About the Author

Karina Allen is devoted to helping women live out their unique calling and building authentic community through the practical application of Scripture in an approachable, winsome manner.

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  1. Yes,please to prayer. I had some close Christian friends and got so much encouragement from talking with them. They just don’t get in touch now & I miss them. I feel cut off.

    • Thank you Karina for your encouraging message. I recently sold my house and moved into a new community I’m finding it very difficult to reach out and make new friends. Please keep me in prayer

      • Father, give JC a supernatural boldness to step out and be the friend that she desires to have. May she herself how You see her and realized the value that she’ll add to this new community. Open doors for intentional connection. Lead her. Guide her. Build community that will welcome her and be of immense encouragement to her.

        In Jesus’ Name,
        Amen

        • AMEN, I lift JC up to the Father for his strength. I just read in a commentary today about Exodus that we do not know our path but we know our Guide! Let Him guide you. He has placed you in this community for a reason. There may be another wonderful woman out there that has prayed for you to come!

    • Father, You created us for authentic and life giving community. I pray that You would cause M to come to mind among her friends and even cause her to come to mind among some new possible friends. She is your daughter, loved and cherished by you. May she be loved and cherished by those who surround her with.

      In Jesus’ Name!
      Amen!

  2. Karina,
    I echo your sentiments. I moved around the country a lot for quite a few years. I quickly learned that if I was going to have friends, then I was going to have to be the one to step out of my comfort zone and be a good friend to someone else…I would have to do the approaching. Some people I approached, didn’t reciprocate and though that’s hard to take – that’s life. But, some did. Thanks to God I found kindred spirits in each city and town I lived in.
    Right now, though I have good close friendships and community here at (in)courage, my full time work makes it hard to have community in a group like I used to in Bible studies and church small group. I am finding that I miss that kind of community. I’m torn between trying to squeeze too much into already busy days, and having that group of women to which I belong. I’m in a season where coffee or lunch with a single friend is what I can handle. Not sure if I’m making excuses or that’s just the season I’m in?? Looking to God for wisdom…as you can see, Karina, you’ve got me thinking…
    Blessings,
    Bev

    • Bev! Thank you for sharing! I love that you’re thinking!

      Father, there is such an ebb and flow to what You’re doing in our lives. You know the season that Bev is in and you know the capacity that she can handle. Would you surround her with the few that will minister and pray for and uplift her in this season. When a new season comes where she can do more and have more engagement, may she welcome it. Be her peace. Speak Your truth and purposes to her. May she lead wherever the wind of the Spirit takes her.

      In Jesus’ Name.
      Amen

    • Bev,

      I get it. It is so hard when our lives get busy. Hard to want to fit it all in and have friends. Just do as the Lord leads and see what happens. My church has a Tuesday night Bible study for women. A lot of us work outside the home and that is when we can make it. We do short 6-8 week studies and love on each other. Pray about it and see where He leads.

      Praying for you now in this season!

      Blessings 🙂

      • Beth,
        You are always such an encouragement to me! I’d love to do an evening Bible study. My problem is, I’m a morning person. I’m up by five…work all day…by the time I fix dinner and clean up my brain literally starts to shut down about 7:30 lol. I am praying about how God will fill this void right now and I certainly appreciate your prayers and your friendship here!!
        Blessings,
        Bev xx

  3. I am in the midst of a huge life transition, leaving a community that I’ve been well connected in for the last 10 years to pursue something that God has not completely revealed yet. While I’m very much at peace at this point, I know this type of transition can cause fear and isolation to set in. Pray for me to be confident, bold and to connect with joy!

    • This sounds exactly like me a few months ago 🙂 Praying for God to reveal your path in His timing and for the peace to endure throughout all the major, minor, expected, and surprising changes!

    • Dear Golden,
      I am right there with you. I’m longing for connection in this new place and missing good friends of the past terribly. I am telling myself to Trust. Our Saviour loves us and we need to stay connected to Him. I read Ted Dekker’s book of meditations, The Forgotten Way, and it is helping me draw closer to our Lord. And to know His love. May you be blessed with a renewed closeness to our Lord and Saviour. As we have moved so many times, Jesus has been my only constant friend, but such a wonderful friend He is!

