Some days are hard. The realization of an empty womb is something difficult to bear.
For me, it has has been a journey to the deep and dark corners of my soul.
I’ve been alone, like I’ve never been alone before, or since. When no one else around me understood what I was going through, understood how I felt b r o k e n…
When my husband and I were dealing with the hurt differently.
When I couldn’t see a woman growing life inside of her frame, because it hurt my own heart.
When the clouds seemed to be like a wall, and I couldn’t see the light.
Do you feel like that sometimes? Like you are lost in hurt, in sadness, in anger?
Ladies, I have been there! And, now I know that we still have hope in midst of difficulty, in the midst of trials…
My journey continues from a journey to the deep and the dark, to a journey to the heart of God.
Somehow, miraculously, God lifted me up. He held me in His hands and comforted me.
God does this differently for each person. For me, I finally realized that I was not alone. I took comfort in God’s Holy Word. Little by little, verses started to move the clouds aside.
I then was able to understand how Romans 8:28 says,
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Even my situation, my hurt, God is using it for good! He has plans for each and every one of our lives (Jeremiah 29:11), and they are plans for good!
Even this, even what you are going through right now! God is using it to shape you and mold you and make you more like Him!
It is so hard to see God’s hand in the midst of difficulty…but He is there. He was with me, He is still with me, and He is with you right now!
Let’s hold firm to the truth in Deuteronomy 31:8,
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
Finally, I was able to see Him. To see Him in the midst of the difficulty I was going through. And then, I was able to have hope and see light…
I am so thankful that I was able to come out of the depth of my suffering. And now, I have hope!
I have hope for my life. I have hope for my marriage. I have hope for my future. I have hope that, although my womb is empty, my heart can be full, as well as my house!
I pray that today you have hope as well. If you don’t, reach out to God. Seek Him. He is the One who we can truly hope in! Hope can be found in Him!
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We are so very blessed to have such a Father who Loves us through our brokenness. May He grant you the desires of your heart. You honor Him through the words of your precious testimony.
Thank you so much. It is only because of Him that I have this story to share!
[…] Today I am honored to be guest posting on the (in)courage blog. Read the rest of my post there. […]
Thanks for sharing your heart with us this morning, friend.
Thank you so much Anna! I hope things are going good with you!
Oh, Ashley, we’re at six+ years of infertility and I can so relate–the hurt, the hope, and the way God can fill a heart with joy in the most unexpected ways (even when you’re not expecting). Thanks for sharing from this painful place–praying for and with you today!
Thanks Holley! It was so nice to meet you at Relevant and talk about this briefly! I’ll be praying for your family today as well!
thank you.. your words washed over me like the much needed warm rain..
i appreciate your honesty and your truth. Thank you for allowing God to use your pain for good.. Your ashes – for beauty.
May God bless you in the way that means the most to you today x
Thank you for commenting and being an encouragement to me!
Thank you for sharing such a tender post. I can only imagine your pain. God is good and through this journey, you will be so humbly blessed. I am praying for the desires of your heart. ♥
Thank you for your prayers! God surely is good!
I’ve been there, I’ve walked through this with friends, I’ve been amazed to see the many different ways in which God has shown His faithfulness and compassion in bringing healing to each of us. My husband and I adopted our two children twenty-one and seventeen years ago. Friends have pursued fertility treatments, some successfully, others not. Others have both adopted and then been surprised by miraculously impossible children. One thing I have learned through all of this is that no child can be taken for granted; each is a miraculous, impossible gift.
I love how you said that each child is a miraculous, impossible gift. How wonderfully said!
Thank you!
Ashley,
This was beautiful. Thank you for taking a deep a pain in your heart and using it to bring God glory as He used your pain to show you His. ♥
Love you sister,
Sunny
Thank you Sunny! You are a wonderful encouragement!
Wonderful post Ashley! Love you! Traci
Thanks so much Traci! It was great to meet you at Relevant!
Ashley…I know the pain that you are feeling…I have walked where you are walking.
God has been beyond good to me and we were blessed first with the miracle of adoption and then with our two miracle boys…but I didn’t forget where I walked and the tremendous pain that made the journey with me. But you are right…He was there all along and when I look back I can see how He carried me through the depths of despair to the other side of hope…
Praying for you…
Yes, how wonderful that we are carried through despair to hope!!!
