The noise is too much.
The world screaming in my ears a constant reminder of things I do not have. I would love to be an at-home mommy, a better writer, a more devoted Christ-follower and about twenty pounds lighter. Discontentment binds my spirit.
And God whispers. My grace is sufficient for you.
My flesh is violent in its protest. This life…it is not what I had imagined. It is not playing out the way I had hoped at all. This constant state of want is draining. My eyes are always fighting the tears and my body is weary. My heart breaks as I read about women who seem to have it all.
I do not envy them for their nice homes or their spouse’s incomes. I do, however, covet their peace. I read longingly about their time with their children and homeschooling endeavors. And I know their lives are not perfect. I’m not so foolish as to forget that we live in a fallen world and no one is exempt from its pain. Yet, I see what I am missing…and I miss it.
And God whispers. My grace is sufficient for you.
I am desperate for some stillness and some easing of the ache. I long for quiet and so I show up…alone and in the dark. I tiptoe passed the doors where my children innocently sleep. I find my way to the couch with Bible and journal in hand and I’m too tired to open either one. So, I sit. I look around at the toys in the floor. The laundry I never got around to folding is still piled high on the loveseat. I close my eyes and I exhale.
I know He is there. And, knowing He is present, I freely let my tears flow. I pour my heart out to Him knowing that He cares. I do not understand what He is doing, but I accept that He loves me.
I bow in humility admitting that His grace is sufficient for me. I acknowledge that He owes me nothing and then I revel in all the He has given me.
I receive a text from my mother saying that she loves me. My children begin to stir and come running into the living room full of smiles and hugs. I want to continue snuggling with them on the couch, but I must get dressed and go to work. They ask me to stay. I can’t.
I drive to work thinking about them. What will they remember when they are grown? Will they know how much I loved them? Or will they only remember me leaving them behind day after day? The thought weighs heavy on my heart.
And God whispers. My grace is sufficient for you…and them.
It is hard for me to fathom, but God loves my little girls even more than I do. He adores them and He hung on a cruel cross for them. He chose me to be their mommy and He chose me knowing what our lives would look like.
So we will walk – no, we will run – covered by His grace and that will be sufficient.
By Stacy, Servant’s Heart
Leave a Comment
Jo Princess Warrior says
Love this. I am posting it on my Princess Warrior Lessons FB page. xo
Stacy says
Thanks, Jo! Appreciate your comment. I visited your blog and had a great time lurking around. 🙂
Jo Princess Warrior says
Yay! Glad you had a great time at my blog! I am lurking on yours as we speak…er type!
Lynn says
I was going to post this on Facebook but couldn’t. This is too real for me. It is too close a look into my own heart and I give you credit for sharing. This ache for what I want, what I can’t have right now haunts me everyday. Bless you for perspective today.
Stacy says
Lynn – Praying for you this morning wherever you are – that God would grant peace and encouragement. Feel free to email me – would love to hear from you. Blessings today. 🙂
I Live in an Antbed says
You are wise. He knows. He is Faithful. He is Able. And He hears the deepest desires of your heart. May you continue to press in to Him. None of us can be the mothers our children need without allowing Him to accomplish it through us. He can multiply all our feeble resources when we trust Him with the fruit. Your precious daughters are blessed to have a mother whose heart is so tender before the Lord.
Stacy says
Thank you for these sweet words of encouragement! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Hope you have a great day!
Spirit of Boldness « Servant’s Heart says
[…] filter my words though. I write something like this and I do it on another site and tell no one I know that it is there. And it touches the hearts of […]
Robin ~ PENSIEVE says
Sometimes when we right, we do so with others in mind; I think this time you needed to remind yourself. The beauty of that is, in so doing, you have spoken Truth to all who read your words.
It’s a lovely telling, Stacy, and I could sense the depth of your emotion as you penned your hurt and need. I could also feel the lift of God’s grace.
Thank you for sharing yourself so candidly.
Stacy says
I have to remind myself often. 🙂 God is good – but I’m forgetful.
Lec says
Your words calm the storm of wants in my heart.
True, His grace is sufficient.
I thank God for people like you, generously sharing their hearts and eventually helping people like me.
Hugs!
Stacy says
Thanks so much for your comment. Appreciate you taking time to stop and read. Blessings to you today!
Katie says
Thank you so much for sharing this. I can’t tell you how timely it is for me to read on a Monday morning, as a new mommy who has recently had a difficult time with returning to work. 🙂
Stacy says
Katie – Praying that you will have peace and energy today. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Blessings!
heather arbuckle says
Wow. This article expresses the very words of my heart that I cannot seem to express. Thanks.
Stacy says
Heather – Sometimes I think we feel alone and that no one else is experiencing what we are feeling. It’s always a huge encouragement to me to know that I’m not alone. Praying that you have a great day today.
Ruth says
You sound like a beautiful mommy! I know without a shadow of a doubt that your girls will remember your great heart of love.
Stacy says
Ruth – Thank you for such a sweet comment. Appreciate that so much! Have a great day!
Jennifer says
This is so beautifully written. He is sufficient, praise Him for that!
Stacy says
Amen, Jennifer. There is much to praise Him for. Have a great day!
Melissa says
Beautiful insight to a mother’s heart. From a single mother (of much older kids now) I promise you, what they will remember was not that you weren’t home every day. Instead they’ll see the sacrifice you made for them and a mother who loved them and the Lord enough to sacrifice anything to meet their needs.
Nell@LoveLetters says
I, too, feel these same emotions more often than I’d like to admit… thank you for being so raw and real.
Nell