Ten years ago I sat in a seminar listening to a very organized mom talking about how she parented her kids.
She was amazing.
A super mom in my eyes.
I held up my feeble efforts with my three toddlers and determined I stunk as a mother. I thought that maybe if I went home and imitated her, I could enter into the world of super moms.
I mentally listed out what I discerned must be her secret to success and set about to be just like her.
But it didn’t take long to become absolutely miserable. I mentally beat myself up for not having what it obviously took to be a great mom. What was wrong with me?
I begged God to make me just like her– that really good Mom.
And then one day in Bible study I read the story of Mary, the teenage mother of Jesus. My heart beat fast as I realized she didn’t meet the standard of super mom I’d set for myself.
Somehow, just as she was, God chose her to be Jesus’ mother. And the only qualification that she seemed to have was her willingness.
I made the choice to try and let go of all those expectations I had for myself as a mom. I let go of the comparisons to other moms. I laid down the measuring stick of perfection. And I simply bowed my head and gave God my willingness.
Nothing more.
Slowly, I started to see my own unique qualities as a mom instead of always focusing on the places I felt I fell so short.
I may not be the most organized mom, but I’m a fun mom willing to drop my to do list in the name of spontaneity.
I may not do sit down devotions with my kids every morning, but I’m good at helping my kids see God working in situations all throughout our days.
I may not sew a lick, but I know where to find an alterationist that is the bomb.
I may not always keep my cool in the everyday aggravations of life, but throw something big at me and somehow I’ll be the most calm person in the room.
Sure, I have a lot of room for growth in my mothering. God and I work on things daily. But over the past ten years I’ve learned how to embrace who I am and the beauty of living fully as me.
And while I still fall short at times, I’ve finally learned that being fully me is so much better than an imitation version of someone else.
I have the exact qualities God knew my kids would need in a mother. So, each day I hold up my willingness and ask God to make me the best version of me I can be.
Have you ever struggled with this? Whether it’s in the arena of motherhood or your workplace or one of the many places we unfairly compare ourselves to others- realize your great qualities and be fully you.
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I needed to read that….I struggle with somehow there must be a mistake, that God made me their mom….. they need so much more than what I am.
I love this. Thank you for sharing.
Lysa, every Mama on God’s green earth should read this. Thank you for the sincere encouragement. You are da bomb (and a super duper mom)! 🙂
Thank you! I wish they would give this out on your way out of the hospital!
It’s only 8:44am and I’m already dealing with these struggles. Thank you so much for this post.
Im still so young in the middle of my studies so it’s not yet my time for motherhood but I’m ready for this soon and I wish God would bless me with 2 wonderful children. I’m 19-years-old and my fianc
Beautifully written! I wish I had had this awareness eons ago when my kids were small. I know God made the right decision though ~ and I tried! 🙂
Lisa,
What a gift to wake up to this monrning. I have been living/writing about this for the past three days. Making all these comparrison’s to others and their lives is enough to drive any Mamma mad. I know that I fall into that pit from time to time and it’s so destructive. We are who we are and God chose our children just for us. He knows we can love them like no other and show them who He is as well.
Thank you so much for this beautiful reminder oof the uniqueness of each of us as mothers. Blessings and Grace to you!
I really needed to hear this today. I know a couple of friends who need to hear this to and will be sharing this with them. Thank you!
Homeschooling conventions are the epitome of this. I would always compare myself to the speakers. You’re so right. God made us all differently and we should embrace that. Being content in who we are and in our situations is the only way to experience joy everyday. Thank you for the reminder.
I have a friend who seemed to be the perfect mother, until one day her whole life fell apart. I now know that perfection as a mother is a myth. Though saying that in God’s eyes we are all perfect xxx
It’s so easy to fall into the comparison game! Even with my older teen/college age kids I do it!
I have tried to be the best mom I could be for my kids (mostly because I wanted to please God….but also because of how they viewed me).
I see life so much differently than I did when they were babes!
Thanks Lysa!
This is the perfect post for me. I really love your phrase, “being fully me is better than an imitation version of someone else.” WOW! That is brilliant and so needed for me to hear. Thank you for this nugget of gold.
Yes! Yes! Yes!!!! I so agree!!! I have fallen into this trap more times than I like to admit. God has made us each unique and special and is really working on me these days helping me to trust myself…be myself…and I am no longer trying to be anyone but the person who God is designing…we are all one of a kinds!!! Each of us created in His likeness and image. I am working on focusing on being more in His likeness and image these days than trying to recreate myself into a copy of the women I admire. Ever since I changed my focus…I have had an incredible peace and joy and new confidence. I am only asked to do my best and I am letting God take care of the rest! 🙂
Thank you for sharing this with us today!!
You are such an encouragement!!!
Well, I’ve been doing that Mom thing for nearly 19 yrs and I’m still trying to figure it out! I do compare myself to other Super Moms around me and it’s pretty disappointing.
Like you though, I do have my strengths. I just have to remember what they are when I get too down on myself!
