I’ve never heard music like it.
The piano was dancing, the ivories waltzing under the fingers of a teenage girl and the band brought down heaven with their violin and guitars.
At the end of “God is good, all the time,” the worship leader shared how this song was her son’s favorite. How it had been his favorite since he was three-years-old, how she’d sung it every night over him, even as he went through cancer as a child, even as chemo wracked his five-year-old body — it remained his favorite song. God is good — all the time.
The congregation was silent, the hush of August’s last morning breathing through the crack of an open door.
And then the pastor rose and spoke about Robin Williams and depression.
He spoke to an elderly congregation about the need to get real with God.
About how depression is not necessarily the curse that it seems — but rather, a gift. An invitation from God to let in the light.
Madeleine L’Engle says this:
“Those who believe they believe in God, but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself.”
I sat there in my pew digesting the hope of this pastor’s words — me, a girl who has battled depression her whole life, who often wonders if depression is a curse, who often wonders how one can be saved if one doesn’t feel the joy the Bible speaks of.
Yet, what if all this wrestling with our pain is a way of getting close to Jesus?
What if joy is hidden in the folds of sorrow? What if light is found leaking through the curtain of darkness?
“It’s when you’re depressed that you need to rely on radical faith,” the young pastor said, “because faith does not require sight. And when you’re depressed, all you see is darkness. So faith is the light in the darkness.”
He went through Lamentations, Job, the Psalms, Jonah, Jeremiah — pointing out the melancholy of each writer and the intimacy each writer also had with God. And how God did not give up on the writer but rather drew closer to him during his suffering. And then he reminded us of Jesus, crying out “My God, my God — why have you forsaken me?” and if the Savior of the world can be this real and hopeless, why can’t we?
Depression, he said, is not an invitation to give up, but rather, to “Be still, and know (He is) God.”
Feeling the heartache of the world is not a sign that you are far from God, but rather, very close to Him, as you are in tune with the suffering of His people. So rather than feeling berated for your sorrow, ask God to speak to you through it — to show you how this is, in fact, a gift rather than a curse. To draw close to you during the darkness and let HIS light overpower the shadows of the world.
It is not up to YOU to change your depression, the pastor said. Yes, sometimes we need meds. And sometimes we need to just be still in the night of our soul.
To wait for God to declare — as He has from the beginning — “Let there be light.”
Leave a Comment
Reb says
Hi..I just have to share this..by Derek Prince..whom has taught me very much about the word of God
PROCLAMATIONS TO —— OVERCOME DEPRESSION
God, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ1—according to Your Word—I am asking You to deliver me from this spirit of heaviness.2
Thank You, Lord, that all things work together for good in my life, because I love You and I am called according to Your purpose.3
In Jesus’ name, I bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.4
I put on as a helmet the hope of salvation.5
Now, may the God of hope fill me with all joy and peace in believing, that I may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.6
Holy Spirit, guide me into all truth7 and deliver me from all the lies8 of the evil one.9
I will not be conformed to this world, but I will be transformed by the renewing of my mind, that I may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.10
Thank You, Father. In Jesus’ name. Amen!
1Joel 2:32 2Isaiah 61:3 3Romans 8:28 42 Corinthians 10:5 51 Thessalonians 5:8 6Romans 15:13 7John 16:13 8John 8:44 9Matthew 6:13 10Romans 12:2
IN THE 1950s, I had a problem of recurrent
fits of depression that would come over me like a dark, heavy cloud. The more I prayed and fasted, the worse it got. One day I had come to the end of my solutions when a phrase in Isaiah 61:3 captured my attention: “a spirit of heaviness.” I suddenly realized I was dealing with a spirit—not with mental or psychological conditions in myself.
Recognizing the identity of my enemy was a tremendous step forward. I found an- other verse that I believed would bring the solution to my problem: Joel 2:32. I put this and Isaiah 61:3 together and prayed a very specific, scriptural prayer (see over).
After I prayed, I was delivered. The pres- sure was lifted. But it’s one thing to be de- livered; it’s another thing altogether to stay delivered.
