The oldest three of my four sons have been taking karate for over half a year now. They’ve earned their orange belts, and I am a proud mother who signed them up because I think martial arts is beautiful. I’m one of the weird girls who loves science fiction and who always hung out with band nerds, so maybe this makes sense? I’m not sure why, but my boys have been into it as well.
Except a few weeks ago, one of these boys decided that he wasn’t going to do karate anymore, and his reasoning was fair. He told me that I have taught them that fighting is wrong and Jesus says to turn the other cheek. He told me I was contradicting myself. He sat down next to me and refused to go to class.
The week before this, however, he had said that he hated being told what to do in class. I cast my eyes as far as I can to the right:ย I don’t know WHERE he gets his rebellious heart. Poor fella, he comes by it honest. I hate being told what to do, too.
I decided that we would wait from the van for his brothers to finish their class, and as we walked out the door, one of the Tang Soo Do masters stopped us and invited us to his office. We both said, “Yes, sir,” because anyone who can spin like a tornado before kicking two separate faces better be called sir.
This man sat at his desk with softest demeanor. He explained to my son how he had never been in a fight, and he explained how we were made to be whole people. “I train my body to be strong, and as I do, I am also training my mind and my spirit. I learn self-control with my body, and so I understand it more fully with my spirit.”
My boy leaned toward his highest instructor with his mouth gaped open. He was drinking in every word, and so was I. There was another class for his rank in an hour. This instructor invited my boy to come and then worked with him one-on-one to teach him a gorgeous formation:ย Pyung Ahn Cho Dan. My son’s strong feet planted into the mat, and his controlled arms followed the beautiful way of his master’s. I watched them together, a shepherd gone after the one little lamb.
That was the moment it dawned on me what a beautiful thing it is to have a shepherd. I decided to join my sons in the learning, grabbed my checkbook, and bought a karate uniform on the spot. By the next night, I was in class with my boys.
It doesn’t matter how old you are when you start; you must start in white. My belt is white, and white means that you don’t know jack. There were four year olds in the room who ranked higher than me. We line up by rank, and so I was at the very end. My boys were at the opposite end of the room. The instructor yelled a word in Korean, and they responded with strong fists, and I just shrugged and sort of flopped around for a while.
If I were to watch the instructors flip through the air, knowing that these are moves I’ll learn when I test into the higher class, I would completely freak out. I can’t get stuck thinking about how complex things get. Right now, there’s no way my mama hips would do that stuff without coming apart like the jaws of a great white shark. I might break in mid-air and then fall into an unrecognizable pile in the floor. All I can do is think about my low position, my white belt. Every move they’re teaching me, I can do fairly well after a few minutes. Move by move, I am learning to love the slow process. I see how applying such a concept to my life would be very helpful. I feel stronger: mind, body, and soul. I feel so grateful.
In a small room with the grownups, I learned some real moves, and afterward, I gathered back up with my boys, and we high-fived big and loud. We poured in to the living room at home and practiced together. They are teaching me everything they can. If they say I am wrong, then I am.ย There’s a lot to learn from a young’n with an orange belt.
Tonight we lined up in the living room, and we did high kicks in unison. Then two of them followed me to the kitchen, my little lambs. I grabbed the green beans from the fridge. One stood in a chair by the counter, and one stood beside me, hip to hip. We smiled, breathing deep breaths from having moved together with our whole selves. We snapped the ends off the beans, standing in the quiet. Snap. Snap. Snap: each of us in our rhythm.
One whispered, “I loved that, Mama. Thank you.”
And I looked at him, still snapping. “I love it, too, buddy. I love so much.”
Beginners Mind! Really wonderful post. I just finished listening to a podcast from Rolph Potts. He speaks about how travel enables us to be kids again. To put on the “white belt”.
There’s such power in starting fresh and new. Learning slowly each step of the process.
I tried yoga with my sister a few months ago. It was a white belt moment for me. I tumbled and stretched and winced. But there was a freedom in not having high expectations.
And what a wonderful example for your son! Great stuff.
Thank you so much, JP! Yes on the beginner’s mind. It makes me think of childlikeness.
Simply beautiful!
Thank you, Sarah.
Amber,
Thank you for an upbeat reminder that we are never too old to learn new tricks ๐ There is beauty in starting in the beginning of something new and moving through the slow process to maturity. Our faith is like that and I am always reminded that in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven we must become like little children. We must be willing to be led and shepherded. My daughter teaches yoga in addition to middle school dance. I’ve tried learning the moves…and for this 50+ something gal…it isn’t pretty lol but it’s always fun to start at the beginning ๐
Blessings,
Bev
Oh I love that you do that, Bev. It’s also like a physical working out of our JOY.
Amber, this was stunning. Thank you.
Thank you, sweet Aliza.
Thanks for sharing such a teachable moment, we all need a refresher course in being open to whatever God would have us do.
Too, Kathy, it is one of the most fun things I have ever done. I love it, and I love having it in common with the boys.
From one mama of high kicking martial arts boys to another – this gave me a big ol’ lump in my throat.
Yes, I think you actually know my world pretty well. Love you.
LOVED THIS, Amber. Several good lessons here for all of us. It also brought to mind Paul’s words, “”I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” 1 Corinthians 9:27 (ESV) Well done!
Thank you so much for this. Always send the verses, friend.
This was awesome! Thank you.
