About the Author

Kristen Strong, author of Back Roads to Belonging and Girl Meets Change, writes as a friend offering meaningful encouragement for each season of life so you can see it with hope instead of worry. She and her US Air Force veteran husband, David, have three children and live in Colorado...

Related Posts

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Hi Kristen, Wow, your words here, “Girls, let’s stop believing the lie that tells us contentment is found in our presence anywhere other than where the Lord plans us to be. Our contentment lies in His presence where we are, wherever we are. And when we choose to believe this, we show ungratefulness and discontent the door as Christ steps in to take full residence of our hearts” so hit home. I can find myself struggling with this, and I am grateful for your bold encouraging reminder. Thank you so much. And I am so excited that I do get to meet you face-to-face soon! Blessings to you! ~ Jennifer

    • Jennifer, I write this because I forget and need reminded, too. I’m excited to continue the progressive party at your casa tomorrow *and* to meet you face-to-face soon! Love you, Dearie!

  2. You’re the PERFECT person to write this encouraging post, Kristen! I’m not going to Relevant, oh, how that HURTS! Because I LIKE my friends I’ve met and made through our online community.

    But perspective is key and you’ve helped shaped that.

    Have a blast, girlieQ…I know you (and a few hundred other friends) will do just that!

    <3

    • Girl, you *make* the party wherever you are! Your golden heart and welcoming, dynamic spirit make every gal you love on feel like she’s your BFF. You are joy, Sweetness, and I couldn’t love you more! xoxoxo

  3. Thanks so much for this post! It went right along with what God and I have been working through lately. It was a real encouragement! My plan of attack for my lack of gratitude is to focus on all that I do have and meditated on Ps. 107:1 “Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.”

    • I love the way you call it a plan of attack, Kelly. Perfect description. Thank you for that good Word this morning, too. Going in with guns blazing right alongside you…

  4. What an encouraging post! I really wish I could go to Relevant, but maybe next year… As I think I’ve mentioned before, I moved not all that long ago so that left-out feeling is one I fight. For me, I find that spending time with God helps me to remember that He has a reason for me being right here where I am right now and that helps a lot. Getting more involved at my new church and starting to get plugged in with tutoring students is also helping.

    • Three cheers and a herky for you, Amy! Not only is your perspective gloriously encouraging, but you’re doing something to help fight the left-out feeling. Praying God’s grace makes each day a bit easier…

  5. this is where i am, i had to leave one community to join a new one where i m like really uncomfortable and i dont really like it. I have to accept though this is my new reality and realize that perhaps God allowed it because He didn’t want me to get too comfortable, or maybe He knew i would be hurt, or perhaps it was time for something new. after all im not here forever. Just passing through. I suppose you can beat the funk by listing things you have to be thankful for everyday and putting them on your mirror. Putting a scripture next to it. Or maybe finding those who need a friend and inviting them to lunch for a contentment chat, it helps keep the focus off yourself you could write in your journals and b committed to adding one person to the group each month

    • Thank you for reminding me that changing communities may not be easy, but it is good because He is good. Also, *love* your gratitude and others-centered ideas! So thankful for your voice here, ap…

  6. Wow I can not believe I ran across this. I am feeling so unattached these days. I do need to find a way to reach out. I have a special needs daughter so my life is around what she needs most of the day. Plus, I have a husband who is struggling majorly with depression and a major attachment problem these days. He comes home from work and is on the computer or watching tv all night and all weekend. No desire to find any friends at all. He is saved but Satan is using him and it brings him down and then it brings me down. I am learning to lean on God but I am also learning how much I need fellowship in these hardships of life. If they are only online it’s not as deep as what I need but it’s safe as I speak of my issues with my husband. Thank-you for this. And love that mirror! (-;

    • You most assuredly have a safe place here, Amy. Praying for your man *and* you to find real life connection with those who can hug you and love on you in person. So much love to you, Friend…

  7. Whenever I feel left out I realize instead of feeling sorry for myself, I just need to reach out and do something kind for someone else. Or I go read my favorite blogs, because I feel such a connection to so many of my favorite bloggers that sometimes it truly is like we are sitting down having a conversation.

