It has taken me a year to only partially tell my love story, my unexpected, desperate, struggling, and out-right fiery love story, and when it came to the part before my third-born began to stretch me way past my limits, I was able to write about a point of great touch-exhaustion, the condition of being overly touched (by children).
Once in a while when my touch-deprived husband offends me with a physical advance, like he loves me, like I am not my own, like my physical being is his for the taking, I shrug him away in the way an unrested soul and body only can.
This hits a nerve, doesn't it, how hard intimacy is? So lately I began to ask God about the spiritual significance of my lack of desire, and I realized that prayer itself is my metaphor.
In prayer I pour my heart out to God. I express gratitude. I go to Him and say that He is worth it. I ask for the things I need. I have to show my own condition in humility. At least that's what it's supposed to be, if and when I ever do it.
Unaware of themselves in the garden, Adam and Eve walked with God, and they were naked. They were completely exposed, and they were not work-driven, and they did not have babies hanging on their legs, sitting on their hips, poking their eyes, squeezing their noses, or drooling down their backs.
Oh how we want the garden back sometimes after we have babies! Oh how sweet the garden seems when we're looking back from our over-worked positions – whatever they may be! Don't we crave such time and depth with Christ that we become one with Him, know His thoughts, and love how He loves? Don't we survive by keeping intimacy with Him, in prayer?
What is missing for me is the humility and discernment to say NO when needed, so I can say YES when needed, and I keep asking myself if I were to arrange my life so that intimacy with the Lover my soul were my priority, then wouldn't intimacy with my husband become a great byproduct of that – an overflow?
Would you like to pursue this idea with me? Sometimes saying it is the first step, so if you're in, consider answering this question:
How can you better prioritize your time with the Lord and pursue greater intimacy with the One who loves you and gave Himself for you?