About the Author

Marnie Hammar, wife for 24 years and boy mama (14, 11, & 8), writes about how freedom isn’t found in perfectly completed checklists, but in knowing God deeper and hearing Him louder. When she’s not writing, she’s probably at soccer. Again. Visit marniehammar.com for more.

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  1. Marnie, I honor your fifth and sixth grade self and the person you have become today–because of the logs and because you have laid them down.
    Thanks be to God for carrying our load, for standing with us, for turning toward us, for welcoming us into his presence continually.
    Blessings to you!

    • Michele, yes and amen that God carries our load and is WITH us through all of the hard. Thank you for your encouraging words – they mean much. I pray others who are walking through similar moments will know He turns towards. Blessings to you, Michele!

  2. Children can be mean and it sticks with us. Children also make mistakes as I did in my youth and that also carries through. Even when we come to know Jesus it took years and years for me to understand he loved me regardless. That I was worthy because he made me and he died for me. His sacrifice covers all of my sin in all its ugliness. And I am made right in God sight. I cannot move forward without him and I or you will never be alone or rejected again not in the truest sense cause He is s as sways with us!!

    • It does stick with us — we just don’t have enough of His Truth established as a foundation when we’re that young. I’m so very thankful that He knows the pain and heals us when we’re ready. Thank you for your kind words and shared understanding of our need for Him!

  3. Beautiful, Marnie, thank you. I, too, know of frequent moves and the pieces of identity I’ve carried as a result. I know of laying them down – finally – and seeing the fullness of the experiences, realizing I wouldn’t be me without them. You have a gift and I’m thankful you shared it with Incourage today. Continue encouraging others with your words.

    • Michelle, yes, those frequent moves bring much with them, don’t they? But yes! We are who we are because of these experiences – and I am so much more aware of so many ways to turn towards others because of being that new girl. THANK you for sharing that with me, Michelle and for the shared bond of walking that out! Your kind words are encouraging to me.

  4. Marnie, so much pain and beauty and hope wrapped up in this post. In addition to the way Jesus both understands and frees us from the burden of the logs we carry, I’m also struck by the power of our simple words. Not just the power of painful mean-girl words, but the power to see others! “Hi. I’m Melanie. I’m glad you’re here.” Yes! Let’s be women of courage like Melanie.

    Such a joy to have your tender words here at (in)courage today. xx

    • Becky, your words mean so much! And yes, because we ARE so loved by Him, we can be Melanie! We can have a kind heart and the courage to turn toward and accept others because of our hope! When we love Him first, we love others better. It’s an honor and a privilege to be here at (in)courage today. xx

  5. so sorry to hear that. I know that words in our youth can tear down who we are..youth is such a building time for our personalities and ideas.
    the good news is that even if we were mistreated or bullied in our youth we can find strength and be amazing adults.
    my son went through 6 months at school where none of the boys would sit with him or speak to him…he came home broken over and over. the teacher had confidence it would work itself out..it never did and we took him out of that environment. but praise God he found a new group of kids to learn with that all like him and he knows it wasn’t him it was them who decided to gossip and speak hurt ( out of their own hurt).
    it’s certainly hard but hopefully teachers and parents see it and take the opportunity to mold the kids who hurt others so they too can be something good one day.
    I tell my children to stand tall as they know who they are & aren’t the ones hurting others. kindness is an amazing thing !

    • Krissy, I’m so sorry for what your son had to walk through! And I’m amazed that his experience is the same — that he can see the gift of kindness in the friends who did turn towards him. I’m so thankful he has that now. And thankful, too, for our most amazing friend, Jesus, who was there the whole time. We understand better the power of kindness and the gift of hope. Thank you for sharing your heart!

  6. Marnie, this is so powerful! I also as a child received rejection and I still remember those wounds so clearly. I am going to choose to remember the blessings and lay down the logs that rejection brought. My son experiences rejection alot. He is very shy and anxious, but he tries to play with other kids and I just see him getting rejected over and over again. However, God sent him Liam who is a true friend and I pray that Raylan (my son) will remember all the blessings also. I pray daily that God would protect his little heart from bullies, the evil one, people that reject him, laugh at him, and make fun of him. Thank you for this. God never rejects us.

    • Amen, Courtney – God never rejects us. And He has different, better plans for us. Changing schools the second time, while hard and scary, actually changed my entire academic trajectory – it was needed and good and I see that now. I pray for your little man, thank God for his friend, and for the plans God has for him. I know the hurt and I know the hope! So much love.

