About the Author

Annie F. Downs is a bestselling author and nationally known speaker based in Nashville, Tennessee. Her most recent books include 100 Days to Brave, Looking for Lovely and Let’s All Be Brave. Read more at anniefdowns.com and follow her at @anniefdowns.

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  1. Annie, I applaud your courageous honesty! The sad truth is, life takes a lot longer to work itself out than a movie plot line does. Having walked a journey of infertility for 4+ years…..I understand (kind of). Recently I chose an action movie, thinking it would be a safe choice, and 10 minutes in, the lead character gets pregnant. Good grief! And of course, she has no complications, no miscarriages, etc etc. Anyway – I honestly believe our hearts are able to move on more quickly and more healthily from our hopeless moments, when we honestly live them out. Thank you for modelling this so well. Continuing to pray that strength and courage would fill you to bursting. Love Kate xx

  2. Annie,
    Thank you for the great post. I have been there myself with those feelings. Chick flicks don’t help either. Im so thankful for your blog. We need more people writing about singleness in the Christian community.

    Thanks!

  3. Annie,

    God is using your singleness for purpose. Keep trusting Him. Seeing the lack of truth in story is a gift and choosing to only spend your time on that which is real and true is worship.

    Rich blessings as He leads you closer to His heart.

    Amy

  4. “I’m at that place in my singleness where it all feels impossible- not hopeless, not doubtful, just not logical.”

    So true. You and I are in the same boat there. Mine is coupled with job uncertainty, in a rural location with few prospects, yet something is keeping me here. Mainly family and not knowing what I want to do with life. And being single all the while is so frustrating. It angers me, makes me weep. So difficult to trust yet we know that is what we should do.

    We look at the way the world is going and, at least for me, it terrifies me because there is no one there to take care of us. God, yes, but here on earth? It’s a very difficult position, even in these days where singledom is more common. For women in other countries it is growing – in this country, I suspect the desire for marriage among single women is still quite high.

    I was just talking with my aunt about this. Most of the time we’re fine, but there are just times when you feel it acutely. Don’t fight them. I would argue that it’s natural.

    • Shelly, thanks for being honest.
      Annie, thanks for being real.

      @Shelly…you have no idea how much I felt like you were writing my thoughts…except, I live in a big city with lots of “options” and yet – NOTHING.

      I try to be obedient (although I am not perfect)…and perhaps unlike you – I do feel hopeless. Maybe I’m not thinking about that word correctly, but it feels like it would be impossible for me to get married and like it will simply never happen.

      “I’m at that place in my singleness where it all feels impossible- not hopeless, not doubtful, just not logical.”

      I feel bad for feeling so “desperate” to be married but it’s always been on my heart – what I wanted to do…get married and have a family. I studied hard, went to school (even grad school), traveled, worked tons in my 20’s…focused on other things and …I’m still 30+ and single.

      I am not sure whether meeting nice guys and feeling like…yes, you’re Christian, nice, of seemingly good character and attractive to me…maybe we have a candidate…and then it blows up…makes things better or worse b/c I feel like, not only are there options, but when the few who meet the outline (I don’t have a checklist) that I previously mentioned…they “don’t choose me”.

      It hurts and I am tired and I feel like God is punishing me and that I will be single forever.

      Today, this week, this month, this year…I’m just not in a position to embrace it any longer. I even feel bad to writing such a message but I am just frustrated and clearly not filled with the grace and belief of others.

      Comments welcome…

  5. Oh, Annie. I have been there. I have even yelled at the screen (thankfully in the privacy of my own home), because the movies just don’t tell the truth. Even when you do “find the guy”, expectations can still be rough. My fiancé and I have been engaged for five months now, but I have had a crippling back injury for four of those. I have surgery this morning to hopefully heal the problem and allow me to hopefully walk down the aisle. Our wedding is in a little over five weeks. Although I have felt Gods presence throughout this injury, I have had more trouble with anger than I anticipated. I watched these wedding shows or movies where their biggest problem is buying a dresss the cost of my medical bills. I roll my eyes. My reality is just so different. I tried to deny it for a while, but I have just had to own it. Life is blessed, but it’s also hard.

