About the Author

Aundi Kolber is a licensed therapist (MA, LPC), speaker, and author of her debut book, "Try Softer." She has received additional training in her specialization of trauma- and body-centered therapies and is passionate about the integration of faith and psychology. Follow along with Aundi at aundikolber.com.

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  1. Aundi, what a tender day and swirls of emotions. Joy and grief are an unexpected mix for sure. I think years ago, I would have seen grief as stealing from joy, but I now see joy as giving life in grief. I look forward to reading more from you!

    • Thank you for this refreshing concept! It allows us to take a deep breath and to feel our true feelings moving through our days. When the world seems to be pushing and pulling us, this concept of ‘trying softer’ gives us much better opportunities ❤️

      • I like the “new” concept of TRY SOFTER. We, as individuals, need to experience the world in a different softer way. to smell the roses along our pathway of daily life. To be ourselves and aware of our surroundings, to TRY SOFTER

    • This really encourages me this morning! My 19 year old is in the midst of depression and anxiety; we are getting her help and trying to figure out exactly what she is suffering with. Your book would really be helpful. Thanks for writing this. I would love to win a copy, but will buy a copy for my daughter for sure:)

  2. Reputation, self reliance and achievement drove me for most of my life. The Lord has recently removed those idols from my life and I now find myself filling those empty spaces with worry, anxiety, stress and depression. Im suffering greatly right now, but I know there is an inward renewal taking place within me for good as I keep my eyes on Him.

    Corinthians 4:16-18 (ESV):
    So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal

    • Kerry,
      Praying that you would ASK God to fill those gaps left open from the removal of false idols with His awesome love, acceptance, grace, comfort, and mercy. Worry, stress, anxiety, and depression lose their hold as we release our grip on the illusion of control. May your inward renewal bring joy in the morning after weeping has endured for the night.
      Blessings,
      Bev xx

  3. This is a brilliant way of looking at realigning ourselves with who we’re meant to be and how we can better navigate this journey. I look forward to learning more about it.

    • God’s called my daughter, her husband, and their young children to northern Uganda for long term mission commitment, to foster relationships in the Muslim community and to minister to women and children in the refugee camps. There’s so much joy in this hard, sadness as our family misses them right alongside the anticipation of Kingdom growth. My default mode in times like this is to get busier, to fill my hours and days with commitments and service. Not a bad thing, but the Lord’s given me ‘abide’ for this year’s prayer word. To rest, to listen, to submit to God’s pruning. Growth in the void. Thank you for writing this book, for guiding us how to be ‘present’ when it hurts. May God be glorified in all of it.

  4. This book looks great! I’m definitely interested in checking it out as I work on healing from an abusive relationship that brought me my daughter.

  5. I have been married for almost ten years now and I still remember that as one of the most joyous moments of my life. The one thing I feared was that nobody would show up, which was a silly fear but was there nonetheless. I felt so loved by my family and friends that day.
    Thanks for sharing your post and encouraging words.

  6. I loved the article! This takes off the burden of the perfection we demand ourselves. Just take the time to enjoy each person you do have to encourage and love you. Be satisfied in Him, the only one that can fill those voids and weaknesses in our life, that will somehow be our best tool for ministry.

  7. What a beautiful start to my day. Yesterday was the 30th anniversary of my beloved mother’s homegoing; this gave my heart just what it needed to both mourn and celebrate at the same time.

  8. I recently heard you interviewed on Faith Conversations podcast. Your message resonates with me and I would love to learn more by reading your book.

  9. Life is hard! I try so hard to look beyond the hard and trust God’s plan. I worry too much! Trying softer makes sense. Thank you.

  10. I love this post in so many ways. If helps us to learn to be in the moment even though it may be tough. Thank you so much and I plan to get your book.

  11. Thank you for this reminder to practice softness in a hard world. This testimony is relevant even at my twice the years of yours. You’re courage to share is inspiring. Thank you

  12. As I grieve so heavily the loss of my precious grandmother, the pure joy of ALL the Lord gave to us in that relationship sits with me. The joy of eternity, yet the grief of life without her here – trying moment by moment to find that balance and honor Him in the story.

