Sarah Markley
About the Author

I'm the mother of two little girls, the wife of an amazing husband who'd rather play the guitar than anything else and I love to write. I spend my weekends watching my daughters ride horses and play soccer. I blog daily and my greatest wish is to see women healed...

(in)side DaySpring: things we love
& you will too!
Find more at
(in)side DaySpring:
things we love
& you will too!
Find more at
Recent Posts

Reader Interactions


  1. Thank you for writing this post, it resonates with me. I’ve been on both sides too I like how you said: I wonder if we could take more intentional steps toward
    Being known by God,
    Being known by our families,
    And being known by ourselves.
    Then maybe the exclusion/inclusion wouldn’t have the same impact and we wouldn’t feel the same pain. So so true, that is what I am going to work towards x

  2. Sarah,
    So beautifully written. I pray that I would so desire to be known by the One who truly matters, that when I want to whisper, “Save me a seat”, it would be into God’s ear that I am whispering.
    Thanks for the reminder and encouragement to reach OUT to someone who wants to feel IN.

  3. “We were chosen before the start of the world by the One throwing the only party that matters.”
    Such Truth! So thankful to have read this morning.

  4. Coming and reading this post on this morning is such a God thing. Thank you for listening to His urging to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, as the case may be). I needed this so very much and so did many other women. And even if the number of comments don’t tell that story at the end of the day, I promise you, there are hearts touched by your words.

  5. I get this and I’ve been on the outside way more than on the inside. We all want to be included. Part of the “in crowd” when really the only crowd that matters is His crowd. Beautifully written Sarah…so very well said. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  6. I actually just wrote a post about this same thing a couple days ago. I had a conversation with someone and left feeling defeated. I said to the Lord, “Well, I guess I’m not in with the in crowd.” Immediately I felt His conviction. Colossians 3:3 came to mind… For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
    He spoke boldly to my heart that my life is hidden with Him and that means I am in with the only IN crowd that matters: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
    I loved your take on this! Beautiful words.

  7. Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you or with me. In fact, we’ve been chosen and invited before the start of the world.
    This thought has kept me sane in days where I felt so ‘outside’. Beautiful post,and yes, keeping an eye towards others is the best way to keep me focused. As invisible as I feel sometimes, I need to remember others are in the same boat.

  8. Love the post and can very much relate. I’ve moved across country 4 times since 2010 and in the midst of making new friends and losing old friends and just trying to fit in… it’s so easy to get caught up in the exclusivity of groups or desire a group do badly but you just can’t be fulfilled. 🙂

    Side question, where are the adorable fox bandits from??

    • oh gosh, i’ll have to look. Lisa and I each bought one when we were in a shop together in Savannah and I don’t know who makes them. but they are cute, aren’t they?

  9. Being on the outside hurts. Sometimes the ones on the inside are worse off though. They worry if they can stay in the group, they fear getting ‘ungrouped’ and ‘unfriended’, becoming ‘uncool’. If only they knew that they were invited too.
    Love, Patty

  10. We are actually fighting our spiritual natures when we long for inclusion in any but God’s circle! We are called to be Outsiders… not a very comfortable thing to be…. but that’s where the magic of mercy happens 🙂
    Lovely post, thanks for the reminder! <3

  11. Sarah, I don’t think I’ve ever seen this subject delved into so eloquently. It was a beautiful and honest post with so much depth. I loved it and I resonated with it.

  12. This really resonated with me because I was the one that no one chose when it came to picking who they wanted on their team in PE. I was the one who really had no friends and found myself drawn to the ones that no one wanted to be friends with. The girl who never got asked to the high school dance or never got asked out while she was in high school. But PRAISE GOD he has invited me to be a part of HIS family and I never have to be the one who feels left out and not a part of what society calls the “IN” crowd and I am totally fine with that. Thank you so much for sharing what many of us go through and think that we are the only ones.

  13. It never feels good to be excluded. But, I think those of us who have been excluded in the past, can be a blessing to others in remembering to invite and include.

