I hoard shampoo.
Well, I did for a few months anyway.
It all started when, after eight years of marriage, my husband Ted and I found ourselves sharing a bathroom for the first time.
How did we go that long with his and hers? It boiled down to multiple bathrooms and young children who cared little about sink or drawer space.
The problem is, though, that not sharing for all those years brought with it mystery. I found myself often wondering, What would it be like to share? Would it bring us closer together?
With relocation, came my opportunity to find out. Little did I know it would lead me into a life of hoarding.
Something happened that my dreamy-eyed, new-bathroom-sharing self didn’t anticipate. I begin to notice that my face wash – the natural scrub that I ration to make last as long as possible – started to disappear more quickly than usual. Was I really consuming that much all of a sudden?
Then it struck me. Ted was using my face wash – without asking!
For me, sharing in marriage didn’t include my favorite face wash – at least not without permission first. I quickly confronted him on the issue. The result? Well, my complaints didn’t gain me much. To this day, he still uses my face wash – just a bit more sparingly.
I admit, I walked away cynical. I started to wonder if anything was sacred in the bathroom. What was next? My toothbrush?
When I found my favorite brand of professional shampoo on sale, I stocked up. And then I … well … hid the bottles under the bathroom sink behind a box. I’d slip my shampoo into the shower when I needed it and then I’d dry it off and hide it again once I was done.
The truth is I was afraid if I shared it, it would be gone quickly and I wouldn’t have the funds to buy more. Plus, Ted didn’t care that much about the type of shampoo he used, did he?
A few weeks into my new habit, I realized that my hoarding reflected something deeper than I cared to admit. After two years characterized by loss — miscarriage, two lay-offs, multiple moves, and a house that refused to sell — there was a part of me that feared God wouldn’t take care of me. This fear had translated into my bathroom habits.
It was then that I was reminded of Psalm 34:8-9 where David wrote:
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!
In my shampoo hoarding, I’d forgotten God’s goodness. I’d failed to remember the ways He’d cared for me through difficulty. Sure, we’d experienced multiple losses in the last couple years, but God had sustained and provided for us time and time again.
We’d received money from strangers.
Friends and acquaintances brought us food.
Family members had cared for our house in our absence.
We’d been given clothes for our kids.
We weren’t once without health insurance.
After each lay-off, it had only been a month or two before Ted found new work.
More times than I could count, we’d been the recipients of “no lack!”
While part of me misses the days of having my own bathroom, I’ve learned to co-exist in one with Ted. And, I no longer hoard shampoo. Instead, it sits, front and center, in our shower just begging him to use it.
Leave a Comment
Marina Bromley says
Delightful!! Thanks for sharing such an important reflection!
Elizabeth says
I’m a shampoo hoarder too… Only mine is out in the open and I refuse to share…I never thought about it this way.
Amy @ themessymiddle says
It’s funny how many, many things I have no problems sharing, but there are a few things that when asked (or NOT asked) to share just about puts me over the edge. And the thing is, it’s not always the things you’d think it would be :). So Romans 7 of me. Sigh!
Renee says
simple yet powerful
Brittnie (A Joy Renewed) says
Great post. Interesting to step back and take a look at how some of our actions/habits reflect something deeper within that needs attention. Unfortunately, it is easy to forget God’s goodness in times of loss, waiting, hurt, frustration, etc. Thank you for sharing your heart.
~VA~ says
Wow, interesting perspective…I think there are a lot of things I kind of hoard, and wasn’t sure why it was such a big deal to me, but now that you said it, it really makes sense to me that it is fear: fear that someday I might not have enough so I better not use up what I have…
Vera says
Really really interesting how various things can be prompts for reflection. Thanks for sharing!
kendal says
i love the transparency and insight in this story. plus, it made me laugh a little! i hide blueberries and nutella.
JD says
Until I gave up all forms of chocolate, Nutella was the one thing I would hide from the kids!! I cracked up when I saw you post this… didn’t think anyone else hid the Nutella!
