Despite what people said and what I had expected, college was not the season of life where I found out who I was. It was all too easy to sign up for sorority recruitment, Bible studies, and all the other offerings campus extended. It’s taken most of my twenties to unravel who I am underneath.
The steady approach of thirty, marriage, baby fever and a call to back away from status updates — all these are working together to figure out what’s inside. Many days the findings are scary, unpredictable, and messy.
Still, I want to find brave in here, in this twenty-seven-year-old chest. I want to find courage and passion and calling. In some ways I am brave, but it feels a lot more like Full Of Fear than FearLess. And it looks a lot more like uncertainty and hormones than self-assured and self-controlled.
Gospel Brave
Jesus is showing me how He shows up in my weakness, and I realize Gospel Brave is gloriously counterintuitive. Isn’t everything Gospel this way?
Maybe I’m most brave when I feel least brave because brave is just another word for Jesus and He lives inside my heart.
Maybe I’m most brave when I am the most fearful because brave is banking on Jesus for all I am and all I am not.
And if this is true, then brave is not a volume to validate my life’s influence or effectiveness. Brave is a Victor. Brave is a valiant God who claimed my heart for His home.
Courageously Quiet
Yes, sometimes it takes courage to be silent and listen.
I can be courageously quiet because I know He can work when all is silent and dark. Maybe when I live quietly or when no one seems to be noticing or when they seem to disapprove, He is giving me the privilege of living my heart’s cry for an Audience of One.
Maybe there’s no other way to test my life than to have to live the answer to that prayer.
He alone fills up the gargantuan auditorium that is my soul. Where all the watching eyes in all the world could never fill me to maximum capacity or roar with loud enough applause, His eyes of Love pack the house, mark the door, and the Father gives me the standing ovation earned by Jesus alone.
I get Jesus. He is enough.
If anyone else is watching, it’s from the overflow room. And if they get Jesus — glory.
This Is Brave
Not that we feel invincible, but that we do the next thing especially when we know that we are not invincible.
Not that our brave music playlist pumps up the blood, but that the blood of Jesus made a way for us to live in His bravado — powerful, real, and really ours.
Not that this is our best day, but that this is the worst and we have not given up because Jesus has not given up on us. We can be true to who we really are knowing He will be true to who He really is — the Great I AM.
Not that the world needs us, but that the world needs all the ways Jesus comes out of our truest selves.
Our emotions may not lend their aid to the task at hand, but we can obey no matter what our feelings say because He who calls us is faithful.
He will surely do it.
Today we may not feel brave. But we will obey regardless.
And the world will be different because we are bravely alive.
Leave a Comment
Kim J says
Not that this is our best day, but that this is the worst and we have not given up because Jesus has not given up on us. We can be true to who we really are knowing He will be true to who He really is — the Great I AM.
I am not feeling very brave today, as I sit here in pain on a heating pad. This week my brave has been tough, but Jesus knows that. He sees how hard things are for me right now and how at times just giving up seems like the best option. The thing is, that when chronic illness gets the best of me, he has his best for me. A daily supply of his sufficient grace to get me through moment by moment. He remains true to who he really is, while I struggle with who I am. I am so thankful that he meets me right where I am. My brave may look different than your brave, but we are all warriors just the same. With God on our side, this battle is won!!!
Katie Kump says
Sweet Kim,
You are so right. Brave looks different on all of us. I’m grateful right now that as you sit in pain, you have a God who has not kept Himself from pain. He knows, friend. And He loves you, right where you are, in your most giving-up moments. It’s true for each of us, and I’m just so thankful. I pray He’ll grace you with a foretaste of our sweet victory today. Hugs from Atlanta!
Charissa says
Oh, Kim! Thank you for sharing your heart right where you are at. As a fellow sufferer with chronic illness and daily user of heating pads, I wanted you to know just how much your words brought me encouragement and life. Thank you for trusting Him and being so brave! Sending you a big hug tonight!
Alicia says
Katie,
I feel as if you crawled inside my chest and wrote this from my heart. It seems like all the words I didn’t know I had been waiting to hear. Thank you for writing it.