Ashley – this was beautifully transparent – thank you. Your smile alone speaks to this hope that I see you living out.
God bless,
Courtney
Thank you so much Courtney! You are so sweet. It was an honor to meet you at Relevant.
So beautiful Ashley! True words for all of us who experience loss and hurt. So thankful for hope!
Thank you Sandra! I am so thankful for hope, hope in Him is the only thing that keeps me going!
I am so honored to have met you! Thanks so much for commenting!
{{{hug}}}
Thank you for sharing your heart!
Thanks for the virtual hug. You can never have enough of those!
What a beautiful post and wonderful reminder of the hope we can find in our Heavenly Father.
Yes, hope can be found in Him! Thank you so much for commenting and being an encouragement to me today!
I can’t thank you enough for sharing your heart, your pain, and your hope. The Lord has begun a small community bible study in our city, and the women he’s brought together share in your journey. I’d love to pass along your encouraging words and heartfelt thoughts. Thanks for your obedience in writing!
Thank you Heather! How wonderful it is that you want to encourage those women! Feel free to pass this on. I pray that these words will bless them greatly, but more than that I pray that they will find hope in Christ and whatever plans He has for their future!
I have been barren for 31 years. It is my refining fire. I do have one son through adoption and I am so grateful for him. God is faithful.
God is faithful, oh He is so faithful! Thank you for sharing a glimpse of His faithfulness in your life!
Thank you for sharing. Heather Conrad forwarded this to me. So wonderful to hear from another women’s perspective. The empty womb…a term I have not even said to myself for awhile. My husband and I battled infertility and though I still have an empty womb, we have two adopted boys now. God showed me SO much through our journey. Thank you for sharing!!
How wonderful, the journey God has brought you through! Your boys are surely blessed, as you are as well! Thank you for coming and commenting!
I can so very much relate to your words. Beautiful post …
Sara how beautiful your children are! So glad that God has used you and your husband to bring them to their home!!!
Joy in the midst of waiting, I wish to embrace that daily! Thank you for your encouragement!
Thank you for sharing this. I am going through the suffering right now. We have had 2 miscarriages in the last year. At the time of the last one (in June), I was the only one pregnant in our church. Since then 5 women have become pregnant. All of them have had 1 or more children since I had my youngest. It is so hard to see them each week at church. On top of those emotions, I have other health concerns going on. All of this combined has led to mild post-partum depression. We are working on the other health concerns and I am undergoing a bunch of tests, yet I am so tired and weary. You post have given me a glimpse of the hope I can and will again find in HIM.
I am so glad that you have been given hope. I know the depth of despair. I know what it feels like to not want to go to church, or work, or the grocery store for fear of seeing a pregnant women and wanting to break down in tears. I know. It is so hard.
But, the only thing that keeps me going is Him. Keep your focus on Him, and He will see you through.
I’ll be praying for you!
Ashley, so many women (me included–I had a late miscarriage thirteen years ago) can relate, and that community of suffering is one of the ways God helps us heal. Thanks for being willing to share your own journey and help others in the process.
Thank you for the encouragement. You are so right about the community of suffering and how God uses it to help us heal! So true!
Hi Ashley, I have walked a similar journey and can relate to the pain. Your post and reading the comments has brought tears to my eyes. We went through unexplained infertility for 3 years. At first I was really bitter and angry towards God and blamed him for my situation. But then I came to understand that it wasn’t his fault. It’s all part of living in a fallen world where Christ has triumphed over sin but it is not yet fully banished and won’t be until the new creation. Our greatest hope is in the victory on the cross. I would say there is hope as long as your body is potentially physically able to bear children. And yes, sometimes a child is given through IVF or adoption. I’ve met many women who have had miracle babies one way or another. I thank God that through my infertility experience he changed and softened my heart. I grew closer to him through prayer and through his Word than I had before. It gave me the strength to carry on and to know that I was loved by God, no matter what. I found real support through godly women also struggling in this area. And I found great comfort in God’s Word, particularly the Psalms, such as Psalm 34. I also love this verse, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” (Ps 56:8, NLT). I also love Ephesians 3:17-20. God knows and he cares. Praying for you, Anna
How true this is:
“It’s all part of living in a fallen world where Christ has triumphed over sin but it is not yet fully banished and won’t be until the new creation.”
Thank you so much for sharing a glimpse into your journey.
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