Years ago, I wrote that and meant it. Literally. The all encompassing black cloud of depression held tightly to me, and death seemed the only escape.
Thankfully, He rescued me from that cave of despair. Now, I want to live. And not just live, but live BIG.
Because, you see, I have dreams. Big dreams. Dreams that if I told you about you’d think I’m a little crazy. Dreams for my kids. My marriage. My ministry.
Crazy. Big. Dreams.
Lately when I talk to Jesus about my dreams and ask Him what I should do to make all my dreams come true I seem to hear Him whisper back:
“Learn to die.”
Not exactly what I was hoping for.
But the more I think about it the more I believe that’s exactly what He’s trying to get me to do… die.
Not literally, of course. But in every other way God wants me to die.
John 12 says “unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”
I grew up in the nursery business. My earliest childhood memories were of burying seed in soil. I remember well the miracle that followed the death of a seed. New life… springing up, blossoming, growing.
Every hope and dream I have is a seed. And I have to confess, I hold tightly to my seeds.
Sometimes I get my seeds out and hold them in my hand. I show them to God, and ask Him to make them grow. Then I close my fist tightly over my seeds, and quietly wait for new life.
But what if instead of holding them I buried them? What if I were to dig up the soil, and deposit them into the earth. What if I covered them in darkness, and waited for sunshine and rain to call them back to life.
I guess the real question is… do I want seeds or fruit? Do I want hope or harvest? Do I want dreams or life?
Dying literally is not optional. One day we will all draw our last breath. Dying spiritually, on the other hand, is a choice. Death can be scary, both literal death and spiritual death. But if I choose to die while I live then I will have nothing to fear when it is time to die.
Are you holding tight to your dreams? To your kids? Your marriage? Your future? Your financial situation? Your health? Your happiness?
Are you holding tight to your life?
If so… maybe it’s time to let it die.
I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Gal. 2:20.
Challenge: Today go by a packet of seeds (my choice would be zinnias or marigolds). Find a quite place and hold them in your hand. Talk to Jesus about your hopes and dreams. Then go bury them, either in your yard, or in a pot on your kitchen counter. Water. Wait. And watch!
by KeriLeave a Comment
This is so beautiful. The word picture equating our dreams to seeds that must be planted really hit home for me. Thank you so much Keri!
Robin ~ PENSIEVE says
Dying to self is so hard when DAILY my selfishness is resurrected; there’s such freedom and liberty in surrender, though, and it makes me shake my head that I’m so doggone stubborn. You’d think it’d get easier, ya know?
Thank for sharing word pictures we can hold onto.
This is such a wonderful post. I love the pics you chose, and I relate to your words. Thanks for encouraging is to let go and let God through your words.
Beth Williams says
That is sooo true! We must all go to the mountain of myrrh (die to self) & let God take hold of our dreams, & lives.
It never ceases to amaze me that when I let go God steps in big time!!! One big dream that God fulfilled was my husband. 🙂 I was searching via web & doing myself. The instant I went to my mountain of myrrh & let God have it – poof here came my Mr. Wonderful.
Great story Beth! Thanks for sharing.
Holley Gerth says
Wow, Keri, I just left a comment on Sarah Mae’s post and threw in a sentence about seeds. I wondered, “Why are seeds on my heart today?” Then I clicked over to the guest section and…SEEDS. I love that you’re a dreamer. Your heart is a garden, my friend, full of seeds planted and waiting to grow, others pushing through the soil, and still more in the bright light full of glory and beauty for all of us. Thank you for sharing yourself, your words, your courage with all of us. Love you!
Thanks you my friend! And thank you for always encouraging us to chase after our dreams! Love you too!!
I loved this part- it really got my attention – “But what if instead of holding them I buried them? ” Wow. I had never thought of it like that. I’ve recently been called to release and bury the seed of one of my children in particular, who’s voice and thoughts to me over the phone these past few weeks have been exactly the words your post started out with. Being in school half a country away, I have had to release him to God to take care of him in his darkest hours when I could not be there. It has been horrible, terrifying, and something I wish to never go through again, but it has taught me so much as a mom about how God cares so very deeply about my offspring. It has been extremely stretching for me and has taken my faith into corners I’ve never had to go before. God has been there and been faithful- we’re not out of the woods yet but there’s finally a clearing in the path.
