Becky Webb
About the Author

Becky has been blessed with her prince charming and two busy bees. She enjoys the beauty of God from a mountain top in North Carolina. Passionate about faith, health, living green.

(in)side DaySpring: things we love
& you will too!
Find more at
(in)side DaySpring:
things we love
& you will too!
Find more at
Recent Posts

Reader Interactions


  1. Becky, your post hit home with me as I sit up at 2 in the morning unable to sleep due to concerns about too many things. I confess I have not been speaking life to my family in the last couple of days. The concerns of family issues I cannot control have consumed me. Thank you for your timely post, speaks to my heart.

  2. I agree with your post entirely, and it was good for me to be reminded of it. However, as a mom, I feel like I am always supposed to be the one giving out the loving, encouraging words. Sometimes I really need some of those back at me!! I feel like my husband’s and kids’ frustrations are taken out on me, and sometimes it just wears me out so much emotionally. What if you have to constantly battle the untrue words of a spouse who blames you for a lot of his own struggles?

    • Oh, friend, that is so difficult to hear. Yes, you are right. You need to hear encouraging words too.

      It can feel like an uphill battle when you are the only one giving out words. I think that is ok to gently share with your spouse and children if you feel like their words are emotional fireballs. But, when you confront them make sure you are not on your defense, but you are sharing with them from your heart how you feel their words have wounded you.

      Take some time, go to the Lord, spend time in the word and ask him first for the encouragement you need. Ask Him to give you His eyes, and His heart for your spouse and your family. Then, share with them how you feel their words have hurt you. And sometimes, when our families can see a change in our heart, it can influence them too.

      I’m saying a prayer for you now friend.

    • I’ve felt that way before, though not to the extent you obviously do. Unfortunately, the only person’s behavior I can control is my own, so I continue (on a good day) to say and do the loving thing, even when I feel like my own tank isn’t getting filled up. I’ve found that the more I need to hear those loving words, the more I need to give them out, whether the recipient “deserves” them or not. Often, your right attitude will set the example that heals the relationship. Sometimes it doesn’t, though. We are, after all, living with fallen human beings like ourselves, and they can mistreat us. Thank God, we have a Savior who is ALWAYS loving, and knows your needs. I’m saying a prayer for you now. That’s a tough place to be.

  3. Oh how you have touched my heart this morning. I was already feeling shameful for yelling at a few of my little ones this morning. Thank you for reminding me that how I treat them, and the words and tone they hear make a difference. Thanks so much for taking the time to write this inspiring post. 🙂

  4. You have ministered to my heart! God has been dealing with me on how to deal with my frustrations. I am not a home-maker, however, I do serve in various roles. I am a mother of two, a wife, I work full-time, attend school part-time, church member and take the kids to their extracurricular activities.

    I am guilty of yelling at the kids when they do not respond quickly or snapping at my husband when I am tired or feeling overwhelmed. I have to remind myself that they have feelings too. Sometimes I go to each of them to apologize and ask for forgiveness. I am learning that taking a deep breathe before responding helps me calm down. When I am calm, my words are more soothing….

    Thank you for writing this post and letting me know that I am not the only mother who gets overwhelmed and frustrated…..

    • Thanks for sharing your struggles Char. I am thankful that we are all a work in progress and that none of us have “arrived” yet. How we always need to refocus our attention on our loving savior. Blessings to you today! You do have lots on your plate! So thankful that he is enough when we struggle with not giving words of life to our families.

  5. YES — words are SO powerful!! About a year and a half ago, I not only started to be intentional about speaking affirmations and “life” words to my children and husband, BUT also to myself. We do SO much self-talk throughout the day, that we don’t realize we are beating our selves up too!! Since this “awakening” I am more confident and extend more grace to me!! Just wanted to share this thought…the MOST important relationship we have is with ourself, we need to be mindful of our words towards, us.

    Thank YOU Becky for this post…we can never be reminded enough!! =)

    Keeping it Personal,
    Teri Johnson

  6. and sometimes it is sooooo hard. when my well is dry…I have not water to dip into to splash on them….. thank you for the reminder… I need to remember to go to the well first.

    We love because he first loved us…I can only love on them, if I allow God to love on me first.

  7. Thank you for this! I just came off of a week of my husband being away on a trip and I work full time from home while raising our little one. My husband and I just spoke a few hurtful and short-sighted words to each other, and I know that it was out of tiredness from both of us. I came to (in)courage’s site because I felt God would have a word for me here, and this was it! I was JUST have a pity party, feeling sorry for myself because I am overwhelmed with all these responsibilities and then I read this. I haven’t been uplifting lately. I’m feeling convicted to first, get in God’s Word daily this coming week. And second, refrain from saying any words of criticism to my husband all week. Just words of encouragement. I don’t think it will be easy, but I’m feeling it will be worth it- as long as I’m reaching out to God first. Thank you for being used by God as a tool to minister to other women and reaching to my heart tonight!

  8. I needed this reminder. I love the way you said “Some days I don’t bring life by my words to my children and/or husband and instead I choose to bring death by my words.” This line hit home for me. I am going to be extra cognizant today of using my words to bring life. Thank you.

  9. Thanks, Becky! Enjoyed your article. Can you keep the discussion going with practical ways of doing this more? I’m one of those practical girls that could use real-life reminders of how to build this into my day.

    • Sure Anna! I think some real practical ways to do this is to share scripture with our spouse or children. I know for some people this can seem a little cheesey if you are always spouting off scripture, but the right ones can be super life giving. I also think some other great ways is just to be aware of the words that are coming out of our mouth. Are they words that are building up our husband or children or just words that are tearing them down? Also, I think the tone of our voice can make a big difference as well. Even when I am correcting my children if I am in the right mindset I try to correct them in a way that is encouraging in building them up such as tell them something that they do right and then instruct them in the right way of whatever they just did that is not an acceptable way to respond. Does that make sense?

      Anyone else have any thoughts?

      • Becky,
        Many times we expect our spouse to supply all of our emotional needs when they are not really capable. They may even sincerely try, but we must give them grace and release them from that expectation. Only in our relationship with Christ can we get our emotional strength and healing. If a wife and mother is feeling overwhelmed and like her well is not being filled, it is important to pour those feelings out in prayer. Maybe even by journaling our feelings. Only after giving it to God, may we then be able to approach our husband with some of the issues we may have. Or you may just choose to keep it between you and God.
        Having been one who ran her well completely dry, may I encourage women to turn this over to Christ as soon as possible.
        Great words of encouragement, Becky!
        10 steps to a happier mama

        • Wonderful words Bernice! Thanks so much for your wisdom! Yes! How when our emotional tanks are empty do we need to run to Christ first. How true it is that we often think we deserve our husbands to supply the emotional needs that they can not. May the Lord supply us with our needs since he is the only one perfect enough (and have enough to give) to do it!