  6. Annie, I don’t know that I have ever heard it better said than, “In a movie, this is right when the plot twists and a knight comes riding in. In real life, this is right when I do another load of laundry and pay the bills and I keep living… but nothing changes.” I think what frustrates me the post is that this is the season that doesn’t seem to end. I thought seasons were suppose to change. Thanks, and keep ’em comin’!

  7. I know how you’re feeling. If you knew my entire story, you would likely say, “You have every right to feel jaded about men.” And the truth is that a lot of times I do feel jaded. as single women, we know the struggle all to well and we try so hard to keep it from changing us and from making us cynical and it’s hard. But that’s why we write to each other like this, to help each other out.

  8. So with you on it feeling illogical but not hopeless. I said to a friend the other day (without pretense), “if a guy were to show up now it would seriously mess with my goals/plans.” And she replied, “you know what that means!” And I just shrugged it off and thought, “only if my life were a movie.” I’m not cynical, I’m not hopeless. I’m just old enough to know the plot of my life could very well be absent a climatic knight in shining armor. If he shows up, awesome! If not, the Author of my life writes more than love stories.

  9. Thank you for being brave and honest about what you are experiencing in this season in your life. I too, am single and often have those same questions as you mentioned. It was very comforting to hear that I am not alone in my thoughts and questions.

  10. annie, thank you for your honesty. i was single until i was 47 and to this day still hate movies. there was no where to turn except to God for the reality check that life isn’t always tied up neatly with a pretty package topped by a bow in two hours.

    your vulnerability will give others the courage to be real about how hard it can be to be single and live into the joys that singleness allows.

    47 seemed like forever, but it was worth the wait and i am grateful now that God called me to a long season of fallow time.

    blessings,
    j+

    • Oh J+ that’s wonderful to hear!!
      I’m approaching 42, and vacillate between hope and despair. Good to know it could still happen.

      and Annie put it so succinctly with this: “I’m at that place in my singleness where it all feels impossible- not hopeless, not doubtful, just not logical.”

      Yes. Just where is he going to come from? I feel like I’ve dated every available man in Denver. I just went to Catholic Speed-dating and if those are the available Catholic men, then I’ll be single. Single single single!!!

  11. Annie you hit it right on the nail. Remembering that is cyclical is so important. I go through this even though I know God is in charge of writing my love story. Hang in there, because I go through this even though I have a boyfriend! Sending a big hug!

  12. I feel exactly the same today.just thank you for saying this.I needed to hear I wasn’t the only one where nothing changes, no matter what you do!

  13. I’ve been married for 6 years, and I feel the exact same way about romantic comedies! I would generally call them anything from “poison” to “emotional porn”. They put ridiculous expectations on relationships and on men and women. I know that the movies weren’t your main point here, that the pain of singleness was, but I’m so glad to hear someone speaking out about them.
    I look at my friends who are getting older, who are single, and I am so angry and frustrated that no man has seen their worth yet (or perhaps they’ve seen it and deemed themselves unworthy). But I know that those friends look at me, married to a handsome guy with kids, and see only the dreamy, romantic parts, not the ugly, most-painful-thing-I’ve-ever-done parts. Marriage is really hard, and rom coms lie!
    Rant over.

  14. Annie, Thank you so much for sharing so honestly. I was just telling another single friend…I just don’t get it and it isn’t fair. But you are courageously walking out your journey ministering to so many women. That’s a “plot” worth developing! Blessings to you!

  15. Yes, I’m with you Annie!! What once was easily enjoyed and not such a slap in the face to current life now seems just too heavy and not enjoyable at all. I find I need to guard my heart with what I watch or read more than ever to avoid bitterness, anger, sadness. Thank you for writing this:
    I’m at that place in my singleness where it all feels impossible- not hopeless, not doubtful, just not logical. Where is this man going to come from? Is it going to be worth the sacrifices I’m making now? What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? How in the world is this going to work out?
    My feelings and thoughts too. Keep pressing on with your honesty and beautiful gift of writing.