  8. I’m so super bummed about not going to Relevant, however I know that it is all in God’s plan. See, I didn’t plan to go to Relevant again this year because my husband and I thought that we would have our adopted children home with us by now. However, the time has come and they aren’t with us yet. Not only has my heart been hurting because of them not being with us yet, but now that I am missing out on Relevant again, when I could have actually gone, my heart is hurting from missing out on the opportunity to continue to grow some online relationships I have developed.

    However, I truly believe it is for the best, for some reason in God’s plans. I just keep reminding myself that God’s plan are for my good and He sees the whole picture, not just this small moment. And, I keep holding on to my excitement about our children coming home to us soon!!!

    • I’m so sorry the adoption hasn’t come through, Ashley. And not being able to go to Relevant after all? Well, that’s just insult to injury. Still, I believe right along with you the Lord *will* make His plans and purpose known, Sweet Friend. Your faith inspires, Ashley. Love you!

  9. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. God has really been speaking to me lately about how much power is in that…in the sharing and fellowship that comes with being real and honest with each other. 🙂
    I know the left out feeling very well and have still not figured out one solution that works. I usually call up an old friend, or write an e-mail…reach out to someone in some way. Then, if I’m honest, as a last resort sometimes, I read my Bible. There is peace and acceptance there- I don’t know why it’s not my first response.

  10. While the human nature tends to make us wallow in the “left-out feeling funk”, we have to remind ourselves that God is still in control and look for the meaning and purpose behind not being able to do whatever we are feeling “left-out” of. Sometimes in life, we can learn the greatest lessons when we don’t get to participate in things our heart desires.

    Loved your words today…they are a beautiful reminder that I so needed to hear! Thanks for the chance to win too!

    bamagv at aol dot com

  11. This was such a richly packed post, Kristen! Your voice is becoming so evident to me and I appreciate your voice. So. Much.

    I’m learning that before I do anything, being honest with my feelings is key. Facing the feelings shows me the lies more clearly than anything, and it helps to not cover-up with a band-aid, but truly guard my heart the way He leads me–not letting the lies take up residence. He is reminding me in this discipline to be strong in answering who I am in His eyes; no comparison, just trust in the purposes of my uniqueness. It’s hard sometimes, but always when I’m honest first the healing truly begins.

    Personally, I’m becoming more ready to receive Grace through the encouragement of others and choosing the courage to attend a conference in the coming year. It’s a big step for me. A necessary one.

    Rich blessings, Kristen, as He continues to use your encouragement to lift others up. I so much appreciate you, girl!

    • I *love* your encouragement to honestly own your feelings. And this here…”just trust in the purposes of my uniqueness.” That is golden, Amy! I trust with you in the uniqueness of His plan for each of us. LOVE.

  12. Uhhhh… This is something I’m not very good at. I really struggle to fight that funk, but the best way I’ve come up with is to be honest with my husband about it. Venting my true feelings can really help.

  13. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t have to fight the funk, and there are some days where I just give in to it. it seems to help to talk to my husband about what I am feeling despite the eye roll I occasionally get back but it’s still nice to talk about it. Thanks for posting this, helps me feel like I am not alone as I fight the funk…

  14. I’m calling out the enemy today by recognizing that he has been trying to disconnect me from my family in Christ, especially where I go to church. The truth is that God is leading us toward perfect unity – for the glory of His kingdom. The waiting period is intense, but I’m thanking Him even for that – because I can thank Him in ALL circumstances, and because He’s training me to trust Him more. I know that out of this will grow a deeper intimacy with Him, and truer worship.

    Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
    Ephesians 3:20-21

  15. I just remember that the Lord puts me right where he wants me – whether that is at the conference having fun and challenges – or not. He puts those who need to be there at those special get-togethers, and though I don’t know why, I need to trust that in His wisdom he knows that it was not my turn.

  16. I visit (in)courage! The sense of community here is always uplifting and encouraging… no feelings of being left out here! 🙂

  17. I think we all have opportunities to become discouraged..and almost daily…
    One way I try to fight that is to try to see these opportunities as exactly what they are…opportunities. I can choose to see it as an opportunity to do or see something positive with it or to gain something positive out of it. I can be the determining factor. It’s my choice. All else is out of my control, hence, what can I do about it? It takes work to do that, but it’s worth it, even if not easy.

    Another thing…I try to stay spiritually aware.

    I like incourage on facebook!!!

