I almost titled this post, The Day a Bank Broke My Heart … because this story begins with heartache and job loss. Two months ago, one of my bosses asked me if I could spare a few minutes to meet with him. His voice, chipper on the other end of the phone, didn’t hint to the solemness of the occasion. Because of a “strategic change in the direction of the company,” my position was deemed unnecessary.
I was not the only person in the company to lose her job, but at the moment the news was delivered I felt completely alone.
Discarded. Unwanted. Unworthy.
The fact that the decision was strictly a business move provided little solace for my ache. Instead, my mind reeled backward to a moment from my teen years when I was dumped by my high school boyfriend. Even my boss’ good-intentioned words “Angela, we all think the world of you,” reminded me of the clichéd “it’s not you, it’s me,” that often accompanies the ritual of ending a relationship.
I think that what makes breakups of any kind — even the corporate types — especially painful is the act of being let go. I remember that shortly after my 17-year-old heart was broken, a song came on the radio with the lyrics “I’ll never get over you getting over me.” Oh how I sobbed when I heard the song that summed up my sorrow. The pain of the arrow that pierced deep and severed the relationship didn’t hurt as much as the poison of rejection in which the arrow was dipped. If not treated, that poison can permeate and destroy.
What also hurt near intolerable about being let go was that I didn’t want to let go. I enjoyed my job. I adored my teammates. I saw a season of opportunity on the horizon. I wasn’t on board with being cast off. I simply wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Yet ready or not, the word goodbye eventually escaped my dry throat.
Honestly, two-months later, my heart still aches … even though I’ve moved on. And though I didn’t find any comfort from my former employer, I am daily reminded of the love that surrounds me.
There are many to whom I tightly cling … a community of loving friends who have comforted me with loving prayers, encouraging cards, listening ears … and … chocolate. I also find respite in my Savior … in a God who created me for so much more than a job at a bank … for so much more than this tattered, battered world.
“For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.” – 2nd Corinthians 1:5 (NASB)
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This reaches my heart on such a deep level right now. My husband seems as though he is walking away from his Faith in Christ and says he wants to end our marriage… that he doesn’t love me “like that” anymore. I don’t want to let go… It hurts so much.
Don’t let go Alicia! Fight for your marriage as hard as you can….counseling, prayer…my prayers are with you.
Thank you for your words and your prayers, Sara. I won’t quit fighting.
Alicia,
I am in the same boat. Satan is the master deceiver but uses the same lies over and over. He is not original and his power is less than that of the weakest believer in Christ. We can stand firm together knowing we aren’t alone. Christ cries with us, intercedes for us, and wants healing for us and our husbands. May you feel the presence of God comforting you and remember that you are the daughter of a King! Be obedient to Him and you will be redeemed. Praying for you and your marriage!
Melanie,
I spent time in prayer for you and I this morning. Praying that as we stand together – 2 strangers who love the Lord – that He will hear the cry of our busted hearts and redeem our husbands and our marriages. Praying that He will be the hound of Heaven and chase down our husbands until their hearts are back where the Lord wants them. Praying for a true miracle…
Sweet Alicia and Melanie — Please know that I am praying for you both this morning … praying for your tender hearts … for your marriages … for the hearts of your husbands. Jobs and high school boyfriends come and go, but by God’s design, marriage is for keeps. To be in a situation where your spouse is letting go would be excruciating and my heart breaks for you. I do know from God’s word and from real life examples (many from my sisters here at (in)Courage) that there is hope … please don’t let go.
Thank you Angela. The saving of my marriage is going to have to be a God thing. I’ve done all I can and the only thing left is to pray and lean on the Lord.
Do not give up prayer & fasting & seeking God’s voice so He can give you the answer u need
Do not give up prayer & fasting & seeking God’s voice so He can give you the answer u need.
I am praying right now, sisters, so fervently…. Trust Him!
I feel like I just read one of my own blog posts from about 1 1/2 years ago. (eph 3:20-21)Job transfer from FL to GA, job goes sour, I find two new jobs, neither can start me for a month, (deut 29:29)I move back to FL, my best friend dies, my pastor of 14 years moves away, minimum wage job, lived back at home with parents, fell into bad relationships, lost myself, grieved the changes then…, found a new job-better job, got back involved in my church, got engaged, Graduated from college…and life is just at a stand still.
God’s Word led me through it all. So many verses but specifically Isaiah 61.
Keep on. The faith storm can be scary and wild, but it’s worth it. He has this and all of it 🙂
Like others, I can relate to parts of your story on a very personal level. The last three years at my job have been hard and a few months ago I was told I wasn’t given a position because I’m not loyal like others (meaning loyal personally to the boss). I has been a long and hard path but a few months ago things began to change. I shared about it in “God is whispering to you.” http://wp.me/p1Ut5W-7u
Peace, sister. Peace.