  16. I hear ya! While I still love my fav romantic comedies, I just can’t quite bring myself to go see any in the theaters these days. Give me a comic book action movie any day!

  17. Praise God from the Mountaintops for his truth!!!!! Im so glad someone else feels the same way. Thank you for your honesty… :);)

  18. Annie-your post doesn’t sound juvenile or petty. Just real. The truth is, if you’ve been single for any period of time, the feelings you’ve articulated surface. Thank you for your honesty. On those days, we must focus on what we know to be true, and not what we feel. We must also surrender those feelings to God. Oh, and watch the Godfather…or Boondock Saints…or the Departed. Way more satisfying in these times than any rom com (and better writing too).

  19. I think this is community (or at least, the kind of community I find myself increasingly seeking out) – to be able to share “Hey, these are the mucky feelings inside me right now,” and then to let others validate you (“Yes, that muck sucks and I am so sorry”) and vindicate you (“But here is what I know to be true, though feelings try to argue otherwise: You are very much NOT forsaken.”)

    I hear ya, sister.

  20. Wow and thank you!!! You just put my feelings into words. I know God has a plan and a purpose but sometimes the feeling of when creps up. When will it be my time? When will Mr. Right appear? When, When, When. I have sat through the movies, weddings and baby showers when my heart was breaking to pieces. I am learning in my 40’s that there is no need to hide from my emotions. God already knows I have them and what I am thinking so I openly acknowledge them and then try to move on. I move on in hope and pray that God will continue to give me the grace to accept this period of waiting.

  21. “I’m at that place in my singleness where it all feels impossible- not hopeless, not doubtful, just not logical.” -YES YES YES! A thousand times YES.

    This is exactly how I feel too. Your honesty is SO encouraging Annie. I think this is my favorite “single girl” post of yours that I’ve read.

  22. What a beautiful ,honest and authentic post Annie….I know exactly what you mean!

  23. Amen! Married or single, childless or quiver full, life is hard, and isn’t resolved in 60 minutes…60 days… Or sometimes 60 YEARS!

    Thanks for your open, honest, post! I will refer you to many!!

    Grace & peace!

  24. Annie, I love this…. and I’ve been married for nearly 13 years. Sometimes I roll my eyes at the romances, because they aren’t true. My husband accuses me of living a “fairy-tale”, or trying, at least… and my Prince Charming often doesn’t live up to expectations. Entertainment stops being fun when we see the reality hitting us in the forehead. Thank you for putting words to those feelings!

  25. hmm. thanks for your honesty.
    I am at a place where I feel very feminine, very in touch with my desire of enjoying a great guy but at the same time, I am in a place where I’ve wanted to be for a long time – a place to really search whole heartedly with God and leave for a season that desire with him; i am daily tempted to talk about the one but this year and spring and into summer I feel God’s invitation to really get to know him as first love; husband of my soul; its a treat that my heart yet kind of wierd because in the midst of it he has not taken away my desire to meet that special someone or even the very real awareness that I am woman and there are men around (not saying i’ve been asked out on a date lately , but I am starting to feel very aware of being beautiful and attractive and knowing what i like, yet I am not feeling like that is thing I am called to focus on right now) it is not as easy because this world is all about hook ups – even in the church world; if your single, people want to talk about being married (even myself!). God is calling me to be Me. Here. With Him. May in a few months I will be able to be Me. With him. AND around a really fine Godly man. who’s AVAILABLE. who’s interested in me. whom i’m interested in too…:)
    Thank you for the verse – that is definetly a jewel to hold on too. God bless you!!!
    love, Angie

  26. Thank you for this! I’ve been struggling to put into words how I feel about my season of singleness right now and you hit the nail right on the head: ““I’m at that place in my singleness where it all feels impossible- not hopeless, not doubtful, just not logical.”

    But I know God’s plans and story for me are better than any that I (or any rom com) can think of! He has shown his faithfulness in the past, and I know He will do it in my future 🙂

    “Lord, I pray that You be the joy that fills my heart today.”

