“They let me go,” he whispered to me that fateful morning seven years ago. We were a week away from closing on a cobalt-blue colonial, but when my husband lost his job, that piece of real estate slipped through our fingers. In the middle of our very good life, bad arrived unannounced and yanked the rug out from under our feet.
On one income, the cupboards emptied faster than expected. Bills overshadowed paychecks. And in that third-floor apartment, tiny wars erupted as grumbling and tensions rose. Even still, I can look back now and see how we experienced provision where we felt lack: our daughters were given generous financial aid packages, we were still able to do simple staycations, and enduring love overcame our momentary rifts.
Though seven years has passed since then, I still struggle with what true contentment means.
A few weeks ago, I found myself grumbling again. I complained about my hour-long commute. I worried about the mounting college tuition bills. I felt jaded about my husband’s part-time income.
“Shift my heart, God,” I prayed. I needed a change in perspective, to have a right view of my circumstances.
My daughter’s baby eyes came to mind then. Round and perfect. We had come a long way since those days, and despite the bad that had come unexpectedly, we had been able to provide, and we had been provided for. So shouldn’t I be thankful?
That evening as I prepped dinner, my husband asked, “Remember when you promised not to tell me if we were having a girl or a boy?”
I did. I hadn’t been able to contain my excitement when I had found out we were having a girl, so I bought a little jean dress from Baby Gap to share the happy news with my husband.
“I think I cried when I opened that Gap bag,” he whispered.
I was amazed that our memories had overlapped — both of us thinking of our first-born daughter. And in that moment of connecting in our memories, God gently corrected my heart. He reminded me how my husband was working as hard as he could and that without him our beautiful girls wouldn’t exist. He reminded me of the deep bond my husband and I share because we have persevered through difficult times and how much we really do have despite what we don’t have.
I don’t know how long this financial trial will last, but I know I won’t lose hope. God has been providing for us from the cross till now, so no matter how difficult our paths may be, we can hope because of the good that is to come. Eternity will be better than a cobalt-blue colonial.