    • I love your name Golden!

      God, You are always doing a new thing. We thank You for that! May Golden trust you during this transition. May she lean into mystery and seek out You revelation. May she trust You to have community awaiting her. Prepare hearts and minds on both sides for these new connections. They will be life giving and full of joy! May she step out in boldness and confidence of who you have created her to be and the value that she has to offer to her new community. You are good and faithful!

      In Jesus’ Name.
      Amen

    • Golden,

      Praying for a discerning heart to know God’s perfect will for your life! May He show you the path and give you perfect peace. Prayers for confidence and courage to follow the path He lays out for you!

      Blessings 🙂

  4. I would greatly appreciate prayer. My only close friend lives in another country. She is my best friend and knows my whole heart. I need close friends who live near me that I could spend time with. Please pray that the Lord blesses me with some close Christian friends.

    • Father, You have created Nicola with so much gifting and talent that needs to be shared with community and the world. Would you open doors for new friends? Bring some trusted companions for her to do life with. It’s Your heart for Nicola not to be isolated. Do a work in her and those around her.

      In Jesus’ Name.
      Amen

    • Jesus, we break all fear off of Clara’s sister! Peace come and rule in her heart. We thank you for community and how they display the love of Christ. You are good and faithful. I pray that You would be that in abundance!!!!

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  5. True community is a blessing & not easy to find. There must be give and take. I have seen the way a true community supports and loves and cares. I have seen the creation of cliques that cause slow demise of true community in church. True community is the way Jesus lived it the same no matter the time or season. That is often not the way today’s community lives. Today’s communities tend to cling closer to the families they are born into or are married into. They tend to help only at their own convenience and in their own time. In the end I depend on my one true God the most. I don’t give up on community but I also realize humans have self imposed limits. Me too. Looking heavenward allows me to keep on keeping on. For my Jesus never fails, isolates or abandons in times of need.

  6. The friend without any friends except those made in the 20s? You described me. It is really hard to make friends as you get older and trying makes me tired. I crave for real connection, real friends who will be with be and accept me but most times, the ‘connections’ made are superficial fair-weather type and after a while, it gets tiring to keep trying. So, yes, please pray for me.

    • Angela, I get it!

      Father, I pray a fresh spirit of perseverance over Angela. Going after community is tiring, but so worth it! It’s Your heart. It’s how You tangibly display Your love for us. Open doors for meaning and authentic connection in Angela’s life. May she walk through those doors boldly and confidently.

      In Jesus’ Name.
      Amen

    • I am also that person! I have lived overseas now for 20 years and we move a lot. The last place we lived was for 6 years and I did develop a tight knit group of girlfriends. When we were asked to move back to Nepal last year, it was the hardest thing for me because I now have to work full time leaving me with little time or energy to just go out and have fun. The expat community here is huge but also very fluid, making it very hard to have any kind of meaningful relationship with anyone. Now add in top of that my grieving the loss of close community in my previous place. Needless to say, it is just getting easier for me to not put out the effort anymore as I am weary for trying and miss my old friends dearly.
      I desire a close friend here in Nepal but I don’t want to have to say goodbye again in a few months or in a year.

    • Father, show Lynn that she is not alone. You are with her and you have community for her. Make a way for intentional connection. Let there be an ease and a peace and joy to these new friendships. Ordain them. bless them. may they be life giving!

      In Jesus’ Name.
      Amen

  7. It’s amazing how God works. Just this weekend I laid in my bed crying out for a community. My husband and I have been looking for a new church. I’ve been hurt by people in the “church” and for the longest time didn’t want to try again. We both desire relationships with those we can be authentic with. By nature, I’m a people person but as of late I’ve shrunk back. I’m fearful of being hurt and/or rejected. Most people we know right now our age, our at different stages. I’d greatly appreciate the prayers!