  13. Thank you for your vulnerability in writing this book! I can’t wait to read it and hope that I can pass it on to some of my friends who have also gone through trauma. I am ordering a copy right away.!

  14. I need to know how to try softer. My daughter just delivered a 17 week still born yesterday. This is her 5th miscarriage. I am trying to figure out where God is in all of this. It doesn’t make any sense to me. Why did this have to happen again when all was going so good. I am so confused right now and just don’t understand why????

  15. I need to learn to try softer instead of harder. I struggle with this daily and while I seem to start out on the softer side, stresses of the day escalate it all. This was a wonderful read to start my day. Thank you.

  16. As the mom of 5 kids, two with special needs, one who is severe in those needs, the idea of joy and grief being connected significantly speaks to me. I look forward to learning what is taught in this book.

  17. What an incredible story and message! I can’t wait to read this book. I’ve been journeying through grief the past year and a half with the loss of my brother and trying to do just what your subtitle says. Life is so hard this side of heaven.

  18. Your writing is beautiful! Thank you for sharing this and your book with the world! To God be the glory!❤️

  19. Sounds like such a great book with a new message moving into a new year!! Congratulations on your first book too!!

    Diana

  20. Thanks for the reminder that the hustle and bustle of today’s daily life is really a source of stress. To de-stress is so hard and we fell less as a person. Reaching for God should be our first step to help us regardless of the situation.
    Looking forward to your new book!

  21. Though I am not married, I so needed this. I am stressed and overwhelmed. Your words reached my heart and today I will allow myself to be loved by God. I need Him desperately. I’ve been standing on the edge for too long. I thank God for you.

  22. Good morning. This devotional has really touched me to the core of my being. I have to admit I am my own worst enemy at times. As I read, I reflected on some situations in the past where this devotional would have helped me to “try softer.” I am re-purposing to allow myself to take that much needed moment to breathe, to appreciate God’s love for me, to look around and see the love and support of family and friends who care for me, and are present with me. “Here I raise my Ebeneezer, hither by Thy help I’ve come. I will “try softer” as I go forward. John 14:27 is my reminder, “Peace I leave with you;my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” Thank you God for this devotional today.

  23. In the aftermath of our beautiful holiday season it still takes me aback, almost as an assault when others tell me how busy they were. When I ask “how are you?” the response is usually a long check-ist of accomplishments which no way tells me how they are, other than over-worked and over-stimulated. In the awkward silence that follows, I want to say, there is no proud in busy, no badge of honor earned for stress, being over-worked, comparison or one-up-(wo)manship. When asked, my response is, my life is full. Which usually ends the conversation.
    No, not a boring life, a full-filled life. Loving your approach of try softer. Thank-you for this.

  24. Aundi, this book sounds intriguing. I’m definitely putting it on my “want to read” list. Thank you for sharing this glimpse.

  25. I am slowly learning that joy and grief can coexist in my life. It is a delicate balance and one I can’t trust myself with so I have to trust the Holy Spirit to hold me in place.

  26. This book sounds so amazing. I love the thought, try softer. I have been trying to do this for quite a while. To live quieter and gentle. To think before speaking. I can’t wait to read it!

  27. Your story is what I needed to start today. It is conformation of God faithfulness and connection to me.

  28. This was a very moving moment to share and a story of God opening a solution to those who struggle with these emotions that tear at our hearts. I have the blessing of having a Mom’s support group in our local church and have several young moms who struggle with their families conflicts. This was especially heartbreaking throughout the holidays. Praying with them and supporting them with His direction and love. I thank you for your encouraging message. God Bless your ministry.

  29. This book sounds amazing. As someone who struggles with anxiety I can see how this practice would be really helpful. I look forward to reading!

  30. Your book sounds amazing!! Thank You, Aundi, for pouring your heart and life and wisdom into it. What a Gift! And one so needed.

