My dear friend, Micaila-Ayorinde, is an artist, creative consultant, and motivational speaker. Each time I have the honor of teaching a course, I invite her to help students set their intention for the journey they’re about to embark on.
On this day, she posed a series of why questions to my new class of high school students — the type of why that’s like an earthquake shaking beneath your beliefs, loosening all that you thought was certain. When a bright-eyed, enthusiastic student responded that the reason she enrolled in the class was so that she would not go out and disappoint herself, Micaila erupted with a resounding, “Who are you to disappoint yourself when you are NOT the One who appointed yourself?”
The strength of her words swiftly plowed down the self-doubt that typically resides in the company of teens. Her words landed like a massive boulder in the middle of my classroom, and only conviction could stand under the weight of her tone. As if one body, the students and I all felt the heaviness of her inquiry putting our souls in check. The weight of her words knocked the wind out of us, and the only air in the room was from our collective exhale.
I mumbled, “Wow, that was deep!” Another student, a young man, concurred with my statement.
We sat quietly, attending to her words. She continued to uplift us with more wonderful words and light-filled exhortations that challenged and defeated dark spaces within. But those particular words she said at the beginning of class rattled me for the rest of the week.
For days, I reflected. How many times had I been stalled by my own weighty expectations of where I should be in life, how I should look, how I should perform as a daughter, wife, mom, or woman? I had been paralyzed by self-blame and doubt. I had chained shame around my own neck and secured it to an indestructible manacle. I had allowed old failures to run rampant as present fears. I had let down my parents, failed my husband, and caused my children to doubt me. I was guilty of disappointing myself.
But that question questioned the validity of my status and power. It challenged my perceived authority to disappoint myself. The super-nerd in me ran towards a word study. Appoint means to determine, designate, or assign by authority to a position. The prefix, dis, means a reversing force.
In my finite power and status as a mom, wife, daughter, woman, etc., I can do a lot of dis-ing:
I can be discouraged or even disgusted because something didn’t go my way.
I can tell lies and be dishonest.
I can cheat and be disqualified and feel disgraced.
I can discover and disclose secrets about myself that might cause me to be disliked and disrespected and thus, disassociated, dispelled, and disowned from the tribe.
But because I did not appoint myself to this position in life, it is impossible for me to dis-appoint myself. I simply don’t have the authority to do it.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2:10 (ESV)
I can not reverse the force of the most gifted Creator. The One who is Love determined my true identity. The One who is infinitely wise designated and assigned me to this position in life. The One who appointed me is not sad or displeased with me. All of my shortcomings, every misstep, every mistake, all of the doubt and failures are not enough to unseat me from my position. Absolutely nothing can separate me from the love of the One who appointed me. Therefore, I can not dis-appoint myself.
As I’ve been meditating on my lack of authority and coming to grips with how it feels to be released from the burden of disappointing even myself, I feel both demoted and promoted, heavy and light, limited and liberated. I was wrong to perceive that I walk in the authority to count myself out. I have not been afforded appointing status and capabilities. Apparently such are above my pay grade. I am grateful to have been designated to a position in life without the responsibility of judging myself.
And, in embracing this reality, I am elevated to a new level of liberty. I feel more free to run the race set before me with less fear of misstepping. I will make mistakes, but apparently the position calls for imperfection. Liberated from the weight of disappointing myself, I am launched into possibilities that exceed my imagination.
Lucretia,
I am jumping up and down shouting, “Amen!” As a good friend of mine (Michele) said, “Who am I to appoint myself judge and jury over my successes and failures?” We did not “appoint” ourselves so we cannot disappoint ourselves…..great truth. Disappointment is NOT in God’s vocabulary. We may get disappointed in other people- that’s because we’re human. We can’t, however, assign human characteristics to God….because He’s God and He doesn’t operate with our fickleness. So thankful that He sees us through the cleansing blood of His Son, Jesus Christ. To God, we are perfect….nothing can separate us from Him. Nothing we can do will add to His opinion of us or detract from it. As for the expectations we put on ourselves…if the Big Guy with the “higher salary grade” doesn’t place those expectations on us, then WHY do we place them on ourselves? Learning to live to an audience of ONE (God) has been one of the most freeing things in my life. Sure, I still get on myself. The enemy is great at whispering in my ear, “You really screwed that up.” But, that’s the enemy…not God. I am NOT the judge and jury of me….thanking God for that!! Excellent post! Let’s collectively kick shame, guilt, disappointment in ourselves, mistakes, sin, etc. to the curb where they belong.
Blessings,
Bev xx
“So thankful that He sees us through the cleansing blood of His Son, Jesus Christ. …Learning to live to an audience of ONE (God) has been one of the most freeing things in my life.”
Yes! Agreed! Thank you for reading and sharing.