I am sorry to hear about this Angela. I truly understand how you feel.
Just know that God is testing and preparing you for His extraordinary purpose…
http://charinabrooks.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/god-tested-endurance/
Such a touching story…as people of GOD we need to read or hear that every story isn’t wonderful or has a happy ending…far to many times we always hear about the happy but GOD can walk us through the unhappy also.
We all have that intrinsic need to matter, and when we are let go, the sucker punch strikes at that very tender point: “What? You don’t want me? What about all those other people who are still here? You’re telling me they are more important than me?!”
Double ouchy. 🙁
That being said, when we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and take a fresh look, perhaps we can see opportunity where we weren’t even looking before. So many of us stay in unfulfilling jobs because it is easier than starting over, and this is certainly one way God gets our full attention and helps see that path we have missed.
My prayers to you and everyone who is in the midst of these difficult times. I, too, went through it a while back, only to land in a job in which I became miserably unhappy. It was that great pain that finally moved me to discover how God had gifted me.
There is hope. We just have to be open to the path and be willing to listen to and follow how God is leading us.
Angela…you are writing my story! On January 19th of this year the bank I worked for, for 13 years, decided to “outsource” my position. I wasn’t even allowed to go and say goodbye to all of the friends that were like family to me….I was really hurt. And although I was told multiple times that it had NOTHING to do with my performance and strictly a business decision…it hurt and I felt worthless.
But God provides and I got a new job, one that I really love, with wonderful, family friendly people. And although it hurt to lose the corporate pay and benefits, the friends I had….I feel like now I am where I am supposed to be….and that feels good. God does take care of us and He reminded me that my purpose and value was not placed in a “bank” or a “job”…but in Him!
Praying that He continues to meet you where you are now!!
Kristin,
You are right, our stories are so similar. My position was also outsourced and was not at all related to my performance … and I got that, but yeah, it hurt. I am so happy to hear that you have found another job that you enjoy and feel peace about the situation. It is so true that our value is not in what we do but to whom we belong!
Blessings,
Angela
A year ago I was told I wasn’t going to have my teaching contract renewed after three years of teaching where I loved the school, the kids and the other teachers. It was very hard, especially having to finish out the school year. However, this past year has been a blessing…even with no job and only one interview. I call it my “Reflective Year”. God has really been working on me, my attitudes, my life. I trust I will teach again…I’m still learning patience…but it will be in His time. Nothing is wasted while waiting on God. 😀
Cheryl … I love what you just wrote. So true … NOTHING is wasted while waiting on God. Love that!
This is beautifully put. My husband and I had to leave our church just a few months ago. I was the church secretary for a year, and I was “let go” because even though I couldn’t afford to, my heart was to be a stay at home mom. Apparently that disqualified me from the job…and only forced me to look for another lower paying job that wasn’t as good. To add insult to injury, within a week of my job loss, we were asked to leave the worship team, which is our calling. We waited a year trying to resolve our issues to find no resolution before leaving. We were finally able to face all of the hurt and issues after we left. Heartbroken, we walked away, and have had no offer of resolution from people who were our leaders and our friends. God is working in us, and we will be whole again, but it is a long painful process, which is made harder by little support. Thankfully we have close family who has loved us and helped to guide us and listen to our aching, and sometimes angry conversations. God is lifting the fog, and we are starting to see ourselves change and see those who hurt us in the light of God’s love. But it is a slow process.
Oh Jenny, I am so sorry for your hurt. Sometimes the hurt goes deeper when the one with the arrow is a fellow Christ-follower. Prayer that God shows you new mercies through this heartache.
Oh Jenny, I have had a similar experience in church last year, where I lost my job and the painwas unbearable. I was very broken because I loved my work. As with others who have written here, “it had nothing to do with my work… “. Finally I had to leave, no resolution was possible. But I have now found a lot of healing, through depending on God and walking closely and transparently with Him. He has led me to some beautiful supportive people in another church and my family have been supportive. The essence is to share it all with God including your pain, and listen for HIs comfort and leading. I now know He will bring something good out of it… before I was in complete despair. I pray you both will experience a greater depth of God’s love for you, as I did.
I’m so thankful for your friends who are beside you.
[…] you’d like to read deeper thoughts about this experience, I have a post at (in) Courage today that shares about being let go when you’re not ready to say goodbye. Share […]
Timely article. My home health boss and I have communicated by e-mail for a while. I e-mailed her Thursday that my availability would be less as my Granny just started hospice. Instead of the “oh so sorry to hear, I’ll be praying for you” response I somehow expected, I read Friday that she could tell my family would be needing me more so call her to set up a time to return my bag, keys, computer… to work. Really? I’m not ready to tell Granny goodbye, but that job goodbye was a shock.
