Since we’ve been given the biblical mandate that we all belong to each other {Romans 12:5, NLT}, this fall at (in)courage we wanted to spend some deliberate time together unpacking what that means.
To focus on what it means to love my neighbor as myself.
To open our hearts for dialogue about what it might look like to walk around in someone else’s shoes.
So we’re hosting a conversation here every Wednesday for the next few weeks about what it looks like to do life in a way that reflects the timely truth that we actually are better together. Won’t you join us as we invite writers from our community to share what doing life Better Together has looked like in real time for them?
And then consider what living life — like we are better together — might look like for you too.
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My friend Crystal Paine had never traveled further abroad than the Dominican Republic when she took an 18-hour plane ride with me to South Africa.
She was coming to see first hand the community center, water point, and vegetable garden our blog readers had built together through our partnership with Help One Now in South Africa.
It was hot and often uncomfortable. There were plenty of awkward moments. Because anytime you open your door to your neighbor, whether they live across the street or across the globe, it can get bumpy.
I asked Crystal if she’d share some of those moments with you all — a behind-the-scenes look at what it’s like to walk around in someone else’s shoes and someone else’s story that is so totally different than your own.
Because sometimes that’s the best way to discover what we have in common.
From Crystal (also known as Money Saving Mom):
I am the girl who is afraid of meeting new people. The girl who doesn’t like to go outside her comfort zone. The girl who doesn’t like unknowns. The girl who had never been on an airplane for longer than 5 hours.
But I had this deep down peace in my heart that this was the next step in my journey. That I wasn’t just supposed to send money or encouragement from far away. That I was supposed to step outside my comfort zone and GO.
To meet the local leaders and hear from them personally. To see the needs with my own eyes.
To experience what life is like in South Africa. To better understand the struggles of this community. To bring encouragement and hope to those who are working tirelessly to make an impact.
Stepping outside your comfort zone and taking risks isn’t usually glamorous business. I think we sometimes idealize what risk-taking will be like.
We picture wild adventures. Thrilling exploits. Amazing feats. While that is often some of what happens, there’s usually a whole lot of awkward and hard work in between.
In fact, in between all the wonderful things on our South Africa trip, there was also a fair share of sweat, dirt, vomit, and tears involved. I’m learning that’s part of the whole stepping-outside-your-comfort-zone gig.
There were many times (especially at first) when I couldn’t understand someone’s accent. After asking them to repeat themselves three times and you still didn’t understand, it was hard to know what to do or say.
There were times when I could tell that the person I was talking to didn’t have any idea what I was saying because they couldn’t understand my accent or American phrases.
There were times when I was given food to eat that was very different than anything I was used to.
There were times when it seemed everyone else knew what was going on and I didn’t have a clue.
There were times when a child would do or say something that broke your heart so much you could barely hold in the tears.
Yes, there was a lot of awkwardness mixed in with the trip. There were many times when I didn’t know what to do, say, or be.
But if I had chosen to avoid those awkward moments, I would have missed out on so many awesome moments. Moments that were goose-bump-inducing and incredibly amazing.
And so I encourage you: stop playing it safe. Step out. Jump out. Take risks.
It will be awkward, tiring, exhausting, and monotonous at times. But don’t let that hold you back from getting to know the people God places in your path.
Embrace the awkward and you’ll get to experience the awesome.
And I’m so glad that I did.
Getting to meet such amazing people face-to-face, seeing their difficulties firsthand, walking their streets, sleeping in their homes, eating their food, and attending their church services helped me understand their culture better, yes.
But it also allowed me to have a better understanding of the issues they are facing and how I could play a part in helping take some of the stress and burdens off of their shoulders.
Because sometimes we forget there are women like us living in places like Hammanskraal, South Africa. Women who wake up worried, who pinch pennies, and who still find ways to keep opening their doors to their neighbors.
Women like Elizabeth from the Reagoboka Drop-in Centre and Early Childhood Development Centre who host after-school care in their homes for kids whose parents work in the cities till long after dark.
When we asked Elizabeth how many kids she would be willing to care for this year, she was confused. Because, as she explained, “We don’t close the door to anyone.”
Elizabeth is the epitome of hope.
And we got to meet the children and we were blown away by the joy on their faces, the spark in their eyes, and the zest they all have for life.
And we get to partner with Elizabeth in her remarkable, everyday work of changing lives, slowly, one child at a time.
Finding ways to connect is going to look different to each and every one of us. We all have unique gifts, talents, abilities, and passions. We all have different capacities and callings.
Elizabeth serves kids in her back yard.
I get to serve them from my blog. And for three amazing days, in person.
The world needs your gifts, your talents, and your willingness to start somewhere. To connect with someone. To be willing to be uncomfortable in order to understand someone else’s story.
