With all this talk of community on (in)courage, I thought maybe I was the only socially awkward one who didn’t know how to jump into the mix or correctly use the phrase “community” like the cool kids do.
I would consider myself an outgoing person. I like to talk loud and laugh louder. I hug people at church and hold the door open at the grocery market. And if push came to shove, I’d be able to communicate with a hearing-impaired friend through hand gestures, stick figures, and facial expressions.
So why was it so hard for me to build “community”? Well, for starters, I was a chicken—er, am a chicken. I use my outgoingness to engage with random people, but lack the ability to be vulnerable, scared, and uncomfortable.
Cyber friends, blog friends, facebook friends, and tweeps are great and supportive, but there’s something to be said about doing the uncomfortable task of physically talking with someone. To hear their voice, sighs, and pauses. To read more than OMG, LOL, and PTL. To be uncomfortable, uncool, and unedited.
I knew I needed to do it. I just didn’t know how.
So I did the next best thing. I emailed Sarah and asked if we could meet. Our schedules were crazy but we made it work. Yes, it was awkward for a second, but after a few minutes [which turned into hours], I realized the importance of community and the tension of putting yourself out on a limb.
Though Sarah and I don’t have the luxury of doing Life on an everyday basis, I’m glad to get in a workout with her, send texts, and visit at each other’s houses. I push her on the stationary bike. But she pushes me in life.
When stuck with the big leap of what to do next, sometimes it’s best to take a small step; do the next best thing.
Are you living your life with someone? Are you being challenged? Are you willing to be uncomfortable?
Do the next best thing.
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Faith says
Awwww! I love that you would try to communicate with a Deaf/ hh person. My daughter is Deaf and most people just ignore her. Sigh!
Thanks for being willing to be uncomfortable!
Bianca says
Yes, I would 🙂 In fact, I’ve learned a few phrases so I can at least start a lip-reading dialogue.
I know, I know! I’m cheesy.
Becky K. says
I deeply desire to do Life with others. My two best friends are truly soul sisters and know me better than anyone. But because of the physical distance between us and the challenges of all having small children, we seldom get to be with one another. When we do it’s a rich and meaningful time.
But I’ve realized lately that my heart needs to be known and challenged more than a few times a year! So this year is my season of initiating! I’m putting myself out there and reaching out to a couple of moms I’ve met through a mom’s group at a local church. I’m longing for community, a friend to walk through the daily joys and struggles of life with…so I’m trying to be the new friend I hope to find.
Bianca says
Becky, I feel your pain because I have 3 reeeeally good girlfriends who I go back to as my “rock.”
However, they are across the country. So for immediate, physical connection, I’m forced to get uncomfortable and ASK people to live in my life. It’s tough… but worth it!
Carrie says
“Community” is difficult for me.
Bianca says
Don’t worry, Carrie. It’s like that for many of us. Even the outgoing ones 😀
But we gain the most from our lives in uncomfortable situations.
Becky says
Most of the time I feel like I’m living my life with no one. And I’m so needing someone. I’ve been taking small steps. They’ve been good steps that have helped me in some ways but have not helped in that area. I pray I’ll take a step that helps me find someone soon…
Bianca says
No matter what, don’t get discouraged. You can take a step of faith, then regret it. But that doens’t mean to give up.
It’s a scary thing, but the rewards are great.
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Marilyn says
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head as why, with all the social networking technology we have and use, there is a growing sense of isolation: ” I use my outgoingness to engage with random people, but lack the ability to be vulnerable, scared, and uncomfortable.”
It takes real INTENTIONALITY to push past the inner obstacles, but it is for the good of all involved to jump in and learn to swim. We have to do it together.
Bianca says
Totally! Great word: intentionality.
Let’s do it together. Thanks, Marilyn 🙂
Ardie says
I’m very blessed to be with a group of women who meet once a week to study the Bible, share prayer concerns, and celebrate birthdays. We’ve gone through all the Beth Moore Bible Series. They are especially meaningful. Now each day, my first e-mail I open is In Courage!
Bianca says
You are SO blessed! Luckkkkkky 🙂
Brianna says
I’m actually just down the road in San Diego! Please visit soon!!! 😉
Bianca says
Bestie! I love you. More than you know… more than you know.
Matt and I want to go down the 25th-26th. Let’s make it happen!
Lynn says
I have read so much lately about community and feel there must be something wrong with me. I have tried to extend myself to connect with several people, inviting them to lunch and calling, emailing or texting, but unless I am the one to make the communication, there is none really except maybe occasional. It seems that everyone already has their community and I am looking in the window.
Bianca says
Don’t give up. Don’t give up.
Pray for the Lord to bring the right people into your life. I thought my circle would be people like me. But in fact they are the antithesis of me! And it’s been awesome.
Don’t give up.
Bernadine says
“Do the next best thing.” Love this advice.
Bianca says
Shhhh… don’t tell anyone but it’s actually advice from Dr. Dallas Willard. He’s brilliant!!!
Tara says
Oh Bianca!! This is such a great post! So so true! I know exactly how that is. Sometimes it’s so much easier to send an email, tweet, or comment to someone rather than pick up the phone and call them or meet up with them. I know it’s time for me to get out of my comfort zone (which happens to be so small it’s actually hard to stay in) and be socially awkward and uncomfortable. Thanks for the push Bianca!! Love you and have a really blessed Wednesday!
