I can picture the paragraph in my seventh grade year book. The message from my friend made a rounded square, and the letters themselves were bubbly, expressive, and crowded together like a group of junior high schoolers. After the expected, “I hope you have a great summer,” she wrote, “I knew you were cool the day you told so-and-so to shut up.”
I read it over and over again, feeling smug over being described as cool and regretful as I remembered the cost of my quick words. Later, my Dad came across the yearbook, still open to the same back page of notes and signatures and asked me about it. Was someone bothering you? Why did you tell them to shut up?
He kept asking the same questions over and over again. I knew he was having trouble imagining his usually quiet daughter, who had cried over things like wilted flowers and city strangers with sad expressions, reacting to a friend that way. I lifted my shoulders at his incessant belief in the best of me and said I didn’t really remember. It was nothing. He knew better, and his tender gaze told me he could see farther than I could.
It would be easy to shrug this little incident off to the dark hole of junior high school years, but the thing is, I still remember it. Snippets of that memory after all this time stay sticky: my friend’s face after the words came out of my mouth, the way she halted her speech in the middle of a word, the other girls laughing and high-fiving me with their eyes, the feeling I had of earning attention and doing something unexpected, and wondering if I had traded in my relationship for fleeting admiration and a few feel-good lines in a seventh grade yearbook to come.
Even at that age, I felt it down deep. It wasn’t just my harsh words or the way I felt free to judge that they were deserved and well-timed. It was the way I tried to move myself into a place of power and remove myself from being the sensitive girl I always had been.
Early on, many of us learn that sensitivity is something like an illness. We want to treat it. My mom was always worried that I would be hurt in the same ways she was, and now as a mom, I sometimes find myself acting and reacting to my kids with the same fear. Instead of sharing our own stories of hurt to come alongside one another and say me too, many of us try to shield ourselves or those we care about by attempting to stamp sensitivity into sensibility and tenderness into toughness. And ironically, with our shields held up high, this response is killing all of us from the inside.
The prophet Isaiah’s description of Jesus in Isaiah 53 simultaneously sobers me and gives me hope. I need to read it again and again. Isaiah described Jesus as a tender shoot surrounded by hard ground and so unattractive that people would look away from him.
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
Isaiah 53:2 (NIV)
While I couldn’t have always articulated it, what I’ve always needed most is a place where the one that was worshipped could look like Isaiah’s prophetic description and be the one we all bowed down to. What I’ve always needed to know is that there’s a place for someone who comes in last, for the ones who are passed over, for the one who is still struggling, for the girl who was mean in an attempt to stamp out the softness and prove herself strong.
Some mornings, I still resort to looking for strength in shallow places like my coffee cup. For a moment, I go back to thinking I need to toughen myself up, make a list, and push myself into hustling after all of my if onlys.
But these days, the good reminders come quickly. I see my imperfections persisting after the coffee is gone — the very things that tempt to hide in the school lunchroom of my soul but find Jesus standing there, arms wide, reminding me that weakness is the place where we are all made strong. I find Him in the mess of our family relationships that I don’t have the right answers to and in the ugly parts of my heart that still exist no matter how many days this week I’ve silently checked quiet times off my list. I find Him at the well of my need when I try to go it alone again and try to hide the soft places inside, tenderly reminding me that sensitivity isn’t an illness; it’s a superpower. I find Him in the person I least expect, noticing my wounds: my junior high school friend who later told me she had already forgiven me while her crinkled brown lunch bag still sat open and unfinished on her lap. I find Him like my Dad, asking me why I said what I said, reaching down deep, persistent and kind, trying to get under the surface of my meanness, telling me that I am seen fully right in the midst of it and still met with love.
Sensitivity isn't an illness; it's a superpower. - @tashajunb: Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Tasha,
Your post really speaks to my heart. I was and still am a very sensitive person. I remember, very vividly, my father telling me that I needed to, “Stop wearing my feelings and emotions on my sleeve.” I was ripe for the picking…one swift punch and I was a goner. Like you, I felt that my sensitivity was something that needed fixing, changing. I needed to grow a tougher shell so that things would roll off my back more. Some 45+ years later, I realize that, though my sensitivity sometimes makes it hard to live in this tough, cruel world, it IS my superpower. It allows me to walk a mile in somebody else’s shoes. It allows me to feel and express deep compassion and empathy. It makes me attuned to the down-trodden and the misunderstood. It makes me a safe place for other sensitive people. Wasn’t Jesus a “safe place” for many? I am slowly believing sensitivity is a beautiful facet of Jesus’ personality….it drew people to Him. If I can emulate Jesus in this way – what a gift sensitivity is!! Lovely post!
Blessings,
Bev xx
This post & your response has me in tears. I also am a very sensitive soul who grew up believing it was wrong to be this way. I had to “toughen up” to survive. You never show weakness is what I was taught. I guess I am just very tired, because I just can’t fight the feeling any more. I’ve been on an emotional journey for a while now. Bev, your thought that being sensitive is like being Christ to others, it’s eye opening. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It has helped me tremendously.
