I sit eye to eye with him, watching as little facial features tighten up in frustration. Trying in vain for the third time to tell his story, my four-year-old friend mumbles a tired, “Oh, nebah-mine,” shoulders slumping out a sigh.
I feel a mutual loss as the fragile thread of connection is broken in that moment.
As a school based speech-language pathologist, I have the honor of sitting in the holy space of struggle with children of all ages. We work together to find the right words and then to say them in the right ways.
No matter the disorder, the main goal of my therapy is to help students connect with others better. Humans are wired, heart and mind, for connection. Language is a thought wrapped in speech that connects us with others. If used as designed, one word connects to another and another, creating a beautiful dance of connection between two hearts.
Ironically, I need help just as much as my students.
Yes, that’s right. I suffer from spiritually disordered speech that causes disconnection with those around me.
Here’s how it manifests: In times of exhaustion my patience is depleted and words are driven out in sarcastic harshness. I allow anger and bitterness to withhold words that could bring restoration and instead spit out painful barbs. My rampant selfish pride colors words, creating distance and hurt. And if I’m not careful, negative criticism sharply slices through relationships.
After years of training and experience I should have perfect speech. But nothing in my professional bag of tricks will work.
For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. (Luke 6:45)
The heart is deceitful above all things . . . (Jeremiah 17:9)
The root of all spiritual speech disorders lies within the heart. And it frustrates me that the abundance of my heart doesn’t always attract life giving connection.
Words spoken from a heart that is disconnected from God can result in small moments of death, not life.
Aren’t we all in need of spiritual speech therapy?
When we seek daily connection with God our speech reflects an intimacy that draws us to others. Time spent with Him has a therapeutic effect on all our relationships.
We learn to say the right words: Left unconnected, our deceived and uninformed hearts pick and choose words that serve self first. But hearts connected to God wisely choose words that serve Him first.
We learn to say the right words in the right way: Connection with God will not only help us choose our words more carefully, they will be more likely to reflect an attitude of Christ. This kind of heart speaks gently, in love, and with self-control. Tones are kind and patient, couched in ways that honor all involved.
I’ve learned that it helps to mentally check the state of my heart when faced with especially wordy situations: times of conflict, family dinners, ministry situations, carpool time, even date nights.
Or basically any other time I’m connecting with a human.
Words are a direct reflection of the one who controls the heart. When we speak life and light into our broken world, it brings the connection our soul craves and the glory God deserves.
What disorders in your speech are you willing to let God diagnose? How does connecting with God first, improve your connection with others?
Leave a Comment
Kelli,
My disorders of speech…hmmmm…..short-fused and ill tempered words, words spoken in haste without passing through the filter of God’s Word, sarcasm, self-centered-I-didn’t-get-my-way words, words that tear down instead of building others up…I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that if we are not in continual connection with God – reading and meditating on His word, being and abiding in His presence, holding our tongue and speaking less at times, then our communication with others is going to be less than godly. How can I build others up if I’m not being poured into by His Word? God gives us the Holy Spirit as our Counselor (our speech therapist if you will). Unless we allow ourselves to be trained up in proper speech patterns by Him, our words will be just empty, hurtful ramblings. Loved this analogy and God bless you for the great work that you do!
Blessings,
Bev xx
I LOVE the idea of the Holy Spirit as our speech therapist. YES! I need this on a daily basis!
the holy spirit is our mentor who guides us in what we do and doing it in the right ways
Hi Kelli,
I just graduated from grad school and started a job as a school-based speech-language pathologist…And I really needed this this morning. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
Hey Melanie! My daughter is graduating from grad school as an SLP in May as well! Blessings on your new adventure and career. It’s been one of my life’s greatest gifts.
Thank you!
Niki, On our own, our mouths will always lead to destruction, right? The Word is such a transformative gift and key to living in freedom. Blessings on your journey!
You nailed it. I see myself so clearly in this scenario everyday. I have been in his word though more recently and have noticed a visible difference in my words, my demeanor, state of mind. It humbles you and brings you to a state of peace if you will. The fruit of the spirit is being fed and it is visible. I have been an angry person for a long time. My marriage and my children have suffered because if it. I’m learning through the word that His way is peace. And his wisdom will guide you through it all, the bad and the good. God bless.
This was so well said and everyone needs this reminder. You nailed it!! Being ind God’s Word is so very vital to living right. Thanks for reminding us.
Thank you Sharon!
Niki, On our own, our mouths will always lead to destruction, right? The Word is such a transformative gift and key to living in freedom. Blessings on your journey!
Wonderful, wonderful words of life-spoken just at the right time!
Blessings to you today!
Wow, this is amazing and insightful. . . .sometimes for me it’s a matter of knowing when to speak and when to be quiet. (Maybe some listening therapy, too?)
Michele, Listening is 50% of the communication process and one that is not easily mastered…I know I could use some listening therapy too!
Thank you for this post. I can say petty things to the ones I love when I am hurt or upset. I always regret it later, but know the damage is already done. I need God to help me to speak life into my love ones lives, even when I am not in the best mood. Someone please pray for me, thanks!
Good morning Shanice, I pray for you that God leads you to speak life and light into others. Amen.
Shanice, I too have always struggled most with my words directed at the ones I love most. It’s so frustrating! I pray God’s Spirit prompt you in those moments to give pause and allow Him to direct your speech. Blessings on you!
My SLP heart is often convicted when my words hurt instead of heal or encourage. Thanks for the therapy, Kelli.
Blessings on you Kim, I’m thankful God loves us enough to convict and redirect!
Kelli,
I love your line, “hearts connected to God wisely choose words that serve Him first”. So encouraging that if we’re filled up with Him, the outflow of our hearts through our words will be light to others.
