I’ll never forget sitting in my mentor’s house in college and learning about core lies — the lies we believe deep in our core about ourselves, others, and God.
Learning about my own core lies was a game-changer in my life. Later, after having kids, and in the early days of my first blog (which is no longer around), I interviewed that college mentor. One of the questions I asked her was, “If you could only pass on one piece of wisdom for young wives and moms, what would it be?”
She replied, “Deal with and repent of your own core lies so you don’t demand from and damage your child as much.”
She went on, “To determine your core lies, watch for things that make you angry, anxious, or depressed. The core lies are usually under there. Whatever goals we’ve created because of them have to go. For me, I wanted everyone to think I was a good mom. I had to let go of what other people thought of me because it was affecting how I dealt with my girls.”
That original interview was over ten years ago, but today I can say with confidence that her best piece of wisdom on parenting is, in my opinion, the key to healthy parenting. When we attune to what God wants to heal and set free in our hearts and minds, we will love and nurture our kids in freedom, truth, and grace instead of bondage, lies, and fears, which then allows our children to grow in freedom.
I’ll give you one example of how dealing with my own lies and subsequent freedom has impacted our family.
Almost twenty years ago, the Lord led me to face and process the abortion I had when I was sixteen. He led me to a counselor who was gentle and kind and walked with me through a study called, Forgiven and Set Free. Through counseling, I was set free from several lies, one of the biggest being that I had to keep my abortion a secret. Learning to tell the story of my abortion, the truth and the impact of it, began a process of freedom and healing that ripples through my life and ministry today.
Around ten years ago, the Lord led me to share my story of abortion online, which I did through tears. I was so scared, but I was never alone.
In the last few years, the Lord has led me to speak to women all over the country, and I almost always share my abortion story because I know so many women are still in bondage because of an abortion they had, and they are assaulted with lies by the kingdom of darkness. It’s an honor to work on behalf of freedom and truth.
But you know what the scariest thing the Lord has led me to do was? Telling my then twelve-year-old daughter about my abortion. I knew I had to do it because it was time and that was how the Lord was leading. So I did it and told her. We talked about it, and she cried, and we lamented together. The glory is this: Now that daughter of mine, who is now fourteen, travels with me as I share my story, and she is witness to the power of telling our secrets, facing our pain, dealing with our lies, and getting on the path of healing and freedom.
When we get free from the places of our hearts that are in bondage, we become generational bondage-breakers.
The more we are willing to face what God brings up and trust Him to hold us and help us as we process and grieve and work it all through, the more we believe and speak the truth and renounce the lies, the better parents we will become. We’ll still fail our kids sometimes, but if we are free we can lead them toward true freedom.
If God is bringing something up in your life, something painful, ask God to help you walk through the healing process. He is with you and will guide you. Find a counselor or safe friend or mentor and begin.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Psalm 139:23-24 (NLT)
Related Resource: How Not to Put Our Junk On Our Children (Interview with Cathy Bowman)
When we get free from the places of our hearts that are in bondage, we become generational bondage-breakers. -@sarahmae: Click To Tweet