  18. Signed up to host an (in)RL meet-up on the first day of registration! (Yes, I was excited… can you tell? LOL) Does that count as an extra entry? I REALLY like that mirror! 😛

  19. I fight the “left-out feelings” by keeping my eyes on Him and remembering 1 Timothy 6:6, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”

  20. I needed to read this today. I really miss having some girlfriends. We moved 9 months ago and I still don’t have any friends and it sure does get lonely some days. I just have to embrace the little ones that I am home with and treasure every minute with these little friends. Blessings.

    • Oh girl, I’ve been there and bought the t-shirt. 😉 Snuggle those sweet babies and know – really know – the Lord hears your heart’s cry! Praying near and dear friendships find you soon…

  21. At 65 years of age and physically disabled living with oxygen and COPD, I am not physically able to participate in many outside activities, however I find great encouragement from all of you young women through your writings of faith and love for Christ and each other. And like Sara….I’m working really hard to ‘Choose JOY! God bless you all… such promise for the future.

    P.S. I’d truly love the mirror but know it will go to the right person. 🙂

  22. When I see something as wonderful as Relevant and realize I can’t go – I write it down, kind of an artsy bucket list and focus on ways to be more prepared for the next opportunity. Be more creative financially and a better steward of my funds. Mostly know that God knows my heart and that He is constantly working on my plan adding threads to the tapesty that will gently guide me back to where He wants me to be and in the end He ALWAYS has plan C when I had only thought of Plan A or B. Thank you for the opportunity.

  23. We just moved to a new town and I haven’t made any friends yet. I keep running into barriers when I try to sign up to volunteer somewhere and haven’t had any bites on jobs yet. I’ve asked God to help me out with the loneliness issue and realized in church yesterday that his answer was not for me to find others, but to find Him. So I’ve been trying to spend more time asking God to be enough and less time on feeling alone.

  24. “So, will I choose to stew in what I don’t have or embrace what I do have?” Wow… those words are a cold glass of water thrown in my face! Sad to say… I needed to hear that. It is so easy to “stew”…. to just throw the covers over my head and stay there… But I am realizing I have to be intentional in my living… or I’m really NOT living!

  25. I fight the missing-out feeling by, frankly, avoiding the Relevant website right now. 🙂 It only makes me dwell more on how much I wish I could be there by seeing how excited everyone is about it. And then, I remind myself that maybe I can go next year. Also, I find it helps to make sure that I’m getting involved in community things that are right here in my own town, like going to the women’s bible study group at church.

  26. The best way for me to get out of my funk is to start counting my blessings…when I focus on what I have rather than on what I don’t have, it doesn’t take long to regain perspective and realize how very very blessed I am.

  27. I’m so sad to be missing Relevant. But I get myself out of the blues by counting my blessings. The Lord allowed me to go to She Speaks this past summer, and I feel like a spoiled brat pouting about not getting to go to another conference this soon.

    ps … I’m following Dayspring now:)

  28. Myself and my best buddy are lucky enough this year to go to RELEVANT – I don’t know what to expect for my first time and am anxious about all of it. I do know what it is like to have those left out feelings – but I try to focus on HIM and that pulls me out of my pity party. The good news for YOU is that my friend and I BOTH live here in COLORADO as well. WE MUST MEET UP WITH YOU!!! See how GOD WORKS??

  29. I fight the left out feelings by focusing on what I do have and all of the many blessings God has given me. I may not be able to travel to a conference, but I sure have been blessed right where I am!

  30. left out feelings. i feel left out the most when i see other families getting together with other families. we don’t have friends that do stuff like that. well, we don’t have many friends {sad faces}. i just surround myself with family life and taking care of our home that i love so much. that’s how i do it…

  31. I have been reading a great deal by and about Bowlby’s theories (psychology having to do with attachment). Whether a Christian agrees with Bowlby or not, he and his collegues have interesting theories. It includes descriptions of what a secure attachment looks like and what insecure attachment looks like. He calls the insecure anxious attachment and another avoidant attachment. Characteristics of this avoidant style tend toward self- reliance, feeling left out, inability to get close, trouble revealing their thoughts/needs…
    Armed with this information and after long years of wondering why I felt so alone so much of the time, I am taking baby steps to learn how to be close and let others in. I have begun to ask for help from my husband and accept the help he offers. I don’t mean help with the laundry, but things like accepting his offer to hold me. Accepting his offer to go for a walk. Letting him know when things in my inner world are off kilter. None of this am I very good at- i have to stop, process and try to figure out what I’m feeling and express it, then recieve his offers without dismissing my inner world or his offers. For a self-reliant, smart woman this is hard. But for a broken, lonely, mistrustful little girl who lives in me, it is critical.