    • We had a similar situation with our church and are now looking for a new one. I agree, it’s so hard after you’ve been hurt. God has big plans for us and a beautiful community waiting to welcome us in with open arms. Praying for you ❤️

    • Jesus, I pray that You would bind up the wounds of those that have hurt Maralee. That is never Your intent. Bring healing and forgiveness. Open doors for new lifegiving friendships. Give her boldness and courage to step out and be all that You’ve created her to be. She has great value and worth in you that will be seen in community.

  8. I really appreciate his post. I love and thrive in community. However it seems no matter how much I reach out to people or how much I try to cultivate friendships it doesn’t happen. I don’t work so I have plenty of free time (well around my kiddos schedule), but I am not successful. I have just resigned to the fact that I have my hubby, my little boy and the baby inside me, along with plenty to do. I know God created us for community and I long to have people around me to support me and encourage me but it just doesn’t seem to be the thing for me right now….

    • Thank you for sharing Meg!

      Father, I call community to surround Meg. There is always room in our lives for the community that You desire for us. May doors open and opportunities arise for her to connect with other women and moms that can uphold her and walk through the highs and lows that come our way. May she not grow tired in seeking community. Reward her faithfulness with trusted and authentic friends.

      In Jesus’ name
      Amen

  9. I really needed this. As a mom in my 30’s I’m really struggling with making friends. I’ve never had this issue before but ever since I became a mom I can’t for the life of me make those close connections like I use to have in my teens and 20’s. I really miss it. I’m also in search of a new church home. I’m hoping once I find that, things will fall into place ❤

    • Father, connect Amber to the exact body of believers within she can thrive and flourish. May she feel a peace and joy and expectancy there. You have great things in store!

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  10. I am touched by your message coz honestly I am an introvert person. I have few friends and most of them are far from me and we aee only connected tru social media. While Its so hard for me to stay in a group of women at church. I have a bibly study group but I am no longer connected to it bec of my insecurities and I feel out of place bec they already knew each other very well. I always ignore them everytime they reach out me thru text or call. Hope you can pray for me to be back in my bible study group and to mingle with my friends. To learn to commit in a group coz I feel so alone most of the times.Thanks for your prayers. God bless!

    • Jesus, You set the lonely in families. Spirit, move through KL to step out and be bold in connecting with community. May she learn to receive friendship despite her emotions. Show her the value and need for deep friendships. May she seek them out with intentionality. May she rest in her identity. She has something to offer. may she offer it willingly.

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  11. Karina, thank you for these words! I tend to be more like the woman you write about – I get caught up in my insular world with my fiancée and it takes great effort to cultivate friendships. I have friends from college and grad school and we try to stay in touch but it’s hard for everyone with our varying schedules. I found great encouragement in your statement that we all have something to offer. I want to write that on my heart and use it as motivation when I’m feeling hesitant to reach out or open myself up to a new friend. Thank you!

    • I love that Lacey!

      Father, open Lacey’s eyes to Your heart and her need for community. Give her strength and boldness and courage to take a risk and reach out. She has something of value to offer.

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  12. I would love your prayers. I have been hurt by so many “so called friends” in my life time, that I’ve become very withdrawn and reserved. I have trust issues because of childhood trauma and rejection from every man I’ve ever met in my life, so it’s very hard for me to make new friends. I tend to stay to myself and not socialize at all.

    • Father, i break off every chain of insecurity and fear and trauma. Those spirits have no place in your life. They must flee in Jesus’ Name. Kim, I speak wholeness and healing over you. You are created in the image of God. He has designed you for family. You are his adopted and beloved one. You are loved. The Lord says so. We agree with God’s Word and His promises over you. There is community for you that will welcome you and love you and encourage you and walk through pain with you. God, open doors for Kim. May she run through them with an expectant heart. I bless you with freedom and restoration!

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  13. Help me pray also that I will have Christian friends whom I can spend my time and talk to esp at church. Its so hard for me to have a bestfriend. Im in my mid 20s. I had this experience where all my closest friends are so busy with their lives and can no longer spend time with me. It hurts and Ive been wanting someone to stay through thick and thin.

