This past spring I finished writing my first e-book, How My Soul Yearns. The process proved to be a journey, in and of itself!
I started this e-book in March of 2010. At this point, my husband and I had been in the “beyond infertility” stage (still childless) for just over one year. I had this message on my heart and I could not shake it off, it had been there since being in the depths of my infertility. I knew God wanted me to share my story!
One weekend when I had free time, I started typing away on my laptop. I did not know what was going to be formed from my words. The words just started to pour out of me like a rushing waterfall. During that single weekend, I wrote all but two chapters of my e-book.
I didn’t open the file for over a year after that weekend. I let it set there, unfinished. Something was holding me back. The final words were lost somewhere between my mind and my heart. During this time, my husband and I moved to a new state, started the seminary journey, and on top of that I started working outside of the home again. It was a busy time.
In the midst of this season of busyness, though, I started struggling again. This time, not with infertility but with the progress of our adoption. There was hurdle after hurdle. Setback after setback. I was becoming discouraged.
I thought that I had moved past some of my hurt and the distrust that had formed in my heart against God. Distrust in thinking that His plans were not better than mine. Distrust in thinking that He did not have my ultimate good in His plans for my life.
I began doubting God’s goodness and love for me all over again. I went through the same struggles as I had years before.
Then I remembered that untouched document that held stories of my journey through infertility. I opened it up again. I read over my words, and I began to remember how faithful God had been to give me His grace and shower His love over me during my time of great trial.
Through reading my own words, God led me to Him all over again. Oh how easy it is to get distracted in this world. There is so much sin and suffer and trials. We can so easily lose our focus, and look away from the One who gives us comfort and rest and mercy and love and grace.
I was ready to finish my story. I now had those final words. I felt like my journey through this hurt had come full circle. I had to learn a little bit more about God and about myself so that I could really understand what I was writing about.
God is so good. Through these difficult times in my life, I realized over and over again that He never leaves us. I may have given up on Him, twice, but He faithfully stayed by my side and guided my feet back to Him.
I lost hope twice, but each time I found it again.
If you are suffering through infertility or know someone that is, I would be honored for you to read my journey through infertility and beyond! I pray that it will help guide you on this difficult journey!
Undecided? You can read the preface online for free (PDF)!Leave a Comment