Okay, so I realize the title might throw you off, but hang with me. If you’ve been in this space for the past few months, you may remember this post I wrote in June of last year. It was all about my dear friends, Steve and Gayla. Steve battled cancer for a couple of years. He was 39 with three small kids. I wrote about how our community rallied around his family and met every conceivable need they had. Often times, needs were met they didn’t even know they had. It was amazing and beautiful, encouraging and challenging.
Well, sadly, he lost his battle to cancer in October. The funeral was filled with thousands from near and far who came to celebrate Steve’s life and legacy. I sobbed and I laughed as person after person told stories about Steve. My sweet Gayla went first. She shared with us about how they were neighbors growing up and how Steve was madly in love with a slightly younger Gayla. It took her a while to return said love.
During the reception after, I was talking with someone and she said, “There are many people teaching us how to live well, but no one teaching us how to die well.” That statement hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s true, right? I had the honor of being intimately involved in Steve and Gayla’s lives during his last year. I was there several days of the week into the wee hours of the morning. I fought back tears when I would see him in his declining health. Because it happened so quickly.
I observed him and how he lived. It was nothing short of incredible! I was challenged and convicted because I don’t know if I would have lived out my last days as he did. A few verses came to mind as I thought about his last year of life.
“…preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” (2 Timothy 4:2 ESV)
Throughout his battle, Steve took EVERY opportunity to share the gospel. He traveled the country, sharing his story and faith to church communities. He was constantly sharing with those of us around him about God’s goodness and love and grace to him and his family. The Lord poured out blessing after blessing after miracle after miracle in his life, and Steve gave all glory to the Lord.
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing.” (2 Timothy 4: 7-8 ESV)
He prayed. He believed. He held onto hope. Steve ran an incredible race. It was one of the biggest honors of my life to run along side him and his family. He grew in his love for Christ through his journey. He trusted Christ like never before. His dependence on Him never wavered even when doctor’s reports told him to doubt and fear. He viewed his circumstances through the eyes of Christ and he stood firm on the sure foundation of God’s Word and promises.
“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.” (Philippians 1:21-23 ESV)
Steve knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that here was not home. Here was never intended to be home. Home is with Christ. Heaven is our final destination. Nothing brings about this tension more so than death. Death is hard and it hurts. But, Steve knew death was not final. It was not the end. He knew he would see his family and friends again one day. Until then, he knew he would be able to join the great cloud of witnesses to cheer all of us on on the rest of our races.
Here’s an interview he did with his pastor two months before he passed away. Funny story… he and his family, the film crew and I all showed up at his house that afternoon and we spent a couple of hours locked out of their new house. Always an adventure!
Oh, may the same be true of us!
Leave a Comment
M says
What a video and what an amazing man. Will pray that his three children will always be kept and never get bitter against God as they miss their daddy. I almost went by this post as like you said, we flinch from the subject. But amazing testimony.x
Karina Allen says
I am SO glad that you read it! It’s not an easy subject, but one where we can honor God in some of the most beautiful of ways!
Michele Morin says
Glorious words, Karina, not only for how to leave with grace when it’s our turn, but also how to receive with grace the departure of those we love and can’t imagine this planet without them.
This material world captures my attention far too much. Thank you for this morning’s realignment of my treasuring.
Karina Allen says
Amen Michele! I always need that realignment!
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Karina,
I’m so sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing something we rarely speak about. I think, perhaps, it’s because not enough of us have adopted Steve’s eternal perspective. As the words of one “Big Daddy Weave” song go, “I’m not really gone; I’m just changing neighborhoods.” Steve is living in the city whose streets are lined with gold. We also can’t imagine how he had the grace that he did going through dying with cancer. But, God doesn’t give us grace in our imaginings, He gives us grace when we are actually IN the crucible. What a testimony of God’s grace your sweet friend has been to many. So many “life” lessons from someone who “died well”.
Blessings to you and Steve’s family,
Bev xx
Karina Allen says
Thank you Bev!!!! Yes! I marveled at every word he spoke and move he made.
Annie says
Blessings Karina:
Thank you for your reflection and for posting Steve’s story. Yes, how to die well….so important. I just lost my mother-in-law to cancer. She was a shining example of faith to me. I learned much from her about how to die well by living close to God.
Karina Allen says
Thank you Annie! I am sorry for your loss. I’m grateful for the blessing of having watched him live out his last days. I will treasure them.
Brenda says
Karina,
Thank you for sharing this testimony. I loved what he said about being real with God and not religious. Oh, that we could grab hold of that truth and pass it on to others and give God all the glory, and that we could embrace the Body of Christ to be able to reach out to those around us in need. This was so timely and touching. I pray that his wife and children will feel so loved and able to walk in that peace that passes all understanding, knowing that God heard his prayers and they would continue to run to Him and grow stronger in Him day by day. Thank you.