  31. I love this! Try softer is such a great idea. Trying harder is often so frustrating. I’m going to try softer today. Thank you

  32. My favorite part of this post is what Brendan whispered to you! Pause, pay attention, take it all in. Love this!

  33. This sounds like the book I have been looking for. Whether I win or not, I need to read this.

  34. How fitting, was just reading Matthew 6:27-34 as part of my morning devotional. Anxiety robs us of so much joy. What a refreshing shift to focus on trying softer.

    Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths.
    C. H. Spurgeon

  35. Just in past couple years am I learning that joy & grief can live side by side. It’s a hard journey yet I am more fully alive when I embrace both and allow my heart to feel deep grief (which in turn allows me to feel deep joy!).

  36. Joy and grief are indeed intricately connected, and we need to allow ourselves to feel both. I’m reading these words in the wake of the homecoming celebration of an incredible man of God. Praying for his sweet wife and fellow servant as she begins to learn to live life on this side of Heaven without him.

  37. What a beautiful but overwhelming scene you shared here. I think trying softer is something I need to learn as well. Thanks for sharing your heart.

  38. Aundi,
    Thanks for this beautiful post. It resonated with me; my family was present at my wedding but not happily. They didn’t think I was ready to get married; my husband and I celebrated 22 years of marriage this past December. It was hard not having their support on what should have been such a happy day. It hasn’t always been an easy journey being married, but your husband’s words to you were beautiful. Looking forward to reading your book.
    Thanks for sharing,
    Erin

  39. Such a beautiful image! I have not been able to put into words the season God is calling me into. I believe this sharing spoke directly to my heart. For years I have pushed through, tried harder, did more, etc. I believe God‘s message to me now is to try softer. Be in his moment ordained for me. Rest in him. I am so excited at the mirror opportunity to receive one of these books

  40. In our world of seemingly nothing but hard edges these days, I love your honest words and your title, Try Softer. Your husband’s gentle reminder in that big moment to look around and be present is a great reminder for me & each of us to rise above the noise & enjoy what we have in this moment now.
    Thank you–

  41. This book sounds amazing! That is a goal of mine for the new year…to slow down. Enjoy every moment and season while I’m in it, good or bad. I’m constantly going and doing all of the things, especially as a stay at home Mom to a very active toddler and wife of a family of four…I have my work cut out for me!! I would love to learn how to pace myself!!

  42. This is simply beautiful, especially for someone like me who typically doesn’t do anything ‘softly’…

  43. I have seen many brides who didn’t “see” their day happening – how lovely that you were able to stop and take it in! I’ve never married but I hear what you are saying…when life is going crazy, it’s hard to stop and be present in the moment. I’d like to hear more about this!

  44. Thank you Aundi. I am getting ready to retire. My word for the year is REST. I look forward to reading your book as I start this new path in my life.

  45. Try Softer…what a contradiction to all we have been taught throughout our entire lives. It has always been work harder, make more money, buy more material things to keep up with someone else. This is such a breath of fresh air to know that God is with us, whispering, for us to slow down, rest in peace with Him, as we learn a new kinder, gentler way to live.

  46. I am really looking forward to reading this book. 2019 was a very difficult year for my family as we lost two relatives. My husband and daughter were both diagnosed with a genetic disorder. I found that grief and joy can be found together even in the little daily things of life.

  47. I look forward to reading Try Softer! This whole way of thinking and feeling is foreign to me.

  48. WHAT A GREAT REMINDER TO SLOW DOWN AND REALLY ENJOY THE LIFE GOD HAS FOR US. THANK YOU.

  49. I like ‘try softer’ think I will change my ‘be gentle’ which some how asks my kids to try harder, to try softer. Thank you for the words:)

  50. What a wonderful perspective! I resonated with this very much and have a similar mantra, “go gently.” (Which, I know kind of sounds like a laxative … but oh well 😉

  51. This is beautiful. Maybe this is an idea to calm my anxiety. Looking forward to reading it.

  52. I love the title of your book and your writing style. Looking forward to reading Try Softer!

  53. Thank you for sharing. I too struggle to live in the moment but I’m trying to be intentional in my life this year.

  54. What a beautiful way to express being present. A skill I need to learn. Thank you for sharing your special moment.

  55. The last 2 years have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I felt like I would never be happy again after the sudden death of my daughter in 2017. I leaned heavely on God and trusted that one day joy and happiness would return. It did ! This book sounds like just what I need to hold on to what I fought so hard to get back.

