Stowed away in the attic for decades, dust floats from the diary that I kept from ages 14-18. Paging through memories of old, I’m instantly transported.
Transported to pivotal successes that were so quickly forgotten, while years of insecurity surface in a heartbeat.
The diary leers, “I need to lose weight and stop snacking. I need to get more organized for class. I need to talk softer (the whole gentle and quiet spirit thing).”
That list was the bane of my existence for years.
It’s this time of the year, as I browse through blogland, that the enemy woes me with his subtle whisper. The scars that he etched years ago jeer, “You don’t measure up.”
I see others perfectly scripted resolutions, and I remember the lies. I can do it all. I can balance it all. I can meet all needs. For years I’ve tried with best intentions, packed full of self determination, self effort and have been defeated.
But this year I am rebelling. I am rebelling from the notion that I can do it all.
I can’t, I won’t, and I will never meet everyone’s expectations, including my own…
But HE can.
As women, our self-appointed crowns of “perfection” tarnish and forget to remind us that if we are perfect, there’s no need for a Savior.
This year I am rebelling from the notion that I start anew January 1st. I don’t want to make New Year’s Resolutions. I want to live Life to its fullest, not having regrets in December, but reevaluating and reworking goals throughout the year.
Understanding that my greatest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses, I’m welcoming this fact, rather than fighting it. Think back on my diary.
That same girl who was never organized for class, is the same woman who who still struggles with cluttered areas throughout her house, yet embraces hospitality by opening her home (even when boxes are stacked in the corner).
That same girl who was always in trouble for talking in class is now a woman used by the Lord to encourage through the spoken Word.
That same girl who toiled with weight is now a woman who has lost 40 pounds, kept it off, been freed from that stronghold, yet still eats her favorite french fries.
That same girl is a woman who still really struggles with discipline.
I was introduced to Jonathon Edward’s Seventy resolutions this past week. His opening declaration is one I claim as my own…
Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God’s help, I do humbly entreat Him by His grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to His will, for Christ’s sake.
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11
I’m defining them this week by outlining my goals with tangible and intentional baby steps.
Would you care to join me?
Come on, it’s New Year’s Rebelutions time.Leave a Comment
Kristen - Moms Sharpening Moms says
Our pastor spoke about this exact same thing at church yesterday. Hmmm…could He be trying to tell me something? 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing your heart with us. I am truly encouraged!
deb @talk at the table says
I don’t make resolutions, or even set goals really. I do try to visualize. And I like to let life unfold.
I try harder to be better, more compassionate, less of self, and less trapped in a life of fear.
If I can be open to change, and willing to love more and more, I find that life keeps getting me to rise up. And I am . I think.
Thank you for this encouragement. Really.
Holley Gerth says
Woo-hoo! I’m ready to rebel with you, Jen! Love your passionate spirit and the way you use it for Jesus. Life to the full, that’s you!
OMGoodness! I just blogged about this on my site before I ever came over here and read this! CRAZY! I love it! Thank you so much for being so real and transparent.
It already clarified a couple of things I blogged about! Thank you! God bless!
Kristen @ Beautifully Imperfect says
Jen, this is me and my thoughts over the last few days put into words. I love it! Thanks for taking the time to share your heart.
Angela Nazworth says
I loved this my friend. I stopped making my enormous to-do lists and New Years resolutions a few months after PPD and my extreme perfectionism led me to a tried and true nervous breakdown. Thank you for being transparent in your struggles and for exuding hope as well.
A most excellent resolution from Edwards (and you)!
Any and all resolutions must be well prayed over and intiated in our hearts by God. Otherwise, WE are making lists to serve our own needs to feel like WE are taking positive steps toward what WE think we need to do.
Can SHAME be removed for the equation of resolution-making or not making? I think that’s key.
May God lead.
May we follow.
Mrs Tina says
I am with you, let’s rebel! I used to make New Years Resolutions, but haven’t for many years now-I found either I made too many or set them too high and wasn’t able to meet them. This made me feel like a “failure” in what I was trying to do. Now, I let God lead me in my day to day life and feel so free as I don’t have to worry about meeting “my” goals. (of course, I tend to take back the “lead” at times and then have to give it back to God). God has blessed me many times in so many ways over the years! Thank you for sharing with us. Blessings
I gave my year a “tagline” instead of making normal resolutions. This tagline for 2010 is “Live for Today”. Then I flushed out what this meant – Relational. Spirit Filled. Balanced. I have “steps” to take to push me towards my goal, but they’re a far cry from a resolution (that is bound to fail).
oh I so agree. I love making goals and readjusting as needed..sometimes that is a lot but I smile at the tiniest baby steps.
Awesome! I like Edwards’ take; a bit different from Benjamin Franklin’s self-imposed endeavors toward perfection…
As for myself, I make reasonable resolutions, so I’m not anti-goals at all. And I’ve stopped beating myself up for not achieving them.
Have a wonderful New Year!
thank you so much for these words, boy did I need to hear them!
Faith Barista Bonnie says
New Year *Rebelutions*! I love it, Jennifer! Babysteps are my fave, too. If we are faithful in small things, God will take care of the rest. If only we can keep giving ourselves the break He has for us. I hope to be more free this year!