  32. Aww, sweet Kristen! You were the perfect one for this opening post!! You encourage my heart so much! And yes, to the transient lifestyle {aka military life}, and yes, to the feeling slightly left out at times, and YES, to closing the door on discontentment and ungratefulness! I’m so super thankful for this community and all the fabulous prayer warriors walking along side me! Much love, and see you SOON!! 🙂

  33. When a particular circumstance makes me feel left out, I try to remember all the times I’ve been included, as well as all the people who love me. Then I pick up the phone and call someone, either to catch up or to make plans of our own.

  34. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that mirror!

    And love that we get to make the choice how we’ll respond when life just doesn’t seem fair, or things aren’t working out the way I hoped they would, or everyone gets to go play and I end up left behind.

    Looking back, it was exactly those times when I was feeling left out or left behind that I was in a place of sweet vulnerability to the attentions and love of my heavenly Father, who was waiting for me all along … while I was so very busy, busy with my oh-so-important plans …

  35. Great post….something every single person struggles with, no doubt. When I feel alone, or feel disconnected one of the things I might try is to repeat, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus….until the uneasiness subsides. It works for me…..

  36. One of the best ways to beat the blues is to begin to sing to the Lord as “He inhabits the praises of His people”..then count some blessings-like having food to eat and a place to sleep and then do something kind for someone less fortunate around you- the blues have to beat it then!! 🙂 Blessings, Becky J.

  37. i am fighting with these feelings today more than i have in a very long time. I put on worship music to get my mind off it and onto the most important.

  38. When I feel left out I find something to do that lifts my spirits and soon I forget about the other stuff.

  39. I keep in God’s word and follow wonderful communities and blogs such as (in)courage:) This definitely keeps my cup filled up with joy so I can pour that back into my family, which by the way, is spread all over the country at the moment:(

  40. Oh, man! I used to think I had a good handle on that funky-left-out-feeling, but with LIFE JUNK the past couple of years, it has threatened to overwhelm me again. But God is doing a RE-newal in me…and think I am really glad…because I am changing my mindset, my attitude, my heart and learning to connect where I can and give the best that I can for THAT day, THAT moment.

    Well…I am trying anyway….thankful for His grace.

  41. The Bible college my hubby and I went to just had it’s reunion this past weekend. It’s something they only do every 5 yrs but it’s also halfway across the country so there was no way we could afford to go. Instead of allowing myself to feel down in the dumps I chose to have a fun weekend with family and friends and be thankful that I have so many wonderful family and friends close by that I can enjoy. =)
    kathy k.

  42. I cannot even remember how or when I found incourage though I know Jesus had a lot to do with it. I am always amazed at how I feel left out even at 47 so I read the blogs at incourage which helps and I pray and remind myself that God is with me no matter what.

  43. After throwing myself a pity party – which is never any fun, since I’m the only one who shows up, I try to do something special for myself! A rare hot bubble bath with candles and Bocceli playing in the background, my favorite book and/or my journal. It’s also a great opportunity to pull out those great Bath and Body works lotions I don’t use often enough!

  44. I will call up someone and invite them for tea. I figure if I am feeling like I’m missing out , probably someone I know is too.

  45. After a lifetime of feeling left out and isolated,even in a crowded room, I have found that starting each day with God and focusing on loving and supporting others, I can find contentment. Thanks for this site, it’s amazing 🙂

  46. I normally get your posts on Facebook, but this morning I went straight to your link. Isn’t it ‘funny’ how God works?! Last week I was feeling pretty lonely and disconnected from friends, family, church. I love my church! Good worship and praise, good music, great teaching from the Word… yet I felt like I was standing around looking for someone to talk to, visit with, Connect with.
    I started making it a habit long ago to reach out to others, because as human beings, we tend to be similar in feeling awkward or ‘new’, and there is often anxiety about fitting in. We all want to– and NEED– to be accepted, welcomed.
    However, recently, it was taking me a little time to get over mySelf, :), and I felt isolated; left out. I don’t have a ‘circle of friends’ or family that attend there, and I mostly link up with people from church on FB. I find that when I get to church: everyone already HAS someone to talk to, sit with, kids to take care of, etc.

