I don’t know why I thought I could do it by myself.
I couldn’t.
I wasn’t made to.
It’s not in my nature. Our nature. To forgive.
It’s in His nature to forgive. And only He can help us do it.
I guess it’s because I’m flawed. We’re flawed.
I don’t see my sin. Sure, I know I’m sinful. But for some reason, it’s a lot easier for me to see the sins of others. And for some reason I always think that their sin is much worse than mine. That the way they hurt me is worse than the way I have hurt others.
But it’s not true. But in my small, narrow, human mind it makes sense. And so I put up walls and I say hurtful things and what I never count on is how it makes me feel. I think that I am guarding myself, setting up a boundary that’s safe. Instead, I just end up losing sleep. I end up feeling badly. Feeling like things are not right. Relationship is not right.
This happened to me recently. This cycle of sin and bad behavior caused by hurt. This cycle of allowing someone else’s words to shape my behavior. My reaction. But I tried something different this time. I prayed and I asked Jesus to help me forgive. Before, I’ve kept these things from Him, not given Him access to this part of my life.
Not this time. Not now. I want all of Him in all of my life.
And so I prayed. And He answered. I figured it would take longer for my heart attitude to change but it didn’t. I don’t know if the process is complete but I know I’m on my way. I feel better about the hurt and the hurter than I’ve felt in months.
And it’s all because I realized I couldn’t do it on my own. I wasn’t made to. We weren’t made to.
By Kerry Todd, My Life His Mission
ABOUT KERRY TODD
I'm just a girl on a mission towards pure and faultless religion. I love my family, my church, orphans, and Africa. Oh and Starbucks, sewing, and pretty much anything crafty....