Awesome message! I’m not even a mother! It’s just so true to everything we struggle with in life!
As soon as we surrender our will, we blossom to become who He intended us to be.
His.
“I’ve finally learned that being fully me is so much better than an imitation version of someone else.”
Thank you so much for this quote! I will keep it and post it wherever it’s needed. And in my life, it’s needed. I see certain people that I think are so good and have their life together than I try to emulate them, right down to what deoderant they use and there’s no need for it. God knows exactly who I am and loves me for that reason and I should too. Cos no one’s love is more important to me than His. God bless you!
“I have the exact qualities God knew my kids would need in a mother.” That is a powerful statement — God knew about all our shortcomings and talents before He gave me my children. He knew I would have to lean on Him a lot, for I am far from perfect and could do a much better job sometimes. But, I am thankful for my weak spots because it makes me truly humble and causes me to daily sit at His feet.
WOW!! THis is exactly what I n eeded to hear today!! Thank you!
Exactly! Well put! You go girl! Favorite Line – “I’ve finally learned that being fully me is so much better than an imitation version of someone else.” Love it!
I wish every mother could read your article.
When people have commented on my parenting skills or the relationship I have with my kids I always say, “Any good thing in my parenting I credit to prayer, a whole lot of prayer, and then some more prayer.”
I hate the trap of perfection that we Christian wives and mothers seem to set up for ourselves. That’s my soapbox right there.
God bless!!!
Oh, yes. Ain’t that the truth! Sounds like you and I ended up similar in our parenting journey! Just this week I was pondering dropping a little baggage in that area in my own post. Glad you can rejoice in spontaneity and having resources so you don’t have to major in everything!
Boy have I spent a lot of time doing the mothering-comparison game. It’s fruitless, I know, but I so often fall into that negative pattern. Thank you for reminding me to look for where I shine!
Lysa, I’m so thankful you are just exactly who you are–a beautiful woman of God who loves Him and His daughters with all of your heart. Thanks for reminding us all that we’re just dandy as we are too. (: {HUGS} to you!!
These. Were. Spirit. Words.
Absolutely life-giving! What if we all just grabbed hands and twirled happy that we are exactly who God made us to be and He is making us into the BEST version of US!
Thank you, Lysa, thank you.
God uses you!
All’s grace,
Ann Voskamp
Every Mom is a Super-Mom and we don’t even know it. Trying to live up to someone else’s vision of what we should be is a waste of time. Being who we truly are…how He made us is all that matters. Thanks for reminding me of Mary. She was the original Super-Mom because she believed.
Thank you for this post…it put my heart in a right place!
Thank you! This is what I needed to hear today — “I have the exact qualities God knew my kids would need in a mother.” How true that is, but I just can’t seem to embrace it some days. Thank you!
Julie
Thank you for these words of grace and truth and release! I am the mom of older kids and my job’s not over yet. I’m holding on to your declaration of independence that “I have the exact qualities God knew my kids would need in a mother.” May God bless you this day!
“I’ve finally learned that being fully me is so much better than an imitation version of someone else.”
I wish I could express to you how much I needed to hear this today!!
THANK YOU for posting these beautiful thoughts! Wow, I really needed to read this. I am constantly beating myself up for not being the ideal of what I think a good Mom is. I am always feeling inadequate and not enough for my daughters. My prayer for the past few months is that God allows me to see myself the way He does.
And, I -so- could have written several of these things. 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing your heart!
I need this. Thank you. I am constantly berating myself about not meeting my expectations on myself that I have gotten from watching other people. I am who I am for a God-given reason.
“I have the exact qualities God knew my kids would need in a mother.” I let this quote fall on my troubled heart. Thank you for this.
I am joining hands in Ann’s twirl
and bringing my daughter.
?
{{* *}}
yep. i needed that. thanks. 🙂
“I’ve finally learned that being fully me is so much better than an imitation version of someone else.” This quote is a great one, but I often see moms use it as an excuse not to improve. They justify it by saying, “Oh I could never be like her.” and then settle for staying the same. These super moms inspire me. If she can do what she does with six kids,then I should be able to do it with four. The elephant in the room is really, am I willing to work at it as hard as she is? Supermoms, I lift my hat to you and thank you for your extraordinary efforts and wonderful example. For staying up late and getting up early to accomplish what God asked you to do. I too often ‘get tired’ or ‘get discouraged’ and just call it a day. When I am calling my friends or taking some ‘me time’, you are working not relaxing. Thanks again for the example. Without it I wouldn’t be half the mom I am. 🙂
Thank you. I needed to read that. I really did. I sometimes still compare myself to other mothers and don’t get how they do it. I am a single mother with an active 7-year-old, and I work also. I live with my parents, and I am 36! And I still feel like I fall short. But what a thing to think. Mary wasn’t a “supermom.” God took her and chose he as she was. She was entrusted with our Lord and Savior. And I’m sure she made her share of mistakes.
Thank you!
I definitely relate to this…thanks for your words of encouragement because I needed to hear this today. God bless.
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