Oh Jennifer … how painful for you. I am so sorry that your request was not returned with compassion. Praying for beauty to rise from these ashes and that you have beautiful final days with your granny.
Oh goodness! Hoping you find a job real soon. But so glad you are finding comfort in the Savior. Sometimes it is in the deepest adversity that we can feel the closest to the Lord. Personally, I’d like to skip the adversity and just feel close to the Lord, which is possible, too.
Thank you, Lisa! I have found another job … it’s going very well.
Angela, as an adult adoptee who survived being conceived on Memorial Day, almost aborted on Columbus Day and placed for adoption on Valentine’s Day, I can truly relate to your article today…I have shared my story on my blog…
http://bethwillismiller.blogspot.com/2009/10/conceived-on-memorial-day-almost.html
Fellow adoptee Marcy Wineman Axness expresses so well our adoptee feelings, “Betrayal curls through my soul like a sunken steel mesh that buttresses skyscrapers. I can’t quite see it, but it’s what I’m built on. It wrinkles my life, and bristles in me in inappropriate ways. All future betrayals found an anchor in that first foundational trauma, and reverberated off the walls of the gaping wound in my soul. What took its place was the stand-in-for-me, the one which would conform and smile and not hurt, who would fit in nicely with the life my adoptive parents constructed for me. And thus, the betrayal continued—my needs were always obscured by their own—but I didn’t feel it any more, consciously. I didn’t feel much at all. Except that, paradoxically, I felt betrayal everywhere, projected it onto well-meaning but forgetful friends, or bosses just doing their jobs, or lovers simply being human.”
Poignant. Thank you for sharing. And what a beautiful testimony you have!
Such a great post on the way our original wounds still lie to us. I love these lines:
“The pain of the arrow that pierced deep and severed the relationship didn’t hurt as much as the poison of rejection in which the arrow was dipped. If not treated, that poison can permeate and destroy.”
So wise. “You will always be rejected” was my main lie as well and has taken a crazy amount of prayer and scripture and inner healing prayer to dislodge.
Thanks so much for the vulnerability your post, Angela. Beautiful.
Thank you, Summer. It is so freeing to know that even though rejection is a part of this world, we will never be rejected by the One who matters most.
i. can. relate. this past monday i had that same conversation with my boss at a company i’ve been with for 6 1/2 years. i felt shocked and like the rug had been ripped right out from under me. as i was driving out of the parking lot, through my tears i told God, “i know You’re faithful.” i know He’ll make a way through this – even though i’m not sure what that is but i choose to believe. and it helps when you can talk to those who have been there too 🙂
Oh Amber … I am so sad to hear about your job loss. Tonight, I have carved out some time to pray for all who have responded to this post with heartache situations, I will certainly pray for you as well. You are right … He will make a way through this and bring you to a beautiful place, but I am still sending a hug to your heart right now!
Amber,
Jeremiah 29:11 is my life verse: “for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord”. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you to give you a hope and a future”. I know He will make a way for you. He may have bigger/better plans for you than you could ever imagine.
Right now I would love to have a different job in a different situation–oh the co-workers are nice, but my job has such changed that I no longer do anything that I was trained to do in college ( 2 yr degree). Just praying daily and thanking Him for His many many blessings!
Thank you for the honesty in this post…
Rejection just hurts…intentional or not, it hurts…
I especially like that you mentioned this:
**the clichéd “it’s not you, it’s me,” that often accompanies the ritual of ending a relationship**
I heard this from both my husband and my closest friend almost simultaneously…a double dose of rejection that completely overwhelms…
It’s not cliche simply because it’s overused, but because the real message is: “It’s not you that I’m choosing”…and then we are left in the pain pit of being ‘unchosen’…unimportant…unwanted…
Oh dear one … please, please know that you are not alone. Know that you are loved and wanted … chosen and important. Know that you matter and are made for more than this ache. Praying for you, sweet sister.
Your story is my story 4 years ago, and I have not found my way through that valley to the other side in all these years. I put my worth in my career and not in my Lord…..and I am fighting hard to get back to Him.
Dear Savanasu – I am so sorry for your loss. And I understand how easy it is to place your value in your career. I have been guilty of the same. I am praying that you will embrace His peace and the truth of your undeniable worth. I pray that joy will be yours for the embracing.
Loved this post…..boy can I relate. I was had to say goodbye to a business that I loved. Although I didn’t want to say goodbye, it was inevitable. Months later, it stung just like it had just happened. Just like you a community of friends and of course the Lord helped me! Things are much better now but breaking up truly IS hard to do! So glad God can handle anything!
You are are so right … God can handle it all and through Him we can overcome all. I am so glad that you are on to brighter days.
