First comes love, then comes marriage, then come cheap dinners and at-home date nights as we slowly toil away towards financial freedom!
After my husband and I were married and settled in to life as a team, we had no choice but to face some pretty inhospitable debt — thanks, in part, to my graduate school loans. The overwhelm, stress, and fear that debt causes can put a dark curtain over nearly every aspect of life. Suddenly, everything feels dimmed — and if it’s not dimmed, then hurry up and turn off the light because WE’RE PAYING FOR THAT.
Recently, however, something has shifted.
My husband has been excelling at work, we’ve organized our budget and savings, and royalty checks for a writing project I did have been delivered. The debt isn’t all gone (yet!), but we feel like we have some space to breathe, and hope is shining brightly into some of the previously darkened places in our lives.
My husband overflows with gratefulness and relief as we move towards more comfortable days. I, however, don’t seem to allow the light back in that easily. The dark season still feels so close and so real; with one misstep, I assume the ground below us will open up and we’ll fall right back into the overwhelmingly stressful days of dimness and tuna sandwiches.
My fear of the darkness can so easily keep me from enjoying the light.
I tiptoe around, inching towards places marked with hope and joy while practicing great caution, because what if it doesn’t last?
The truth is — the lighter, leisurely days will not last. Not on this side of heaven, anyway. Winter comes around again, Daylight Savings Time ends, and gray days of snow, slush, and rain become a normalcy. We cannot stop the world from spinning.
Nor can we ward off seasons of grief, financial strain, or illness. No matter how wisely we invest, the number of vitamins we take, or the work we do to remain connected to our spouse — none of us are completely exempt from difficult times.
Darkness comes, and though it does not stay forever, it probably will return every once in a while.
Last year, my husband and I, then-Washington state residents, were driving in a convertible through parts of the Pacific Northwest. It’s mostly true that it rains a lot where we lived in the Seattle area, so any sliver of sunshine is typically cause for celebration. As we were nearing home, the sun came out but the temperature remained around 45 or 50 degrees. This is not prime convertible weather. But . . . sun! And a convertible!
So, we did what mostly any sun-deprived Seattle-ite would do. We bundled up, cranked the car’s heater, and put the top down. We looked utterly ridiculous, I’m sure, but nothing was going to stop us from embracing the (sun)light.
I need more of that in my world — to allow myself to enjoy the light when it is available, even if it is short-lived (or I have to put on thirty layers and a parka to do so). Sure, the light doesn’t last forever, but neither does the darkness — unless, of course, I choose to stay in the difficult and dim places.
If we allow the fear of what could be or the dread of hard days ahead cripple us, so that we cannot relish joy, peace, or sunshine in the “right now” — well, then we’re really missing out.
As a new season approaches, I am doing my best to claim peace over fear, hope over despair, and contentment over dissatisfaction. Even if circumstances feel worrisome, be it in the thick of summer or the dead of winter, I want to let light in. In every season — of the year and of our lives — darkness may exist, but it doesn’t have to dominate. Good times may be sprinkled with troubles, hard times sprinkled with happiness.
Today, I choose hope, faith, and really cold convertible rides under a clear blue sky.
Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Mallory,
I used to live with the myth that if I could just get through this hard time, then everything would be just fine. Life, being life, dispelled that false hope long ago. But, like you pointed out…the light still shines in the darkness. When a glimpse of sunlight comes, we need to bundle up, jump in the convertible and ENJOY it. Looking for the hope – the sunshine – in everyday life takes practice. May we all keep practicing looking for it. Thanks for sharing here this am 🙂
Blessings,
Bev
An says
Bev, thank you for reminding that the light shines in the darkness. So needed that today 🙂 May you have a blessed weekend 🙂
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Blessings to you, An, this weekend!
Bev xx
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
Hi Bev,
Thank you so much for your words. Yes–life, being life, keeps us on our toes. It is an honorable practice to look for and embrace hope in our days. I’m so glad you’re with me here.
Warmly,
Mallory
Michele Morin says
I love this image of rejoicing! Striving with you to live each day in that “convertible-with-the-top-down” mind set — under the clear blue sky of God’s gracious gifts!
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
Yes and Amen, Michele! Thank you for reading!
An says
Mallory, I thank you and the Lord for this perspective adjusting post 🙂 It is easy some days for me to focus too much on the negative and then miss all that the Lord is doing, the way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. I love what you said “If we allow the fear of what could be or the dread of hard days ahead cripple us, so that we cannot relish joy, peace, or sunshine in the “right now” — well, then we’re really missing out.” The Lord always breaks through to bring us messages of hope and joy if we have eyes to see. May each of us have eyes to see His workings and rejoice in them, for ever does He love us 🙂 Please pray that I may have those eyes to see today-I need it 😛 Praying that your days are blessed.
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
An, I’m so glad to have your reflections here; thank you for sharing. May your senses be heightened to notice and relish the bright spots in each day. Lord, hear our prayer.
Deep blessings to you, sister.
Christina McFarland Hubbard says
This so speaks to me today, Mallory. I can’t live that way, back in the darkness, wondering what if—paralyzed. Pushing through to the light together—-thank you for leading the way with your words. Love this line especially:
“If we allow the fear of what could be or the dread of hard days ahead cripple us, so that we cannot relish joy, peace, or sunshine in the “right now” — well, then we’re really missing out.”