  14. Can sure use some peayer in this area!!! I am pretty insecure, and struggle with small talk and all that. In addition, I have struggled with my weight most if my life, and have dental issues. The combo makes it much easier to stay home. My 20 year old daughter is struggling with friends too. She’s a suoer sweet kind girl who does swoon over guys, party, etc. It makes her an outsider to her used to be friends. We had been part of a really large church that was difficult to connect in. We have been searching for a new church home for awhile now. Hubby is a disabled Veteran and has some connections there. It seems like I try to reach out, say we should get together, but no one has time for a new friend. I really pray my daughter finds friends, even more so than me. We bith get to feeling there is something wrong wiyh us.

    • Sue, thanks for sharing! I don’t do small talk. I go deep and fast.

      God, I come against the lie that there is something wrong with Sue and her daughter. They are perfect in Christ. You have created them with such care and purpose. May they rest in and live out of their identities in you alone. You have the right community for them. I pray that You would open doors and make a way where there seems to be no way. Give them and those around them a desire for deep heart connection.

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  15. We recently moved to a new state and we live in the country. No close neighbors . I am in my 60s and could be the woman you spoke of with no friends. I’ve never had close girlfriends. I love to meet people and can talk to anyone, but it seems that I always feel like people won’t like me if they new the real me . So I tend to back off. This has been a struggle for me my whole life. I would appreciate your prayers!

    • Donnita, I know that struggle all too well!

      Father, I come against the fear of rejection. it must flee. Perfect love come in. You created Donnita with immense love and attention. She is beloved and treasured by You. She has gifts and purpose that only she can offer. I bless her with courage and strength to step out despite her feelings. Give her expectancy about the future friends that are coming her way!

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

    • Father, you are near to Irene. She is never alone because of that. I break off the spirit of loneliness. it has no place in her life. She is loved by You and You have community for her that will love her as well. Open her eyes and her heart to search it out. Draw people into her life that will speak life and encouragement and hope to her soul.

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  16. Yes, pls pray for me. I moved to the US four years back. I’m not American but I married an American who is a wonderful husband and he loves Jesus, that’s why we connected. Since we’d gotten married, we’d moved three times. I’d made friends in our previous residences but this time it’s getting harder. We’d been through some setbacks and still couldn’t find a church where we could connect. I believe I have overcome most of my prejudices, however, I don’t really know why I’m having a more difficult time here now where we live. I’d approached people but they don’t seem to want to connect further. For a while I sort of give up but this year there’s a new change of heart, I want to keep trying and do my part until a breakthrough comes. Thank you!

    • I bless Serena with a persevering spirit. Father, honor her persistence. Reward her with deep , lasting friendships. You created her give and bless and add value. Connect her with the right community. We thank you for the breakthrough that is coming.

  17. Yes, pray for me. I have a loving church, but at times find it difficult to reach out when I need encouragement or help. I feel like I’m imposing on people. I had back surgery 3 months ago and still have a hard time doing some things. Really need a total house clean in order to get ready for new flooring to go in, which is a must. Hate to ask, but have been told by several people that I need to reach out to my church family.

    Thanks for the prayers.

    • Father, I speak healing and strength to Sheila’s body. I come against the lie that she’s imposing on people. She is not a burden. She is your beloved. You created community to meet the needs of each other as a display of Your love. I bless her with a depth of her identity in You. I pray you would draw people are her that will love, support, pray for and add value to her life. May she lay down any pride and ask for help and also receive help that is offered. We are in this together!

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

    • Jesus, You know the needs of Trish’s heart. Holy Spirit come and do what only You can do. Meet every need from the inside out. Bring provision and blessing. I speak wholeness and identity over her. She is welcomed by You and by those You will place in her life. She is loved and valued. May she rest in You and Your promises.

