About the Author

Sarah Mae has a past that would be her present if it weren’t for Jesus. A blogger, author, and co-author of Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, she’s currently writing The Complicated Heart, a book for broken-hearted lovers of Jesus. Learn more at @thecomplicatedheart on Instagram or...

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  1. Sarah Mae,
    This statement is SO true: “Children are excellent observers, but terrible interprerters.” One of the “down” sides to being an only child is that you don’t get to see that your parents treat your siblings in much the same way as they treat you. I took my parents actions, lack of actions, and reactions very personally because I had nothing to compare them to. I was this sensitive kid who wore her emotions on her sleeve and I had two parents who rarely showed emotion. Conclusion drawn…something is “wrong” with me. I craved affirmation in words. My dad never said he loved me. Conclusion drawn: I must be unlovable. What got a positive reaction out of my parents? Good grades in school, being a “good” girl, following the rules, etc. I learned very early on to be a people pleaser. I suspect I’m not alone. Time has given me perspective that though my “love language” was words, my dad spoke the language of “acts of service”. In other words, he “told” me that he loved me by providing for me, putting a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back. I look back at how his parents were (my grandparents) and they were not warm and fuzzy people. I craved warm and fuzzy. One time I actually confronted my dad and asked him why he never said that he loves me? His answer? He said, “I tell you that I love you everyday.” He was speaking his love language and I couldn’t interpret it. I still get hung up on the people pleasing thing – old habits die hard, but learning to live to an audience of One helps me to really embrace that my identity is found in knowing Whose I am. People are definitely not perfect and we wound each other. God never wounds…He is pure love. Excellent post that spoke right to the wounded places in my heart.
    Blessings and thanks,
    Bev xx (People Pleasers Anonymous)

    • I’ve praying for a husband to be loved and feel secured. My mother and father were married for 44 years. I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers. I’m next to the youngest sister. Even though I had large family I never heard the words I love you. I would see my order siblings get in trouble and I was always trying to be the good little girl do everything right so that I could be most lovable child. I married at 21, to abusive man and stayed for 10 years! It was all about please him so that he would love me and not hurt me! After my divorce I had several other relationship were I felt so unloved, not pretty, not worth anything. God has slowly uprooted these hiding beliefs I had about myself. This is such a on time message for me! I still struggle with wanting to please and wanting affirmation. God is the one that determines my worth.

      • Millie,
        Like you, I so wanted to be loved and cherished that I look back and see that I settled for what I thought resembled love….far from it. I was in my first marriage for 25 year and my ex was verbally and emotionally abusive. I was willing to settle for a “tootsie roll” when what God wanted for me was a “Godiva bar”. Second thing I learned is that one man’s opinion of you does not determine your worth. When my ex left me, I felt worthless. God has taken me on a journey to realize that He and only He determines my worth. Praying that God would work that truth deep into your soul where it will take root and remind you that you are the child of the King – His beloved daughter. THAT is your immeasurable worth sweet sister.
        ((Hugs)),
        Bev

  2. Sarah Mae,

    Thank you for an inspiring post. I know many women will get help from this. You are so spot on with this: “only Jesus determines our worth”. Trouble is the world speaks loud & says do more achieve more, receive awards, have it all then you will be loved by millions. That may be true but only for a short time while your star is shining. When you no longer achieve, do or are out of spotlight then that audience is gone. We need to show this world that Jesus loves them more than they know. He is the one true determiner of our worth. He feels we were worth ALL the pain & agony of the cross. We must get to dig deep down in our souls to find the reason for our anxiousness & pull it out by the roots. We have to name it & claim it. Then lay it all down at His feet. Let Him search us, find those hurtful & anxious thoughts within us & take them out. My parents hugged a lot & I want/need that to show my & Christ’s love.

    Blessings 🙂

  3. Sara Mae,
    This really helped me better understand my current situation, thank-you so much for sharing.

    Thessalonians 3:16
    Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way.
    The Lord be with you all.
    I hope that you all have a blessed day,
    Penny

  4. On youtube watch the Father’s Love Letter. This is what God think of you. No matter what has happened in your life. You are Loved and Special. God knows all about you even before you were born. You will never stop God Loving You. You will alway be his dearly loved Child. Take your time listing to the Father’s Love letter if never heard it before. As it says it all xxx

  5. Sarah Mae,
    This post is right on the money!! Or spot on!! I never really thought of just turning my thoughts to Jesus determines my worth and to replace that self abusing thoughts ie I’m worthless, not good enough etc with a thought of ifJesus loves me I am not worthless. Now don’t get me wrong I had a good upbringing and my parents never told me those types of nasty comments but when they were talking and I would walk in the room they would stop talking. It was about stuff that didn’t concern children well that had an effect on me coupled with teenage years was not a good mix. Those type of negative thoughts I don’t think them every day but they pop up even in my adult life. I was a people pleaser for many years and put my self worth in the hands of others as to whether they liked me or not. Thank God I grew out of that and don’t operate like that anymore but you’ve given me a phrase that when those doubts do creep in I can quash them with the love of Jesus. He and he alone determines my worth! Thank you!