About the Author

Heather Boersma is a Canadian Christian speaker, writer and teacher who has spoken to thousands of youth and young adults across Canada and Australia. She is a gifted speaker and story-teller who speaks truth with humor and creativity. Heather graduated with her B.A. and B.Ed and works part time as...

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  1. Had this same self-conversation last week! You are not alone.

    Isn’t it astounding what ill-effects negative self-talk has. I’m really having to learn to “take every thought captive” and remember that Christ says I can come to him, weary, and he will give me a burden that is LIGHT! Hard to remember that even if my husband did all the dishes, laundry, vaccuning, scrubbing, dusting, etc., I’ll still be dissatisfied if I’m not looking to Him to fill me.

  2. Oh I can totally relate! I seem to get more upset when I have been gone to a meeting or something & come home to the mess. I wonder why nobody cleaned it up and TRY to keep a good attitude but often I end up slamming cabinet doors and mumbling about the lack of help…oh Lord help me!
    Thanks for sharing so we know we are not alone in our struggles. God bless!

  3. You are definitely not alone. This post spoke right to my heart!!! Will be praying for you!

  4. I feel like I just read my own thoughts 🙂 I feel this way all the time and I always get that tense feeling when he comes to give me a hug, having no idea how annoyed I am at him. I HATE that feeling and KNOW it is my responsibility to banish that attitude…he does so much…

    I love your conclusion that your feeling stem from pride, that you “feel you are better than him”. What an insight. Simple, but so honest and true. That totally spoke to me – THANK YOU!

  5. “. . to be put back into my rightful place, below the ones I love.”
    I am taking that with me today as I unload the dishwasher (just about to) and do all the other little chores that may seem small but glorify Him when we choose to do it in the spirit of His love.
    Thanks for sharing this.

  6. ‘I want to love like Christ’ Best line – I want to like like Christ too. . Thank you for being open and honest. I feel the same way, and I would love to have a more positive loving attitude w/ him, and my kids. thanks for the reminder : )

  7. I find myself feeling this way all the time but lately I’ve been just doing the chores and not sighing about them or banging plates around and I find my husband has begun to help more and has acknowledged more how much I do to keep the household running. It seems when I let the anger go he notices what I do more than when I let my anger take over and I bang the plates around. I need to remember this.

  8. Heather, you have capsulized my greatest love struggle. Thanks for your honesty and for providing me courage today to love the right way, to love like Christ.

  9. Philippians 2:3 won’t leave me alone right now. 🙂 Thanks for shedding more light on the verse and bringing it home in the arena of our marriages. With Joy, Carey

  10. Well said, for LOTS of us, it seems! I have to go do the dishes right now . . . guess what I’ll be thinking about;)
    Thank you for putting it into words. ..

  11. Well written. And so true. I have been married for almost 40 years and I can so relate to those feelings. Only recently have I been able to really see me as God sees me (and my husband sees me .. lol:)). I wrote about it today on Under the Cover of Prayer – http://underthecoverofprayer.wordpress.com.

    I so remember a few years ago slamming doors when I felt that “I” had been misunderstood or I didn’t get my own way. Pride – that’s all it was. The sin of pride can come upon us so quickly that we don’t see it for what it is – and our emotions cloud it so that we feel right in our feelings. And really men don’t see things the way we do – we do have to tell them and respect who they are. Blessings, Jan

  12. Thank you for your honesty.
    Too many times that has been the script of evenings in our home.
    *without* the apology…*sigh*

    “I want to love better, without selfish ambition or vain conceit.”

    Me, too.

  13. Wow! You described me to a “T”!! How often am I filled with resentment? Frustration? Bitterness? I want to love better than that too.

  14. Oh, ouch! Heather, how did you happen to sneak inside my head and write down everything I’m thinking, eh? This is good and strong and true – thank you so much for sharing it with us!

  15. ‘I think I’m better than him.’

    Oof… colour me convicted. Feeling the pinch of the truth here, and grateful for the reminder.

  16. Beautifully written and oh so true! I needed to hear that. I want to love like Christ too.

  17. I was having those very same thoughts last night. Hubby went to his bible study and after getting The Boy in bed I began picking up from the day, thinking as I did that on Tuesdays, when I have my bible study, he puts The Boy to bed and then plays on his computer. He doesn’t even see the toys, detritus, dishes that need to be taken care of.
    Thank You for the much needed attitude adjustment. Even though it hurts to hear, I really needed it. I never thought of it as “thinking more highly of myself than I ought.”

    Kara

  18. So beautifully put. For me its keeping clean kitchen because I love my mom and not complaining that my younger brothers didn’t do it. It’s washing my brother’s pants even when I’m sick and don’t feel like moving.

  19. This exact same scene plays out in my house on a regular basis . . . hard lessons for me to learn! Love your beautiful perspective.

  20. Oh wow. This really hit me because I feel the same way–way too often.
    Days with 5 children tend to be very long [most days] and when my husband gets home from work, I have…expectations. I love how you worded this:

    “Is this love? A list of to do’s and a scale constantly weighing who’s contributed more?”

    Oh wow. Yea. I need to stop that.
    And this:
    “To sweep and dust and as I work, allow myself to be renewed and refined and put back into my rightful place – below the ones I love.”

    Mmmm hmmmm…I must go lower.

    Thank you so much for this.

  21. Hey, how did you do that? 😉 I just lived that experience again a week ago. Why don’t I learn from it and remember where it comes from, the selfishness? A reminder that I’m a work in progress and in need of my Savior. And my husband’s tireless patience with me. Fantastic post, Heather!

  22. Great post, Heather! So true. Thanks for sharing in such an honest and vulnerable way! It’s been on my mind all day…

  23. Thank you for this beautifully written, powerful post. I love Philippians 2:3 – with (or likely because of) its convicting strength.

  24. I hit this same note earlier this week when I was cleaning the kids room (as they went behind me taking everything back out) and started to get angry that THIS JOB was ALWAYS MY responsibility. Funny, how when the truth hits you between your eyes suddenly all that anger dissolves. Thanks for your post so full of clarity. ~Jessica

  25. Ouch! That hit so very close to home! And what you had to confess and knew came from heavenly places? Well, that’s what I have had to confess as well!! The deep, ugly parts of my heart are not the parts I like to talk about or think about. But, when I do, I am so thankful for a gracious and merciful God!!!
    Thank you for this “in”couraging post!

  26. It is almost like you were writing just what goes through my head some, check that, most days. Thanking for waking me up (again) to the reality of my weakness to help me find a healthier clarity and happy, grateful heart.

  27. This is a hard one! I dealt with this issue for a long time until I finally realized I was doing my part and he was doing his (providing for us). As we got older, and matured a *little* bit, he began to help me and I began to relax more. Now, we have a pretty good rhythm of the way things work around, here, but it has been almost 30 years! Bernice
    Have you made mistakes?