My number one reason for craving more of God daily is because I suffer from IDD–or what I like to call, Insecure Dysfunctional Disorder.
It all started in high school when I developed severe eczema that took the skin off my face and feet. I thought for sure no one would ever love me.
That’s when my IDD started.
Not ADD or ADHD, but IDD.
It’s amazing how I try to live my life and think everything’s fine on the outside. I intentionally stay busy to keep my anxious thoughts from plaguing me. My hope is that my doubts, flaws, and insecurities will stay away for one more day.
When I was single I would allow my IDD to get out of hand. I’d fixate on all my problems and end up believing it they were literally my fault.
It’s because I’m fat that this guy didn’t like me.
It’s because I’m too loud that this guy didn’t pursue me.
It’s weird to spend the majority of my life being single. The good news is that I learned how to find my significance in God; although there were many times I hoped I wouldn’t be single forever.
Now that I’m married, I’m really not sure what to think! I have a godly man who loves me and finds me attractive, so why do I feel insecure?
In my quiet time this week, God brought to my attention the story of Moses and the burning bush. I want to camp out in Exodus 3 because I believe this is where I (and hopefully you too), will find the cure to IDD.
Side Note: It never ceases to amaze me how I easily point fingers at other people, and yet when God shows up in my life—I freak out.
Moses probably thought he would be tending sheep for the rest of his life. Nope. God showed up and said now is the time.
“I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering” (Exodus 3:7, NIV).
I love that God saw their suffering.
But not right away.
Back in the day, Moses thought he could take care of a slave master. He quickly realized he couldn’t, and I’m sure he had many doubts running through his mind as he fled into the desert for his life. By the time the turning bush comes around, Moses has forgotten all about it. His promise.
Moses said, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt” (Exodus 3:11)?
What happens when God doesn’t show up on our watch? I love that God appears at the time when we’re most likely to rely on His strength. Not ours.
That’s why I know IDD isn’t forever.
It’s not something that needs to be fixed with a pill, crash diets, or a shopping spree.
After reading the story of Moses, I don’t have to suffer from being insecure. I know that God is always keeping a look out. Even though He may not show up when I want him too, and He might even make me wait longer than we expected—He still shows up!
“But when all’s said and done, it is true that it [prayer] needs trouble to drive us to prayer, though every time I feel it is something to be ashamed of” (via Dietrich Bonhoeffer, written while imprisoned by the Nazis).
And that girlfriend is something to feel secure about!
By Renee Johnson Fisher, Devotional Diva