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  18. Karina,
    I found your post both inspiring and encouraging; however, I am shocked by your claim that you have “tons of friend circles.” Are most of these friends born-again Christians? Can they offer you wise counsel? Pray you through a difficult situation? Godly friendships are divinely connected and takes time to cultivate. Sometimes a warm smile, showing love, buying lunch, birthday gifts , etc., will not sustain a friendship when there are barriers such as; jealousy, personality clash and different interests. When I hear a person say they have lots of friends or just acquaintances, for example, 5000 Facebook friends, I know they will have to face the harsh reality that their friend circle has shrunk to a mere 5 “true” friends. Hebrews 13:5 states, “Never will I leave you, nor forsake you.” We have to chose our friends wisely by : 1) showing ourselves friendly, 2) having discernment, 3) time and patience.

    • Charlene, thanks for sharing.

      I am pretty sure that you are misunderstanding that part of my post. I do have tons of friend circles. I have been a Christian for about 20 years. Every single person that I call friend is a Born Again Christian. I am heavily involved in ministry within the church, outside the church, online and in real life. Not all of my friends know each other as they are form different circles of my life. I have friends I have known for decades and some for months. They stand by me in all of the highs and lows of my life. Friendships ebb and flow during different seasons. But, I can call ANYONE of those friends during any hardship that comes my way. My friends are all different, with different personalities and different perspectives. When we experience conflicts, we practice brave communication and allow the Lord to bring reconciliation.

      God has blessed me GREATLY with deep, authentic, lasting, Holy Spirit filled community. I have wise counsel from peers and elders. I am surrounded by mighty prayer warriors. I have covenant friendships. The Lord has joined my heart with some amazing women!

      Community is a priority in my life and I am blessed to have discernment as to who to invite in and to have both time and patience to devote to cultivating friendships that the Lord brings my way.

      So, there is no need to be shocked. God is doing a beautiful work within my community.

      Bless you.

  19. I’d love it if you prayed for me. Your blog spoke to me and I identified with the friend who has nobody close, no friends. I’ve stepped out of my box many times as I’m an encourager too. I like meeting people and have served at my church, gone to small groups with my husband, women’s Bible Study, women’s retreats & even though people know who I am or I meet someone new they never follow through and turn out to be a friend. They stick with their original group and I feel like an outsider. I know I personally could benefit from community and so could our marriage. I have fibromyalgia and suffer from anxiety disorder so sometimes it’s hard for me to get places but I pray often that Jesus will heal me and open the door he has for me. I’m to much of a people person to feel closed off and alone. Thank you for your article I pray that it is the door to community for me and many others!

    • Terri, thank you for sharing! You are TOTALLY welcome here! This is a space where you are valued!

      Father, I speak healing to Terri’s body, mind and spirit. Anxiety must go. Peace come and fill. I speak wholeness and restoration to her body. I speak new life and strength from head to toe. I pray for a depth to your community. Holy Spirit tear walls down that are hindering deep friendships from forming. You desire Terri to do life among spiritual family. You’re heart is never for her to be isolated. Open doors of connection for her at her church filled with all of Your purposes and promises. You’re good and faithful. We thank You for the friends that are coming!

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  20. Karina,
    I am the woman you describe, first. I am an introvert and do not crave relationships. In my quiet time, Christ has been speaking to me about getting more involved with others and with a church family. I moved to another state recently after the death of my husband and have been in “isolation” for quite some time now. It is going to be difficult to accept His biding. After all, I am still that introvert! I would appreciate prayer in doing God’s will, not mine. Thank you for writing this. I believe his touching your heart will, most certainly, touch others as it did mine. (And I see above that it has, my prayers are with all of you too.)
    PB

    • PB, thanks for sharing! I am so sorry about your husband. Praying peace over you! My church has an amazing widow’s ministry. I’m sure there is something like that in your new city somewhere.

      I come against isolation in Jesus’ name. I pray for a spirit of welcome from this new place. May people come into PB’s life that are unexpected. May she be delighted with community and expectant about the value they’ll add to her life. You are good, faithful and ever present for her times of need. You are near to her broken heart.