  27. I think romantic love is an idol perpetrated by the flesh, the world, and the church. Where did we ever get the idea that God put us on this earth to find romance? Romance is an experience of the flesh, nothing more. Jesus is our true soul-mate and life on earth is all about Him. We are here to worship Him and romance is certainly unnecessary for that. Why would God give us the desire for romantic love only to leave us unfulfilled? That’s it – He wouldn’t. We are to find fulfillment in Him, not in a fellow human being who can never truly satisfy. Romantic love is an idol that must be relinquished. Marriage is good, but a good marriage is all about loving and serving another, not them loving or serving you.

  28. Thank you, again, for sharing. I’ve put aside the romantic comedies and too-simple to be real love stories for now, perhaps not forever. But life is so much more complicated and it doesn’t do me well to escape into fantasy when there is so much reality to lived.

    It’s so great to hear from others!

  29. Thank you for this! I feel the same way. I was a single mother for 17 years, and basically, divorced for that long – even though it wasn’t final until much later! He walked out and wanted to live his own live, but didn’t want a divorce.

    I have struggles trusting and feeling worthy of having a man in my life due to that history. I believe God wants me just where I am right now – I just need to pay a bit closer attention – I’m unemployed and trying to find the path he has paved for me. Maybe I’m looking too hard! If I could just live in my church where I feel so very peaceful when I am there! 🙂 Being the age I am, I know I am enjoying my “alone” time for the very first time in years! I also know he gave me my beautiful Grandchildren to see and feel joy again! I’m more at peace the last few days….with some anxiety interviewing for jobs etc.; I just have to work harder at trusting in God and what he has planned for me even if I don’t know it! Which is where MY weakness is – I’m used to taking control and handling everything myself for over 17 years – now I have finally realized God is in control and I have to listen and wait. Hard habit to change! 🙂

    You gave me many things to think about! Thank you so very much for these writings!

  30. Annie,

    Thank you for being so open & honest. We Christians do need more people talking about singleness. All you hear about is HS & college graduation, career,marriage & family. Don’t get me wrong I am not against family. I just know what it’s like to be single for a long time (was 39 hitting 40) before marriage. Holidays can be the worst time of all.

    Churches need to have some sort of a single’s group to cater to that part of the community and to give those people a community to be a part of. They could do somethings together–talk, share stories, just have fun & enjoy life while single.

  31. I too am single and I very rarely watch a movie or read fiction. Anything I do watch or read must be inspired by GOD and centered on Him as this is how I want to live and the fruit of what I ingest will be. I haven’t dated in four years but I know He has one who is perfect for me and He will cause it to be in His time. For now, I am thoroughly waiting with my DVD set like a flint. I am getting to know what it means to be HIS and only HIS. Amazing freedom. I agree honesty with emotions is so important. Too many times we are afraid to feel things and we should on ourselves rather than puttin our trust in Him and talking it out with Him. Thank you for your honesty my sister.

  32. Your post was not lame in any way. It was very much authentic. I’m not a fan of chick flicks. I find them boring. I’d rather go to an adventure and action one or a mystery. My granddaughter and I went to see Battleship. I loved it. In the meantime, focus on Christ as your First Love. Sometimes we see another person as the best thing since sliced bread but God might be shaking His head “NO” for a good reason. Let it go and trust our Dad. If you see someone that interests you, do as any daughter would do with her human father: bring the prospect to our Heavenly Dad to meet (talk about the man with God in prayer) and evaluate and see if the prospective boyfriend passes with God. If He shakes His head NO, move on.

  33. Thank you for your honesty in this post. I am not “single,” but I am not married either. And I go through phases (more often than not) where it just eats away at me. I can’t watch movies without eye rolls, I can’t hear another engagement announcement or birth announcement without hiding in the bathroom, and somehow all Nicholas Sparks books have become annoying instead of a hopeful belief that marriage will one day come my way.

    Unfortunately, I completely relate to this, sister. Hang in there.

