I spent Thanksgiving alone this year.
This isn’t the first time that I’ve FaceTimed from twelve hours away, wiped a tear or two from my eyes, turned up the music in my too-quiet apartment, and looked forward to Christmas.
And it’s okay. Really, it is. As a single girl in her mid-twenties, far away from the family God placed me in, I’ve learned the hard way that holidays can hold laughter and longing at the very same time.
I pulled out a seat at the table on Thursday afternoon, turkey sandwich in front of me and empty seats all around, and this thought unexpectedly crossed my mind: you are lacking no good thing.
It caught me by surprise, seemingly out of place with my current circumstances.
I’ve been walking through a season of grief and loss, learning to give grace — both to others and to myself — in the midst of unexpected and unwanted changes. There are significant decisions right around the bend, and to be completely honest, in the middle of loss I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to do, which way to go.
I wrote a book about choosing to believe He is still good and kind even if He doesn’t come through how we hope He will, how we know He could. And I’ve learned it the hard way: Be careful what you write a book about because you just might live out that message forever.
Earlier this fall, I shared here at (in)courage about looking for His fingerprints, about asking God “Where are You?” and trusting His goodness to be true. I wrote about His presence staying near and guiding the way through the wilderness as a pillar of cloud by day and fire by night.
I wrote those words during the storm and the fire, with the ground beneath me shaking and the waves coming one after another after another. And then, six days later, the figurative flames became literal as smoke filled the apartment I’m sitting in, flames licking the walls.
Smoke. Fog. Grief. Confusion. Fire. Disappointment. Loss.
You are lacking no good thing . . .?
I wiped crumbs from the table, turning the phrase over in my head, quietly offering these words in response “I believe You, God, but right now I feel lonely, I see lack, and I hear silence. Help me look past what isn’t to what is, and help me call it good.”
As a type-A firstborn, it’s no surprise that I love a good list. I sat at the table, intentionally listing the gifts, the grace He has lavishly poured out: relationships seemingly broken beyond repair now mended back together; four surgeries before twenty-six, all with the same result: benign; His financial provision through years of figuring out the adventure of self-employment.
Looking at the list, I realized each gift came from a storm I wouldn’t have chosen. Over time, the very waves that threatened to take me out pushed me to shore. The flames that threatened to destroy became the fire that refined. And when everything around was shaking and tomorrow so clearly not a guarantee, He was a solid foundation.
He was there in all of it — in the hard and the holy. In the ordinary, He was waiting to be found. In the unknown, He was constant. In the broken places, He was holding me together.
As I remembered what has been re-membered, the truth was clear: every last thing is a gift because He is redeeming every last thing.
He is a way-making, promise-keeping, battle-winning, water-walking, storm-stilling, faithful Friend and Savior.
My list of what isn’t didn’t change after making my list of what is, but my perspective did. And so I began to make another list, this time of God’s many gifts of “no” or “not yet.” Because the truth is, although there are most certainly things I still long and pray for, one of the most frequently spoken sentences in this apartment is “Thank the Lord He didn’t give me what I asked for.”
Sometimes what we think would be best would actually be flat-out terrible. And sometimes we pray and hope and pray some more, only to later find God had something much better in store, something we never would have thought to ask for.
I’m discovering that there are gifts hidden in the timing of the answer and in the prayers that seemingly receive a “no.”
He is a Father who loves to give good gifts to His children, and He has promised to supply all of our needs. And so, it must be that what we don’t have now, we simply don’t need now. There is a greater Story being told, and we can’t see beyond the page we’re currently living. As Charles Spurgeon said, “Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there.”
I am lacking no good thing.
You are lacking no good thing.
We are lacking no good thing.
I won’t lie to you: this is not what I expected my right-now life to look like. This is not what I would have prayed for. But I trust the Author, so I have to believe that this is exactly what I would choose for myself if I could see the entire storyline.
There is a good God who gives good gifts — gifts of what is and what isn’t. And so today, I’ll believe that all is grace and all is well. Here, with my two lists, I can truthfully say I’m grateful for the things I’ve received . . . and the things that, praise God, didn’t come my way.
What “no” or “not yet” can you give thanks for today?
How have you seen God’s goodness in what isn’t?