    It came down to me and God. No problem. Me an’ Him do very Well together!
    Yet He WANTS us to interact with each other as believers in Jesus, and He wants us to share in the “unity of the faith”!
    SO, I had to be willing to let go of my self-focus, get my focus back on God and others.
    I did some talking to my Self, too! I started out reading David’s Psalms and how miserable he was in his circumstances, but by the end of his discourse he was praising and thanking GOD! HE had plenty of reason to feel sorry for himself! It seems to me that as David wrote his songs or hymns, that he was processing his FEELINGS at the same time until he came around to where HIS focus needed to be, and to what was True.
    I had to look myself in the eye, in the mirror, and tell myself that I wasn’t going to ‘go there!’ (self-pity) and that the Lord loves me, accepts me, and Longs for me to spend time with Him, and in His Word. HE is my source of love and security, whatever the state of my relationships in this life are.
    Choice. I make the choice about what I’m going to orient myself to each day. “Set your mind on Christ; on things above. ” “Renew your mind…” “if anything is pure, lovely, of good-report…think on these things.” [THINK on THESE!] “In everything, let your requests be made known to God, with prayer and supplication…” [in EVERYTHING.] “..casting down every [vain imagination] thing that exalts itself above the name of Christ.” [EVERY THING? YES.]
    I look in that mirror of the Word of God, and I receive the truth, allowing it to change me so that I can look in the mirror of self-focus, and TELL mySelf the TRUTH.
    God makes the changes I am willing to ask Him and allow Him to make, in me.
    ♫ “…and I am changed, in the presence of a Holy God.” ♫ [wonderful song!]

    May the Lord Bless and keep each one of you in the faith, always looking forward toward those changes!

    Love in Jesus,
    pam ♥

  47. It is so hard to reveal even a small amount of yourself when inferiority and hurt has been your experience. There are so many OTHER things that interfere with taking that step to break out and make new friends and acquaintances. Your blog is certainly what it is called ( In)Courage. Thanks!! -your father seemed surprised that I was following your blog when I visited with him at that sweet little fellows 3rd birthday party!

  48. When I feel left out I remind (force) myself to remember what I have. The awesome things in my life, the amazing church community we are a part of, and the amazing opportunities I have every day… plus when I’m really wanting to do something, I remind myself that on a daily basis I feel too busy to even fit in everything already on my plate! =)

  49. I love this mirror!
    I moved 4 years ago and at first was very lonely for friendship. I used the opportunity to try some new things, I joined a bible study, a MOPS group, an online MeetUp group, we found a church home, etc. Not all of these groups stuck, but I branched out and did some things I normally wouldn’t have done. I’m so glad I did- I have med the best friends here (they came from our church) and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

  50. Wow, yeah, hosting an inRL conferences scares me too much, however the fact that I’ve been whining about my situation not being able to attend the WOF conferenece in a few weeks, either though everything seemed to line up perfectly this year, perhaps I should pray about it first. I think I will, pray about it. Thanks for the opportunity to enter IN. In God’s Love, sheila

  51. I had more trouble with feeling left out earlier in my life but I still struggle with it at times now. The Lord is teaching me to be dependent on His presence in my life and less on being with people. I am talking about in the area of fitting in with groups of people not in fellowship. We are highly blessed to have a pastor who discourages clicks in our congregation. Everyone is encouraged to included everyone.

  52. I make myself get out of bed, get ready, go to church, and talk to people…even when I do not want to do so. God’s Word is encouraging and working and changing me even if I’m still trying to find a community there.

  53. I’ve missed out on the wedding AND the birth of my BFF’s first baby all within a years time. Now, as we are waiting for my Grandfather to pass (he has Hodgkin’s) I’ve been tied to home, with good reason. And still, I’ve fought that left out feeling. But, God knows all things, and I have to remind myself of that. In turn, I can rest in the peace that comes from being where I need to be, in the timing that is divinely appointed. I rather be in that place, then anywhere else. Such a timely post for me to read today. Thank you.

  54. My heart goes out to Leanna above (133). I have missed the same kinds of big events for unavoidable reasons, and it’s hard. Leanna, you have such a good, faithful attitude in the losses! May God comfort you and reassure you in a personal, tangible way today that you are right where He wants you.