Amber, Thank for your timely message. For me it was a reminder of how important disciplines of all kinds are and how gracious God is when we get to start over and relearn again life lessons we took for granted through laziness or neglect. It’s humbling when we fall, but your analogy of the white belt gives me hope to keep on. I’m still in the game but just at the back of the class. My focus is on “The Master”, Jesus Christ. Today I’m looking for my white belt.
CjW, I love this comment. Thank you. I think we’re in a sweet spot, because humility is undeniable. What do we have to offer as we are just in the beginning? We have nothing to offer except what He gives us. We can easily know our position. This is the position I feel the most loved, too. Right now I feel like a beloved child, and I think that’s how my boys feel, too.
This was awesome…! …and I have to confess that I hate being told what to do too…! Beautiful beautiful take on this. Thanks Amber! Have a fabulous Friday! โฅ
Thank you, heather.
What a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing! Perhaps me and daughter will step out in faith and take a class together. She has always been interested in doing something like this! ๐
Shari, even if it’s not karate, I think you should do it! I have another child who is not so interested in karate, and my eyes are peeled for something we can enjoy together. It really has added joy to our home.
In all due respect to you as a sister in Christ, I must disagree for a number of reasons. But the one that to me was the most serious was this: Your young son had a conviction about something that to him, was wrong. God’s Word tells us that “If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning.” (Rom 14:23 NLT) Then he was “convinced” that HE was wrong in the conviction.
If the research is done on the origins, roots, and spiritual powers involved with martial arts, there can be little reconciliation with the whole of God’s Word and His principles for life and godliness. The results of being involved in many eastern practices with their anti-God of the Bible underpinnings is not usually immediate or obvious, but rather subtle. However, eventually there is a dear cost.
I could go into much more detail but will let each person choose to seek the Lord and do the research if they so desire…I am probably going to be in the minority with the above information, but as James 4:17 states: “it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” I was compelled to write.
Blessings and love in the Lord Jesus to all
Thank you for your response, Deeb. I know my son. He is learning the beauty of authority by way of love, and he also aims to be in the military as an adult. His conviction is not actually as he was saying. I know my shepherd, and I know His voice. I am not afraid. I have much more to say on this as well, but this is merely a post and not the whole of my parenting philosophy or the proper relational ground for such accusations.
By all means, if any reader here is convicted to not eat meat sacrificed to idols, please do not do that. For me, it’s just meat. I hope I haven’t caused anyone to stumble. Go as the LORD leads, sister. Trust that His word is active in my life.
I just love this! I don’t have boys, only girls, but I’m always seeking activities that we can do together. I think it does something powerful in their spirits to realize that their all-knowing (at least to them) Mom does not, in fact, know how to do everything. It gives me a chance to model what it looks like to take instruction. (And I really don’t like being told what to do, either)
Thank you for this. I am SO not good at slow! I’m making an effort to live more intentionally, though. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I, well, don’t. Thank goodness for each day being new. And I love that you got out and took karate with your boys. Go, mom!
THe Lord has done everything but beat patience into me, Lisa. ๐ THank you.
Oh Amber. I love this so much. So much to say, but really Just one question. Could I come do karate with you? ๐
Please do karate with me!
Amber! Gah! I love this so much!!!! It’s absolutely beautiful!
I am patient but, there are times when I want that microwave process. Jesus never lets me have that. I, too, am learning to love the slow process. I think those are the heart changes that last. I am so excited about this journey! Looking forward to hearing all of the God stories.
I love your heart sister! Btw, I miss you!!!
Karina, oh how I want that microwave process, too. That’s a good way to put it.
I love the Haines family. That is all.
We love the Gerth family, too. ๐
Dear Amber,
This was my all time favourite post of yours. You had me in stitches. So many wonderful expressions, but most of all, I love how you are mommy to your boys. Fine indeed!
Wishing you (and all readers) a great weekend,
Alison
Your writing is so rich and layered, that I had to come back and read it a second time tonight. I love the way you love. Thanks for taking us along for the ride.
Hi-YAH! <—- #karatesoundeffect
Yup, love me some Amber words. Also, I read the whole thing in your voice now so it adds a layer to the whole experience. I know the word is active in your life, I hear it in the way you stand tall and also in the way you bend low. Keep preaching.
Love this post. So beautiful the way you interacted with your boys…and I love the lessons God taught you in the ordinary things. That’s how He teaches me.
Thank you so much for sharing this today.
OK that one made me cry. Really good tears. Amen. It made me love our shephard more and it made me love my babies more. And maybe the lady in white too ๐
There is such freedom in being humble enough to be transparent about our lives! Jesus is our great teacher, brother and friend! He took on skin and became a human with all our limitations and foibles, so He could be our High Priest! Loved your analogy! Keep up the good work!
SO, amazing. And so beautifully told. You rock, mama. Yeah.
Amber,
I want microwave responses to prayer and most everything in life. God doesn’t work that way! He gives us the slow process. He wants us to understand the reasons and lean more into Him during our trials!
BTW: I just loved the story! Love your writing too!!
Blessings ๐
:
What a wonderful instructor you have, to take the time to talk with your son, and not be angry with him but travel with him, and you, on your family’s journey.
Excellent story! Our eldest (classically autistic) was the first to sign up for Taekwondo. Then his younger sister (mild ASD) then her twin brother (asperger’s and severe ADHD). Finally me – battling MS and having lost a fair bit of lower body sensation and some mobility. Five years later – eldest is 3rd Degree Black Belt, the rest of us are 2nd Degree. Life changing! We’re a very conventional, homeschooling, Christian family. We do get a few ‘what about the violence?’ questions friends. Your story explains it perfectly. Thank you.