“Blessed are the ones who understand;
They’ve got nothing to bring
but empty hands;
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove;
Our heartbreak brings us back to you.”
~ Lyrics to Fall Apart by Josh Wilson
It was the moment of truth.
You know what I’m talking about.
When you can’t stop thinking about what you have to do. What you need to do. What you want to do.
But, you’re afraid.
Of falling apart.
Your Everyday Tent
People might tell you, Don’t worry. Things will work out right.
But, you know. You’ve walked through the desert. You know not everything goes as planned.
You’ve learned to put the pieces back together, living in make-shift shelter, doing your best and pitching up your everyday tent.
I got used to living out in the desert. It’s where life as I knew it fell apart.
It’s where I fell apart.
I knew in my head, God had a plan. In my heart, I wished He chose a different one for me.
If you’re reached a point in your journey of faith, where you’re in between where you’ve been — and where you need to go next — you might be tempted to stay where you are at.
Where things are known and certain.
Where you are safe from falling apart.
Where you stop dreaming, so they can never be shattered.
I was standing at this very decision a month ago.
I was afraid to move forward. For over a year. But, it seemed the place where God had once led me to rest in, Jesus was now saying, Bonnie. It’s time to get up and go.
I know what may be in store.
Letting go and leaving behind.
Walking forward, without knowing where it would lead.
I could fall apart.
He once allowed me to walk into a season of darkness, where I could not see.
Do I have what it takes to take this next leg of the journey?
What makes me think this time will be different?
Pros and Cons
As I struggled with starting over, with no promise of safety, I drew up a list of pros and cons.
On one side, I tallied all the reasons why I was afraid, filling the page from top to bottom. On the other side, I scrawled out a few lingering reasons, dwarfed by it’s neighboring objections.
Parked on the side of the road one morning, I hung my head wearied by the inner debate.
Jesus, I can’t do this. I don’t want to fall apart again.
A song came on the radio just then. I knew it was meant for me.
I realized I had what it takes to move forward.
Not because everything will work out right.
I can take the next step ahead — because with Jesus, I can fall apart.
Underneath the Rubble
We view falling apart as a deficit, but Jesus finds great value in our faith.
Underneath the rubble of a broken heart, He cherishes what no one sees.
* I am treasured for who I belong to, not who I can be.
Your right hand has held me up, Your gentleness has made me great.” Psalm 18:35
* Even if what’s ahead turns out to be nothing, nothingness is where God works best.
~ In the beginning, there was nothing.
It was in nothing, the Holy Spirit hovered, where God created something.
~ Mary’s empty womb. How can this be? she asked.
It was in nothing, the Holy Spirit hovered again, where Jesus became flesh.
The place inside where I fell apart was the perfect place for Jesus to enter and rest.
A More Precious Treasure
You and I can get up and go, friends.
Not because we’re guaranteed success.
We carry a far more precious treasure inside us.
That treasure is Jesus.
If you are like me, standing at the crossroads between the desert and the Promised Land, remember once again why we are making this journey.
It isn’t just for the milk and honey on this side of the cross.
It’s for the Person who is calling us there.
He is lovingly taking everything that has happened, creating something of great worth.
In the void of our lives, Jesus does His best work, faithful to bring order out of chaos, beauty out of darkness.
No matter how our list of pros and cons stack up, we can move forward because of what we find when we fall apart.
We may not be holding onto anything, except the very prize that is worth winning.
“What is more, I consider everything a loss
compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord…
One thing I do:
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize…
* Are you afraid to fall apart?
* How is God encouraging you to move forward anyway?
Pull up a chair. Let’s swap stories. Share a comment.
By Bonnie Gray, the Faith Barista, sharing shots of faith for everyday life.
For more shots of faith, join Bonnie and the Faith Fresh community as they explore ways to “Keep Faith Fresh” this month.
Photo courtesy of Milli-Vinilly via Photobucket.