  34. Words straight to my heart. Thanks for your honesty. It’s so encouraging to read words from someone who is feeling the same emotions I am yet has her feet planted firmly on the foundation of God. Thanks for sharing truth and light in the single world, Dear Annie.

  35. As a single mother about to hit 30, I am so with you. “The one” has eluded me and after spending my twenties with all the Mr. Right Nows of the world, I sometimes feel as though I don’t deserve a husband. I made such a mockery of God and of marriage and of purity. BUT GOD says there is grace for me. As I never wanted to be married or have children prior to being saved, I believe that God has placed the desire to be a wife in my heart because He is going to be faithful to fulfill that promise. I’m spending so much time wrapped up in my relationship with God that I’ve told Him He will have to smack me on the face with the man of my dreams. And I believe Him for that. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel icky (a lot) lately, or that I don’t cry myself to sleep. It just means that I’m using this time of waiting to find out who God really is. And I’m falling deeper and deeper in love with Someone who really loves me. Finally.

    • Me too 🙂 I love how you “I believe that God has placed the desire to be a wife in my heart because He is going to be faithful to fulfill that promise.” Inspiring words<3

    • This could be a line or more out of my own personal story. I only pray that what is being laid on my heart at the moment means great plans in store.

    • As a single mother in my mid 30’s I sometimes feel as if I dont deserve a husband as well. I feel like because I didnt wait, Im not worthy. But thats just not true. God loves me and you too. So there with you. Thank you for speaking that truth. Now I dont feel so “icky”. 🙂

  36. Annie
    I doubt you can find a woman (married forever or single) that would paint this as lame OR YOU for that matter!
    These jaded (your words) feelings are completely natural and every single one of us reading understand exactly where you are coming from! How can it not be discouraging when your dreams/heart have something in mind for your life and nothing seems to be happening to make it all come true?

    Years ago, my hubby and I were discussing the behavior of our middle daughter. She had been having a rotten attitude and misbehaving (both things not normally in her nature). My husband said some words that stuck with me….
    He said, “Why wouldn’t she be feeling crummy? Life has a way of letting us down. She’s old enough to see life and it’s experiences for what they really are–people let us down, friendships/relationships fail, disappointments come, painful experiences …all of this affects each of us!” When we’re young, we’re naive to all the “stuff” that life can throw at us [same with being a young adult]. When we face moments that let us down, it changes us. Often it even causes us to be more guarded or careful of allowing it to happen again. So we become cynical or jaded to any “good” stuff happening.

    It is normal. Don’t beat yourself up! I’m reading the BEST book right now by Tammy Maltby (I LOVE HER) called The God Who Sees You. Tammy writes some hard stuff when she shares about how easily we fall into thinking we are all alone with our issues!
    Not so, thanks to El Roi! The God WHO REALLY SEES!!
    It’s on sale right now for $2.99 at Amazon. It’s a must read!

    http://www.amazon.com/The-God-Who-Sees-You/dp/143476799X

    PS-I’m glad you don’t base your reality on movies either! Life isn’t like that at all and aren’t you thankful?

  37. Annie,
    I can completely understand and commiserate where you are coming from. I feel the same way a lot of times about my own life. I do not think that you are being immature. Anthony Evans was performing in our church this last weekend and he said that our emotions are all over the place and we just need to take some time and let Jesus talk to us. It is hard to focus when we are upset. I am not a patient person and I can get very frustrated very easily. I have to force myself to take some deep breaths and step away a little and God will give me an answer, not always what I think I might want, but he will answer

  38. Oh, I cannot STAND romance movies right now. Watching one of those is a little bit like being punched in the stomach for me right now. Blessings to you, Annie. God is still on His throne, working it all out for our good and His glory.

  39. Beautifully said. Words from my heart as well. Sometimes it feels that I’m the only one on the planet dealing with this, but then I read another’s words that are as if they read my heart, and see the comments … and then I remember the promise held in a Body of believers. Thanks for that. Love you. =)

  40. Oh, Annie. Thank you for being honest!! Your transparency gives me the courage to be honest with myself and those around me.