He is a way-making, promise-keeping, battle-winning, water-walking, storm-stilling faithful Friend and Savior. - @kaitlyn_bouch: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Kaitlyn,
I can’t relate to everything that you have gone through and are going through, but I can relate to tears at Thanksgiving. Sometimes we don’t like the new “normal” that is thrust upon us – especially at the holidays. There is this big expectation that life be like a Norman Rockwell painting and most often it’s not, unless you are among the very blessed few. I just came off surgery #6 in six years. I just can’t envision going under the knife again even though the number 7 is the number of completeness or fulfillment. I’d like to stop at 6 and have #7 just be a gimme. Sometimes it all boils down to this, for me…..I lack no good thing. If I had no other gift than my eternal salvation that would be enough. When we are saved, this is the only guarantee we get. Yes, the Holy Spirit will always be with us, but it doesn’t shield us from pain, suffering, trials, and heartbreak. God is good and His grace is sufficient in all circumstances so when life doesn’t look like what I’d hoped for, I try to lift my eyes unto the hills and grasp a more eternal perspective and then write down the blessings for which I am grateful. Salvation is the prize. Everything else is the cherry on the top.
Blessings and prayers, Kaitlyn,
Bev xx
Hugs hugs hugs and THANKYOU for your honesty and faith. Keep fighting the Good Fight.⚓️. He who is able..will see you thru…and OH the PRIZE will be AWESOME
Echoing Cheryl here… xo
Cheryl,
Thank you for your sweet encouragement….I will keep fighting. Perseverance is my middle name. I needed those cyber hugs and the reminder that He who is able will see me through…Amen!
Love,
Bev xo
In the midst of chaos, I so easily forget who God is and begin to question his motives. Thank you for this very comprehensive reminder that the sovereignty of God is not affected one whit by my perception of the circumstances. Those waves are “pushing me to shore” even if my landmarks are shrouded in fog.
The words I’ve been saying (and posting all over the place, over and over – bless it) this fall are: He is sovereign over the seasons. I even made a lock screen for my phone with that phrase. It’s a good reminder for me right now.
Thank you Kaitlyn for this very timely post. I am a working mother, I have an incredible job where I make an impact on the lives of many, I have two beautiful healthy boys and a husband who loves me, yet I struggle with things just not being as I had envisioned them. I thank you for the reminder to make a list of the blessings I have as opposed to the list of things that need to be done. I need to take a bigger perspective that extends beyond our earthly years and remind myself that this is the life God wants for me, what I have and what I don’t is as he sees best for me.
Thank you, Maria
So timely and beautiful! Feeling much like you described, a bit lost and confused and not experiencing at all what I hoped for, for this time. But ” today, I’ll believe that all is grace and all is well.” Thank you
Believing with you today.
So beautifully written and heart piercing. While in a season of sorrow and grief it’s comforting to know about your faith & trust. Thank you
Thank you Kaitlyn, such good, good, words. I’ll be sharing this in my Nov email to my readers if that’s okay. And I owe you a phone call!!!
xx
Of course it’s completely okay. Thank you for sharing!!! So kind of you to do that.
Thank you, Kaitlyn, for such worthy words. I always say it’s all about perspective, but you have expounded on this truth in such an amazingly beautiful way that it seems new and fresh, and just what I needed. ❤️
Thank you, Joanie. It’s so encouraging to me that this felt new and fresh. Sometimes it can seem like everything has already been said – and said well – and I’m glad to hear this was familiar, but also brought a new perspective.
Thank you for this – it was my first Thanksgiving without my husband after his sudden death this year. I feel like I’m coming unraveled at all ends, so this is exactly what I needed to hear today.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Dani. Wish I could sit with you across a coffee shop table today, but know that you are prayed for.
Kaitlyn,
We must remember we are on a journey. This is not our home-Praise God!! The world & social media would have you believe you need a Martha Stewart or Norman Rockwell type holiday. That isn’t always the case for everyone. Many people don’t have family around them anymore. My elderly neighbor recently lost her last living son. She had to spend Thanksgiving with just her granddaughter & grandson-in-law. No big family around. Sad. Life has its ups & downs. We don’t think life will be like it has turned out. We envision big things for ourselves. God has other plans. A big not-yet for my family came earlier this year. My 90 yr old FIL went through stage III bladder cancer surgery & survived. This Thanksgiving was spent with the whole family. We had grand adults & 3 great grand children. His whole family was there. Nice to enjoy the time with them for a change. God always answers our prayers. It may not be in the way or timing we’d like. He knows what’s best for us. He bestows great gifts on us all the time. The best & most costly gift came at Christmas!
Blessings 🙂
This! Beautifully written, Kaitlyn, and the gentle reminder I needed this morning. Thank you.