Kathy,
I, too, wrestled for many years thinking that there was something “wrong” with me because I was so sensitive. First, God doesn’t make anyone or anything incorrectly or wrong…He knows just what He is doing and He rejoices over YOU as His beautiful creation!! He knew there were going to be enough “tough cookies” out there in this world and that hurting people would need some tender souls to turn to. God did something very RIGHT when He made you….He gave you a jump start in becoming like His Son, Jesus. Praise and thanksgiving for your sensitive soul. God is going to use you just as you are…just wait and see!
Love and hugs (we sensitive people do that a a lot and that’s okay!)
Bev xo
Bev I often enjoy reading your replies in the comment section. Thank you for your beautiful heart and wisdom you give. Can you please send me the link to your blog. I know I would enjoy it as well as you always have great words of wisdom and encouragement. May the Lord bless you. Thanks so much! Blessings and have a great day!
Darlene,
I would love to have you visit me at my blog. Here is the address: http://walkingwellwithgod.blogspot.com/
My most recent post is entitled “Heaven – What’s In Store for Us?” The best way to get my posts is to subscribe. I never sell or distribute my subscriber list – you’re family! You can always unsubscribe. There are lots of archived posts you can dig through….I’d love to have you as a reader. I try to post once a week, but with some recent medical issues, it’s been a little sporadic. Thanks for the encouragement – it’s comments like yours that keep me writing 🙂
Blessings,
Bev xo
I feel the same way about your posts, Bev. I always find myself looking for your response right after I read the main post. Your words always seem to speak to me. I also thank you for your views above on sensitivity which had me in tears, like the other reader above said. I, too, have always thought my sensitivity was a weakness. Thank you for your beautiful words on being a sensitive soul – I am so encouraged now!
Kathy, I pray you would continue to find Christ, the tender King of Kings, right in the midst of your weakest moments. Grateful for your tender heart as it’s shown up here.
I know exactly what everyone is saying. I will say as for myself, I am glad I am n o t a super sensitive lady anymore. In a new job working with new women it all too reminds me of mean girls. The beauty of being sensitive is seeing in others what many don’t see. The sadness, loneliness and hopelessness. That is the gift we are to use as super powers. I n my opinion. I don’t know if you agree. One Boss- GOD. He keeps use on track and grounded.
Bev, I love the beautiful things you’ve listed that you are able to do because of your sensitivity towards others. Thank you for wrestling through and deciding it is indeed a gift that can be used for so much good. I see your sensitivity towards others her at (in)courage all the time and I know it has blessed so many of us a great deal.
Thank yo
Thank you, Pamela.
Tasha,
Thank you for writing for those of us who are super sensitive. I can cry at the drop of a hat. But I am still sense when needs are to be met, whom to let cry on my shoulder. This world is tough & says god & do for number 1. It doesn’t think about the other person. I have deep concerns for other people, those hurting & helpless. My parents were both sensitive people. They cried often at movies or songs they heard. Instead of stuffing it down & trying to hide it I wear it like a badge of honor. After all Jesus was sensitive to the needs of others. He cried at the funeral of Lazarus-knowing He was going to resurrect him. He feels our pain & I can feel your pain also. Let’s all wear our superpower on our sleeve & be more like Jesus..
Blessings 🙂
I love that your parents modeled sensitivity for you and didn’t try to keep you from being that way. And I like how you call it a badge of honor. That’s beautiful.
If we all stop and think about it we probably all have sensitive side to us all. We are all build the way God made us. Beautiful in his eyes. Some more sensitive than others and words can hurt us. We are to try not let them hurt us. Forgive but that can be hard for some of us. But we have too. As Jesus would want us to do that. As if don’t it only eats at us. Ask Jesus to help us do that and he will. The person who said the words might have not have meant what they said. They might have come out wrong. They might not realise they have upset you. That you are so sensitive. You might have to tell them in a nice way. As if you don’t it will only eat you up inside until you do. Even something on tv can make you sensitive by saying that poor child or that poor person. You could take it to heart and have soft sensitive heart that way. I do if that was me go into prayer. Thank you so much for today’s reading it is excellent xxx
I agree that we all have a tender, sensitive side…and I believe it can look very different depending on the person. Thanks for your kind words, Dawn.
I spent 2018 reading through the book of Jeremiah, the weeping prophet. His sensitive heart gave him the “super power” of pulling off an almost impossible assignment from God–deliver searing Truth to a disobedient and unfaithful nation while feeling their pain and mourning all that could have been.
There have been times in my following life when I have wished with all my heart that I could just NOT care. But your words help me to see that this is the broad road that leads to death.
I love your example of Jeremiah and his “almost impossible assignment.” What a name – the weeping prophet. Great insight, Michele.
