thank you! For His glory!
Cathy Baker says
What a glorious peek into the wonder of a truly grateful heart. Thank you, Dorina.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thank you for reaching out with words of encouragement, Cathy!
Joan Munro says
What a beautiful picture of Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit..grief and gratitude blended to give us Salvation and Hope! We lose loved ones, but only for a time, until that glorious reunion at the Lord’s Table in Heaven! Grief and Gratitude.
Thank you Dorina, for sharing your story!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Oh, how it makes me ache for Heaven, but also grows my passion for sharing the glory story with more here on earth!
Melissa Ens says
Cheering and praising God with you for his faithfulness! (I’m so excited to see your story here!!!!)
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thanks for all your support, friend! Grateful to journey with you!
Rebecca L Jones says
What a wonderful testimony of love. I’m sure your husband would be proud. I too, have dreams of being a children’s author, and I love to try that soup. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. God bless you.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Chase those dreams and His glory, Rebecca. P.S. The soup recipe is on my blog under recipes at http://www.DorinaGilmore.com.
Barbara says
Thank you for sharing your testimony of God’s grace.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thank you for reading and reaching out! It means so much!
Augusta says
Thanks.A “miracle” indeed.God Bless you
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
God’s writing is better than fiction, right?! He specialized in the beauty from ashes narrative!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
specializes* – present and ongoing 😉
Joan Acomb says
His banquet table is overwhelmingly overflowing!
Blessings!
Dorina says
Even in the grief and the dark days He has abundance for us. Isn’t it amazing, Joan?!
Elizabeth says
No words. You said it all.
Dorina says
Linda S. says
Oh my soul! My eyes were brimming with tears reading your testimony of grief, gladness and blessings. It was beautiful to see that your mother-in-law was accepting a new son-in-law and your parents and children as well, especially in such a short time span. Thank you for sharing this!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Yes, Linda! A miracle indeed!
Sandra says
Oh, Dorina! I, too, needed this. My eyes were tear-filled as I read of your journey from pain to gratitude. Like Orphaned Daughter, my mom also went home to be with Jesus in October. It was quite unexpected, but it turned out to be such a blessing, because we found out about four hours before she went home, that she had pancreatic cancer. She will never have to suffer from that horrendous cancer. Jesus took her home. I praise His name for that…and give Him thanks and praise for allowing me to have such a wonderful mom for almost 56 years of my life. “When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be! When we all see Jesus, we’ll sing and shout the victory!!” (Love that song!!) I’m not sure what Thanksgiving this year will hold for my 6 siblings and me and all our families, but we have many blessings that we can count. Thank you for that reminder, and for sharing your heart in such a poignantly beautiful way.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Sandra, I’ll be praying for you. I hope you’ll check out my blog. I have some stories and resources that may be of hell as you navigate the holidays! Check out this one: https://dorinagilmore.com/embracing-grief-as-part-of-christmas/
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Help!
K Ann Guinn says
What a precious restoration for your family! And always present the empty spot of a loved one gone on too soon.
This Thanksgiving I’m so thankful that my husband is with us and recuperating from bypass surgery (five bypasses?). He went to the doctor with complaints of mild symptoms, was tested and sent to hospital for a stint (or two?), and was kept in and transferred instead to another hospital for bypass surgery when they looked and found that this would be the necessary and preferred procedure.
It all happened so fast. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t scary. But God’s hand was in it in so many ways. No heart attack and resulting heart damage. No death. A painful and difficult procedure and recovery…..but a better and more healthy outcome.
Thanks for sharing your story. This is ours for Thanksgiving 2017.
K Ann Guinn says
(Please excuse my typo…..it WAS indeed five bypasses!)
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Amen! His grace is all around us. We must lean in for the feast!
Beth Williams says
Dorina,
Thank you for sharing your story!! It is a testimony about God’s redemptive love. It reminds me of Psalm 30:5 “weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning”. You have shown the world that “What matters is not what we serve up on our plates, but what we serve up in our hearts.” Our hearts have to be tuned into the love of Christ, & the many blessings He has bestowed upon us. It never ceases to amaze me how God’s plans work out. I pray your family will have a wonderful Thanksgiving this year! Enjoy the company of many people!!
Blessings 🙂
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thank you, Beth! His glory story!
Jen says
What inspiration flows from your story. To know that it’s ok to grieve and be grateful. Just this morning I wrote about the intermingling (seriously, used that word! Great minds!!) of joy and sorrow and how I have to look to Jesus because he alone knows how to do it well. “The joy and the pain are always intermingling. And we must lean in. We must gather back at the table and look for the new story unfolding. We must believe that He is always making things new. And we must give thanks for the feast.”
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Jen, I love when God resonates a message in many places! Partnering with you!
Nancy Ruegg says
Indeed, what a miracle God performed to turn the ashes of your grief into the beauty of peace, contentment, and even a new relationship. Your experience IS a glorious redemptive story! Thank you for sharing it with us, Dorina. Thank you, too, for sharing your insights: 1) We must remember, grief and glory, joy and pain can be intertwined, 2) We must lean in toward the Father who is always making things new. And 3) “We must give thanks for the feast.” Beautiful, Dorina!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thanks for reading and leaning in with me, friend!
Lisa Appelo says
Dorina, I’m a widow as well as your words “I have learned that every holiday will hold a tinge of grief and a taste of God’s glory. The joy and the pain are always intermingling” is spot on. Thank Goodness for the feast in the midst of pain. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
I’m glad you resonated with this, my friend! Praying and journeying with you!