My girls and I, we live our lives side by side as the days turn into months. We wake early, we stay up late, we walk down the street to check the mail and stop to gather the pebbles — the best ones, the shiny ones, the ones that look like a pearl.
These are the markings of a life.
And yet at the same time . . .
The kitchen table that holds the five of us was only set for four, the world breaks and groans, and I lay on the floor and break alongside — it’s too much, too hard.
These are the markings of a life, too.
We stood there on a Monday in January, hugging our soldier, their Daddy, my mountain of a man, saying goodbye for the one million days he would be gone.
“Daddy?” The three-year-old said. “I love you and I don’t want you to go. I’ll be waiting here for you to come back home to us.”
And so he left and we waited.
And so he walked the streets of Mosul and we walked the trail to school and back home again.
He called on the phone, I heard bombs in the background and I fell to the floor. He was fine, we were fine — were we all doing fine?
The girls needed a drink, needed a hug, needed to show me the caterpillar that was crawling across our front porch so I got back up and took a deep breath and marveled at the wonder of a ladybug on a flower.
These are the markings of a life.
And these markings of a life could mark me up if I let them. These pieces of life could break me to pieces if I let them.
So I had to learn how to not let them.
In the year that held our hardest hard — nine months separated by an ocean, by eight time zones, by war — I made a choice. Fear wasn’t going to win, darkness wasn’t going to win, I wasn’t going to let my daughters witness a mama who crumbled when life got hard.
It seems so complicated, really, to be resilient in the face of life’s hard, but I’m finding that it’s pretty simple: A grateful heart and a firm foundation go hand in hand.
The thing about gratitude is that it’s a little bit sassy. It’s a feisty declaration that there’s something bigger going on. There’s no fluff to a grateful heart; it’s gritty, it’s resilient, it’s daring and courageous.
See, celebration, finding the gifts, cultivating gratitude all point us to the same thing: The goodness of God despite and within suffering. As we determinedly fight for hope and grace, purpose and peace, we discover a foundation that no longer crumbles because we are now sure of how we are loved: Always, no matter what.
And so the harder the year became, the more tightly I held to my practice of gratitude. The more I learned how to remain in this very moment, the more I was able to notice the presence of Jesus right there as well. As I turned my heart toward Him and away from fear, I discovered grit and gratitude were there too, just waiting for me to take hold.
It came in the bigness of the sunsets and the smallness of a toddler reaching for my hand. It came in the barely-there prayer and the quiet of the morning. It came in pieces, in minutes, in simplicity, really.
Surprise of all surprises, I found my whole heart in a hard year by simply living as Jesus told us to live: Compelled by love, in the moment, with Him.
///
Saturday afternoon, ice cream dripping down the cone and onto sticky fingers. We catch eyes and my six-year-old smiles.
“Mama?”
“Yes, baby?”
“This year was good.”
“Say that again? What? What did you just say?”
“This year. The one we just lived? It was good.”
“Kiddo? I couldn’t agree more.”
And just like that, in the smallness of a mundane moment, I see another gift.
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Gritty, indeed -> “And so the harder the year became, the more tightly I held to my practice of gratitude.”
Thank you for your story of boot straps and grace.
And thank you for making this sacrifice (this offering of love) for the good of our country.
I could not agree more. Kudos to this beautiful family!
How beautiful and real. Everything we were created to be. ❤
You and your children are our heroes too. My nephew just retired from active duty service after 34 years of defending our country. Now he is home again with his wonderful wife and 5 children. We always prayed for his safety and that of his soldiers. Now we give glory and praise to the Lord for bringing him home to us unharmed and that is so good. May Our GREAT Lord continue to watch over your husband and give you and your children strength to manage while he is off on his tours. May you continue to find hope and joy during times of his deployments. May your husband and the troops he blesses through his ministry to them be safe and sound on their journey. You and your family are in my daily prayers. Thank you for your writings and your faith and inspiration. Our family does know what you and your family are going through at this time. When you feel frustrated and lonely remember that we are sending up prayers for you. You are not alone in this. God bless you and all of those close to you and keep you safe.