  56. It takes wisdom when to stand firm and not giving up with a touch of softness. And Jesus is full of it. Let us all learn to be compassion with softness from Jesus. Amen!

  57. Oh my goodness. Your writing is amazing. And your message is so needed in the busyness of our lives today. Sometimes we are so distracted by the chaotic world around us that we miss the perfect beauty God has created for His children. Thank you for sharing these poignant memories of your wedding day.

  58. What a beautiful reminder, and an excellent read…especially as we begin a new year! Thank you for the opportunity!

  59. “I gave myself space to be loved by those who were there to support me.” This is a transforming key. It is joy in those who chose to sit at our table to share our lives and our journeys. It is counting the blessings of those who love us and do life with us. This is very much looking inwardly to all I have and not focusing on those who do not want to be part of the life I am living. Sounds very much like a book that will help many and I would love to be someone who will read what you have written and return to it when I want to slip back into the pain and the despair of those I have lost.

  60. Acknowledging the presence of grief or pain, while not allowing it to overshadow joy. Choosing to focus on all that is beautiful and good, to see who is in my corner despite who has walked away. This is exactly the message my heart needed today. Thank you!

  61. I loved reading this. I needed the reminder to not focus on what is behind, but live in, and appreciate, the moments given me now.

  62. At Christmas I gave family and friends an Ebenezer stone. A reminder that God is our help— has been in the past year– and will be in the future! He is faithful… that is what Samuel wanted to remind the people when he set up the Ebenezer stone. To enjoy and look for the presence of the Lord in all things that is what our focus should be … thank you for the reminder.

  63. Feels like a very encouraging, sweet book with a wonderful message on how to be kinder to ourselves. I would love to read it.

  64. Oh the things we allow, seemingly unconsciously, to keep us from the pure love and connection with God. It sounds so easy, but it’s so hard.

  65. Timely post, I had held back a few incourage.me emails to read after much business and demands then started to catch up with this one. the word or action PRESENT has only been evident in my stature while in the (-) hard, trying, growing and challenging moments. For the past year, I have been aware of the need and have prayed for JOY. This further validates the spirits leading for me – not to mention how making this change would affect those i love often with anger and frustration first – or bring then into my (-) PRESENT around me. I need to walk in the fullness of this word and HIS WORD.

  66. What a beautiful redemptive story! I often think this in important events. I have become one who doesn’t spend time taking pictures or staging a photo op because I feel I’m imposing on the moment instead of just living it. Instead I’m learning to snapshot it in my own memory bank. I love this idea! I’m putting this book in my cart now! Thank you for letting us know about it!

  67. How hard it is to let go of the past. It takes a lot of prayer to keep looking up and looking forward instead of looking down on ourselves and
    looking back. It helps to make a list of God’s many promises and hold them in our hearts and minds.
    I have a plaque in my writing room that says: “When it hurts to look back and you are afraid to look forward, look beside you, I will be there.” Every day I pray for the grace and strength for whatever comes next.

  68. What a powerful post. I love the concept of trying softer and I love that the cover of the book looks like a beach! Looking forward to reading it!

  69. Wow! What a great thought. Try softer. We always hear “try harder… work harder…”
    Try softer might just be something I ponder!
    Would love to win a copy of the book.

  70. It was the Disney movie, “Inside Out” that showed me how joy and sadness work together, and I needed this reminder today because I, too, have missed moments of joy by allowing sadness to consume me. I love the description given by Aundi of turning around to see everyone present at her wedding. It was the people that showed up to celebrate with her and Brendan that mattered!

