Over the past year of my life, I have been in a battle for my family, my sanity, and my very life. Last summer, my husband and I moved our little family an hour away from the city we knew which was filled with all our extended family and friends for the promise of taking a step closer to being homeowners. Within three weeks of moving into our new homestead, my husband, John suffered a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA). As a result of all the testing run after the TIA, it was revealed that my husband had a Chiari Malformation (where part of the brain “sinks” down into the spinal column putting pressure on the brain which must be relieved). Be still my daughter…. God whispered right away.
With lightening speed we traveled down a dark and scary road. He would need brain surgery, soon. It would take nearly two months to recover from this surgery. Then what felt like the death knoll, while out-of-work recovering from this surgery he would get no pay. No pay! We are a family who lives paycheck-to-paycheck! How would we make it through two months with no pay?!?! Be still my daughter… God’s voice called to my soul.
With my knees wobbling and my heart quaking, I resolved to lead my family through this nightmare and to Be still and just trust that God would not let us fall apart. Through my blog, family, friends and even strangers learned of our predicament and started sending money, food, suggestions. Somehow, someway, we made it through those two months. The rent was paid. Food was on the table. Utilities were taken care of. To this day, I have no idea how that worked out. God also provided strength for each new day. I was stressed beyond my physical body’s capability to handle it. My hair was falling out in clumps. I had a lot on my plate: nursing a sick husband, taking over all of his share of the household duties, homeschooling four children, and telecommuting as well. When I look back, I know there is no way I did that in my own strength. It was God and God alone. He whispered, Be still my daughter…. Then He carried us through.
Fast forward about fourteen months. We were cruising along, a little irritated by the ways brain surgery still affected our lives, but basically just rejoicing in How great is our God! Then one phone call catapulted us back.
“Is this John’s wife?” a voice calling from my husband’s cell phone asked. “This is his coworker. He said he feels like it is happening again.”
He feels like what is happening again? my foggy brain thought. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“He feels the same way he did when he had that stroke thing before brain surgery.” the voice answered.
Be still my daughter….
So here we are again. One year older…. A little bit wiser… Going through motions that are so familiar, all over again. There are many things that I am doing differently this time: standing up for myself a little better when well-meaning friends and family don’t respect our boundaries and taking care of myself a little more so this family has at least one healthy parent available to it. But there is one thing I am not changing at all…. Be still my daughter…. I am remaining still and trusting that God will get us through this, the most recent of our struggles.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
By Jami Lynn Kastner, my life as a lessonLeave a Comment