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
Christina, I’ll be remaining mindful of you as I continue my own work of turning away from the “what if” mentality and push through to the light. We need to know we’re not alone in the struggle to see and embrace the light, even when life feels heavy and dark. Blessings as you relish moments of joy.
With you,
Mallory
Afton Rorvik says
Beautiful piece hung on that image of that really cold convertible rides under a clear blue sky. 🙂
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
Thank you for being here, Afton!
Nancy Wolfe @ livingcenter.me says
When I celebrate God’s goodness in the darkness, I am overcome by how strong He feels. My prayer is that I remember that safe feeling when the light starts to peek through, and I regain some of my own strength. Blessings on us all in the dark and light…xoxox
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
What a beautiful prayer for us all. Thank you for sharing, Nancy. I’m so grateful to have you here.
Beth Williams says
Mallory,
During dark times I write down anything and everything I’m thankful for. It ranges from mundane to big stuff like Jesus and a home in Heaven. It helps me to see brighter side of life. In a sense it allows sunshine into my otherwise dark and dreary time. This brings joy and peace to my soul. I don’t worry about what might be because God says “Don’t worry about tomorrow for today has enough worries of it’s own”.
Blessings 🙂
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
What an awesome practice, Beth! Practical and powerful. Thanks for sharing!
Joanna @ Modern Ruth Project says
Thanks for sharing this! I like that you emphasized that you can keep yourself in the darkness long after it’s gone – I know I’m definitely like that, ruminating on a situation long after it’s over. All that does is keep up in the darkness perpetually! Time to embrace the light!
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
Amen! Blessings as you embrace light! Thank you for reading, Joanna.
Nancy Redford says
Ever since I was diagnosed with MS and then my back collapsed entirely, I’ve learned that you find fun in moments. It’s different. You can’t just decide to spend the day skiing or doing a big sport thing that’s fun. You have to find fun in the God given things that you sometimes need to look for. Most of the time when you find them they are more beautiful than the fun for fun’s sake things I used to do. I cherish the times I spend walking with my two year old grandson when we visit them, or even talking & laughing with him on FaceTime on Saturday mornings when he decides to call me. What joy. God brings me joy every day. Oh, I love my savior so much for seeing me & seeing just what I need, even in darkness, to bring me His light.
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
Nancy, I’m so grateful to hear your perspective. What a rich life you are living–seeing the greatness in the seemingly small things. Peace to you in the midst of this diagnosis. May the sacred moments with your Grandson be protected as you continue to cherish memories made with him. Bless you, Nancy.
Jamie Rohrbaugh says
Mallory, thank you for sharing. I can sooooo identify! I recently quit my job part-time (going from a nice, full-time corporate job down to part-time) so I can write and dedicate those hours to ministry. That has been a scary transition. Papa God has taken care of us abundantly, but I’ve found myself having to spend extra time with Him to ward off fear. I believe He will continue to take care of us, and I have zero reason to doubt Him. But, not being able to depend on my own ability to work and earn as a corporate professional – and having to depend on Him instead while I work at writing – has been a very different kind of challenge, for sure. A good one … but definitely challenging!
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
Oh, I hear you, Jamie. It’s so scary–and, yet, what awesome provisions you will be able to witness as you are tended to in this transition. Much peace to you, sister. Thank you for being here.
Stephanie Thompson says
Your words beautifully describe the season I’m living in right now. Most of my single life and married life involved exerting much energy into trying to pay off debt-most of it from student loans, medical debt and my husbands sudden drop in income several years ago. We finally reached a point where we can breathe and even try to get ahead. However, the memories of the past are not far behind and I am so afraid of going back there that it’s hard to bask in the sunshine-I fear a storm is right around the corner. Thank you for reminding me that my God is a God of all seasons-He “neither sleeps nor slumbers.”(Psalm 121). I don’t want to miss the gift of a sunny day.
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
What a powerful Psalm; thank you for sharing. I hear you. I’m with you. Much peace to you as you bask in sunshine.
Valerie Hohenberger says
Mallory,
Thank you for sharing your heart with us! If you do not mind, I will print this post out and mail it to my daughter who is 36 and recovering from her fourth back surgery who has three beautiful boys all under nine years of age. Her dear husband is an over the road truck driver and therefore not around the home much. She lives in another state from us and as my husband is undergoing chemotherapy for stage four lung cancer, I am not able to be with her nor keep the children. She called yesterday upset because “she felt like a bad mom” because she had to ask friends to help care for her children and to help with her house work.
She has always been a glass-half-full type of person and she gets so terribly depressed. She has been unalbe to work for almost two years now and for part of that time, her husband was unable to work either due to health issues. At least we were able to help keep the bills paid for them.
Mallory Larsen Redmond says
Valerie, my heart hurts at all your family is going through right now. I’d be honored if you shared this story with your daughter. She sounds like a particularly amazing mom; she is ensuring her kids are well-cared for, especially during this time when she is healing. It takes a village to raise children, and it’s so honorable that she is taking advantage of her “village.”
It sounds like you, too, are a kind and generous mom and grandma. Peace to you all as you navigate these difficult days. Thank you for being here.