  71. “trying harder” is so exhausting. Mentally & Physically I am worn out from this approach. I love the simplicity of whispering “try softer” to myself instead of my well worn mantra of try harder, try harder…..be a better mom,be a better wife, friend,daughter and sister and even christian.

  72. Intrigued by this,her story of her wedding was both sad, but also full of joy, hopeful. Interested in reading more

  73. Sounds interesting. Would like to try reading it, and then maybe pass it on to someone else who can use it.

  74. I need this…and what’s more important, I want this! I love the things that I do but I find that sometimes they overwhelm and exhaust me and I am not actually “present” at the events I work so hard to plan. This year, that needs to change!

  75. Aundi,
    I remember in Beth Moore’s bible study on James she made the statement the “joy & grief danced together as though they had the right to do so”. All you need to do is look to the cross where Jesus died to know how true this statement really is. Blessings on you as you choose to lean into this concept.

  76. Try Softer…mindfulness? It’s interesting how God whispers similar messages to His people. He has encouraged my spirit to be more mindful and stay in the present. I guess I’m not very good at it yet, as much of the time I feel crushed by my reality rather than encouraged. How to move through these moments and still choose praise can be a herculean challenge, to say nothing of not adding cumulatively to pain from the past and/or forecasting fear for the future.
    Thanks for your beautiful post!

  77. The topic of this book intrigues me. My daughter has long walked with anxiety, depression and ignored red flag boundaries concerning all types of relationships. Her walk with the Lord has been wobbly and the hole in her soul has been filled with relationships which are constantly disappointing and heartbreaking, codependency is what they call it. She has no self compassion in the purest sense and struggles to trust God. Prayers are coveted!

  78. What a beautiful testimony to how God simultaneously works in our right now, our before and beyond what we can fathom. He takes every hard thing and redeems it all the while. I am so interested in the concept of joy and grief coupling up, how they can not only coexist but live graciously with one another, even. I have seen this in my own life. It is only God that make all things thrive together.
    I can’t wait to read this. And thank you, Aundi, for such an important and needed message. God bless!

  79. What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. Your book sounds wonderful! I have been learning so much about myself over the past few months and it would add a lot to my journey!

  80. I couldn’t agree more. Beautifully said! In life I feel like there is always some next big thing that I work so hard for. But as I do that, my shoulders become tense as my stress levels rapidly increase. Thanks for writing this!

  81. I understand the concept of “softer” and how it can remove a lot of the pain of grief.
    I lost my husband Michael from lung cancer in 2004 and was on an internet grief share group and one of the people said “after a while the grief becomes softer.” Mike and I were only married for seven year and I didn’t understand at first but the pain definitely did become softer as I prayed for others and myself and tried to help people who were struggling. Also my Lord Jesus and I became closer every day.
    I know it sounds unbelievable but I remarried four years after Michael died, to a man who had attended the same High School as I had and we connected on the internet and I remarried Him in 2008. George died as Mike had, four years ago with lung cancer and we also had only been married for seven years. I understand in the bible that seven is the number for completion but what a hard lesson this has been! I truly believe without the Lord Jesus as my new husband as the bible says, I would not have been able to deal with two such loses. I am sure I could learn even more with this wonderful book and even pass it on to my widow friends. Thank you for your beautiful book which I know will help many people.
    In Jesus Love, Patricia Ann

  82. Try softer – What beautiful thought:) It resonates with a lot of my recent thoughts on rest, being present, enjoying what I have, and enjoying God’s presence. Thank you for sharing Aundi!:)

    Big congrats on your book and May God use it to bless many many lives!

    Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.” ~ Colossians 3:15, NIV (Amen)

    Blessings to you and yours Aundi. May God fill you with peace continually!

    ~ Bomi 🙂

  83. Every day I find myself in a whirlwind of too intense emotions. Just the title alone – Try Softer – feels like it is speaking to me. Thanks you!

  84. I am realizing how often I don’t take in the moment, but keep looking onward. Sometimes I am afraid to really see what is happening and how often God is calling me to see Him.

  85. I am embarking of this journey myself, with many areas of growth ahead, but I am determined to show myself kindness and compassion in the process. Excited to read this book!