    As to how I fight the left-out feelings funk, the best medicine I’ve found is to look around and reach out to someone else who might be feeling the same way. Perhaps an aging relative or friend needs a phone call or there’s someone who comes to mind I could encourage with a card. As a mentor told me once that an old-fashioned cure for the blues (not, mind you, full-scale clinical depression) was, “Put on your hat and help somebody else.”

  55. that is a beautiful mirror!
    scripture always seems to get my eyes focused on the truth…knowing how much my savior loves me does a lot!

  56. As a senior pastor’s wife, I often feel left out by other women. But I know that the Lord will fulfill my every need and without fail, He does faithfully every time. I go to Him for comfort and boldness to step out and be vulnerable with other women and putting myself out there to build and maintain relationships.

  57. WOW!!!! This is so needed! I fight this a lot! Even though we have lived here for more than 10yrs, its still hard! Thanks, I really needed to hear these words. To fight these feelings I, too enjoy reading my favorite blog (Incourage) and right now I am loving listening/watching the book club do What Women Fear by Angie!

  58. When I feel “out of it”….I like to go out to a store (like Walmart) and do stuff for others….give someone a hello/smile……leave coupons by products like the coupon fairy…..just reach out to others because it takes my mind off ME!

  59. I do feel “left out” a lot, but it always gets my focus back in the right place when I dwell on the fact that I am God’s creation: cared for, planned for, loved, treasured, redeemed. How could I think I know better than my Master where I am supposed to be or what I am supposed to be doing? That gets my focus off of ME!

  60. the mirror is beautiful!
    i combat my left out feelings with coffee. it does wonders for many things. otherwise i try to set up a girls night out or just call a friend and chat.
    thanks,
    shana

  61. I fight the left out feeling by finding ways to use my gifts to bless others And stay connected to God making sure I’m reading my bible consistently. He never leaves me lonely 🙂 . going for a walk and getting some fresh air also helps lift me from the funk .
    this is a beautiful mirror. thank you for a chance to win. appreciate your words of encouragement. Janita

  62. I am so excited about the (in)RL conference. I can’t handle the physical or financial part of a regular conference, so being able to attend this one is such a point of excitement for me. I’ve already signed up and brought 3 friends with me. I reall am so looking forward to it! Yep, that’s all I had to say :).

  63. I talk to my husband, its great that I always move with my best friend 🙂 Eat DARK, DARK chocolate and complain…errr…pray to God 🙂

  64. Every time I start to feel left out and lonely, I go to God and tell Him everything I’m going through. He gives me a peace that no other relationship here on earth could ever provide.

  65. This struggle has long been one of my biggest to fight-fear of having no friends, fear of feeling left out. This all started back in Jr. High due to not being in the field hockey team while all my friends were. I was in the “un cool” volleyball team instead 🙂 As a result, I was left out of numerous sleepovers and parties. That started a fear that has grown to be something I have to fight or it will take residence in my life.

    I guess one way I fight the fear and loneliness is thinking about someone I don’t know that well and pursuing that relationship. Instead of focusing on the friends I wish I could see more, I can focus on the women I admire from afar but don’t know that well. Some of my best friendships in my new residence of a year and a half, have come from the people I didn’t start out knowing as well. I have loved gaining those kinds of friendships!

    But overall, I have come to accept that my current phase of life does not call for lots of social gatherings and friends oozing out of my pores. I am called to pour into my young kids and to continue to slowly reach out to those in my community. It’s simple really, but somehow I think its how God wanted it 🙂

    P.S. I am going to one of those cool events though-Relevant in little over a week!!

  66. I fight the funk by reading inspirational blogs, and by surrounding myself with people that love me.

  67. WE are in this transit stage that hinders me from taking part on so much with you incourage ladies and the ladies at our church…even with the relationships i am developing in our future home in California. So very grateful though I can still gleam from incourage which is about all i do. I would love to win that great looking mirror since we are totally starting from scratch in California…..so here is my one entry.