So there with you and the others in this position. End of January/beginning of February I found out my position was eliminated, and after 3 1/2 years, I’d have to make my way on my own, forsaking some of my colleagues that I hold dear (one of my bosses being one of those). But we’re not alone. In such times, support comes from places you never expected it to. People you didn’t think thought of you suddenly ask about you (at least for me). And after two months, it DOES still ache, even though we’ve moved on. It is truly a loss. God is there. I never believed that until this happened, and even though I’m in a temp position until June 1st, and may be unemployed again after that, I know he’ll take care of me. Somehow, I know, even when everything I see in the media would indicate otherwise.
He is with you too. By sharing your story, you are supporting others.
Dear Shelly — I am so glad that my story brought you some comfort. And I am glad that you have seen and felt God through your unfortunate situation. He will continue to lead you through this. Praying for you. Angela
My husband was let go about two months ago also, so this post is very timely for us. It is so hard, the rejection feels so personal. Thanks for sharing this with us, I pray God guides you to something new and better.
Emily, I am so sorry for your husband’s loss. I pray that God leads your family to a beautiful outcome soon.
Wow..this wasn’t what I expected to read, however, it hit a cord. 2 1/2 yrs ago I was let go of a job that I held for over 18 yrs. I have to say, that even tho my boss was not a nice man, and I am blessed to be out of there for many reasons, it STILL hurts today. The rejection after being devoted for so many years was like no big deal to him. wow. I have moved on, however, making a quarter of what I was before which doesn’t exactly put a girl back to feeling of much value. But, God has a plan. I believe that. It may not be what I would choose, and the dark days may turn into years to fashion me into the woman he wants me to be. So, I trust Him, and cry out to Him in times of confusion and need. I am closer to Him….maybe that is all He wanted, and I was too self sufficient? Growing. He loves you…and me, and that is what really matters in the end, He desires GOOD things for us! 🙂
Barney — He does indeed dire good things for us … and sometimes His definition of good varies from mine … but I have learned that His ways are always correct and always bring beauty. Praying for you as you continue to heal.
Wow! Hello Angela – am I glad to have found you out here in cyber space land!
I just looked at your website and God has blessed you in your writing. I look forward to following your site.
Through all the trials be encouraged you are a vessel to help others through there trials too.
I have learnt through some terrible trials this year that looking to Christ and His sufferings is the key. He saw the glory that was before Him – us with Him in Heaven and was able to die for us. How precious and what an absolute glorious example to us.
These are the precious gems I have held onto and have got me through some hard hard days lately:
John 12:23-28, Hebrews 12, 1 Peter 1:6-7, Romans 5:3-4, Hebrews 2:17-18, 1 Peter 5:8-9
Keep shining for Him. xx
Thanks so much for writing this article. I had a similar experience to many of these gals on 6 January of this year. I left a dream. It was a choice, but not really. I was fighting to stay in a part-time position traveling from 400 miles away. I couldn’t give more than I was giving, yet more was demanded. It was time to let go. I have so much pain understanding why I was ever there, why I put so much into that career, where to go from here. When in a place that’s impossible to match, what can be better–there’s is no better; I had been given a rare opportunity to work in an environment that will likely not come down my path in life again. It’s very painful to let go of dreams. I’ve been all over the place since then, and the only awareness I have today is that God is constant even though life isn’t–more importantly, His love covers my complete lack of self worth–given that job was (past tense) ‘me.’ Thank you.
Losing a precious friend….kept hoping for a miracle but wasn’t meant to be
Rejection, betrayal are the two greatest fears women have. And you have had to deal with both. So many women can identify with you, including me (Let’s have coffee one day and I’ll spill the beans) But this didn’t sneak up on God; He has a plan for your future – I am living proof.
Even through the tears and disappointment, we may not understand what God has planned. I was laid off from a job that I truly liked in California. I was unemployed for 2 years and not a day went by that I wasn’t applying or seeking God’s direction. His answer came in a place least expected. He led both my daughter and I to visit Oregon. (Visit, not live) Two weeks after visiting, we were packing only the things that fit into both of our cars. I couldn’t explain it then, but I know now, why there was a peace in the gutsy move that we made. I found a two months after moving here. Last year, I met and married the most wonderful man! I know I would’ve have had the joy of starting over unless God had given me courage and peace to start over again. To all of you who are experiencing unemployment, know that there is plan laid out for you…just hold on, be still and wait for His voice.
It is a hard thing to be terminated from a job that you love and put your best into. This has happened to me. The school where I worked had to downsize and I was a victim of the RIF. I honestly felt that I should not have been. God had other plans for me. In the years ahead my life had other jobs that were much more rewarding. I worked for my husband and was where I needed to be when my father became terminally ill. I was also available when my daughter lost her husband and her children were babies. I am not saying there are more hard times ahead, I am simply saying, Trust in God for He knows about the days ahead. He knows the BIG picture and puts us just where we need to be. God bless you.
[…] a comment I read on a blog post over at (in)Courage. And it fell into place for me […]