Bianca says
You too, my special e-Friend! 🙂
Jenny says
love this Bianca 🙂 it is hard to create community… I think we all struggle and feel awkward in facing those hard places, but you are right… it is SOOOO worth it in the long run 🙂
Bianca says
Oh Jenny Rain, you’re so refreshing 😉 Get it? Yes, my puns are lame.
Jessica says
Thank you for this great post! I feel that sometimes, well, most times, I am socially awkward and don’t really know how to make friends. I would love to be able to make online connections and friends as well as real-life friends. I pray that I can step out of my comfort zone and begin to make new friendships. Thank you again for this great nudge!
Bianca says
Yes, it’s hard, but the dividends are great. Do it!
Ramblings of a Woman says
I struggle with the community thing too. I long for it, yet I struggle to allow myslef to be open and real in person. On my blog, I tend to get real, but in person I think I go back to worrying what others may think of me.
Bernice
http://bernicewood.wordpress.com/2010/09/28/pruning-away-to-be-more/
Amy Sullivan says
It is tough to put yourself out there and really reach out for community, but how many great friendships would I have missed, if I didn’t take a chance?
Bianca says
Preach, Amy! Preach.
Craig says
A couple of things. As you wrote, “I use my outgoingness to engage with random people, but lack the ability to be vulnerable, scared, and uncomfortable.” Color me identical. Everything is easier behind a microphone, or behind a keyboard, but rubber hitting the road – and as you put it really brilliantly, “To be uncomfortable, uncool, and unedited.” – awesome.
I’m about ready to join the blogging “community” (two weeks ago I hadn’t a clue about it) and will remember your words, that “blog friends, facebook friends, and tweeps are great and supportive, but…”
I think if Our Lord were here, living a human life, as he did when he walked the earth, he would probably have a blog, but still not be able to pass by a widow, poverty stricken soul, blind, hurting, and of course, his circle of real human friends – face to face – hand to hand – just that kind of guy.
God Bless, from a first time visitor and soon to be blogger, and huge believer in love, and a broken but nearly fixed vessel
Craig
Bianca says
Yay! A boy is here!!!! I thought all this estrogen would scare the boys away, but I’m stoked you joined the club.
Blogging Advice: Be YOU. Don’t try to be anyone else but YOU.
Holley Gerth says
Oh, I’m feeling quite jealous of beautiful you and lovely Sarah too right now! I wish I could see you both in person! Saving a big ol’ HUG for whenever I do! 🙂
Bianca says
Man, oh man! I WISH I could’ve been at the beach house with ya’ll. As wonderful as my honeymoon was (:) ), I missed out on meeting my [in]courage community.
One day, sweet Holley. One day…
Sarah Markley says
i love you B. Someone this week just asked me who were the women that were currently speaking into my life. I told here that you were regularly speaking truth to me and pushing me to do better.
I’m so so glad we’re friends.
cheryl says
I find community easy when it’s someone sharing with me, but you are right it is difficult to be transparent, to share the failures. I also have a far away friend just out of reach. I’m still looking for that friend(s) whom I can “bear and share” 🙂
Laurie Wallin says
This is a great kick in the pants reminder! I’ve been trying to get into relating again after a summer of kid quarantine. It felt awkward to just jump back in touch, so I just announced to my three best friends and my family that I’d be calling one family member and one friend every week just to say hi. Takes a lot of courage to sit there and sometimes not know what to say in a relationship I’ve let go somewhat, but I’m still at it – a month later! Your post really encourages me to stick with it! Thanks!
shelly @ Life on the Wild Side says
This is great. I admit, the “community” thing online is really hard for me (thus the lack of growth on my blog!). I just have such a hard time putting myself out there. But I am encouraged by what you’ve done. Thanks!
Alex Marestaing says
Community is so important. Life seems so gray without people to share our lives with. Since I’m a youth writer, I was thinking about our youth groups as I read this post. It’s so important to bring that welcoming community vibe into our jr. high, high school groups . Sometimes these groups are centered around the extroverts, and so many of those God made introverts get lost along the way. They need to know we need them too.
Jeri @godsdreamsforme says
When all of our children became adults, for some reason our group got together less. But when we do it’s so much fun.
So, my online communities are wonderful for keeping me accountable, lifted, making me laugh, and sharing prayer together.
I’m thankful for all of you. Thank you for this post Bianca. I miss my girls.
Dawn Camp says
At the (in)courage Hilton Head trip I said, “Bianca looks just like Jasmine Star!” It was Sarah who explained to me why. 🙂 I’m happy for you that you two were able to connect in real life!
Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms says
You are pure delight, beautiful girl. I hope to meet you one day soon! 🙂
tiffany says
Hey there Bianca! This is Joey Rozek’s wife Tiffany. i am sure you remember our brief encounter back in the days when you journeyed to England with a team from Old Bridge, NJ with Joey. Victoria D. talks of you occasionally so I thought I’d reach out and say hello! Plus, you are buddies with my sister-in-law Sarah M. and I think that’s wonderful! I just wanted to give you a shout and tell you that Joey and I pray for you and look forward to meeting your hubby one day! God bless you sista!
Bianca says
I’d love to visit you both! Please give Joey my love and Madaline and Josiah 🙂 I think of your clan often and hope to share in some English tea sometime soon!
xoxo
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