I love this post, for years I have walked a road believing that sensitivity was something to be ashamed off, made to feel I was to sensitive, to emotional. I am 46 now and the light has come on, I will walk forward embracing my sensitivity as a remarkable gift that gives me the empathy, compassion and grace for others that Jesus modeled for each one of us before us. How awesome! God is so gracious and shows us that things we saw as negatives in our lives are actually positives and we can lift our heads up and praise Him with such gratitude for make us each a marvelous masterpiece, created, designed, molded and filled in by his perfect strokes of loving hands.
The Father Created each of us different. The purpose is so we can relate to others. You are fearfully and wonderfully made be who you are and allow Jesus to guide you.
Very true. Thanks, Elaine.
Tasha, your words and lesson are so beautiful. Thank you!
Oh, thank you, Patricia!
Oh Tasha, your words truly speak to me today! “The lunchroom of our soul…” Perfect description. I’ve been experiencing those moments especially after my time of prayer, and emerging not feeling stronger, but weaker. Hoping for clarity yet, it is very murky. It helps me to know I’m not alone, that these emotions are okay, and His arms are wide waiting for me in spite of me wishing away my sensitivity “superpower” . Thankfully, Jesus is patient because I get tangled up in my cape way too often than I’d like to admit. Sending you a hug <3
Kayhleen, I love what you said about getting tangled in your cape far too often! Lol I sure can relate.
*Kathleen (can’t type today!)
Thank you it inspires me to know we are all praying for and inspiring each other even when our capes are tangled up.❤
Your description of being tangled in your cape made me smile. I can relate and honestly it’s usually that way more often than not.
Thank you for your encouraging words and for letting me know that you were encouraged. I pray Jesus would tangibly show you his presence and help in the midst of those feeling “weaker” moments.
Tasha, thank you so very much. And I must say, it comforts and inspires me to know I’m not alone in my super hero clumsiness.❤
I am learning about the highly sensitive person–an HSP. I am one. The term wasncoined by Elaine Aron and she wrote several books about traits that define an HSP. She explains how being highly sensitive can be an advantage, and as a Christian, I see the trait as beneficial in empathizing with others. I still get frustrated because I cry so easily…so much so that my tears no longer phase my husband of 31 years. That hurts sometimes though.
I haven’t read much on HSP, but I can imagine that there are more of us that fit the description than we realize!
Love you and your tenderness, love your words. Always.
You are such a kind friend to me. Thank you and love you, too.
Embracing it! In a world full of ppl who are hurt and hurt ppl …
Thank you for embracing it, Vanessa!
Tasha, thank you for explaining your uncharacteristic episode as a way of encouraging all of us fellow sensitive souls. Makes me wonder what would happen if each of us embraced all that comes with our God-given level of sensitivity and did not try to stamp it out by stomping on others? Appreciate your beautiful writing.
Pearl, thank you for those kind words. I wonder the same thing, often, of myself and others that I love.
Pearl, I will pray that I can live your words of “embracing our God given sensitivity and not stamping out our own sensitivity by stomping on others”❤
Thank you for your beautiful post Tasha. I too am I highly sensitive person. I seem to be drawn to someone who is hurting. I am learning to accept this is the way God made me. I too am realizing this has to have balance as I have often taken the other persons hurt on myself. The Lord is teaching me to cast the burden before Him and not take it upon myself. Thankful He has made me this way and I can use this gift to glorify Him!
That’s great, Darlene. Good words. Thank you!
I feel like the tinman in the wizard of oz movie felt, when he finally got a heart.
The heart being the symbol we feel emotion and love with. Personally I think sensitivity is a deep component of love, and tears reveal the need or unmet expectations. If we were made in God’s love, taught to love because He first loved us, then how can we limit or define that compassionate heart. Not with the world which is cruel. Being tender-hearted is a beautiful fruit of His Spirit.
Recognize affronts for what they are, not purposeful in hurting, guard yourself against them. But, be gentle with yourself, tender-hearted and loving yourself and others, as Christ Himself loves. Personally, I think we all can use more sensitivity, and I respond to seeing it and feeling it, which is so opposite to a hardened, uncaring, behavior that is unloving. We were made to love.
I like the image of the Tin-man that you shared. Thank you, Lynn.
Thank you it inspires me to know we are all praying for and inspiring each other even when our capes are tangled up.❤
I think this is my favorite post you’ve written, Tasha. (Though I think that every time you write until the next post comes!) Thank you for letting us into the tender places of your heart and helping us all to see the beauty in our own sensitive spots and untidy stories.
Thanks, Becky! You are so kind. 🙂
Another aspect of this, too, is that God made some of us to make disciples by a preaching, out-on-the-streets kind of evangelism, and others to be there for our friends and to love those around us quietly. This is something God’s been teaching me for years now, and it’s not gonna stop being an issue for me: that there are ways to advance the Kingdom besides going out and converting people, and that the person doesn’t even have to be a non-Christian for us to make a difference. Thanks for this, Tasha! <3 <3
Yes, for sure, Emily! I understand and agree! Thanks so much!