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  21. This really spoke to my heart. About four years ago my husband lost his battle with cancer. for two year before I spent a lot of time has his care giver and there was not much time for anything but him and work. We had been active in church and even led a small group but cancer tool over everything. I am totally disconnected. I attended our church alone for awhile but the memories hurt to much. So I tried other churches, many many churches. I learned most churches have groups for singles, and young marrieds, and for families with kids and teenagers but a 67 year old widow I learned there were not many small groups for my needs. It became harder and harder to put myself out there so I just stopped.

    I would appreciate your prayers. Thanks

    • Debbie, thank you for sharing! I’m so sorry for your loss. Praying God will be near to your broken heart. My church has a widows ministry. There may be something like that in your area.

      Father, You have the right community for Debbie. I pray she will have a persevering spirit to press on toward deep community. You have it for her. You want it for her. You’re faithful to set her within spiritual family! May she expectant that friendships are coming!

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

    • Thank you Augusta!

      God, You desire that none of us be alone or lonely. I speak against the spirit of loneliness. May there be a spirit of welcome and family in Augusta’s life. Overwhelm her with deep, lasting friends who will speak life and hope to her soul, who will be sources of strength and prayer to her life.

      In Jesus’ name
      Amen

  22. Yes-I’m one of those people who find it difficult to connect and make friends. It’s a slow process, but I’ve slowly worked in the past year to be open and invest in relationships.

    Your prayer is certainly appreciated.

    • Proud of you Maria!

      God, give Maria a spirit of perseverance in going after community. It’s not easy, but worth it. Reward her pursuit with long lasting, covenant friendships. You desire that for her. You are faithful to bring Your promises to pass. You have spiritual family for her that will be life and a joy to her!

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  23. Thank you for your timely message! I moved from a large metro city to a much smaller city in the mid-west. I struggle to expand my circle of friends here and often feel lonely and lost — even 6 years later. I do have Book Club friends, but lost a friend I thought I had in my neighbors and it hurts 3 months later. Please pray for me to expand my circle to and through God’s will and thank you in advance for your prayers.

    • Anne, thanks for sharing!

      Father, I pray for new friends to come from the most unexpected places. Give Anne courage to step out beyond her comfort zone and experience a great reward and blessing! You’re faithful! We thank you!

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  24. I have a friend who moved to our area several years back. She has moved around many many times in her married life and that has made her more outgoing and deliberate about connecting with other people. I love to meet new people and find God is always bringing in new people to my group of friends.
    However, my friend related how sometimes when she moves into a new community and tries to make friends people are pretty closed – kind of like that mindset of ‘I have enough friends and don’t need any more’ . I thought that was so sad!

    • That’s awesome Naomi! Many people are closed off. My prayer is always for God to bring those who want true friendship and connection.

      Thanks for sharing!

  25. Wow, please pray for me. I find it difficult to reach out when I need encouragement or help. I feel like I’m imposing on people, I don’t have any close friend that will say, I am here for you through the good times and the bad times. It’s so hard after you’ve been hurt my friends. So pray for me, that God will connected me with good Christian friends.

    • Dale, thank you for sharing!

      I speak to the lie that Dale is an imposition. She is not. She is created in your image and perfect in Christ. I speak healing and wholeness over past hurts. May press on toward healthy, God- given friendships. That is your heart for her. You are faithful to bring Your promises to pass.

      In Jesus’ Name
      Amen

  26. Yes please! My husband and I have recently relocated to a new state in order for him to accept a work promotion. Neither of us have ever lived more than a couple of hours from where we were born and we are in our fifties! Our very small remaining family, all of our friends and our church family have been left behind. I have not yet found employment, but am actively searching. I am hoping to meet people, but haven’t done so yet. The good news is that after visiting several different churches, we found a church on Sunday that felt like it might be a good fit for us. They were extremely friendly and welcoming. We plan to return this coming Sunday AND plan to attend an outreach event they’re planning on Sunday evening. I tend to be somewhat shy around new people, but am trying to push myself, as I know that the success of our new life in a new place will depend on our ability to build community here.

