What should have been an evening filled with laughing, meeting new people, catching up on life, feeling more ‘normal,’ ended up being all about me.
By the time I got home, I jumped in the shower trying to wash off all the ugly that had seeped out of my soul. Jealousy, frustration, anger, pride, gossip were all still with me. They didn’t get in separate vehicles. They came home with me.
The truth was, they were comfortable with me. They knew me well. Before, I couldn’t hear the noise they were making. Deaf to their quiet rooting, comfortable with their presence.
I rationalized, ‘The quiet life is for me. It feels safer at home. I need the rest and I don’t seem to get myself in as much trouble. I probably shouldn’t go out with friends as much.’
Soul deep, a wilderness voice cried out. Crawling its way up to my mouth, moved my lips. No more dead thoughts but red letter words came, dripping from my lips with faucet water.
“Forgive me for thinking more of myself more than the girl across the table.
Help me to be a faithful woman that keeps heartache and shared secrets with only You.
Absolve the sin that is in me.
May the words of my mouth be only pleasing to You.
Give me a clean heart, one full of living water, reflecting You.
Humble me. Let me feel comfortable on my knees and thinking of others more than myself.
Help me to be only the me You created, not what I intend.
Let me not stop meeting with other believers, continuing to hunger for and find real community.
You promise to give me Your yoke, gently and humbly teaching me how to be like You.
Jesus-Grace is what I need. . .again.”
There He was, Jesus. My shower now, His throne room. His robe filling the Temple. His blood pouring over me. Lighter and now soul-cleaner, I wrapped myself in a white towel that felt more like a hug. Praying next time I don’t disappoint Him. Thankful He won’t let me.
Grace acknowledges the full implication of sin and yet does not condemn. – Andy StanleyLeave a Comment