  86. I have recently been deleting most that comes into my inbox, as I’ve felt overwhelmed with too much info. However today, although I’m about to write an important assignment, I noticed this post and gave it my attention. I’m so glad I did! I LOVE what Aundi wrote, and the concept of ‘trying softer’ already puts words to the direction God has been leading me in as of late. I’d love to read what she’s written in this book. If I don’t ‘win’ a copy, I will be buying one. Thank you for promoting this work ~ I have a strong hunch it’s a much needed message today!

    • I recently read in a children’s book these words
      “Live Life Less Loud”
      A clever use of alliteration meant to ask children not to be noisy use their indoor voices.
      But as I read the words out loud,I thought that these words were going to be my promises to myself for the New Year.
      For adults the meaning can and would in my case ,make a difference.
      So often,as adults we have to do two things at once,to achieve the expected response.We may be asked to take on a new project while we are still working on another one! Or,as in the case of parents,to juggle carpools,volunteering at their children’s schools attend PTA meetings with their jobs. I am part of the last generation who could choose to be a stay at home mom.I enjoyed spending time with my children and took care of children whose moms did work.I took care of teachers children.And I felt that I was paying them back for teaching my children!I am a senior citizen now,yet,sometimes I I feel pressured to volunteer at Church or my grandchildrens schools!But I am blessed to be married to my partner in Faith and we enjoy working for the same things.I am choosing this phrase to my promise to myself,because I don’t always take time for God in my day.He is always Present waiting for me to spend time with Him.He loves me and delights in our Sacred Conversations.So,when I Live Life Less Loud I can listen for that still,small voice and take pause different times of the day just to be in His Magnificent Presence!

  87. I’ve often thought of joy and sorrow as being two parallel train tracks that run concurrently through our lives. We are always experiencing some of each simultaneously, at least as adults. Thank you for this reminder to not lose sight of joy in focusing on our losses.

  88. Hmm, I thought I’d posted a comment, but I don’t see it. I will try again ~ a brief version of what I said. I am very inspired already to ‘try softer’ and Aundi’s snippet of writing here just makes me want to hug and read her book. Thanks for sharing this!

  89. What a beautiful post. I love the title, “Try Softer!”
    As a fellow mental health therapist (school psychologist), I love these words …. .” Though they are uneasy companions at times, joy and grief are intricately connected.” It is so true, how these two vastly different emotions are connected. I look forward to adding this book to my library!

  90. Oh how I’d like to move out of anxiety and stress into a life of connectuon & Joy!
    Thank you for your post.

  91. This resonated with me. Stuck in the hustle and bustle of teenage parenting, anticipating and preparing for a fly-away from the nest in a year, it’s felt like a mad rush to prepare my one and only for the little nudge off the edge into semi- adulthood while keeping the rest of the household intact, and attempting to spend any time carved away in meaningful ways.

  92. I saw your book recommended recently. I would love to read this!!! Best wishes to you as you move forward.

  93. ThanX for Sharing.
    Truly Touching.
    Sounds Just Like a Beautiful Connection of Souls.
    God is with Us. As. I Truly Needed it from My Painful Life Story.
    Jesus Loves You.
    TRUST in Our Lord.
    Whispering a Note of Prayer for You.
    Hoping the Very Best.
    Heavenly Angels be Near.
    Shalom. Peace be with You.
    In the Holy Name of Jesus Together we Pray.
    Amen.
    Sandy.<3      
    He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”
    +

  94. Love this so much! It wasn’t perfect, but it was sacred. That’s real life ❤️ My wedding day was far from perfect too, lots of real life circumstances that added stress & grief to the day. These last few years have been so much learning of coming to hold the tension of the Both/And, the grief & the joy. The sacred and not the perfect. Thank you Aundi for being a voice that continues to support my journey in that!

  95. I like the concept of “trying softly.” Especially in this time in our world, with so much stress, the concept of “trying softly” reminds me to slow down, trust God and take time to reflect on the joys that are often in front of us, but that we don’t take the time to see.