LCB
“Above my pay grade!”
Yes!
Thanks for sharing this beautiful wisdom, Lucretia!
Micaila-Ayorinde’s words resonate far beyond your classroom today!
Michele, you’re welcome and thank you for reading. Let’s see how far those words can resonate!
Shalom
LCB
This is such sweet encouragement, thank you!
Jenny.
Thank you! I’m happy to know you are encouraged by it.
Shalom
LCB
Hey Friend,
This is beautiful and like you, when I read her response it rattled me. Really rattled me. I appoint myself to so many positions I don’t have the authority, let alone the qualifications, to step into.
But like you said, as I think about it, we can step away and unburden ourselves.
What a relief!!
See you soon,
xxxx
Echoing that same thought, Niki!
Always inspired by your words and perspective, Lucretia! Thanks for letting us sit in the classroom with you and get a little schooled on the One who has all the authority! xx
Niki and Becky!
Thank you for reading. I am so happy to know that you are moved and encouraged by what I’ve shared. I have been so rattled by Micaila’s challenging words that chains have been falling off of me ever since she uttered them. YAY!
Shalom
LCB
Lucretia, this is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time!!! *happy tears* Thank you for so beautifully articulating this truth! So grateful we can’t let God down when He’s holding us up.
Hi Pearl!
I love that….’we can’t let God down when He’s holding us up.’ POWERFUL!!!
Thank you for sharing.
Shalom
LCB
Thank you for sharing that profound concept, Lucretia. Many of us carry scars from past condemnation and criticism by parents and acquaintances, beginning from childhood, proceeding through school-age years and into adulthood. Along the way, we take over and become our own worst critic, in spite of receiving the grace and mercy bestowed upon us by a loving heavenly Father. Knowing that we believers – we chosen ones – do not have the authority to dis-appoint, is huge! It seems to mesh with another concept of “Know your worth”. According to the Word, we are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. As for me, I need to meditate on these facts, trust in them, and allow them to absorb them into my conscience, where they will flourish and strengthen me.
Sharon.
You speak (write) truth! We really need to fully understand how FREE we become when we let GOD be GOD; and understand that GOD wants to show up in and through our imperfect and limited selves. And in doing we, we see and know GOD ‘better.’
Shalom
LCB
Lucretia,
Wow!!!
What an awakening and much needed devotional this morning!
I, too tend to dis myself often as I’m a wife, mother, and since being diagnosed with multiple illnesses and unable to work, I too often tend to disappoint myself. This is definitely coming to me at a much needed season in my life….words are written beautifully….Thank you for this verse, this reminder that I’m not less than, not a disgrace, disappointment, thankful to the man above….
Have a great day ladies…
YAY Jen!
I am so glad you were encouraged! No need to dis yourself. You are ALL THAT!!! — ALL THAT He has appointed you to be.
I am grateful. Thank you for reading.
Shalom
LCB
Lucretia,
Such powerful words & insight. I second your thoughts on being down on yourself. My expectations were somewhat higher for myself. I’m not where I thought I should be. Guess what? This is where God knew I’d be & where He put me. He has appointed me to be in this place at this time. I am not the judge of me only God is. My identity is not in what career/job I have or who I married. It is in Christ and Christ alone. He designed me before the world ever was. The only opinion of myself that counts is the one Jesus has of me. Where He sees a Godly woman trying her best to help others & praise God! We must not succumb to the ideals of this fleeting world. “Big job/career, high salary, etc.” That is not what God wants of us. He is only looking for Godly women to go & do His bidding. Be satisfied right where He places us & do our best! One day this world will fall away & only you & Jesus will be there. I want to hear “well done good & faithful servant”. I want His approval only!!
Blessings 🙂
Beth.
I am so glad to know that you are encouraged! We partake in the blessed life when surrender to his design or appointment for us. It will look different for different people. So, we get to consistently check in with God to make sure we are not simply on ‘auto-pilot’ with the world’s status quo.
Thank you for reading.
Shalom
LCB
My question, even at my age of 68 being alone, is where do I belong? I hear Him so clearly say, “You belong to Me.” I’ve lived under the thumb of guilt and shame all my life, but I am slowly overcoming. Now that I am retiring it’s scary. But I do know that whatever comes and whatever I decide, He loves me still. He loves me always.
Yes Linda. I agree.
As long as we live in his ‘belonging’ we will know fulfillment.
Thank you for reading.
Shalom
LCB
I am grateful for your post, and for teaching us new meaning to (what can be) a self destructive word.
Thank-you Lucretia
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
Penny.
You’re welcome! I am glad you were encouraged.
Thank you for reading.
Shalom
LCB
Great encouragement! Thank you!
Thank you Vicki.
I am glad you were encouraged.
Thank you for reading.