  27. This was definitely a God moment! Thank you and please pray for me. My world is small. I trust Papa God with my whole heart.

  28. Yes, please pray that God will lead me to a spiritual divine connection church family & friends. May I be patient as I go through this awful season of having no friends. And may I keep my faith as I hopefully wait on the Lord’s timing and His will for my life.

  29. Hi Karina, Thank you for a wonderful blog. I am also in a season of change, though I have lived in the same town for years, I am a single mother who owns my own business and works from home, so new friendships are hard to come by. I also feel I live in a part of the country that it is harder to meet people, but that could be me being a somewhat shy person. Thank you for requesting us to reach out to you for prayer, I would welcome prayers for myself and all of the woman here to encourage us to find closeness in one another and have at least one close friend we always know who will be there when we need an ear and a shoulder. Thank you.

  30. Karina, I praise our God who always shows that He never intends for us to be alone. I have had so many lonely seasons from abusive relationships that left me, an extrovert, in a place that its hard to trust relationship, that people will be there. But our Lord is so gracious and helps me to reach out anyway even though there is a lot of rejection some days. Please pray that we as a nation and Body of Christ can be united in community, in His love. Please pray that He will bring the loving, welcoming church community we all need and help me to love each person right where they are, even if they reject me. Please pray that He will bring those friends and family that He knows we can walk together in love, honesty, and faith. Thank you for being His hands as you wrote these beautiful words of encouragement, Katrina 🙂

  31. Karina, I’m learning I need community: real friendships. The church I’ve been in since I was ten: give or take doesn’t seem to provide what I need. They all seem so wrapped up in their own lives. It hurt especially when noone reached out to us from church when my dad was in the hospital for an aneurysm, except visits from my pastor and his son. I’ve learned to forgive but it seems like people don’t seem to “need” me there. What I mean is I seem to need them more than they need me. Maybe it’s cuz I’m single and the majority of them are not? I don’t know. Our denomination tends to be too “independent” if you ask me….but anyway I’d love your prayers for courage to reach out and be friendly to people at this new church I’m considering going to. I wrestle with insecurity and shyness and its hard for me to put myself out there. Please also pray for God’s guidance reg. going to this new church: is God leading me there? I’m worried cuz it’s a different stripe from the church background I grew up in…please pray God will make it clear to me. Thank you! Friends are a rare gift. I’ve asked people to hang out and they all seem like they don’t want to: makes me think I have the “plague” most of the time. When I do hang out with “friends” these days it’s with one person and it’d be nice to find other “kindred spirits” as Anne of Green Gables used to say. 🙂 thank you Karina for your timely post. I’m single too. Would u please write again in the future your tips for making friends? Would love pointers. Thanks again and God Bless!

  32. Yes, I definitely do find it difficult to do what your friend did and introduce myself to people. She reminds me of my friend Temarra – someone I liked from the moment she first spoke to me. Perhaps I should reach out more often as it’s so good to be on the receiving end.

  33. I find friendships hard. I have quite a few friends, but sometimes it feels like I don’t because few of my friends are ever the first to call or ask me to do something with them. Most of the time, I’m okay with that and I just do all the inviting, but there are times I really wish it wasn’t like that. Also, putting myself out there is hard because there have been times I’ve introduced myself to new people and I thought we had a connection. We’d exchange phone numbers or emails and I’d email them or phone them and they’d never reply to my email or answer their phone. I often don’t reach out to new people because of that.

  34. For years I have wander and read through “incourage” truly walking away feeling uplifted and refreshed at times and other times walking away knowing the Lord is doing a work in me. Thank you for your commitment to the Lord and His work. Today however in reading your post regarding friendship it struck me to reach out for prayer for my daughter, she is 15 and trying to navigate the teen/high school years. She longs for true friends. Feeling like she is always on the outside of every true circle of girls and never being included. Praying the Lord will reveal and build up friendships in her life.