Alicia
Katie Kump says
Alicia,
Praise God for that. I love words for that reason — they’re always alive. And His never return void.
xoxo,
Katie
Marsha says
Wow this spoke volumes to me! I’m almost 50 and have been walking with Jesus for many years and He never stops pursuing me! I’ve been dealing with a lot of fear lately and now I’m realizing it’s not a bad thing as long as I allow it to move me toward Him, my source. He alone makes me strong and courageous. He’s reminding me that ONLY through Him can I accomplish all “these things” that seem so hard and scary! Thank you for this beautiful brave confirmation!
Much love,
Marsha
Katie Kump says
Marsha,
I love your words–that fear is not a bad thing if it drives us to Him. That’s a lesson I learn over and over and over again. The struggle is only bad if we don’t take it to the feet of the cross. It’s one way God uses for good what Satan means for evil. I pray He continues to work for good and glory in and through your fear until it’s replaced with perfect trust in the face of Jesus.
So much love,
Katie
Annette Bridges says
Marsha,
Thank you so much for your words. You do not know how inspiring they have been to me. Very timely and what I needed. Thank you so much Marsha.
Charissa says
Katie, I feel the same way. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I am not a regular reader of this blog, but when I saw this post in my Facebook news-feed I just had to read it. And I was not disappointed. I’m saving this one to come back to again and again.
Keep writing!
So grateful for you.
Much love,
Charissa
Katie Kump says
Charissa,
I am so glad you came by today. Thank you for your words of honesty and encouragement, especially for Kim as a fellow fighter of chronic pain. Saying a prayer for you this morning. Jesus is strong and courageous within you, sister.
Much love to you,
Katie
Marty says
This post is awesome. This: “…sometimes it takes courage to be silent and listen.” TRUTH.
Thank you so much for sharing. Brave IS Jesus. 🙂
Katie Kump says
Thank YOU for reading, Marty. You’re exactly right — there’s no brave apart from Him.
xoxox,
Katie
Beth Williams says
Katie,
Like so many above my brave some days is wanting to give up and quit my job. This year has been rough dealing with moving my aging dad into assisted living and 2 ER and hospital stays. Thankfully He is well. Through all that my hubby almost lost his job and I worked one I don’t like. My fear in all that brought me close to God and I prayed daily, constantly!
Now my hubby has been given a different job away from the hospital and ER (CT Tech), He is fearful that he won’t do well or the office will close down, etc. I just tell and show him to pray all the time about it. God will answer our prayers in His way and Time!
Blessings 🙂
Katie Kump says
Beth,
Thank you for bravely slipping in to share your story here. Praying now for peace in your family and for eyes to see where Jesus really is in the midst of the chaos. He’s there, and He sees you.
Much love,
Katie
V. Hil says
Dear Katie,
This piece is truly profound, and profoundly true. I recently (during the Canadian Labour Day weekend) almost lost my daughter. She balanced between life and death for about seven hours, until THE LORD GOD, ALMIGHTY, FAITHFUL and TRUE rewarded our willingness to lay Isaac down upon the altar, where THE LAMB has already paid the price of Redemption, brought her back to life. She is at home with me now; and I am her main palliative caregiver; but during those dark hours, when I didn’t know which way the circumstance was going to go, and the only words, THE HOLY SPIRIT whispered to me were, “Trust Me”, I was far from brave and far from fearless. Except for THE GRACE of GOD that sustained me, I would have been crushed.
Instead, HE turned that which an age old enemy meant for evil, into A LIFE LESSON that will never be forgotten and was witnessed by all our unbelieving family members. GOD IS GOOD! JESUS IS… and in HIM our courage is engraved. The heart melts with love when considering the SUSTAINING GRACE that enables us to endure that which is difficult, while HE Willingly endured HIS Cross alone. How Great our GOD!!
Bless you. Your words written in this piece are powerfully indicative of HIS Majesty. Quiet, therefore STRONG. STEADFAST, therefore undergirding. JESUS IS, therefore, I live! not I but Christ lives in me!!
Katie Kump says
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Praying right now for your daughter and asking that all these truths keep nestling into your heart and working out in your serving. He is trustworthy, my friend.
Love,
Katie
V. Hil says
Hallelujah! Amen.