Every day, the new year calls to me. A blank slate, a fresh page. Another chapter waits to be written, with the proverbial pen poised in mid-air.
It’s simply unavoidable. I get a little preoccupied these first few weeks, trying to figure out what God wants for me this year.
I know, I know. Everybody who is anybody wants to be more, do better, and get going on it — Now.
I’m no different. Wanna look into my closet of goals and aspirations? Step right up – a pile stands before us. It’s a collection of parts of who I am and who I’d like to become. Among a motley crew of hopes, dreams, and disappointments, you’ll find long-faded resolutions.
There is, however, one well-worn, wishful commitment that dwarfs all others. It gets renewed every year.
Like a precious box of mementos tucked in the back of the closet, a light in my soul may dim, but still burns.
In that heap of everything and nothing, something sparks eternal.
It is the longing to be close to God.
Waves and Sand Castles
I always wish for this. Each year, I purpose to draw closer — and more regularly — with the Lover of my Soul. Without warning, I can wake up to find my determination dissipated.
It feels like I’m building sand castles in the path of a wave that seems to always find me. And wherever I move to rebuild a new one, it follows.
Sometimes, I want to just give it up, and put my bucket and shovel away.
Then, a Deeper Intuition calls me.
Come back. And stay.
A Deeper Intuition
The Holy Spirit won’t let me walk away. He wants me returning. Not even the waves of guilt can wash away His prompting to turn and walk the narrow way.
It’s not easy, but I think this coming and going is a just a day in the life under God’s grace. What Quaker missionary Thomas Kelly calls “stayedness” is a craving that won’t ever go away.
How can I get closer and wander less, so my heart in peace can stay?
The Gift of Return
Against flimsiness and flightedness, God’s voice punctuates with a powerful combination of gentleness, persistence and resolve.
Return. Now.
Not with self-recriminations or guilty, disparaging words that drain.
No, this Voice prompts. Come to simply receive.
Just when I think it is too late — too much time and wanderings stretched between us — this Deeper Intuition invites me to receive.
Despite our misgivings, something in us believes God lavishes what our heart confesses: GRACE.
Each Turn Is Grace
Grace. The things that turn us, God uses to love us. In place of “Sorry”, we can say, “Thank You.”
I realize that I often try to do quiet time, apart from receiving grace.
The giving will come later. He will move me by His power, and not by my efforts to be better and try harder.
No matter how many times we run back to God returning, a lifetime’s worth of grace awaits.
We no longer need to draw near as a test of our faithfulness and devotion.
This year, let us experience grace, by viewing each return
as a testament to His faithfulness and devotion.
Why fret? Just return. Begin. Now.
As you are. Where you are. Return. Return.
… As for sandcastles? Let’s save them for the beach.
Do you feel a similar pull to simply return and receive?
What areas in your life do you sense the Deeper Intuition of Grace?
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your sins like the morning mist.
Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”
Isaiah 44:22
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“Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled;
Set your hope fully on the grace…”
1 Peter 3:19
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by Bonnie, Faith Barista
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Well Bonnie, you up and made me cry! I love where you write, “Just when I think it is too late — too much time and wanderings stretched between us — this Deeper Intuition invites me to receive.” I am on-my-knees thankful for His unlimited do-overs, His always taking us back, and His mercies new every morning.
What a beautiful picture you paint of His grace. Thank you!
Beautifully written Bonnie! I love what you shared about Thomas Kelly and his brilliant word, “stayedness!” We need that–we really do. His grace is an endless marvel!
I do not ever recall having Isaiah 44.22 quoted during a sermon. Yet reading it here, seeing its written form, its simple beauty made my heart stop for a moment. I have typed it out and put it where I will see it often.
Thank you for this wonderful moment of “reconnecting” which you facillitated for me.
Excellent post, full of grace. I agree with Lynne above, Isaiah 44:22 in writing was also new to me and made my heart stop just the same. I just wanted to say what a blessing this site has been to me.
This is going in my archive of posts I need to reread time and again. Oh how I need to remember more that my fellowship with God is so that I can soak up His grace and less about what I bring to the table. My word, if only I would remember daily that it is He who draws, He who cleanses, He who empowers, and it is I who receive. Thank you for the chance to remember.
I’m so thankful I found a place where I can read my heart. Thanks so much Bonnie for putting into words just how I feel..tears well up in wonder and gratitude for how God works in the body of Christ. Some days I’m laughing and sitting in Gods lap and some days I’m hanging on by a thread. Had a few thread days lately and so glad God directed me here. Fellowship with other wonderful women of God is such a blessing.
Thank you for your thoughts here. They warm and comfort me to share in moments together.
@Kristen:
John Newton said it well when he wrote: “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now I see.”
John Newton and I have a lot in common in that we were both miserable wretches until grace reached out and pulled us out of our depravity.
I love that He calls us back to Him, sets our desire for Him outside of what we think to pursue or accomplish…
What a great, great post, Bonnie! Thank you for your words. They so greatly touched my heart. I, like Corie above, am so grateful to have found you and Holley and (in)courage…all places “where I can read my heart”. 🙂 I especially was touched by, “We no longer need to draw near as a test of our faithfulness and devotion. This year, let us experience grace, by viewing each return
as a testament to His faithfulness and devotion.” I never thought about it like that…and I LOVE that thought!
@LarryWho: Can’t go wrong with Amazing Grace.
@Kelly: He always surprises me, even though He never fails to do this.
@Jill: It is a blessing how words create a space for each other. Thank you for yours.