God began to show me that He had set my mind free from this demonic pressure, and it was now up to me to reeducate my mind.
I had to train my mind to hope (keep a confident expectation of good). It didn’t come in five minutes, though; it took more than five years. But it’s been worth every bit of training that I’ve put into it.
Take the helmet of salvation—the helmet of hope. Put it on. Cover your mind. Pro- tect your thoughts; bring them under con- trol and in line with the Word of God. And experience the glorious results!
—Derek Prince (1915–2003)
Taken from CD4016: “The Helmet of Hope.”
Derek Prince Ministries
P.O. Box 19501 • Charlotte, NC 28219 http://www.derekprince.org
Erica says
What a beautiful perspective Emily
Emily Wierenga says
Thank you sweet Erica 🙂
Beth says
This is beautiful. It will be something I tick away for the next time I struggle with depression. Who wouldn’t i, when I feel the pain of so many of God’s people? I never thought of it quite that way.
Emily Wierenga says
Bless you friend, as you link arms with Christ in the darkness…
Liz Curtis Higgs says
Beautiful, Emily. As the happiest of women who also suffers from depression, I am so grateful you included the option of medication. When our chemicals are working against us, God can use the right medicine to set our bodies and minds and hearts free. Bless you for your candor and the hope you offer through the Light of Christ.
Emily Wierenga says
Bless you too my dear Liz. Love that we can walk this road together… xoxo
Jolene Underwood (@Faith_Eyes) says
Emily – I just love you, your heart and your writing. Oh yes, yes, yes. This is such a beautiful piece and reaching my raw and exposed heart. Thank you for being you and letting God shine so brightly through you, friend.
Emily Wierenga says
I love you too my Lulu sister… xoxo
Jennifer Watson says
This is beautiful, Emily. I have struggled with on and off with depression, especially in the winter months. Recently I completely changed the way I look at those moments in my life. I used to refer to depression as “the dark cloud” but over and over in scripture God revealed that it wasn’t a cloud, but the shadow of God where I was hidden in Him. In His wings, no more clouds…just His protected shadow held and loved.
Emily Wierenga says
LOVE this sister–the idea of the shadow versus the cloud. SO good. So good.
Pat Hubby says
This was such an encouraging article for me as I’ve struggled with depression for years. It is so true how raw pain has driven me to “seek God and draw close to Him”. No longer do I stay in the darkness but continue to ask Him what He is trying to show me. In all this, I have found joy unspeakable!
Emily Wierenga says
YES Pat! I love this! What does He want to say to me through all of the hard?
Laurie says
Thank you, Emily, for once again using your words to bring tears to my eyes as I kneel at the feet of my Savior. I welcome His invitation to be still and know.
Your words are so timely in that I’m in a bit of funk this week – crabby, tired, done. Can’t I just stay in bed until this “wears off”?? I’m generally a very happy, upbeat person (most people I know would be surprised to find out that I sometimes I fake happy) so when the lows hit it sinks me pretty hard.
Tomorrow is a new day and next week is a new week, meanwhile I will rest in Him!
Emily Wierenga says
My dear Laurie, may you find strength to face tomorrow, knowing none of this is in vain sister… He loves you so. e.
Tara says
Emily, beautiful post. Having two family members who daily struggle with a mental illness, these words are such a gift. In the midst of it though, I think it is so hard to find the light but the Pastor is reminding us how important it is to look for the late. I’m reminding of this verse from Psalm 30, “Weeping may come for the night, but joy comes with the morning!”
Emily Wierenga says
yes, dear Tara, you are right–it’s so hard when you’re in the midst of it… but God. 🙂 But God.
Lisa says
Emily, words cannot truly express how grateful I am for your thoughts today. You see, I’ve battled depression for a very long time. Really, the entirety of my 35 years. I finally found my way back to church in February and it has been like a breath of fresh air. The daunting task of “unlearning” everything I’ve always known hasn’t been easy though and has seemingly made my depression worse. I am already on medication and see a psychiatrist regularly and yet, yet the cloud won’t lift.
