“My struggle this weekend has been about where I really fit,” my friend confided in me over lunch. “I know what God has for me, but I feel like I’m in limbo, wondering where I fit right now.”
As she speaks, I sit fidgeting with my water glass, knowing exactly what she means. I, too, have struggled with identity. Wondering where I belonged.
“Some days are just better than others,” she states.
I take a deep breath, give a little smile and say, “Sometimes I think God strips away our titles so we’ll find our identity in him alone.” And as I say it, I know it’s easier said than done, acknowledge my own struggle to find my purpose in God versus accomplishments in this world.
I tell her of the struggle I faced when I decided to leave my career and stay home with my children. How I grappled for months, not sure what to tell someone else what I did anymore, wanting to hand out my resume when meeting new people to show them I’d accomplished something in my life. Desiring something more than “just” being a housewife.
How I wanted more.
It was a tug of war between accepting that I wasn’t a career woman anymore and choosing to simply be a wife and mother (as if those weren’t occupations in themselves). I wanted to feel like my life still mattered. That I had purpose and value beyond these four walls. Humility? Isn’t there a verse about that? Humble myself. Yes, that’s what I need, I would tell myself.
And yet the thought would still come: Isn’t there more than this?
Then one day God met me in the middle of my frustration, as I was once again asking how I should handle this, shaking a mental fist at God. I heard him speak, whisper a thought: Whoever asked you to trade one identity for another? I never asked you to humble yourself to “trade” your identity in your career with being a mother. I never asked you to find your identity in either of these things at all. And what will happen if the title of “mother” were ever stripped away? What identity would you then search for to call yourself?
And my thoughts stopped. My frustration lifted as the revelation soaked into my mind, resonated in my heart. Why have I tried to find who I am in these things?
How could I miss the most obvious of things?
I want you to find your identity in me and in me alone, He finishes.
And as I finish sharing my own account with my friend, we sit with tears in our eyes, a mutual understanding of this struggle of the heart.
We talk more of finding our identity in Christ, and I conclude that God strips away our identity with the things of the world so we won’t be discontent when we feel like we have no titles to offer, nor pride if a position or title of value is placed on our lives. Either way, it won’t affect us, not really, if we know who we are in Christ.
My constant for who I am is Him.
And that is enough.
Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
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