    When I feel left out I remind my self God has a better plan for me and is sharpening my patience skills…oh do i need them. I want to be a part of everything….a very social person….but He is asking me to talk to Him more then anytime before…so I listen and write, listen and write…listen, listen…

  68. I constantly battle the” left-out” feelings. But I just push through it, if there’s an event or activity that sounds remotely interesting to me, I sign up for it. Of course, that’s the easy part, then I have to push thru the negative thoughts of the coulda,shoulda, what-ifs of being left out. But if I don’t overthink it, push thru those feelings and like Nike…..just do it. Most of the time, I get blessed and have a great time of NOT being left out.

  69. When I am feeling a little left out I call my best friends who happen to live far away. Being reminded that those who know me best still love me can overcome those poor me feelings.

  70. I often feel left out because I really struggle socially which means I have trouble making friends and end up being forgotten a lot…I tend to deal with those feelings by hanging out on facebook–it doesn’t always work though…especially when the feelings come more frequently and nothing has happened since last log-in and I realize I’ve written 20 status updates in one day (true story…and it’s happened more than once)

  71. I’m so thankful for you wonderful words. I so appreciate you sharing your heart with so many of us. It’s truly a blessing to receive your emails. I’m excited to be following you now on facebook. God bless

  72. I’m following (in)courage on facebook. What an awesome way to share our hearts and feelings. God comforts us to know that we are never alone!

  73. When I get that rotten “left out” feeling …..I just pray that I could see Jesus
    a little more clearly that day. I fix my eyes on The One that never leaves us
    alone. And I preach The Gospel to my self.
    I come here for encouagement and comraderie, but try to remind myself
    to encourage myself with God’s Word.

  74. Well, this post was made just for me! I, too, struggle with being left out. Let me explain, I have lots of great friends and am active in my church. However, I am an empty nester of 5 children. My struggle is that they have left their momma behind 🙁 I still long for relationship with them. I would love to have just a “hey, momma” from them every now and then. Jesus gently nudges me and let’s me know that I am accepted by Him and need to put Him first! I’ve actively been doing that and hope the rest will fall in line. Maybe my kiddos will turn the corner and see they still need me but I know my Saviour takes first place in my life and I’ve given my children roots and wings. It’s time to let them fly!!

  75. Thank you for this post. I struggle with feeling left out esp. now that I am working FT from my home and don’t get to see “people” all day long. I think for me I have to find other ways toi have fellowship even if they aren’t in the traditional ways I would like.

  76. I fight feeling left out by keeping my eyes on God. That may sound cliche’, but when I do that, He reminds me that he always has my best interest in mind. He knows the plans He has for me and they are awesome plans–nothing to hurt me. I try to think that God is “saving” me from something, whether it be physical, mental, or maybe even a missed opportunity. I don’t mind as much being left out anymore. I do LOVE to hear the updates on how it went, though! Haha! Love the mirror…..I already have the perfect spot for it! Thanks for your blog post.

  77. Sometimes it is so much easier to not do something. We moved to South Dakota 3 years ago and I so struggled with making new friends. I was in an auto accident so had a hard time getting around, didn’t like the church we were going to, did not live in the same community that my kids went to school – so I just felt so out of it. And, where to start? I didn’t have a clue. I prayed and prayed. Then….there was this lady mowing her lawn down the street and I decided to walk over there. Wow! What a blessing. Now we get together once a week and talk. I had to just step out of my comfort zone and DO something. I still have a ways to go but at least it is a start. Thanks for your devotion. Attitude is my choice. 🙂

  78. Very important topic… I think all women long for acceptance, but don’t always open our hearts up to it. One way I fight that feeling is to try to concentrate on what I do have… a wonderful family, a good job, a hometown church who has members I can always count on.

  79. When I’m feeling the left out blues, I remember that the last place God called me to be was as a wife to my Husband. I also will go sit on the deck of a dear, sweet friend and contemplate my place in the world, and what God wants of me at this point in time.

  80. I’ve always struggled with self-esteem and feeling left out. Satan knows that is a struggle for me, so he plays on it often.For the longest time I used self-pity as my way of dealing with it, but am learning each day now how to think of others before myself. I try to not focus on what I’m feeling left out on, but instead of how to include others along with me. I can only learn this from Christ’s example. For that very reason I’m considering hosting an (in)RL event for the conference in my home. Just today I shared the video link and emailed some friends to share the (in)courage community with them and see if they’d be interested in attending with me.

  81. i ‘liked’ (in)courage on facebook-and not just for this giveaway-i was already wanting to find them on facebook anyway because i am LOVING this new found site and community!