Oh, Amen and amen. Thank you for your support and your prayers- they hold me and all my military sisters up! So glad your nephew is home for good now.
Wow, Sarah, thank you for being a living witness that i really IS possible to live in such hard circumstances without letting darkness win. That is what we are called to and we need examples like you who has made the choice. We are called to shine in the darkness and Jesus will make it possible if we just say yes. This was a great reminder. God bless! ❤
So grateful I could be that reminder to you. I am following in the footsteps of others who have been that example to me as well- may we all continue to show others the way.
Just the words I needed this morning. I struggled with the bible this morning, writing in my journal, tears flowed, and then my inbox for the (in)courage post, there you are Sarah. He works in such a beautiful way. I am edgy this morning, really working on surrendering this, stay true, and releasing to His faith. I crave simplicity and Sarah, thank you for reminding me of the Grit of the most simple, yet profound words all through gratitude.
I am filled this morning.
My humble gratitude goes to you and your family, the amazing work your husband provides to our country.
So neat how the Lord is able to work- connecting us through the miles that separate us. In it together, my sister. Keep on. He is with you!
Thank you! xo
Sarah,
Thank you for reminding us that gratitude is, indeed, gritty. Gratitude and suffering can coexist – it’s not always an either/ or – in fact, more often, it’s a mix of both. Thank you to you and your family. I do believe that the families that are left behind while their soldiers are off fighting for our freedoms are TRULY the backbone of this great Nation. YOU are the ones that hold down the fort, that do parenting alone, that worry in the middle of the night and the bright of day, that hold onto hope when it seems elusive. You are MY heroes. God bless you for all that you do that goes noticed and that which will never be seen by anyone other than God. Well done, good and faithful servant! Grateful for YOU today!!
Blessings,
Bev xx
My goodness, Bev. Well this just brought me to tears. I’m going to come back and reread this comment anytime I feel alone or unseen as a military wife. Thank you for seeing the families that also serve- that means the world and gives us the strength to keep going.
Such a great post to remind us to be grateful and keep on even in the tough times. And yes, Thank you and your family for your sacrifice and service.
Sarah:
I understand, as do many, what you are experiencing. Desert Storm was my time to hold down the home front. Keep on keeping on, as you find joy in the gritt, the simple things. Sooooo special–that comment from your daughter about this year being a good one. She feels loved. That’s quite a reward! Blessings!
Yes- her comment was so encouraging. What a grace that covers us.
I,too, found gratitude to be the answer. My husband of 47 years passed and instead of focusing on what I’d lost, God helped me to be grateful for what I had and continue to have. My Lord walked beside me throughout and continues to do so.
I’m so happy that He’s doing the same for you.
Oh, Dianna. What an incredible testimony- full of heartache, I’m sure, but overcome with love.
Diana,
Oh sweet sister praying for you! May you continue to feel God’s love, grace & peace in your heart & soul. I pray the memories continue to come & keep you grateful. I will keep asking God to watch over you & comfort you in your grief.
(((((hgus)))))
Having lived through a war time deployment with 2 young children your post brought back sweet/hard memories. That season grew my roots so much deeper and I can never be sorry for that! Glad your hubby made it home!!!!!
I so agree, Karen. I find myself longing for some aspects of the deployment which I never imagined. Going through things like that really realign your priorities, don’t they? And it absolutely fuses a mama and her babies together to be sure. Thanks, my friend.
One military wife to another: yes. Those hard moments are the ones that show us God’s goodness most clearly…if we are looking. Thank you.
Amen, my sister. So true.
Thank you for the reminder of the grittiness of thankfulness in the toughest of times. My husband and I are in the midst of a difficult time, a future neighbor making the realization of our dream almost an impossibility and we have sunk a lot of money into this dream. It is tough to let go of fretting about the future and the fears of “Now what?” To wonder how this can be resolved as we follow the Way of Jesus, imperfectly, but with faces towards God. I needed to hear again how attention to the present and the Presence of God with hearts full of gratitude for the simple and ordinary pleasures is the way through heartbreaking times.