  14. “The truth is we all like to surround ourselves with safe people. We pad our worlds with love if we can and often that love comes in the form of friends. We feel the safest when we are known.”

    We all want this. But when we extend the invitation, when we offer the welcome, we do expand that circle of friends and as a result, pad our world with love as we know others and become known to them.

    I spent most of my life on the outside looking in. I learned that when you are the one waiting for someone to say hello, you will wait a long long time. Six years ago God led us to a new church. I decided to change my approach. From day one I would introduce myself to anyone and everyone. I still do. The amazing thing is the way people have responded. Most return the welcome. God gives me a burden to extend the invitation, and I try to make sure no one is left OUT who wants to be IN. And God builds the relationships.

  15. That was beautiful. To get to knowhim better and to minister to others when He calls is so filling rather than empty without our groups.

  16. This is a good reminder to try to make sure that other do not feel excluded as we sometimes have. I’m fortunate to be included at this time so I should be watching out for those who may feel excluded.

  17. Thank you for writing what we all feel Sarah! This is a sweet balm of encouragement to my heart, especially in this season of my life, and becoming an intentional encourager online has been a great way to put into action what you are writing about. I am thankful for this OPEN group of women!

  18. Sarah,

    I’m not big on groups or cliques and never have been. i have been shy most of my life and didn’t have a lot of friends. Sure I’m a part of some groups, but they are open and anyone is welcome.

    My prayer for myself and others is that we would whisper into God’s ear “Save me a seat.” I pray also that I never hurt anyone’s feelings or exclude them from groups.

    Remember we are all a part of one big big group of “Children/princess of the one true God”. All women are welcome to join this group and I pray they will.!

  19. wonderful post. I too have been on both sides of those circles. In my formative years and teens I was nearly always on the outside and it was hard and hurtful. Today I very intentionally try to include anyone I see on the outside looking in as I also still find myself there so often and know just how it feels.

  20. Thank you! I really feel a lot better. I’ve had a bit of trouble with this and it really helps to read this. I am 9 years old and I will try to remember that it doesn’t matter if you’re on the inside or the outside because God chose you. From Rosa 🙂

    Rosa came to me today having had friendship issues at school the last few days and we talked about it…. Then I read your post and rushed to show Rosa – ‘look how Jesus is your best friend! Look what is on the Internet today because He loves you!’ Thank you for sending Rosa a word from God today and helping her to see how much he cares about her.

  21. In our world, exclusivity confers value. Jesus makes us feel highly valued as individuals, and yet his arms are open to everyone. I guess this is what it means to love as Jesus loves. And yes, his is the only party that matters. That’s so good.

  22. so true!
    this mirrors much of c.s. lewis’ thots on
    the type of love he terms as: “phileo”…
    that we call friendship.

    he talks about the circle that is pointed
    to the exclusion of all
    who are on the outside of the circle.

    like all the loves, it becomes demonic
    as we make it into a god
    that begins to rule more & more of our hearts.
    can be & NEEDS to be redeemed
    in the same love practices that we
    saw Jesus model
    that Jesus calls us & empowers us to do…

    just like you speak of at the end of your piece.

    love you,dad

  23. Out of the ball park, Sarah Markley. This is so real. So right. It’s me a lot of the time both sides. Thanks for the post and the reminder we can [and usually are] the “wounder and wounded.” Off to invite others in. 🙂

  24. I love this…I have been way more on the inside…lots of friends…fun to be with….but something was missing…I wasn’t in tune being “IN” with my Jesus…I have hurt when uninvited to get togethers…Sarah I have realized so much today by reading your story….excited there is hope on so many levels in my life…ADD, my soon to be marriage, and being IN with God…thank you for your testimony and your willingness to serve Jesus in a mighty way by talking to others about the real of life…you my new found sister in Christ have made my day today!

  25. God has definitely been whispering these things to me. It’s good to be reminded that I’m not alone in struggling with this feeling of being on the periphery.