“Choose three words to describe yourself,” I said to her.
She was fifteen and broken, her heart wearing scars and still bleeding out of old wounds. Her world was one I’d never known.
“You don’t know what it’s like,” she once told me. “When you go home, there’s someone there for you. I don’t have that.”
And she was right. She didn’t have that. She was orphaned, shuffling from foster home to foster home, trying to find a place to land. Back when most kids were getting ready to start their first days of kindergarten, this little girl had lost her family as a six-year-old.
Now she was fifteen, and the motherless, fatherless years had worn hard on her soul. That afternoon we sat together with paper cups filled with tea and I waited for her to give three adjectives to her name.
“Kind, sad, and confident,” was what she came up with.
The word she’d sandwiched in the middle of her more optimistic attributes caught my attention. Not because I didn’t know it, but because this was the first time she’d ever said it. She wore sadness daily, let it spill out in any number of disguised ways whether it be anger, or forced humor, or shut-down silence. But that day she told me — she was sad.
“Why sad?” I asked, sticking a toe into that door she’d cracked open.
Her eyes stared unblinking at the table while she fidgeted with her tea cup. “Because I want what I can’t have.”
“What is it you want?” I dug a little deeper.
“My mom,” she said. And nothing more.
Several weeks earlier she and I had been driving along when we passed a flower stand on the roadside that boasted a big red sign: “Flowers for Mom on Mother’s Day!” I remember feeling a catch in my heart as we drove by, and I wondered what those words did to that girl’s heart, who was motherless on Mother’s Day.
She wanted what she couldn’t have. A mother’s love is irreplaceable.
And if I could sit down with this dear, beautiful one today, I’d tell her that it’s okay to break. It’s okay to miss, to cry, to mourn. Because missing someone is part of loving them.
I’d tell her that her mama knew she was precious, that she made one of the best choices she could have ever made by bringing a little girl into the world who’s unlike any other ever to be born.
I’d tell her that even though her mama wasn’t perfect, that even though she’d made some mistakes, her baby girl was no mistake.
I’d tell the motherless one what her heart needs to hear. And while she can’t hear it today from her mama, she can at least hear it from a mama’s heart.
I’d tell her that she’s stunning; that she is cherished by God; that she’s going to grow to be a strong woman of God; that there might be lots of boys in line for her, but it might be a wrestle to find one who’s worthy of her; that she’s going to be an amazing mom one day; that if she ever needs someone to talk to, cry to, laugh with, shop with . . . I’m here.
Who are the motherless ones around you this season who need to hear a mama’s voice? Let’s speak into their hearts and let them feel a mama’s love wrap around their hurt.
Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Kinsey,
Beautiful post!! It’s this very aspect – the notion of not having a mother or father to care about you, along with God’s nudging, that urged me to start a Christian School in the Middle East for orphans and desperately impoverished children who don’t have a mother’s arms to enfold them. Even if some of the children do have a parent, their poverty level is so extreme that they must fend for themselves on the streets, doing what they have to – even the unthinkable – in order to eat and survive. It is the transformation in their eyes from utter hopelessness and despair to peace and even extreme joy when they know they are loved and cared about by their teachers and especially that they are loved by their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. They know they are no mistake, no one’s burden, but a child of the King. This, makes my heart beat faster.
Not everyone can start a school as a safe haven from terror and being alone in this world, but we can be a mother or loving friend to someone who has lost theirs. If we are fortunate enough to still have a mother we can love on her or at the very least honor her as God would call us to do. For all those who are motherless either by death, neglect, torn relationships, God calls us to love orphans, widows, and those who have no one to love them. I pray that my heart would be alert and open to who might be needing His love poured out through me. What a great example you showed and a great call to action…
Blessings,
Bev xx
ps. I hope this is okay with (in)courage, but if you would like to learn more about sharing Christ’s love with orphans, visit out website at: http://redeemerchristianfoundation.org/
Michele Morin says
Praying for you today, Bev.
Penny says
Bev,
Thinking of you today, and pray all goes well.
Praying for the little children, and for everyone at the school, for their safety, and well being in order for them to strive.
Have a blessed day,
Penny
Kinsey Thurlow says
I love this so much, Bev! I so love hearing how others are stepping into the call of James 1:27. Beautiful! Thank you for pouring out–the Father sees!
Michele Morin says
I’m really impressed that your young friend used the word “sad” to describe herself — it’s such a clean and responsive emotion, and if we let ourselves feel it, we can steer clear of the deep ugly of bitterness and resentment. Mother’s Day is such a complicated holiday for so many reasons. May God give us grace to allow our hearts to feel the sadness and then to find our comfort in His love.
Summer Rae says
Dearest Miss Kinsey,
Thank you so much for sharing such a touching post… my heart goes out to this young woman. Especially where you wrote, “Her eyes stared unblinking at the table while she fidgeted with her tea cup. “Because I want what I can’t have.”
“What is it you want?” I dug a little deeper.
“My mom,” she said. And nothing more.”
I can truly relate to that; I am 20 years old… my mom went home to Jesus when I was young. I know what its like to have people come in and try to fill that gap only to get “bored” and leave. Although, I knew my mom was gone from the the Earth when I was upset (even as I got older) I would just say and think about how much “I wanted my mom.” GOD truly hears us… almost a year ago now the good LORD blessed me beyond measure with a wonderful woman I am so grateful to call “Mama” and a family that challenges me to seek the LORD, that encourages me and loves me. But, ultimately my comfort and contentment come from the LORD. I want to encourage her to not give up hope; GOD always has a plan. I pray that she knows that and is comforted… and I pray that you have a blessed day Miss Kinsey, thank you again!