    I could have written this myself. Feeling the pain of it and wanting to be rational. Tempted to give up hope, but realizing that maybe I just need to be realistic. I know realism doesn’t mean giving up hope, but I think it might mean not automatically filing everything in the “when I get married” folder mentally.

    This past Sunday’s sermon hit me hard – it was to young wives and mothers. Talking about how honorable their calling is. And I started to wonder…does God think less of me because I’m not married? If He gives me these deep passions and desires, then is something wrong with me that is keeping Him from fulfilling them?

    I know these aren’t truly rational thoughts, but they definitely start bumping around in your head when you hear/see/feel the constant bombardment of “marriage is normal/single is abnormal.”

    • Sometimes I think our churches don’t know how to minister to singles and I think that’s a shame. Families seem to be elevated above singles and that just shouldn’t be the case.

      God doesn’t think any less of you. I often wrestled with the same thoughts–am I not good enough? The truth is you are already wonderfully & fearfully made.

      • I don’t know if you will get this, Rach, but I wanted to thank you for the sweet comment. What a wonderful reminder!

  41. Thank you for being so honest. I am in the same boat. Most days, I guess I’ve managed to stay busy enough to not think about it too much, but every once in a while it really hits me hard, and it IS super frustrating and feels like nothing will happen, and like I have no clue what I should/shouldn’t do about it. But as so many have said, God is in charge (though it doesn’t always feel like it). Thanks for sharing your heart in a way that I wish I could.

  42. Thank you, Annie! I love your honesty and it really reflects my own heart in this season as well. Something I’ve been leaning on lately is “God never denies your hearts desires except to give you something better.” ~Elisabeth Elliott – So either I’m waiting for this guy or I’m waiting for something better – both of which are worth waiting for! I love your writing, thank you so much and keep it coming.

    • Elisabeth Elliott’s writing has been paramount in my journey of singleness. 🙂

  43. I had felt the same way you describe. Though I am now married, I still wrestle with those frustrating feelings from my singleness. The “why not now, Lord” feelings. I know God places us in certain situations and seasons that we don’t understand and the wait seems formidable and discouraging. Don’t lose heart. And I confess that those romantic comedies annoy me now more than ever. Married or single, those movies are pure fantasy.

  44. I suggest not watching any movies. It seems all movies now are either extremely shallow, make way too light of the sacredness of sex, or depict totally unrealistic relationships. The danger is letting what is in a movie, or even a book, lead us to long for something outside God’s will for us. It reminds me of Eve visiting the forbidden tree just to take a look. The portal to the soul is often through the eyes.

  45. “I’m at that place in my singleness where it all feels impossible- not hopeless, not doubtful, just not logical.” THANK YOU for your words and honesty!!

    I’ve now made it to the half-century mark and am still single / never married. It’s so hard: to handle my own life while being the go-to person for everyone else; I’m the care-taker for the whole family, but there’s no one for me and I’m crashing. I so need a physical presence to listen to me, to companion wtih me, to help with life, to touch me, to take over some of the problems because I “just can’t do it all”. I get so frustrated when I am on the receiving end of “you LOOK like a nice person” or “why aren’t you married, yet? Your standards must be too high,” or all those other people who tell me that God is there and will care for me (and then get all spiritual) because I KNOW and TRUST that of God, but it’s not what i need (to hear) now. Such statements rake over my raw soul in the same manner as the unthininking, usually well-meaning, “cliche” statements made to grieving mothers/widows.

    Most of the time, I am content in my singleness. However, there are those other times when I long for someone to share life with and it is just hard to go on alone.

    • Donna, can I just share what I hear/read between the lines? You are a courageous woman! Honestly, I think it is courageous that you have reached out and cared for others, and now it is brave for you to admit that you need to back off. I hope God provides just the right person to help you take the time you need to just relax.

      I just prayed for you that God will comfort you and draw you closer to him. I’m only 25, and I am already tired of the pat, cliche answers. I am learning the faithfulness of God, but am learning that the feelings don’t necessarily go away.

      May He be especially near to you tonight. (and I hope this makes sense – it’s late and I’m tired, but I really wanted to just encourage you).

