We don’t get to see worms too often in our front yard. For a while, Southern California was in a drought, and rain was a luxury we didn’t have. But this winter was generous beyond our expectations and sated the ground of its thirst, bringing with it the worms we don’t often get to see.
My son found one one afternoon while playing on the grass. It was the biggest worm he’d ever seen, and delight was written all over his face. The morning dew had dissipated into the heat of the noon sun, and the worm tediously inched its way to the cool dirt underneath. It was vulnerable, exposed.
My son, ever the empathetic one, crouched over the worm like a hen hovering over her chicks. He provided it with shade and water from his water bottle so it could make its way underground safely. His cheeks were flushed, his hair matted with sweat, but the worm made it in time before the sun dried it out.
I watched my son with curiosity as he patiently nurtured his little worm friend. He was attentive, protective, and I wondered if that’s how God sees me.
I grew up thinking God was good and loving and holy, but stern. I would imagine Him looking at me from on high with a perpetual, thin-lipped frown on His face and furrowed brows. He’d be watching me live my life, making decisions He didn’t approve of and choosing paths He hadn’t chosen for me, and disappointment would etch grooves across His divine forehead. His eyes would look tired, like a mom who had been up all night with her baby, not knowing the time or the day anymore.
He loved me — this I knew. But happy with me? Pleased with me? Unlikely.
I saw Him this way for most of my life, and it was evident of the kind of parental love I received as a kid. I was the one who always got in trouble, the one who never seemed to do anything right the first time around. I exasperated my parents, and though I knew God was unlike them, my parents’ love for me still shaped the way I believed God loved me.
I didn’t doubt He cared for me, but the narrative of conditional love ran hard through my veins, convincing me I was likely doing something wrong most of the time, that I was in trouble and about to face God’s grace running out on me, His patience thinning, His love faltering.
God is unlike us in so many ways, but He gives us glimpses of Himself through each other. I saw Him in that moment while my son watched over the worm, tending to it, nurturing it, and I understood visually what Psalm 63:7 meant:
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
Just like the worm hidden in the shade of my son’s shadow, I am like it, hidden in the shadow of my Father’s wings. He is good, loving, holy, and motherly. Yes, He disciplines. Yes, He rebukes. Yes, sometimes His ways seem stern and unclear. But He is the perfect parent, the perfect father and mother.
God loves steadily and without conditions. His love doesn’t fade in and out based on my behavior or how many good deeds I can check off my list. He doesn’t roll His eyes at my ignorance, at my foolishness, or at my resistance to His voice. His grace doesn’t run out.
I imagine His face now, and it looks different to me — the grooves on His forehead are relaxed, His eyes no longer tired and disappointed but soft with love. I’m learning to nurture and be nurtured, to mother and be mothered by a God does it perfectly. He is the one who provides the shade, the help, and I am held, I am loved, I am free to sing in the shadow of His wings.
Leave a Comment
Jas says
Grace thank you for sharing this important reminder that God loves us unconditionally. I’m like you in that for years I had a different view of Gods love for me similar to what you have explained. I still have to remind myself sometimes orneed reminders such as your post that God loves us no matter what we do and that he is the best most loving and fair parent there is!! This post made me feel so happy!! Who wouldn’t be happy to be the recipient of love from a beautiful God such as ours. We are all so fortunate and blessed. Thanks for this post!
Grace P. Cho says
Yes, we are blessed to have Him as our Father!
Michele Morin says
Lyrics from an old hymn came rushing to my mind as I read about your son and his worm friend:
Alas and did my Savior bleed
And did my Sovereign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as I?
And of course, the answer is YES! He would and He did!
Maybe if more church leaders and theologians had watched a little boy caring for and then freeing a worm with tender care, there would have been no reason to take offense at or to sanitize Isaac Watts’s poetic description of our deep neediness before God.
Grace P. Cho says
Oh, I love that you referred to that hymn! I love it, and it didn’t even cross my mind when I wrote this post!
Linda Wilson says
I too have struggled through the years with God’s view of me. I am just now really trying to focus on His unconditional love for me. I don’t have to be perfect and I know I’m not! We can’t do anything to make him love us more and we can’t do anything to make him love us less! His love is unconditional and perfect!
Grace P. Cho says
Yes and amen!
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Grace,
I love your son’s compassionate and tender heart – what a blessing. This world needs more people like him! Like you, I envisioned God, for a large portion of my life, as the Patriarchal scorekeeper – checking off the times I screwed up. I realize now I attributed human characteristics to God and that is a dangerous trap many fall into. The more I read of God’s patience with His people in the Old Testament, the more I have discovered that He is slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness. I immediately was drawn to Jesus from my early days in Sunday School when I loved the pictures of Jesus lovingly welcoming the little children to come to Him. One truth that has really stuck with me is when Jesus says, “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father.” (John 12:45). Everything we see in Jesus – love, compassion, empathy, tenderness, mercy, grace, gentleness, etc., we can attribute those characteristics to God. The more I walk with Him and lean into Him, the more my old visions disappear and new truthful visions take their place. Awesome post!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Grace P. Cho says
I love that, Bev. The more we see Jesus, the more our new visions take the place of the old.
Karla Nuss says
Thank you for the article. It helped me have a better understanding of God’s love for me. I grew up in home much like Grace’s. I wasn’t constantly getting trouble, but parents approved of very little I did. Even after I became an adult.
Grace P. Cho says
I’m glad this helped, Karla! I pray we both keep seeing God for who He is — the one who loves us beyond measure!
Pamela says
Chills, Grace. From the beautiful simplicity of the story. Of your eyes of love toward your son. Of God’s eyes of love toward you both. We are blessed to be Loved by the source of Love itself.
Grace P. Cho says
Thank you, Pamela!
Becky Keife says
Love this, friend! I’m always so amazed by, so grateful for the glimpses God gives us of His character, His heart toward us — so often coming through small moments, His people, and His creation. Yes. I will think of this post and sing in the shadow of His wings this week. xx
Grace P. Cho says
Yes, let’s sing in His shadow this week!
Loretta says
As a child I often played at my earthly father’s feet, safe and secure in the knowledge that I was protected as well as loved. As a result, often when I pray, I have the same visual of me at the feet of God, safe and secure from all alarms. It brings me great comfort to be at His feet.
Tonya says
What a beautiful reminder!! Thank you!! I tend to see God being so done with me. I so needed the reminder that his love and grace are forever.
Peace and Blessings to you!