Christy says
Thanks for this reminder Ashleigh 🙂
Jennifer says
I just learned something new about myself, and I don’t think I like it! 🙂
Ashleigh says
Jennifer, I didn’t like it when I learned it about myself either! I thought, “Really? Can’t it just be about shampoo and nothing else!?!” 🙂
JD says
“Can’t it just be about shampoo and nothing else!?!?” This made me smile — I can relate. Then, I had a mental image of God in your shower using shampoo to teach us a lesson — like, literally in your shower, using your shampoo — how much shampoo would God use? As much as it takes to teach us a lesson, I guess! God does use everything, — whether or not we want to share with him, eh? LOL!
I love this post, the style of post, the lessons, the parallels, the growth, the writing. I love learning things like this about myself, good or bad… it’s all stuff I laugh about later (sometimes much later, LOL)… Thank you for sharing it!
Melissa Brotherton says
Ashleigh, I didn’t know you were posting here! 🙂 What a surprise in my inbox this morning! Isn’t it funny the little things we use to display that fear? Yet God always provides for our needs! Thanks for the great reminder.
Ashleigh says
Melissa, it’s so fun to “see” you here!
Shelly Miller says
What a great story. It reminds me of living in community as missionaries and relying on God for every.single.thing, even shampoo. How it is so easy to hoard when we think it is up to us to have what we need. I see that you are from the Ozarks. I grew up going there in the summer with my grandparents. It has been years since I have been back, but what great memories I hold in my heart of that place. Thanks for sharing your heart here.
Ashleigh says
Shelly, I am! It’s a beautiful area!
Melissa says
Haha. This made me laugh and thankful that I am not alone. I NEVER considered it a heart issue before yet it clearly is. Thank you for sharing because this is something I often struggle with and it does show in the little things.
Betty says
Thank you for this post….a gentle nudge from God to my heart to trust and share the blessings He’s given me because He will always refill those blessings to me when I have needs.
Casey says
Ow…that hurt. Right between the eyes. Thanks for this thought provoking writing.
Lisa says
This post title actually made me laugh this morning because I just had the thought while getting ready today that I am a shampoo hoarder. But, for entirely different reasons.
I had to learn to share. My husband uses my shampoo and he uses a whole lot more than I do. AND his hair is much shorter.
Anyway, just some random thoughts. Thanks for this great blogpost today.
Julie Sunne says
I find it fascinating that some of life’s biggest lessons can come from such simple commodities as shampoo. Powerful connections, Ashleigh! Thanks for the openness to share your weaknesses.
Kim@notconsumed.com says
Thanks for sharing. I, too, have lived some very hard times and NOT ONCE has God left me. I haven’t once gone without what I need for myself or my four children. He is the great sustainer. Worthy to be praised!
amie says
Repeated loss makes us fear more loss, it gets us habitually fearing More! Loved the verse you used, because it becomes a faith issue. Like Israel in the desert, we have to REMEMBER the times we “had no lack”. Great analogy and life lesson. Thanks.
Kaitlin @ Perceptions & Passions says
Hahahaa! I used to hoard Oreos. Or else my husband “who doesn’t like sweets” (ya right!) eats a whole sleave in one sitting. HUMPF.
But, after the Oreos have come out from hiding, we have begun a 3-4X / week ritual of splitting a glass of milk and some Oreos together on the couch after all the hours have been worked, the chores have been done, and the kiddos are asleep.
Even though we argue about what the proper “dipping” / drinking milk procedure is … it’s something I’ve learned to really cherish.
And, I would have totally missed out on this if my Oreos were still hoarded away.
As they teach at my son’s pre-school, “Sharing is Caring!”
Ashleigh says
Kaitlin, I love how you went from hoarding Oreos to creating great memories with your husband.
Jenn says
Wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing your heart and life Ashleigh!! 🙂
Ashleigh says
Thanks, Jenn!
