What word comes to mind when you hear the word romance? My word is toilet and it took over a decade of marriage to make the connection.
Ideas of love and courtship filled my waking thoughts during junior high—and my dreams at night. I checked out every teen love story in the school library. Daydreams found me musing about Mr. Perfect who must be longing to discover me to make his life complete. College years proved that my fantasy lover wasn’t exactly searching for me. He wasn’t easily found either.
When I met and dated my husband, I struggled with the comparisons that I made between the man pursuing me and my ideals of Mr. Right. No worries—I’d fix him once we were married. I’d be such a great helpmate that he’d be goo in my hands, molded to my specifications which had been carefully designed through years of movies, novels and dreaming.
Would it surprise you to discover that my first year of marriage was rocky—
and the next ten as well? My husband had no desire to be fashioned into Mr. Perfect.
I felt disillusioned and wondered if I’d made a mistake. We argued constantly over things large and trivial.
One night I woke with a splitting headache long before the morning doves started cooing. Pregnant with my third child, I couldn’t take any migraine medicine. I had to tough it out.
I tossed and turned and then my stomach lurched. I ran to the bathroom and hugged the porcelain. My misery unbearable with my head pounding, the dark quiet house intensified my loneliness.
My husband showed up, standing over me. He got a wet cloth for my face and stroked my hair. “I’m sorry you are sick.” I turned my face up with one eye squinted open; I didn’t have to fake a pitiful look. “I know. Go to bed. You have to go to work early.”
He disappeared from the doorway and I sunk down on the floor of the bathroom afraid that if I tried to return to bed I wouldn’t make it back in time.
I heard my husband in the hallway a minute later. “Got room for me down there?”
He carried two pillows and a blanket from our bed. He put the pillow under my head and curled up next to me beside the toilet. He covered us with the blanket. His quiet steady breathing soon proved he could fall asleep anywhere.
I had never seen this in a romance novel storyline. This was better than any scene I had ever imagined.
Hollywood had done me no favors—only set a false idol before me and doomed my marriage to misery before it began.
I never could go back to sleep on that bathroom floor but sometime in the early morning I set my husband free from my expectations of perfection. With new eyes to appreciate my hubby’s unique love language, I arose leaving those deceptive romance fantasies at the toilet.
I finally received God’s gift to me—a husband beyond my wildest romantic dreams.
By Rhodema, MommyLife
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What a great St Valentine’s post. Amen to Hollywood distorting what true love actually looks like. My children and I were recently reading Ephesians. One of my girls said, “So if the chance came, daddy would give his life for you like the Scripture says?” I very quickly assured her that each morning her dad gets up to his alarm and leaves the house to go to work, no matter the weather, he is giving his life for me.
Jenny,
I love the fact that you teach your children to recognize their daddy’s work each day as a choice to love his family. Amen.
Have a great Valentine’s Day with your family.
Amen! I love this story!!
Thank you, Ginger. Have a great Valentines Day!
Oh me too! when my husband did something for me when I was sick, it was like THE most romantic thing ever :0) just such a sweet gesture… they make all the difference in the world.
Although, I do like me some flowers too once and a while 🙂
I never turn down flowers. Thank you for sharing. Hope your Valentines Day was fantastic.
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Happy Valentines Day!
Thank you, this story hits home
So glad it struck a chord for you. This is a lesson that keeps on going in my marriage.
Hope your Valentines was special.
Hollywood and all the wonderful Fairy Tales of Princess and Prince. This blog speaks to me – love it!
Amen, Victoria! Hope your Valentines was special!
AMEN AMEN & AMEN Hollywood & romance novels distort what true love is!!!
It is the willingness to be there for someone no matter what – sick or well, in-laws in hospital, etc. Just the being there & lending a hand or a hug.
Now that’s true love!!!!!!!!!!
Yep, I agree. Our love should be practical and serving. Thank you for sharing. Hope your Valentines was special.
Truly perfect Rhodema…I was like you and I think you helped me to see it more clearly…we are doing very well by God’s grace…
This story made me cry. Yes, this is like my husband would do. This is love–true love. His love.
Thank you so much for sharing today:)
Abby, so glad this was a blessing for you. It was a lesson I wished I’d learn earlier in my marriage. Hope your Valentines was special.
Rhodema- thank you for reminding a single lady to be vigilant to one day see my mate not as how I would like to see him, but for the unique man God has made him to be. Thank your for the wisdom you have imparted- I’ll store it away in my treasure chest of wisdom for future days 🙂 Please keep writing- your words change ungodly mindsets. Blessings!
Thank you, Beth. May we all take every thought captive.
Hope that on this Valentines Day you knew God’s tremendous love for you.
Oh, yes, real love is better than happily-ever-after in so many ways. We’ve been married ten years now and have experienced our share of life’s ups and downs, and there’s no one I’d rather share the ride with than my man. Where is he? I think it’s time for a hollywood kiss! 🙂 Thanks for the reminder, Rhodema!
This should be mandatory reading for all newlyweds… Hollywood really has failed reality {again…} So often us silly humans stumble around mad with unannounced expectations. Very unhealthy and will not lead to a happy marriage. God is so good and kind, and I’m beyond grateful for his forgiveness. Lovely post!
I am learning to do this. It has taken me 11 1/2 years. And there are times I still need to remind myself that he can’t read my mind. But he takes care of me when I am sick too.
You made me cry this morning. I have a wonderful husband who may not fit all the movie star qualities of Hollywood, but he’s perfect for me and was sent to me by the Lord. There’s not a doubt in my mind about that!
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Thank you for writing this. As a single college student, I often get trapped in searching for the “Hollywood ideal” man, or when I am taken back to my childhood days, the “disney ideal” man. This was a wonderful reminder of what true love is, and honestly makes me more excited (or more honestly, afraid that I’ll never meet someone like this…) to someday marry a man like this than one hollywood has created.
Thanks for the reminder..a great story, worth passing on to my daughters and granddaughters!
Great story, Rhodema! One of your best! I’ll forward this one to my daughters.
How beautiful 🙂
love, love, LOVE this post! Thank you for sharing!