  7. Marnie,

    The old saying “stick & stones may break my bones but words will never hurt” is wrong. Words do hurt. Young children want to be accepted, part of the “in group”. When kids say I don’t like you it hurts. You feel rejected & unloved. Sometimes we carry those feelings into adulthood. Rejection can come from boyfriends, friends, job interviews, college entrances, etc. We must remember that Jesus was rejected. His own people did not accept Him for who He was. They had him crucified. He carried that log with him, but like you said He laid it down. We need to lay down our logs of rejection. God has a great plan for us. Those rejections may just be part of that grand scheme of His. We need to be the “Melanie” in everyone’s life. Let’s embrace the newcomer in our lives. I always try to find new people at church & say hello-glad you’re here please come back. Am constantly talking to others at work. Letting them know I notice them. In that way I am spreading some of God’s light on this dark world.

    Blessings 🙂

    • I love how you’re turning to others, Beth – that is beautiful! These are wonderful examples of stepping out from our pain to love others well. Thank you for sharing your heart! Blessings to you!

  8. I went to a school when I was small because my parents then throught they were doing the right thing for me. They took me out of the school I was in to a school of smaller classes. Thinking small classes would do me good. I was if you like bullied. I didn’t like the school. I found it hard to forgive. Until I got saved. I then knew threw prayer and what it say in the Bible God word. I had to forgive. As if I didn’t it would only it eat me up. I never get over it. Any time I see or pass were the school was now not there it would eat me up. Now because I have been set free I can hold my head up high thoes days know longer annoy me. Yes I will never forget them. I have forgive the people as well. I know Jesus as forgiven all the people that I am one of them that have done wrong to him. That is why he showed his love and forgiveness to us all in this world by going to the Cross for us. Because he so love us. With Jesus help and prayer me getting saved and forgiveness I would not be where I am today. So I have alot to thank God for. Excellent reading today. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xxx

    • Dawn, thank you for sharing some of your story! I can’t imagine how to get past those hurts without the hope we have, and I’m so thankful to hear that you’re where you are because of your walk with Jesus. We do indeed have so very much to be thankful for – and I’ll thank Him again right along with you. Blessings, Dawn!

      • Yes we do so much have so much to thank our Saviour Jesus for. Like me I wouls not be the person I am today. I do see not that often the people who bullied me and their Parents. I can now look at them and smile knowing through prayer and the help of Jesus. When I see them I don’t let when they did get to me or hurt me or say like I used to how could you let you child do that to me you the Parent of your child. I used to say that when I saw the Parents. Now I say Hello to them walk on or sometime chat to them befiely. Which until I got the Prayer and was able to forgive like it says in the Bible. Plus with Jesus help. I couldn’t have done that before. So I am the person I am today and have alout to thank Jesus for. As the reading says Jesus was rejected and people did want him. But he still loved him. I am still to do the same to thoes who bullied me at school all thoes years ago. Now when I say my prayer’s I pray for all Children to like either and bullying to not be allowed in school all over the world. As the Christian kids song says. It is so true Jesus Loves all the Children of the World Red and Yellow Black and White. For everyone to do the same. Plus I pray for prayer to be brought back into our school. Should it only be this simple little prayer I was taught at school before I was moved school. It is this Thank you God for the Birds that sing thank you God for the food we eat thank you God for everything Amen. As prayer not said in school here where I come from anymore it sad. It used to said at brake time. Thsnk you for replying to my comment. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little

  9. Yes we do so much have so much to thank our Saviour Jesus for. Like me I would not be the person I am today. I do see not that often the people who bullied me and their Parents. I can now look at them and smile knowing through prayer and the help of Jesus. When I see them I don’t let when they did get to me or hurt me or say like I used to how could you let you child do that to me you the Parent of your child. I used to say that when I saw the Parents. Now I say Hello to them walk on or sometime chat to them befiely. Which until I got the Prayer and was able to forgive like it says in the Bible. Plus with Jesus help. I couldn’t have done that before. So I am the person I am today and have alout to thank Jesus for. As the reading says Jesus was rejected and people didn’t want him. But he still loved him. I am still to do the same to thoes who bullied me at school all thoes years ago. Now when I say my prayer’s I pray for all Children to like either and bullying to not be allowed in schools all over the world. As the Christian kids song says. It is so true Jesus Loves all the Children of the World Red and Yellow Black and White. For everyone to do the same. Plus I pray for prayer to be brought back into our school. Should it only be this simple little prayer I was taught at school before I was moved school. It is this Thank you God for the Birds that sing thank you God for the food we eat thank you God for everything Amen. As prayer not said in schools here where I come from anymore it sad. If I ask my sister kids do they say a prayer at brake time they say no we never did. It used to said at brake time when I went to school before I was moved schools this is sad. Thank you for replying to my comment. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little