  35. Karina,

    I never was good at making friends. Grew up shy and a loner. I still don’t have a ton of friends. God has seen fit to bless me with a good group of women I can call friend. He has sent me one super friend who I can call just about any time and talk about anything. We have been through aging parent issues together. I count my small country church as a great gift from God.

    Praying for all here who need to make friends. One way to do that is to join small groups. Go to your church’s women’s Bible study and see if you can make just one friend there. You might be surprised. It takes some effort, but the rewards are worth it!

    Blessings 🙂

  36. Please pray for me. I too am feeling lonely. I have several groups of friends but it seems we are always too busy to connect. I was previously hurt by a friend who decided she did not want to be friends anymore. That really hurt and my grade school friend is moving out of state. Thank you so much.

  37. I desperately needed to read this. My friends have all gotten married and are starting to have kids, so I just don’t see them as much as I used to. Making new friends has always been really hard for me, and even though I know I need to, and I want to, I have such a hard time putting myself out there. I’ve been going to my “new” church for about three years, and I still don’t really know anyone, and I definitely don’t have community. I’m praying God will work a miracle in this area because I just can’t seem to figure it out.

  38. Thank you for this Karina! I would so appreciate prayer. My husband and I just moved from a small town where we lived for over 20 years to a big city. The move and transition has taken quite a toll on my health (I suffer with several auto immune diseases) and I have not been able to get out and about much to meet new friends.
    Although the people in our neighborhood are nice enough – they are all young people with children and all very busy. My church attendance is sparadic at present, again because of health issues, and I am unable to get involved in anything there at the present. I love people and I do so miss living close to the many friends I have and really really would like to make new friends here!

  39. Karina,

    I am amazed at the number of people that feel as I do, like you were writing about me. It hit so close to home, that I cried reading it. I am new to the (in)courage community and feel like I’m finally finding a place where I fit in with women. For so long I have felt like the women in my life are acquaintances rather than friends. I long for female friendships like the ones I had in my 20’s and 30’s, yet life changes and while God has led my life and given me wonderful new experiences and acquaintances, I am alone most of the time.
    Thank you so much for the beautifully written article and for helping to open my heart to keep trying.
    Alice

  40. Wow–so many commenters desiring more friendship! You’ve certainly struck a nerve, Karina–an important one. “So appreciate your loving reminder that each of us brings something unique to the table. And taking the risk to make a coffee date stretches our courage! With the previous commenter, Alice, I say, thank you “for helping to open my heart” to reaching out, and stirring anticipation of the blessings God will bring from relationship-building with other women.

  41. I would absolutely love love love to be prayed for ! This is an issue I have and am very much struggling with. After becoming a Christian I lost all my close friends and ever since have felt like I cannot connect anywhere despite attending a church for a number of years. I am actually planning on visiting a new church where I am trusting that the Lord will guide me and establish me with a good set of friends. I really do need friendships where we can build one another up and stand around one another in the tough times.
    Pray about setting roots (or avoiding setting roots) would be very much appreciated 🙂

  42. I wish I could have friends like that! Specially nos Im feeling so alone in the midst of health and life trials and I’m only 23 ! I got married and have a 2 years old girl and that made my “friends” go away, and of course the fact that Im Christian. In church I feel rejected or ignored because I don’t fit in the mature ladies group or in the young women group. Prayers for me will be received!

  43. Hi i actually love how this article is talking about my postion right now. I have been really alone for quite some time now, especially since i have become a believer. The place i live doesnt allow me to go to church. Neither does my family so im really isolated. But nobody knows i have become a christian i have to hide it. And i read how you guys have small groups and that is just wonderful. Hopefully one day i will be able be apart of one.

  44. Thank you for the post. I live in a small town with small minded people. It can be hard to make friends when you feel like you are in a different place than everyone. I have made so many online friendships and I thank God for the opportunity to make friends through social media, blogging, etc. It is such a blessing.

  45. Thank you for the post. I live in a small town with small minded people. It can be hard to make friends when you feel like you are in a different place than everyone. I have made so many online friendships and I thank God for the opportunity to make friends through social media, blogging, etc. It is such a blessing!