Such beautiful words, dear Kaitlyn. Thanks for reminding us that life now it isn’t the end of the story. In the meantime, as His children, we are lacking no good thing. What encouragement! With warmest thanks and many blessings!
Thank you, my (in)courage sister.
Thank you, Kaitlyn, your words penetrated my heart. These are words I will ponder and ponder more. It was just what I needed to read/hear in this season that I am in. I pray for Gods richest blessings to/for you.
Thank you for your kind words here… xo
Kaitlyn you are right, we must trust God even in times when we feel His absence. He is never away from us and want the best for us always. His plans are always better than what we think it should be. Praying for you during this time and knowing that our God will get us through anything and everything. Thank you for sharing this.
“I won’t lie to you: this is not what I expected my right-now life to look like. This is not what I would have prayed for. But I trust the Author, so I have to believe that this is exactly what I would choose for myself if I could see the entire storyline.”
I sobbed when I read these words. This has been my story these past few years, and I’m standing on your truth, because I too believe that “He is a way-making, promise-keeping, battle-winning, water-walking, storm-stilling, faithful Friend and Savior.” Amen. And thank you.
Oh, Beth. Standing with you and believing with you today. He is good and He is kind.
Kaitlyn, this is so beautifully written. What a powerful message, in God’s perfect timing. He brings healing as you write the words He places on your heart and to share with women who need to hear it as well. Thank you for baring your sweet soul and for writing with such authenticity. This touched my heart today. You’re a blessing.
You are wise beyond your years, Kaitlyn. I am ever so grateful for this post and for the reminder that even the undesired or unwanted is most times a gift in the making. And this…”There is a greater Story being told, and we can’t see beyond the page we’re currently living. ” Grateful that I can’t see beyond the page – because I surely would have said “no” to many things because I couldn’t imagine where it was leading. Holding you in my heart today and praying that your changed perspective blesses many.
A gift in the making. Yes! Exactly! Beautifully put, Cynthia.
I put a post on Facebook last week that as we age families change and holidays aren’t the same as in the past. I have problems with anxiety and have been home on many holidays…sometimes my husband is here, sometimes he accepts an invitation. But you know what? I have a house with heat, a kitchen with plenty of food, and all the other basic necessities of life! The other day I went through my closet and pulled out some clothes I haven’t worn for awhile to wash them to freshen them up. I had to do a lot of ironing but I talked to God and said even though I made work for myself I was thankful that I had clothes that fit me…that even though I am overweight I have maintained my weight so I can still wear the same clothes and I thanked God for the energy to do what I need to. I am definitely an example of life not being what we may want for ourselves but at age 62 I have some very nice memories of past holidays, vacations, etc. to be understanding of the way my life is now.
Thank you so much for sharing Kaitlyn! This truly touched my heart. God is so good! ❤️
Kaitlyn,
I so get this message! Thank you for your powerful words. Life hasnt been what I envisioned at all. But Im learning that at the end of the day, Im lacking no good thing. Now Im at the point where all I want is for God’s will to be done.
Kaitlyn,
Wow! God used your message to profoundly speak to me. Did you read the notes of my life?! What you shared is what I have been working through in so many ways. Even last week I said to my husband, “Why is the whole world against me?” The straw that broke the camel’s back has been multiplying. My spirit is good, but everything else has been a rough go.
As soon as I read the title of your article, I went to find an index card to jot it down. I chose blue to remind me that even in my sorrow and difficulty, I am lacking no good thing. I also looked up the verse address and found Psalm 34:10. And then I began to read the article, and by the end, my eyes were full of tears and my heart was pounding with His presence.
I share your pain in many respects. I have now had 27 Thanksgivings without my family (and even 26 without my in-laws). Chronic health issues often even keep me from being with my husband and kids. My Thanksgiving was spent alone this year, too. He will never leave you and never forsake you.
I giggled as you mentioned your book. I, too, am an author, and I hear you about living the message of your book. Part of my story is in my book (No Ordinary Invitation: Called to Live a Life of Eternal Purpose), and the lessons contained within it had to be learned for myself first. When I start off on a different tangent, He reminds me to remember what He has taught me.
Your words contain wisdom beyond your years. That moved my heart because in them I see that you have learned something that can only come from God.
Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might. His grace is sufficient.
You are loved,
Francee Strain
This: “the very waves that threatened to take me out pushed me to shore.” Yes, I can think of ways this is true in my own life and the lives of others. So good!
Friend, God’s fingerprints in your life are beautiful. And the Author is still writing the story. Praying that you will continue to lean into to the goodness of every “yes” and “no” you recieve along the way. xx