Will I love him enough, I wonder? Will I sing to his soul? Will I simply be enough?
I am preparing for marriage. To my best friend. To my favourite person. To the one I am certain the Lord has purposed me for. And I wonder if I will love him enough? Which becomes – will he love me enough? The way we feel now, will it always be this way?
I can’t love him enough. And he can’t love me enough. And no we won’t always feel this way. This way is the way of dating to ‘I-do’ in 14 months. This way is already rife with me failing, and him failing, and us failing. This way is already filled with stumbling and mistake-making and falling down.
But it is also filled with apologies and forgiveness and humility. It is overflowing with grace and abundant in mercy. We cannot love each other enough – we can always love more. But God, the one who fashioned us for each other, the Creator who dreamed us to be, the Abba who knows his children so well he had us friends for years before we became each other’s partner, God knew. And God loves us exactly enough.
God’s model for marriage – our Saviour and his church – what kind of love is that? What kind of compassion and humility and strength and perseverance and selflessness does that require? How can we ever hope to even be a shadow of our Saviour?
As I run over this in my mind, falling asleep alone for one of the last times, I am reminded that embracing this model does not mean that we will get it right. Embracing this model means that we will do so by faith. That our God will reach down and help us up when we stumble and fall.
That we will rely on humility and grace and mercy again, and again, and again.
How to reflect the love of Jesus to my husband? How can we love each other well enough to proclaim the love to Christ to the world? I don’t really know. Except that I know that God knows. That submitting our will to His, and seeking His desire for our marriage in prayer, will be the only way we can ever hope to love enough.
To be enough.
By Brie, On a Wing and a PrayerLeave a Comment
Holley Gerth says
Wise words, Brie! Congratulations and blessings and joy as you start the adventure of marriage!
Oh, Brie! The wisdom you’ve been granted is a gift for your groom, and your Groom is so proud of you! No, you won’t love “enough” and he won’t love you enough, either. Each of your weaknesses is there for specific purposes and in them you’ll learn what it means to surrender ourselves (our desires, our wants, our wishes, our expectations) and CHOOSE to love unconditionally and to accept (where the other person is, and even ourselves, at the moment) unconditionally. God will give you everything you need for this marriage – to be a wife, to be a friend, to respect your husband and to honor Christ through your commitment. When it feels like you can’t, remember that He can…and He WILL! He is faithful and yes, His Grace is enough!
I love that you’ve asked the questions and had the internal struggle without really giving into the doubts of “what if”. Living like Christ isn’t always easy or automatic – sometimes it’s work, even in a marriage, even in His Church, and it’s good to remind ourselves that even the ones who LOOK put together are still not “getting it right” – we’re all sinners and so “being enough” isn’t about us – it’s about God’s amazing grace! This really is a beautiful post, and I’m glad to have read it this morning. Blessings to you in your upcoming marriage!!
Jami Kastner says
God bless you! Marriage is the most difficult and REWARDING thing I have ever done. I pray that God blesses you with a marriage that surpasses even your wildest imaginations!
This is so true, and wise of you to see this now! I wrote such a similar post this week, even with the “but” right in the middle. I felt like I was reading something I would write – so good!
Here’s my post: http://www.jordy-liz.com/2011/04/very-honest-first-year.html
I pray you have an amazing marriage that is full of honesty and encouragement to one another.
Jennifer Camp says
I love your beautiful heart–how you look to your Father for guidance in loving well. He has your heart! Thank you so much for sharing, and I pray you continue to feel sheltered by His wings and in His glory in these beautiful years. Blessings to you in your marriage!
You are wise to consider these things BEFORE getting married. How I wish I had done the same. But I will not go into my story here as I do not wish to discourage you, but to encourage you for you are on the right track.:))) Happy preparing…may it be one of the best decisions you ever made in your life.:)