Thanks for this fantastic post – I’ll come back to it often to read it over again and again!
Beth… I am so sorry that you are having to walk through this difficult season. I was recently talking to a friend who is in a similar situation with her daughter. She told me that God kept reminding her that she didn’t “knit” her daughter, He did. Aren’t you thankful that what God knit together in your womb He will be faithful to hold onto? Praying for you and your family today! I know the harvest will be beautiful!
i am dreamer too! Thanks for sharing…i think i will go get some seeds today:)
I live this challenge, this dilemma. I wish I could say that letting go, that surrendering and yielding my will was all that it took. My struggle seems to be deeper and more complicated, somehow, because it drags on and on, and I wait, and wait. This post is helpful to me in the effort to remain vigilant, and I thank you.
Praying for you Anne! That your harvest will be rich and SOON!
Hi Keri. I do not have a green thumb; but, I do have faith in someone who does. 🙂 Thank you for this beautiful post.
Off to Calloway’s to buy some seeds. I will report back with how my little pot garden grew, or didn’t grow. 🙂
I think I need to go buy a pot and some seeds. 🙂
Galen Pearl says
Exactly. I was sitting by a creek a few years ago, just listening to the water, and suddenly I heard a “voice” (sort of) saying so clearly, “Love your death.” At first blush, not a very cheery creek message, but I grew to treasure those words. If I could release my life, my little life, then I would be free to have my big life, my life in God’s arms, fulfilling God’s purpose, trusting in God’s everlasting goodness.
Those words are still precious to me. When I catch my self trying to control things, acting in fear, I remind myself to love my death.
I struggle horribly with dying to self. God iw molding me, though. I just hope he finished before all my kids move out! LOL I don’t want to learn AFTER they’re all gone. 🙁
I wrote yesterday on my blog how my everyday determination just wasn’t enough – I have to make a choice. I have to be intentional. Not just let the seeds fall where they may, but plan them in GOOD soil. My seeds are my kids and this house is the soil.
Very thought provoking and challenging. Thank you so much Keri, for sharing your heart.
Sorry about all the typos!! I should’ve proofed it! *blush*
Jen Ferguson says
God speaks to me often when I’m gardening, so I can relate to you there. I can also relate to burying the dreams — learning to surrender control, to stand back, to watch what God can do instead of what I can do. For me, right now, learning to die means being satisfied with the right now — not planning on the next step, not living five years from now, but just holding on to the treasures of today.
Jeri @godsdreamsforme says
I want fruit, fruit, fruit! Thank You Keri 😀
Time to Die « Welcome to the KLRC Morning Show Blog says
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Becky K. says
Thank you for this beautiful picture, life-giving truth, and life-seeking challenge! God recently has given me new seeds to a deep-seeded dream of mine…writing a book. It is not the book I thought I’d write, not any one the ones I’ve dreamed about since I was eight years old. But I know it is from him. I know it’s a story I have to tell. I’m scared though. It just the beginning. I know I could easily put these seeds in my pocket and forget they are there. Go about my daily life, a life that already seems so full. But then I would not have the joy of seeing all the fruit He wants to grow. So I’m going to follow him and trust that he’ll be the one providing the water, soil, and sun. I’m just the one that gets to tend to his garden.
“Do I want seeds or fruit?” WOW. Lots to think about here. Just wow.
Oh how true! Last night in my art class my teacher let us picks little slips of paper for our “daily wisdom”….sort of like a fortune cookie. Mine said about what your post said. Holding onto life makes it sad. In fact, the little paper had random writing on both sides and both sides said LET GO! God must really need me to hear this in my heart. Thank you for your obedience to write what you hear and what your heart knows. It does bless!
Wonderful reminder! Thank you, Keri!
Kristi Henson says
This was much needed in my life today. I’ve been struggling with my own hopes and dreams the last 3 months and I appreciate your thoughts more than you can know.
I love your perspective on this topic of dreams and hopes…such a beautiful truth. What you wrote has truly blessed me today. Thank you for sharing. I am definitely planting some seeds today. Blessings to you…