Well, about four weeks ago, we had a guest speaker at our church by the name of Dr. Kingsley Fletcher, whom my Pastor affectionately calls his spiritual father. Although I wasn’t moved by his sermon, it was afterwards when he called those who were suffering from depression up to the altar for healing that made my heart stop. My mind raced at the thought of this man healing me. As I wondered the possibility, my husband casually forced me into the aisle.
I made my way down and awaited my turn, all the while watching in utter fear as the people he touched fell limply to the ground. I never prayed harder than at that very moment–for sturdy legs to hold me up. His eyes were darker than obsidian and he stared deeply into my soul. Music played softly in the background has he placed his hands on my face. I can’t remember the entirety of his words but he shouted at God to take back what is his from the hands of the devil. That I was his child. He said I would experience no withdrawals from my medication and cast peace over me. I could only stare into his eyes.
I took the enlightening as direction to stop my medication. And I did well. For 24 hours. Then the physical withdrawal hit and I felt like a failure. Here was this man of God, who routinely casts out spirits of evil, and I wasn’t healed. I was still broken.
My thoughts wandered and I wondered why God didn’t love me enough to heal me. And I struggle with not feeling like I am “enough”. Enough of a wife. Enough of a mother. Enough of a daughter of Christ. Because of my depression, I always feel like I am less. And this was the perspective I needed.
So, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. <3
Emily Wierenga says
oh Lisa. This just touched me so deeply. The Lord knew you would be reading this post today. He knew, sister. He loves you so much… Bless you as you reach for the light…
Sadiezoe23 says
You aren’t alone friend. Depression is awful, but the Lord does love us. There is a purpose in all the madness.
Alexis says
Thank you so much for your words here. I have always seen my depression as a curse and more yet as a weakness. I have chosen to go the ” no meds ” way not liking how I was affected by being medicated and instead chose to look for Jesus in it, but I have never been able to find Him in my depression…which gets me questioning my choice of no meds and my faith as well. ANYWAY…I’m going to print this and read it closer. Thanks so much for this perspective.
Emily Wierenga says
sister, depression can be so complicated and difficult… may the Lord meet you in the middle of it and may His light reveal the path… bless you. e.
Jillie says
Thank you Emily, thank you. From one who struggles with depression, especially in our long, cold winters here in Canada, I SO appreciate what you’ve written here. This is going in my ‘Emily File’ to re-read over and over as the long season approaches. I’ve never thought of depression in quite this way, never really looked for any lesson in it all, but I will follow your prayer example and see what He may say to me. I love your soft, gentle heart, E.
Emily Wierenga says
dear Jillie, I’m SO grateful it spoke to you my friend. Yes, these winter months can be long here in Canada 🙂 Love to you, e.
Holley Gerth says
Love you, friend, and so grateful for you and your words…
Emily Wierenga says
I love you too my dear Holley 🙂
Trudy Den Hoed says
Thank you so much for this encouragement, Emily. Berating myself for feeling sad instead of joyful is exactly what I’ve been doing. I love your perspective – that it’s not a curse but a way to get closer to God. Blessings to you!
Emily Wierenga says
Bless you, Trudy, as you draw near to Him in the shadows! XO
brenda says
Emily, thank you sweet sister. So thankful you allow God to use you. You are such a blessing. xx
Emily Wierenga says
I’m so grateful it ministered to you Brenda! Bless you. e.
Gay Idle says
Thanks you, sweet friend, for speaking words that affirm to so many that suffer from depression that it is not a curse…it is not a sentence cast on them…they are NOT less…but God has offered His invitation into their hearts to lean into Him and let Him be their light in the dark nights and days. You are a blessing!
Emily Wierenga says
I so appreciate your encouragement here dear Gay! Yes, He has set us free, even amidst our suffering! Love to you, e.
Leah says
Emily,
Thank you so much Emily for posting this up in bloglandia!
I have not blogged or read others in about two months.
Not because of depression, but sheer over busyness.