  82. When I start to get that left-out feeling, I fight it by reaching out to others. Inviting a new friend over for coffee or a young mom to meet at the park does wonders for a bad attitude. 🙂

  83. I hate that left out feeling and wish that I handled it better….lately I am praying about it and my part in it!

  84. That mirror is gorgeous and it would be perfect for our (future adopted) little girl’s room!

    I have often felt left out in life….and the sad thing is, two of my closest friends told me when they first met me, I seemed ‘stuck up’….really, I was just feeling left out! I never knew why people didn’t talk to me/include me. But, now I know that I just need to suck it up, get out of my little box, and join myself into the conversation. Ask questions. Get to know people. It works. 🙂

  85. I try to remember that there are seasons of life and while this may be true of this season the next one will probably hold something different.

  86. […] As part of the celebration leading up to Relevant,  the kind folks at DaySpring have allowed me to choose a free gift to give away from their lovely selections here!  In blog-world this bit is called a giveaway.  We have never done one of those here before!  I am pretty excited.  Learning lots from the ladies over at incourage already. […]

  87. I am stay at home ‘mom’ to our five grandchildren we are raising
    This makes me not really fit with women my age or the other mothers
    of my kids
    So i sometimes feel left out
    I usually spend fun time with the kids
    Or find something to read (my favorite thing to do)
    I am new to this blog reading thing and greatly enjoy reading yours
    God bless you

  88. My “left out” feelings come when I am down heartened. I find myself comparing my life to my friends and their outings or activities become the disappointments in my life. Honestly I do soak them in and review where I went wrong in my life that I can’t have the spontaneity and spirit they have. When I notice this happening I host a Girl Night Out or get together at my house so surround me in their friendship. I also talk to my husband and we reconnect to make us both feel like one again.
    God Bless and thank you for your encouraging blog!

  89. What a powerful reminder Kristen! I was on the side lines (a.k.a. Following on twitter) of Relevant last year and living in a new state but God met me powerfully in my need to connect with women and I am thankful He know best.

  90. wow – I can’t believe that your topic is the “left-out-funk”… I have totally been there lately. I am taking action and making girls nights happen. I’m tired of being out of the loop so I’m making my own loop! I miss my girlfriends!

  91. I fight the left out feelings by telling myself that even if I don’t have a group of women to be in community with I have the Lord and He is the best friend I could ask for.
    Sweet Blessings.

  92. Oh goodness, I remember those feelings well. I don’t get them near as often now that I have a husband and family I would rather be with than anyone else. If they do creep in I try to remember that not all things are intended for ME.

  93. Well, how I fight the left out funk? Keep busy–do something else I really enjoy–ask the Lord to help me be content where I am–or like my sister says? “Suck it up cupcake”
    Thanks for entering me:)

  94. I am going to change my feelings of being left out by praying for those who are going. It will be wonderful and life changing perhaps for some so I can pray they get blessed and have a wonderful time of learning and of refreshment.

  95. I work on my “left out” feelings by going to God. As “trite” as that sounds, I have found how He can work to the root of my feelings and show me the reality… That, and I live with five amazing kids and a great husband…kinda hard to stay down too long 🙂

  96. I have to admit, sometimes I allow myself to slide into the felling left-out funk. I think it’s important to acknowledge that it’s something I’m allowing myself to do. Then I can check myself and choose to do something else. Sometimes it’s watching a favorite old move, sometimes it’s phoning a friend; sometimes it’s cleaning out a junk drawer or a closet I haven’t had time to get to, and delighting in the result. It helps to re-think the left behind feeling and learn to accept it as a gift of time for something else.

  97. I live in rural NE on a farm. My husband works full time in town and part time on the farm. Two of my girls are in school, 7th grade and Kindergarten. My youngest daughter, age 4 1/2, is at home with me. When I get feeling lonely and issolated I remember that staying home full time is CHOICE that I GET to make . . . so many moms don’t get to make the same choice. GOD is sufficient for me and HE provides for my needs. So, when I am lonely or feeling left out, I connect via email or FB or phone with my friends. And, I wait for the bus to roll up in the driveway, when all 3 girls are home, it is anything but quiet around here 🙂

  98. When I am feeling left out, I make a phone call or go visit someone, or sometimes just plow into my housework, because the main thing is to get “me” off my mind.