Today, as I was putting Eden down for her nap, we cuddled in what she has coined “the beautiful room” (our guest bedroom that holds her pack-n-play where she naps). Just before I put her down she whispered: “Mommy, is Jesus beautiful?”
How could she know? My child is surely not perceptive enough to know that the mommy she woke up to today, snippy-Mommy, mommy-on-the-verge-0f-her-own-tantrum and hiding behind directives spoken very slowly and with a locked jaw and plastic smile, needed to hear that question.
Today is my Dad’s birthday and, I anticipate that, even more than the day he died, this will be a day I’d like to erase from the calendar for at least the next few years when the pain feels so sharp. (Sounds selfish, I know, but it’s where I am today.)
On top of that, I wiped out on my run this morning. (A friend told me once that I had the body of a 13 year old boy …maybe I have his coordination, too.)
My mom said “was it dark outside?”
Did she even need to ask?
Sadly this is not the first time my running buddy has had to peel me out of fetal position after a fall. I wish I could say my lack of coordination is a result of sleep deprivation or flighty-motherhood, but it’s not a new thing. My head, shoulders, knees and toes have graced all four lanes of the Miami University indoor track. Multiple times. My knees still have a scar from when my depth perception failed me and I dove for a tennis ball headed right for my racket last summer. Nope, lighting isn’t my issue.
So, now…the first year without my dad on his birthday, a new shiner, and holes in my running gloves from bracing my fall = grumpy mommy. There is not enough Vitamin E in this hippie house to heal today’s scars.
But when Eden asked that question, this is what came out of my mouth.
“Oh, Eden. Yes. Jesus is so beautiful.
“Sometimes, when you look into His eyes, in your mind …you feel like you could for hours. He’s so safe and so full of life and so loving. God made Jesus’ beauty to be almost overwhelming.
“When you wake up from your nap today, before you read your books or play with baby, ask God to show you what Jesus looks like. I bet you’ll see His beauty.”
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for filling my mouth with words I didn’t feel. And for reminding my heart–through the unknowing little African vessel residing under my roof–that your beauty trumps all.
By Sara Hagerty, Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet
So beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Jennifer!
That’s the best part of having kids… they kind of “bring you back” to what’s important when you’re having “a moment”. Such a sweetheart you have. May she continue to see Jesus’ beauty forever. Thanks for this! 🙂
Amen. My little ones have a communion with Jesus that is beyond me to understand at times!
I Live in an Antbed says
Great job, Mom! He is sufficient for us as moms even when we have nothing of ourselves to give. In fact, my children are better off when I am at the end of self and all I have is Him!
Yes. So true.
Such a pure and heartwarming post! Yes, Jesus is beautiful, as is Eden! I’m sure you see Him in her eyes as they shine so brightly. And thank you for a glimpse into your beautiful soul. I’m sorry about your dad (in understand your pain)…may you feel a special touch of comfort from the holy spirit today! Blessings to you and your precious family!
Thank you Lorraine!
Sandi Hixson says
thank you for this…yes, Jesus IS beautiful!
And we’ve only just begun to see it ….can’t wait to see MORE of His beauty!
This is good. And so timely for me.
My husband and I just listened to a sermon about how beautiful Jesus is. Before listening, I had never really thought about it before. And how cool for you to mention it here, as well!
I love this line:
“Sometimes, when you look into His eyes, in your mind …you feel like you could for hours. He’s so safe and so full of life and so loving. God made Jesus’ beauty to be almost overwhelming.”
May you be blessed in 2011! Thanks for this post 🙂
I love His timing. Thank you, Kate.
Hi Sara. I linked over from your blog. So glad I did. I think sometimes you are a spiritual sister of sorts to me. I too lost my Dad and have suffered through infertility as well. This year makes 14 long years ago. He was my everything and losing him shook my whole world. Nothing was as it was before after he was gone. It has taken many years to really work through it and his birhtday is so tough for me still. It was his special day after all and we celebrated it in high fashion every year. Not to sound like a cliche’ but time and God’s grace does heal your heart…some at least.
So thankful that He gave you your Princess to bring you back to the reality that no matter where you are in life He is still beautiful. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading your next post.
Thank you Julie for your thoughtful comment!