Karina Allen says
Yes Brenda! That is my prayer as well. Thank you for reading and watching.
Ruth says
May we all ditch our ‘religion’ and truly live the REAL life with God. Amen. This is what hard times should do for us. May we not waste them but embrace them. As Steve was so thankful for cancer (I had a friend who was the same – thankful for her cancer which took her life at age 41), I, too, am so thankful for my hard times as they have driven me closer to God and He does give that ‘peace which passes ALL understanding’ despite whatever our circumstances may be. John 3:30 “He must increase, but I must decrease”
Deanna Kotrla says
My heart breaks yet is also encouraged by Steve’s legacy and faith. Thank you for sharing!
Karina Allen says
I feel the same way Deanna! Thank you for reading and watching.
Blessings!
Debra says
Thank you Karina for sharing this very touching story with us this morning – awww yes – dying/death – such a difficult topic for so many – I spent the last years of my career as a hospice palliative care nurse – such an honour to be invited to join patients and their families on their end of life journeys – I believe there is so much to learn from those who are dying – your friend was a testament to that belief – in the end there is no end only a new beginning when we are called home – love, light and blessings to all xo
Karina Allen says
Amen Debra!
My friend Samantha was a hospice nurse for a while and we talked all about death more than I ever have before. I’m glad we had those conversations.
Karen Knowles says
Karina, thank you for sharing this. What a powerful testimony!
Karina Allen says
Thank you for reading!!!
Debra K says
So very timely. My Dad (89 years) has been in Hospice care for 8 months & has so little quality of life. He is at peace with God & so ready to go home; my mom passed 10 years ago. My sisters & I pray daily for God’s grace & mercy to take him home. What an amazing man Steve was. His video was so touching & insightful. May God bless & comfort his wife, children & friends. Thank you so much Karina for sharing this today; you touched my heart.
Karina Allen says
Bless you Debra!
Praying for peace for your dad and family. May God move in the sweetest of ways.
Beth Williams says
Karina,
We don’t have an eternal perspective like we should. This world calls us to live for the here and now. Get what you can & don’t worry about tomorrow. We need to cultivate more of an eternal perspective. I guess since I’ve aged, lost both my parents-dad just last year, & now about to lose my FIL I’m longing to go home & be with Jesus. This world has me down-to materialism, division & strife-not enough love, care & God. Cancer is a hard disease to go through-especially if you don’t have God in your life. Caregivers take the brunt of the disease along with patient. They go with them to doctor’s appointment, & chemo. Do most of cooking, housework & are with the patient after treatment. It can be hard oh so very hard. We as friends & neighbors need to come alongside the patients & offer what assistance we can. It may be cooking a meal, checking on them, visiting them or just praying for them. Your friend leaves a great testimony on how to die well. We should all try to show God’s love to all even in the midst of pain & suffering. I pray I can be as Godly as he was. I also pray for his family. May God comfort them & send His grace & mercy. May his children always follow God & not get mad. Thank you for sharing!!
BTW: if anyone is going through Cancer-they can call American Cancer Society & ask for help. I work with local Relay for Life in Carter County TN. A big reason is my pastor’s wife had breast cancer & now my FIL has stage III bladder cancer & his loving wife is caring for him.
Blessings 🙂
Karina Allen says
Thank you Beth!
I love how God has walked you through these trials with His perspective and hope!
Dawn says
This has been one of the most meaningful devotions I’ve read (and heard) on Incourage. Thank you for sharing.
Karina Allen says
Dawn, thank you for those kind words! I will treasure them.
Blessings to you sister!
Teriz says
I wrestled with some of the same things he wrestled with when I got my diagnosis. Leaving my children behind is my biggest fear. I’m cancer free now but much more aware of death. I’m also much more aware of my weakness and utter need for Jesus and His grace. May God be with his family and grant them blessings beyond imagination and grace and peace beyond understanding.
Karina Allen says
Amen Teriz!
Believing a long life for you to fulfill His purposes for you and to watch your kids become all that God created them to be!
N. Lashae says
Thank you for sharing! God bless you!
Karina Allen says
Thank you for reading and sharing!
Lisa K Elliott says
Karina, thank you so much for every inch of this message. TRULY a great and perfectly-timed gift from God!
Karina Allen says
Amen Lisa!!!! I love the Lord’s timing!
Heather Bock says
This is truly what we need to be thinking about—how to die well. As Ann Voskamp recently said in her book The Broken Way (paraphrased): we need to act as if we’re terminal, because we are.
Karina Allen says
Amen Heather!!!