      • Dawn,

        Thank you, so much!! I wish I had the words just now to really say thank you for the prayer and encouragement. May God bless you! Thank you

  46. THANK YOU! It is so encouraging to read that I am not alone with these feelings. I am struggling now with hearing from my friends husbands and boyfriends that I am datable material and don’t understand why I am still single. It makes me feel good, but at the same time very confused! It is just not logical anymore. I have no idea where to go to meet other single guys that are ready to date for real! Anyway, keep being real because there are so many of us that feel the same way!

  47. Hear ya loud and clear over here. Did you hear my “Amen!”? Turned off plenty of netflix choices half way through, ejected movies I picked from the library and plain old avoided plenty in the last year. I can’t sit through a scene with adultery and I get grumpy when I can see the girl picking the wrong guy, and I sigh heavy when the good guy finally rides in to wipe away the tears she is shedding over her silly choice.

    Working on believing that if God made the mix that is me, and He loves me, He can find someone to send my way–white horse not required, map reading and asking for directions may be.

  48. God’s been saying that over and over to me lately… Feel, mourn, remember, but don’t loose sight of Who I am and what I’ve promised. Thanks for being honest– I love, love, love your posts 🙂

  49. Thank you for sharing this. I know it isn’t easy sharing the hard stuff about being single but it is much appreciated by this 30 yr old single 🙂 I know I’m not the only one because sometimes it feels like I am.

  50. Annie, you have just spoken the moments of my heart in my singleness. Thank you for being brave, being honest. I so hope that I can sit down with you at Allume this October.

  51. Girl, we have got to get our coffee date scheduled soon! I get this. All of it. There are times I can’t watch romantic comedies or read chick lit or stand in line behind newlyweds. And there are times when falling in love does seem logistically impossible. I tell myself it only has to happen once- and that’s true. But the *how* of it happening? I don’t have any earthly idea. But I do know God is using this time in my life and He’s using the frustration and the honesty and the contentedness in ways that I never would have imagined. And some days, that has to be enough.

  52. Oh my can I just say ditto! This sounded like exactly where I am. Frustrated and hopelessly logical. Thanks for sharing!

  53. “I’m at that place in my singleness where it all feels impossible- not hopeless, not doubtful, just not logical. Where is this man going to come from? Is it going to be worth the sacrifices I’m making now? What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? How in the world is this going to work out?

    In a movie, this is right when the plot twists and a knight comes riding in. In real life, this is right when I do another load of laundry and pay the bills and I keep living… but nothing changes.”

    You gave me words for my journey today. Thanks.

  54. Annie-

    It’s a good feeling to know that I’m not the only one that *slightly* loathes rom coms in this stage of my journey. It’s also good to know that I’m not the only one that’s bipolar about my thoughts on singleness. I trust God, and totally believe Him to let this happen in my life, but it’s frustrating, and the frustrations sucks. But it’s good to know we’re not alone in our struggles, even if it does seem like it. I so appreciate your brave honesty and your voice. Thanks for being real.

  55. Dear Annie,

    Thanks. I feel the same way about romantic stories 7/10 days. the other three, i love romantic stories. but I relate to the logical-impossible feeling of singleness. I am determined to press into that; I have told several friends that while I often *hope* that a relationship will ‘come along one day’, I have to LIVE as though it won’t, plan for as though it will not.

    thanks for your courage in opening up about this.

    Jana

  56. Thanks for sharing Annie. I’ve really enjoyed reading and connecting with your posts; it’s nice to feel like I’m not so alone in how I’m feeling and what I’m going through. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to enjoy a rom com flick or read a book that also leads in that direction, since I realize it encourages feelings of bitterness and it’s not a good route for me to take. That being said, I’ve been enjoying a lot of non-romantic kung-fu and mystery movies lately 🙂
    I’ve also realized that love songs are too hard for me to listen to right now, so I’ve also been getting a nice fix of instrumental pieces, where certain lyrics won’t get me thinking in a certain direction. Annie, I don’t think you’re being immature in sharing this at all. I’m very grateful for your posts, because not only does your writing give me food for thought but it also provides a nice outlet for others to share, and I’ve been encouraged by the comments section too. Scratch that, maybe I should write “incouraged” instead 🙂 Thank you so much.