This post was a ray of light for me.
Depression is a sneaky mufti-layered bugger.
Spiritual, psychological, physical, a curse and a gift.
Such a thing could never, ever be pinned and put in a neat tidy box.
But we try, I try.
Each time a dark bout comes over me, God gives a new perspective, shows me how I have let strongholds in, shows me how this has nothing to do with me, and always, always shows me that He can be trusted and I can just be still.
Cheers,
Leah
Emily Wierenga says
girl, i LOVE this: “God gives me a new perspective, shows me that I have let strongholds in, shows me how this has nothing to do with me, and always, always shows me that He can be trusted and I can just be still.” AMEN.
Diane bailey says
I love how you say that depression relies on sight. It sees the darkness. But Faith does not require seeing. Yes! Yes! This is so good Emily. Thank you for writing this. love you friend.
Emily Wierenga says
I love you too my dear Diane 🙂 You minister to my spirit. xo
Becky Jones says
Celebrating Christmas as early as you can. Your little one will be gone long before you are ready for her to be. Teach her everything about Jesus and how he died for our sins.
Becky
Kathryn says
Emily, do you have chronic clinical depression?
Sadiezoe23 says
Did she respond? Just curious bc I do…
Lindsay says
YES YES YES! Thank you Emily!
Lisa says
Thank you for this. I am so glad to see more Christians discussing depression. Depression can be a liar and make us feel like failures, less than, etc. I too, have suffered from a lot of depression, but I have hope as we all do. He is there through it all with us.
jamie says
I have been going through a depression and I thought at times I was just crazy but I’ve been searching about depression (and that’s how I found this website) and I’ve been finding myself wanting to be closer to God and pleading with God to help me through this, after reading this blog I really can’t wait to see what God shows me when this is over with. I truley love the Lord but never really felt like I was worthy of his love. Thank all of you for this website, I really needed to know I’m not the only one suffering.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Jamie, this made me cry. God knew you needed to read this tonight. I’m so grateful… He loves you sister. Wait on Him and be still. He is with you. e.
Sadiezoe23 says
You said exactly what I feel! Thank you! You are definitely NOT alone!
Leigha says
Thank you so much for this article. I have suffered with depression most of my life. When I am depressed, I always feel like a failure and like I am disappointing God and everybody else because I am so weak. While I may struggle with sad days, this article does give me hope. Leigha
Janene says
Thank you, Emily. So often I allow other voices to shame me in the midst of the darkness… Then the ‘What is wrong with me?’ voice becomes my constant companion. The beautiful perspective you shared today is a life line for me.
Christine Ann says
Wonderful words Emily…light in the darkness..My mother suffered through depression and now I see this repeated in my daughter..at times it is heartbreaking, yet God’s love, grace and light break into the darkest of moments..I love them so much..God loves them infinately more just as they are..
MrsC says
This is beautiful, Emily. Thank you so much for writing.
Beth Williams says
WOW! Such a beautifully written post! It is true that depression is like a dark cloud in your soul and you just need to let some light shine in there!
This year has been rough dealing with my aging dad & his medical issues, plus job issues with both my hubby and I. Lately I have felt more of a longing to be closer to God. I almost can’t wait for God to come back and take us home. I get so tired of the everyday “stuff” that must be dealt with and want more quiet alone time with God & my family!
Blessings 🙂
Michele Morin says
Leave it to Madeliene L’Engle to nail it. As believers, we need to learn to speak the language of lament, to be transparent about our real heart aches and the dark nights of the soul in which we cannot sense the presence of God. This is when our faith is tested and we find the faith to “doubt but yet believe.”
Claire says
Dear Emily,
Thank you for how beautifully you minister to others with words of life. What a gift you have been given! This is the encouragement I needed today.
God bless you,
Claire
Malonzo-quesada Maree says
amen
Singing to d LORD a new song everyday & writing HIM w/ tnxgiving make it all.
Praying that HE always draw closest as we draw near to HIM , never ever to.let HIM go.
Great is r GOD !!