Right where you are, right now.
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Devi Duerrmeier says
I grew up as a missionary kid in the Philippines, and even though poverty was at our doorstep (literally, next door), it still wasn’t something I was comfortable with as a teen and adult. I’ve learned I guess where God needs me to push through the awkwardness and where he is also using my own personality to say, *this isn’t for you* maybe you can empower someone else to do it. But it does all start with the willingness to be there and the willingness to be uncomfortable.
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Yes, love that Devi – the difference between knowing where we’re called to serve and where it’s someone else’s assignment. And keeping our hearts willing all the way.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Crystal,
Thank you for your honest insights. I want to get on a plane to go and walk in the shoes of those I serve in Pakistan. As an American in a culture where some despise Americans may not be the safest idea. I do dream of the day when I can hug the innocent children I support over there through Redeemer Christian School. I imagine it is VERY awkward entering a world that is so foreign to ours, but that’s what Christ calls us to do. The only way we can touch is if we GO.
Blessings,
Bev
Lisa-Jo Baker says
We love how you serve where you are with all the passion you have, Bev. You’re a testament to all of us!
Jenni DeWitt @ Genuflected.com says
One time I prayed, “I’ll do anything, God, just don’t send me to Africa.” I’m sure he was laughing at me in His loving way, no doubt planning how He could send me to Africa. ; ) I love the honesty of the message in this post. When we reach out to other people, there’s a good chance it’s going to get awkward. We might feel weird or wonder if we even should have tried. But it’s good. Awkward isn’t to be avoided at all cost — letting fear stop us from loving each other is what we really need to try to avoid.
Lisa-Jo Baker says
“Awkward isn’t to be avoided at all cost” – amen to that!
Janet Holt Hall says
I just had to comment…. I prayed the exact same thing. “Lord, I’ll follow you anywhere, but please don’t send me to Africa.” Imagine my surprise when my husband accepted a job 5 years ago…..yes….in AFRICA! I also love the quote in the blog – Embrace the awkward and you’ll get to experience the awesome”. Thankfully God brings us through the awkward and we experience the awesome as we learn to lean on Him – even in Africa! 🙂
JeanneTakenaka says
Crystal, I loved reading your lessons learned and joys experienced. I’m a girl who also doesn’t like stepping outside my comfort zone. 🙂 But I grow when I do.
I loved this line: “Embrace the awkward and you’ll get to experience the awesome.”
I’ve definitely been in awkward situations, but I love that it’s sometimes through those times that God leads us through doorways to see His awesome works.
Lisa-Jo Baker says
I love that line too! 🙂
Gail Noe says
Thank you for the open honesty in this article and getting into our uncomfortableness. There have been many as of late, but I am recalling one a while back when the Lord called on me to join our local Rescue Mission and wash the feet of the homeless and the drug users who live on the streets. I had done this many times before in the safety of my church but….. To my surprise I was called on to wash the feet of a man in his 30s (I am 78). I had no idea what to say so I kept reminding this man that God loves him. The more I spoke of God’s love for him, the more he cried and cried. When he could not stop, they called on the male chaplain of the Mission who calmed him down to a degree. Thus started my volunteer services at the Mission going out with the Rescue Mission van and 3-4 others (one a chaplain in charge) on the streets to hand out food and drink. It has been 2 years now, but I can now sincerely speak to these folks of God’s love for them and see some amazing responses. The biggest change has been in my heart. Thank you Jesus!
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Gail, just wow. I have goosebumps reading this. Thank you for sharing!
Gail Noe says
Nothing but pure grace. Facing and confronting were not part of my old nature BUT this new nature from the Lord does. Absolutely amazing!
Aaron Smothers says
“Embrace the awkward and you’ll get to experience the awesome.” Love that!
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Me too 🙂
Beth Williams says
Lisa-Jo,
Love reading your posts! It can be scary, awkward and hard to step out of your comfort zone and go somewhere you’ve never been. Take heart God will always go with you! Years ago I was involved in Emmaus Walks (weekends based on walk to Emmaus). They also did Kairos Walks (same thing done in prisons). I went and helped out in the kitchen. Cooking for the team and the prisoners on the walk. Scary part was going into the prison (maximum security) main room and seeing those prisoners face to face. The best part–getting the applause for the good food, seeing tears on eyes of some who got their first birthday cake ever!! Nothing can replace those memories!!
I would tell everyone do what you can when you can where you can as often as you can–& step out of your comfort zone! It will be wildly exciting & a God-lead adventure!
Blessings:)
Kristi says
Thank you for sharing this story. Thank you for the reminder sometimes we have to just push through the awkward to get to the awesome. Bless you both.