Beth Williams says
Your blog today goes right along with my Bible study “Loving God with All Your Mind”. This week starts off with Romans 8:28–We know that ALL things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Another memory verse for last week was Philippians 4:6,7 DO Not be anxious about tnything but in everything by prayer & supplicaion with Thanksgiving make your requests known to God and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Basically don’t worry about anything–pray about it–God will provide for ALL your needs ALL the time!
Ashleigh says
Great verses, Beth! Thanks for sharing those!
Laura says
My problem is my husband DOES use my toothbrush. And, I have to hide razors – he uses ALL of them and doesn’t tell me. Sometimes you have to do strange things to protect yourself and your stuff.
Ashleigh says
Laura, I’ve discovered that my husband has used mine too. Nothing is sacred! 🙂
Christine says
I think I would draw the line on the toothbrush. It’s a matter of dental hygiene.
Mag says
Oh, Ashleigh, hoarding comes in all shapes & sizes doesn’t it?! LOL!
We appear to be currently ‘hoarding’ houses. At least it feels like that. Not purposely mind you! Due to unforeseen, and sad, extended family circumstances we have more than one home to care for. Nothing like spending all our weekend ‘family free time’ taking care of property/landscaping, etc. But that is how God has directed this season of our lives for now. Not sure of the outcome, but pressing in and pressing on. Knowing that this too shall pass.
We’ve had people say, “Wow, I wish I could be blessed like that!” Which we let graciously pass understanding that they do not know the extenuating circumstances. Circumstances that can be seen by others as ‘blessing’ yet at home they are ‘mixed’ with the loss and grief experiences which we shall no longer bear in Heaven.
In the light of Eternity, the things that seem so important to us in this world will not last. And that. That. That… is what keeps it all in proper perspective.
So, when my darling family eats that ‘expensive ingredient’ I needed for that recipe this week. I remind myself, “Is this important in the light of Eternity?” No, but their eternal souls are important. “Is that {fill in the blank} important in the light of Eternity?” No, but that precious child’s eternal soul is.
When I ask that question, then the shampoo, toothpaste, food, car, whatever, just doesn’t even register on my, “Eternal Richter Scale.”:)
Ashleigh, as you graciously share that shampoo/talent, may God bless you with even more shampoo/talents than you ever thought possible!;)
Ashleigh says
Thanks, Mag!
Danielle says
So great to read you here at (in)courage today, Ash!
Ashleigh says
Thanks, Danielle!
Jessica says
Love it! I can just see you drying off your shampoo bottle and tucking it away into hiding! LOL Thanks for being open with us. I must admit that I use Paul’s shaving cream…legs require more than face! I also must admit that I do hide chocolate from Paul! Haha!!!
Martha says
Not shampoo but money. I HAVE to have a little money stashed away, just in case..I have done this pretty much all of my life. But I also do hoard other things too, hang onto stuff again, just in case..I think losing my mother to cancer at 12 years old then all us siblings being split up into different homes at her death made me terribly insecure. Not only did I lose Mom but my brothers and sister. (Never knew Dad who was a alcholic and left us all). Ive told my husband at age 12 when Mom died I distinctly remember thinking “I have to take care of myself now”. And I did have to in many ways, I was pretty much on my own since I was around 16 years old. Thus the insecurity.
Carolyn says
It seems like the crux of the matter is learning to trust. My husband offered me so very much love and I was not willing or able to accept it. I didn’t trust in him, in his love or in our family. I always thought something was better. I love this post because it reminds me to trust in little ways so that I can learn to trust in bigger ways in the future. Thank you for your honesty and insight.
Teri says
I loved this post, Ashleigh! What a great reminder that all of life comes down to issues of the heart, because they make or break everything. Thank you. ;0)
Tania says
OH thank you for being so insightful and honest. I too, identified with this story. In so many ways, though I always thought I was walking close to the Lord each day, I saw how I needed to take a long look at my level trust with the Lord’s provisions. I now see a needed change in my thinking. Thanks again……and God Bless you…
WRITING | Ashleigh Slater says
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