  57. Lol – hey Annie – I totally get this. ~grins~ In fact I only got to read this post because a friend I complained to of this very thing (not being able to enjoy movies) sent me the link to it – asking if I’d written it!
    Thanks for what you said about it not being a lack of faith or hopelessness – it’s true, it’s not! It’s just a truly frustrating frustration!
    And the part about ‘name it. feel it. but don’t wallow in it’. YES!!! (I fist-pumped at that part!) Wallowing is unhealthy – unless it’s in a mud bath at a day spa- which would be divine! Lol.
    In the end – our focus is important. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face – and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace”… He’s the best love story – He’s the highest satisfaction – and should be our main priority.
    (It’s still a pain in the butt not being able to enjoy rom-coms without rolling the eyes though…!)
    🙂

  58. Oh, Annie. I soooo know that feeling. (Didn’t meet my man til I was 38. Have dear friends still faithfully waiting.) It just sucks. And in the daily grind, it’s hard to keep believing “someday my prince will come.” How many times did I consider just chucking it all and going to work with Mother Theresa? (Sick-and-tired-of-being-single is not usually a good reason to zip off to foreign missions, but whatever.)

    Single ladies, I know it sounds trite and lame, but even though things don’t work out in real life like they do in the movies, “nothing is impossible with God.” Gen 18:14a, Luke 1:37 Nothing!

  59. Thank you for your honesty & realness here! We appreciate you!! Hang in there!

    I often cannot watch movies with babies being born when I’m feeling super vulnerable. 🙁

  60. Perfectly written! I also hate romantic movies, as life is so not like that.
    I hate being single at times all my friends are married and have children and its hard to be around them at times.
    Church is even worse as I dont fit into any of the brackets…I’m not married…I dont have kids…im not a OAP…I am ME but there is nothing for ME or singleness.
    Its at those very difficult times when I feel like I have been left on the shelf that I have to hold very tight onto God, but even that is hard!!
    I loved this post, THANK YOU.

  61. Annie – Just a word of encouragement for you this morning. I understand what you were feeling, and just want you to know that things can change. I am now married to my third husband, having lost my first two dear husbands to cancer. When my first husband passed away, I somehow knew in my heart, as time went on, that I wanted to marry once again, as my first husband was the dearest, kindest man. In my sixties, I found a religious on-line dating site, and through it, met husband #2. We had just short of two years together, when cancer ended our married life. My experience through the dating site was so positive, that when my grieving time was over, I ultimately went on line once again, and by the grace of God, found my present, wonderful husband. So, I encourage you not to overlook the wonders of technology in your search for Mr. Right. Yes, DO be cautious and careful. Weigh every aspect of what is presented to you with prayer and the wisdom of God. Seek through a trusted religious site. Mr. Right may be right around the ‘next click of your mouse’! God bless you.

  62. I echo what everyone else says, thanking you for your honesty.

    I understand the cycles, the good days, the bad days, and the confusion. For me, it’s not just movies, and I know you get this too. It’s real life: besties who “found him” (in a smaller social circle, gosh darn it!) and are happily in serious relationships.

    I also so appreciated what you shared about feeling your feelings. So true. So freeing!
    <3 <3

  63. Annie, we all need to hear truth – even the truth of pure, raw feelings. There’s enough facades in the world. I admire your truthfulness because it helps so many other women feel not so alone and more real.

    Hold on to His truth during this time of frustration. That’s all that matters and all that will help.

    Praying for you, sweet friend!

    Brenda

  64. I can’t tell you how much I need this honesty about singleness. I realized on facebook I can’t easily find the majoirty of my friends anymore from high school and college because I don’t know their new last names since they’ve all gotten married! Thank you for being honest and real – and for giving us the ability to be honest and real too. We all need that. I look foward to more posts!