Shalom
LCB
Lucretia:
“Who [am I] to disappoint [myself] when [ I am] NOT the One who appointed [myself] ?”
Just wanted to change the pronoun and personalize this message as if I am being the Truth warrior God has created me to be…He who “makes my feet like the feet of a deer and causes me to rise to my high places” (Habakkuk 3;19) says that I am a daughter of the King and through believing in Him, God’s eyes only sees Christ “in me, the hope of His Glory”.
And His Highest place is standing “with Jesus” …who is the Solid Rock. What a place of abiding, beside the Son of God who is the Appointed ‘Name Above all Names’ – the one who always reserves a solid space for me to stand alongside Him. He gives us all that shining spot in the Light of His Eternal Love.
What an exquisite, passionate message Lucretia. I am so glad that you decided to go on a journey into the word study of “Appoint.” And also the one prefix that velcroes itself like a self-appointed, sneaky, writhing opponent of the “Appointment” – the prefix DIS. So incredible is the power of the DIS definition “a reversing force”.
Christ is the reversing Force that reversed the curse that humanity was in…in order to make us the worthy recipients of Eternal Divine Appointment with Him, through Christ Jesus.
I love how the Spirit of God was hovering as you researched that word…bringing and drawing you close and closer to uncovering a beautiful Spirit Truth that is so …well, beautiful.
Your name is so unique and I took the time to do a word search on your own name “Lucretia”. It stated ‘Profit’. We are all going to “profit” from the sharing of your message today. I am thinking of the word “lucrative” which actually means tremendous worth. So, I thank you for giving the priceless gift of translating the message so beautifully…I am going to add it to my journal and even float a paper around different areas of my home that says like I began today:
“Who [am I] to disappoint [myself] when [ I am] NOT the One who appointed [myself] ?” and write out your poignant and “PROFIT-able” eloquent words:
“For [I am Your] workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand, that [I will] walk in them.
Ephesians 2:10 (ESV)
“I can not reverse the force of the most gifted Creator. The One who is Love determined my true identity. The One who is infinitely wise designated and assigned me to this position in life. The One who appointed me is not sad or displeased with me. All of my shortcomings, every misstep, every mistake, all of the doubt and failures are not enough to unseat me from my position. Absolutely nothing can separate me from the love of the One who appointed me. Therefore, I can not dis-appoint myself.”
Thank you Lucretia!
Janine!
Were you preaching while you were writing? That was so POWERFUL!!!
May I tell you that after Micaila-Ayorinde shook us with her ‘WHY’ questions, she then led us in an exercise where we each told the meaning of our name and acted it out. So, I acted out ‘profit.’ Yes, ‘Lucretia’ and ‘lucrative’ are of the same latin origin. When people struggle to remember my name, I tell them to think of the word ‘lucrative.’ haha!
Thank you for writing about profiting from the priceless gift! I’ve never thought about it that way. You have rocked me! I am ‘shook’ all over again. I really appreciate you sharing.
Thank you for reading.
Shalom
LCB
Lucretia, I love both the literalness of this and the farther-reaching philosophical ramifications of your words. Thank you for the share…the insight…the vulnerability…the explanation…the prodding and delving deep into yourself and – by proxy – into us. What an incredible word. Have the best day relishing in your appointments!
WOW Cynthia.
You wrote “literalness of this and the farther-reaching philosophical ramifications of your words. ” You make me feel smart!…haha! Thank you so much for your encouragement.
Thank you for reading.
Shalom
LCB
I once knew someone who was continually complaining about life’s unfairness and seeming discrimination regarding the dispensing of good things, always to someone else.
But one day she said something that, I believe, to be most profound. She said to herself, “who do you think you are that nothing bad should ever happen to you?”
The Bible says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust.
When we fully grasp the truth of that, we allow ourselves to live freely, trusting God to see us through each and every day as it comes. Let us remember that our darkest moments come just before dawn and joy comes in the morning after a night of weeping.
As the Apostle Paul so wisely said, let us run the race that is before us.” Not anyone else’s race. We have enough to do running our own. And while we are at it, move over a bit for our fellow runners. It is the very least we can do.
Hi Loretta.
You wrote: ‘As the Apostle Paul so wisely said, let us run the race that is before us.” Not anyone else’s race.’
Yes, I think that comparing ourselves with others is the slippery slope to the valley of disappointment. May we see ourselves as God sees us and not as a reflection of comparison.
Thank you for reading.
Shalom
LCB
Beautifuly said Sister in Christ! Just what I needed! Praise God!!! Thank You Lord for Inspiring Lucretia to write this only as She could. Well Done & Thank You
Arlena,
Thank you and you’re welcome. I am so glad to know that you are encouraged.
Thank you for reading.
Shalom
LCB