This side of Heaven,
Summer Rae
Penny says
Summer Rae,
I’m sorry for your loss but I’m so glad the Lord blessed you with someone special in your life. And please always let your absolutely sweet nature shine.
Have a blessed day,
Penny
Kinsey Thurlow says
Thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing, Summer Rae. My heart is with you today, and I’m so grateful you found someone who can be a “mama” to you. YES! God always has a plan. Bless you!
Kay Lake says
Summer Rae, I always look forward to reading your (in)courage responses. You are truly blessed to have your “mama” in your life. I’m 50 years older than you and have been remembering all the wonderful “mamas” in my life (there have been many!) who have loved me, prayed for me, and guided me to help me become the woman God intends me to be. I am still learning!
Kinsey, thank you for truly listening to this young girl. May we all reach out to the aching souls around us no matter what their age, with love and a compassionate heart. Now that would be a really great Mother’s Day!
Blessings to you all this Mother’s Day whether you are a biomom or have that precious mother’s heart.
~Kay Lake
Joanne Peterson says
Hi Kinsey,
I so very much appreciated your series of 40 weeks of praying for the orphans. My two youngest kids whom we have adopted are our grandchildren. I just had a talk with the older of our two this past week. He’s grieving not being able to live with my daughter, his birth mom. There are no good words to describe his sadness. He doesn’t understand the “why” of adult issues. While he’s not motherless, he’s still feeling abandoned by his bio mom. This hurts him and my mother heart for him to feel for him such rejection. While God does fill in these places, he’s not there yet. So we pray for him, for God to fill his heart and for him to feel our love.
Blessings,
Joanne
Penny says
Joanne,
What a blessing you are to be there for those children. I pray that their hearts will be lightened.
Have a blessed day,
Penny
Kinsey Thurlow says
I’m so blessed in hearing that the 40 Weeks of Prayer were a source of encouragement to you. We aren’t done praying, even though the 40 weeks have concluded! I will pray for your son today, and for you. Grace, grace to you as you pursue his heart and walk this journey of healing with him.
DKS says
Hard read considering what my family and I are going through right now. Thank you for sharing though.
Did
Penny says
DKS,
Praying for your family, whatever the circumstance may be, I pray that you will feel comforted by the Lord.
Blessings,
Penny
Melissa Henderson says
I am missing my Mama. She went to be with the Lord on Feb. 5, 2013, one week before her 92nd birthday. We were very close. I was a surprise baby as Mama and Daddy thought they were finished having children. 🙂 The doctors told my parents that we three would have a very special relationship and we did. Happy Mother’s Day to my Mama in Heaven.
Penny says
Melissa,
I’m sorry for your loss, and pray that the Lord fills you with those happy, comforting memories.
Have a blessed day,
Penny
Penny says
Kinsey,
I wanted to thank you for your kindness, and graciousness.While we do heal by God’s Grace, there is still that void. Thank-you, and bless all of you who have reached out to the Motherless, your generosity means more than you know.
Blessings to you all,
Penny
Cindy says
Such a timely post. Our Father is so good. Thank you for this.
Christine says
This is my first Mother’s Day without my Mom. I have had they lump in the throat a lot lately while out shopping, seeing all the Mother’s Day signs and seeing the happy commercials on tv, etc. But I have the years of memories with my Mom, unlike the girl you wrote about so I am thankful for this! I can’t imagine growing up without one 🙁
Stephanie says
This really touched my heart. Thank you Kinsey ! Xoxo ❤️
Rebecca L Jones says
Mine told me this morning, that all she wanted to do is be with me. Because of other obligations, she had cancelled a lunch date. I will make time for just that. Her prayers for me were life savers and she’s still out there serving the Lord. I pray for those missing their mothers anytime and especially now, Mother’s Day in heaven must be something, Lord give them a wonderful memory or someone special to hold onto as you pour in the oil of joy for mourning. Happy Mother’s Day in Heaven and on Earth.
Marion says
My Dad died when I was 13. Even tho’ I had my Mom she couldn’t show love. So I was lost and floundering for many years. Recently my sister asked who I would like to see in heaven, my quick response was, “Dad.” Surprised she asked why? I think I hadn’t had the opportunity to become a women with him. After 50 years I still need him. Since I have Jesus in my life I am coping and He is the father to the fatherless.
Jenny says
Thank you for this post. My husband and I are foster parents so these points are so good to keep in mind for that aspect. Also, this is my first mother’s day as a biological mom, my son is 6th months old. My mom passed away from cancer this summer while I was pregnant. I miss her so much, especially this time of year, especially as I have been learning how to be a mom without her here. I love what someone said about imagining Mother’s Day in Heaven. I will definitely be thinking of that.
Karen says
That was one of the most touching articles I have ever read. It brought tears to my eyes. What beautiful words of encouragement to someone hurting.
I lost my Mom 11 years ago. She was a strong, Christian lady that I loved and admired and am so grateful to God that He let ME be her daughter. I miss her so much. I have a 30 year old son who is a wonderful gift and I enjoy Mother’s day because of him, but, I envy the people who still have their Moms. What I would give to be able to bring my Mom a bouquet of violets (her favorite flower) and enjoy another cup of tea with her one more time….
Thank you Kinsey, for an article filled with such compassion.
Beth Williams says
Kinsey,
Heart felt post! Sad to hear all that little girl wanted was a mama. Such maturity in her though. How she was able to see herself as kind, sad & confident-not angry or upset.
We can speak love into everyone’s hearts – young & old alike. They all need God’s love shown to them. For me it will be the older women at church. I will give them hugs, smile and shower them with God’s love!
Blessings 🙂
Jesse says
I read this, and I am not a woman, however, I know the need for a mother’s love. I know it’s important, and I’m here to say that mothers are able to provide that sort of comfort and love that they are designed to give. Thanks for this.