  96. I’m encouraged by this short post and intrigued by the message of the book. I look forward to reading more!

  97. What a lovely title. We are 4 years out of a life altering phone call, that changed our sons and our family’s lives forever, complete amputation, survival unknown. I gave it all to God right then, finding the joy in the smallest of things in an unfamiliar medical and military world based hospital. I still need to remind myself , my son and family of this sometimes daily. Grief and gratitude most definitely go hand in hand.
    God bless you!
    Diana M

  98. Sweet Aundi,

    What honestly beautiful words and imagery! Thank you for sharing this. It makes me think back to my own September wedding day more than 28 years ago, and wish I’d had the maturity and wisdom to take it all in. The one thing I do remember is the crisp, Colorado day that ushered the love of my life and I into our beautiful future. For that, I am truly grateful.

    Again, thank you for this lovely post!

    Jennifer

  99. I would love to read this. We are walking through the aftermath of our grandson’s suicide just before Christmas.

  100. This coincides with a book I am reading. Grief with joy, thankfulness in the middle of struggles and sorrow. So much truth. We can see God’s work in our lives in the midst of trying times but we have to look for it! But so hard to remember when we are in the middle of something. I can also relate because my dad also did not come to my wedding. We had a difficult relationship. Now I know he loved the best he knew how. He had a horrible childhood. By the time he passed a few years ago, we were on good terms, and I think he truly turned his life to the Lord. I still have regrets of what could have been. But there was still joy to be seen in the midst of it all.

  101. This medsage speaks to the core of my heart and where I am on this journey to wholeness. As I walk through deliverence and freedom from disgrace and shame, I am learning the true significance of loving oneself tenderly. I look forward to delving deep into the insights illuminated in Try Softer by Aundi Kolber. I believe this book will help catapult me on the path of healing into a greater dimension of love, joy, and connection.

  102. I have been learning about self compassion, so this would be an excellent book for me.

  103. Aundi,
    What a beautiful and overwhelming response to your book! Congratulations! What an awesome husband you have to invite you into being intensely present in the moment during your wedding. Sounds like he’s a keeper. I’m learning more and more that grief and joy can coexist. I would love to read your book. Thanks for sharing a glimpse here today.
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

  104. Life is so hard for me right now!!! I am trying to wait for God to show me what He wants me to do but I feel I am losing my footing. Trying softer is just what I need to read!!!!

  105. Aundi,

    Joy & grief can coexist. Sometimes you have to look outside yourself & circumstances to see the joy in the situation. Like your husband said “take a snapshot of this moment”. Really look at who is there, your beautiful surroundings & breath in the breath of God. Enjoy the moment, don’t rush it or worry about any what ifs. We have become a nation of worriers. We tend to worry about all the stuff that “may happen”. Really all we need to do is enjoy the moment God has given us. Quit trying to just survive worrying about the negatives in life. Jesus said it best in Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Deal with today -the here & now. Would love to read your book.

    Blessings 🙂

  106. I just got my copy yesterday in time for a 4 hour flight to see Grandkids in Portland, OR. Yes, i’ll be diving into it. I have already read an e-copy as I was on her launch, but there is nothing like the real thing in my hand.
    GET THIS BOOK. I doubt there is anyone who cannot benefit from this book. Aundi, I have been learning to be compassionate with myself and your book spurs me on.
    It takes a lot of practice.

  107. Wow, this book seems to be able to speak to every woman in some sort of way. We live in a world full of anxiety, stress, and an overwhelming sense of heaviness most days. Can’t wait to read this book!

  108. I love the title. We are all still trying to find our place and our way to God, but harder isn’t the way. I look forward to learning more about trying softer.

  109. This was a much needed message for me today. It was a hard day. This looks like a great read. Love the concept of trying softer. Look forward to reading your book. Thank you for sharing.

  110. I am just beginning my own healing journey. Your article makes me interested in knowing more of your story. May our Great Physician heal us all.

  111. I love this concept! I lost my mom 5 months ago very unexpectedly. Grief over losing her and joy of where she is and what we had is a very strange combination. Trying softer sounds like exactly what I need to be doing.