Yes! This knowledge is what has made a huge impact in the way I speak. Thank you Lora!
Kelli,
This was so timely and deeply resonates with me. I am getting ready to write two letters to each of my teens and this challenged me as to the importance of the state of my heart before I do so. Words are so powerful and can build up or tear down. I love what you said:
“Language is a thought wrapped in speech that connects us with others. If used as designed, one word connects to another and another, creating a beautiful dance of connection between two hearts.”
I pray that my letters truly connect with the hearts of my children and that Holy Spirit guides my pen as I share my heart.
Blessings!
I’ll be praying for these letters! Our words to our teens carry such impact (even if they make it seem like they don’t!) Blessings on you as well Lori!
Yeay KellI, Finally a SLP reference to scripture! Loved it. May God always guard our mouths so we can speak truth, peace and love to others.
It is the constant prayer I need! Thanks, Cheryl!
I’m also a school SLP and this really spoke to me as it seems we’re having some struggles in our school right now. It’s so easy to allow the negativity seep into our own attitude and speech. I appreciate this article and it gave me a new perspective on getting some speech therapy from our Creator! 🙂
Hey Jada, I’ve recently been so convicted between this link between my vocational calling and my spiritual need. My strength can so easily become my weakness! Prayers for you as shine light in your workplace.
I used to provide childcare, I had a little boy who was three and we so much trouble understanding him. He was frustrated. And so we were. When speech therapy was suggested, his mother said he was just a baby. I think there are a lot of big babies running around too. I hear it all the time, the petty, making fun and mocking, of faith. Christians need the Holy Spirit as speech therapists.
Oh Rebecca I agree!
I wish we really could re-wind the tape and delete it when our tongue gets the better of us and we realize it, but it’s too late.
God’s mercy is new every morning, another new day to do better, work on our heart, guard our tongue.
Grateful for his new mercies and grace. So much grace!
Kelli-
Your description of the little boy not being able to express what he was thinking touched me. Have a young adult family member with language processing issue, not diagnosed until high school, saw speech therapist reluctantly for a brief time…has some difficulty connecting with others. Wondering if you can recommend any resource/book that focuses on this? Thank you.
Amy,
It’s hard to know what to recommend without knowing exact details, but the work being done at socialthinking.com might be a place to start. Blessings as you explore options.
This week has been one of those weeks here too…snot stained clothes, tantrums, kicked shins, hits, slaps, and refusals, but this picked me right back up!! Amen!
Some weeks we just have to chalk up to lessons learned. Grace moves us on!
Kelli,
I grew up with a speech disorder. I was born with two punctured ear drums and couldn’t hear at all. Three surgeries later the right on is fixed. I spend my entire schooling (1-12) in speech therapy. We work on the S, T, D, etc. Now I need to work on my Christian speech. James 3:9 says “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.” I say we could all use some speech therapy when it comes to our Christian speech. Out of the heart spews good and evil. May God help us all with our Christian speech!
Blessings 🙂
Beth!
Thank you for sharing part of your speech story. I know God is working in and through you! Love the James 3:9 reference, so convicting. Blessings on you as well!
Dear Kelli,
I work in an elementary school as an aide to students with various difficulties including speech delays. There have been some additions and changes to our program recently and it has been an emotionally challenging and frustrating time for me. What a great reminder to make sure I fill my heart full of Him before I speak so that I don’t end up speaking simply out of my frustration. Thanks for sharing!
You are doing good and important work Amanda, Blessings!!
How blessed we readers are to read your post! I am an SLPA and struggle with demands of my caseload… I have begun to view them as the little flock God has entrusted to me and that is so helpful. Your insights about our own need for spiritual speech therapy is wonderful and encourages me as well as I interact with our adult daughter with Down syndrome! So good to know of SLP believers out there!
Your little flock…LOVE it! Press on and blessings to you Jennifer!
“Words are a direct reflection of the one who controls the heart. When we speak life and light into our broken world, it brings the connection our soul craves and the glory God deserves.” Beautifully said, Kelli. Quote-book worthy! And definitely a worthy goal to strive for: allow the Spirit to control the heart, and our words WILL bring glory to God (Luke 6:45). Thank you for the tactful, well-framed challenge!
I’ve been blessed with a gift/talent for bringing calm and order to situations and discussions that start to get heated and adversarial – and I often find myself in situations where I use that gift. However, there are times ….. (like a meeting yesterday where some unkind implications were said – about me as well as others – and the atmosphere started getting a little warm) …. when some of that gets to me and I sort of “shut it down” and don’t use the talent and gift that God has given me. “Words are a direct reflection …….” is a marvelous statement, and one I’ll remember for those “times” when I need it most. Hope you don’t mind that one of the male cohort reads these posts. Been around a long time (I’ll bet I have grandkids older than your children), and will take inspiration where ever I can find it. Thank you!
FINALLY, a male responds. I was beginning to think that this site was for women only. I have been uplifted by some of the entries on here. I’ll stay. KEEP ON KEEPING ON!
Welcome and Thank you, Dick! It’s the daily struggle, this battle over the state of my heart that pours forth speech….Love that you and Jim stopped by for some universal truth!
What a blessing to have good lay this at my finger tips – thankful first to God and then to those of you sharing. All I know is God’s got this – knowing what I need.
No, a person is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a person’s praise is not from other people, but from God.
Kelli-
I work as a pediatric SLP. I love your quote “I have the honor of sitting in the holy place of struggle with children of all ages.” This has completely changed my perspective as an SLP. Thinking of our work as a holy place brings new meaning to our work every day. Thank you for your words.
Vicky,
You are doing a mighty and important work. Blessings on you and those you serve!