Thank you for your steadfastness in the midst of the sacrifice your husband is making for our troops and our country. May your family be wrapped up in the arms of Beloved Trinity.
“Imperfectly, but with faces towards God.” So beautiful, Melanie. I just prayed over your situation- may you continue to see our sweet Lord within it, come what may.
Thank you for sharing Sarah. Life is hard sometimes but we always have Jesus walking beside us, meeting us in our struggle. Some days I lean in harder on Jesus – I pray & cry, and pray & cry, always grateful that He is near; never leaving me nor forsaking me. I often imagine me laying my head on His shoulder when times get tough. God’s love is AWESOME!!! He understands us & cares dearly & deeply for each of us. I am praying for you & your family. Trust God & stay in gratitude. ❤️
I love that imagery of laying your head on his shoulder- he is such a good, good father.
Sarah,
This was deeply touching, thank-you so much for your words. As a little girl I would dread my dad having to leave. I don’t remember though thanking him for his service. Today on Remembrance Day in Canada I am grateful to all those who have and do serve. I pray that God may keep you all safe.
Blessings to all,
Penny
Thank your sharing your testimony! It is a blessing! Thank you also to your husband for his service. May God continue to bless your family richly with his protection and grace!
What a great testimony to God’s work of grace in your family, and thank you for the beautiful sharing!
Thank you-beautiful!❤️
Beautiful piece, sarah!!
Thanks for your beautiful words. And the reminder that grit and gratitude go hand in hand. Gratitude does not only come when everything is going good when we focus on the goodness of God. Thanks for serving us such encouragement today and sacrificing as a family for us.
Such inspiration! What a beautifully written testimony. I love your statement that “The thing about gratitude is that it’s a little bit sassy.” As you continue to walk hand-in-hand with Jesus, may His blessings be poured out richly upon you and your family. Know that you have inspired and strengthened me in my own walk as I hold you, your husband and daughters in prayer.
Sarah,
Resilience- the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. Yes-that sounds like so many military families. The ones left behind while soldiers go do a job & fight battles. You are left holding the bag, so to speak. Trying to hold it all together-both inside & within the family. Such a hard job. Yet in the midst of all that you find gratitude. Only with Christ could this be possible. He is our sustainer, rock & refuge. Thanks for a great testimony about being grateful in the hard. You have a wonderful family. I will pray for you all. Thank you for serving our country so bravely!
Blessings 🙂
Wonderful post, don’t give in. Thank you for your husband’s service and sacrifice and yours as well. Angels all around.
Your words touched my heart this morning. Thank you! I don’t have a husband in the military, in fact, I don’t have a husband at all, but I live with my daughter who is facing at least two transplants very soon. I’m tempted to live in fear every day, but with God and ladies like you, I know I have hope. Thank you again!
Gosh, Kim, that is heavy stuff you’re facing. Just spent some time in prayer over you and your daughter and count it a privilege to be walking this path of faith alongside you.
Thank you so much for the prayers!
I love the perspective you wrote about gratitude. “The thing about gratitude is that it’s a little bit sassy. It’s a feisty declaration that there’s something bigger going on. There’s no fluff to a grateful heart; it’s gritty, it’s resilient, it’s daring and courageous.” And that it has to happen in the midst of suffering. After going through my hardest period of suffering this year, I understand how my faith grew so deep. So the next time I face suffering I’m going to grab by sassy, gritty, gratitude and keep on going!
Amen, girl. I think that’s such an important piece of this to remember- the next time a hard thing comes upon us, to remember what we learned in these hard moments and let those continue to be our firm foundation so we’re not shaken. So glad you (through God’s grace!) were able to transform a hard year into one where you can say your faith grew- what a miracle.