  112. I love the concept of trying softer! It reminds me to pay attention, especially to little things which can fill my soul with God.

  113. Love your story. It hits home for me because my parents chose not to attend my wedding. Also, I did the quiz to find the word of the year and my word doesn’t feel right. God has been pressing my heart to learn to be in the present moment and feel it. I feel your story was just about that and yet another nudge from Him.

  114. Thank you for sharing part of your intimate story with us. You wrote such eloquently about your experience. Your words are so true and may be difficult to live by but are manageable with loving everything God has provided for us, if we just slow down and live a life connected to joy.

  115. Aundi, I’m so moved by this sacred moment you’ve shared with us here. Congrats on your new book! It sounds amazing and will surely touch so many lives. It’s a joy to host your words at (in)courage.

  116. I have never experienced so much anxiety than I did in the year 2019. So thankful that God is greater than this world and anything we experience in it. So thankful for those who share in writing to encourage and inspire us.

  117. I am convinced that returning to Joy is how God works small miracles in our lives every day…in every season, in every moment, in the stillness of our connection with Christ.

  118. I have read this article several times. Each time I have been so encouraged. Try softer. “In gentleness we can move through the good and the hard and allow God to meet us in their midst.” I was 99% sure that I had chosen my word of the year for 2020. This has caused me to consider something different. Thank you! This is a book I would like to read!

  119. I absolutely love the title of this book and would love to read it! I resonate so much w what you said in the podcast. I wish you were in Illinois as a counselor!

  120. What a lovely and moving post. When we take the time to open our eyes and look around, we will grace at every turn. <3

  121. What an absolutely comforting thought-Try Softer. I’d love to read the book and can think of dozens of friends I’d share it with because pouring from an empty cup is at epidemic levels! Thank you for sharing.

  122. I like the , try softer. Never heard that before. Hope to be able to read this book.

    Thank you

  123. I am grateful for you Aundi and your courage and bravery. I suffer from anxiety and depression and PTSD from military service and sexual abuse. I do have a great therapist but just in the past year have I realized that my best friend is Christ and He brought me out of 2 suicide attempts. How awesome is that. God is such a blessing in my life. Thank you

  124. I feel like i already have a NEED for this book. But your story of your wedding day confirmed it. My son is marrying soon and i will be reeling in joy and but much grief and worry and sadness.

  125. Trying softer resonates with a lot of my recent thoughts on grief, being present, enjoying what I have, and enjoying God’s presence. Cannot wait to read this!

    • This book intrigues me so– and I have read so many of the books that are mentioned in connection– put it on my to read list… will be watching for this book.

  126. I “tried harder” for most of my life. I have had to learn, often times the hard way, that it never works. It is not genuine. It is a lie. An unattainable goal. Just reading the words “try softer” makes me feel better, and puts a smile on my face. God is so gracious and never rushes our walk with Him. What a relief. My word for 2020 is “bloom.” I am going to “try softer” so that I may truly “bloom” in Him.

  127. This is solid truth you’ve shared. Thank you. I look forward to hearing
    More about your book

  128. How I love this idea. In a culture that exalts power and strength, and wants us to push through everything by pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps, how very refreshing it feels to go softer, not harder. I would love to explore this more myself!

  129. This message is arriving at a perfect time. Overwhelm is present almost consistently these days, yet my longing is for God’s peace to override the hustle of life! Looking forward to more of what God is up to. Bring on the calm!

  130. The beauty of your husband’s words is priceless! God knows how the care our spouse gives in our time of weakness is a bridge to understanding the love of The Father. He wants to comfort us, assure us and then send us out whole in Him to care for others.
    Blessings!

  131. Oh how I need this book. I have so much anxiety and stress in my life that I am not taking time to live my life. Thank you!

  132. I love the premise of this uncommon approach to life. Looking forward to learning how to try softer instead of harder…especially with myself.

  133. Thank you for sharing your heart and journey with the world. It’s a blessing to so many.