About the Author

Dorina is a multicultural speaker, author, Bible teacher, foodie, mentor, and trail runner. Her devotional, Walk, Run, Soar, will be released from Bethany House in September 2020. She helps people navigate grief and chase after God's glory. Dorina and her husband Shawn are raising three brave girls in Central California.

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  1. Dorina,
    I can really relate to what you are saying. I, too, can be so quick to give a knee-jerk response, a defense, a retort, when my husband is speaking. Sometimes I may be listening to his words, but not really be hearing what he is saying. I have been trying to be very intentional about keeping my big mouth shut when he is telling me his point of view. I/we need to hear the other person out. And then, take a few moments or minutes to process what our spouse has said. Not everything my husband says needs a response…sometimes it just needs to be greeted with silence and acceptance on my part. In trying to always get the last word in, we may win the battle only to lose the war. Great advice here this am.!!
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

  2. You’ve put your finger on one of my great weaknesses, Dorina. These days, I’m trusting for grace to lift my eyes from whatever task I’m working on when one of my family members talks to me. “People over project… people over project… ” I need those words in front of my eyes and engraved on my heart!

    • Yes, people over project! I struggle with multi-tasking too much! I’m learning to go for walks with my people, to look into their eyes, to listen at bedtime instead of hurrying them to sleep.

  3. I need to really listen to all my family members! My husband, my daughters, my son’s, my daughter-in-law! I’m very impatient! Thank you for your message. May God bless you and your family

  4. There is a world of difference from the times I know my husband is attentively listening to me and the times I can tell he is distracted, and I am sure it is the same the other way around.

    I know one thing for sure, I don’t want someone looking at their phone or laptop or other device when what I want is their attention and to know they are listening.

    • Yes, Kathy! It’s so important for us to be intentional. We use our phones for everything – not just scrolling social media, but also for calendars, emails, reading articles, work, etc. My husband and I are learning to communicate clearly about times we need undivided attention. We have to say it out loud because it’s so easy to get feelings hurt or for misunderstandings to take place when one or the other doesn’t feel heard. Praying for you in this too!

  5. Oh, this hits home in the good/hard kind of way. To listen well is to love well. That is so my heart, but I know I fall short so often with my family.

    Jesus, empower us to look up, breathe deep, and listen long before we respond. Amen.

    • Oh friend, I wrote this because I am definitely right in the trenches with this daily. Learning to listen especially during this time when we all have fears and anxiety to face. Listening well can be a path to healing.

  6. Can I say this I know my Husband love me and I love him. He is offal good to me. But what annoys me about him. Is I know I am not perfect. None of us are. I probably do and say things that annoy him. But when we don’t get on and don’t see eye to eye over something. No matter who is at fault. I always say sorry before the bed time. Because as it say in Ephesians 4 verse 26 Be Angry and do not sin do not let the sun go down on your wrath. That to me speaks about saying sorry before morning is up. As one of either might not wake up to see the next day. You could regret you didn’t do that. My Husband can sometime keep saying sorry and making friends and forgetting what made us get annoyed with either in the first place. To the next day. That gets too me. I say too him. What would you do if I didn’t wake up and you had not said sorry to me and made friends with me. That is why I always before the days is out make friends with you over anything we get that annoys us. We don’t get annoyed that often. Then he say that just me. Then he say I probably say why didn’t I do it. Why didn’t I say sorry. I then say you know what then it would be too late as I be gone to be with Jesus. You have to pray and ask Jesus to help you change this. As look at my Aunt her Husband went to bed for lie down. When she went to see was he ok. He was gone. So I tell him that should speak too you. When we both get annoyed over something. That before we go bed we should always make up say sorry to either. Do what the word of God says in Ephesians 4 verse 26. We do both love either as in June we will be Married 27 years. We would not change either. But that verse in Ephesians is so true. One minute my Aunt had her Husband like Dorina you had your first. Then he was gone. Life his short lets enjoy the time we have with our Husband and Wives. Be thank full on to God for either. Thank you for todays reading it is Excellent Dawn Ferguson-Little xxx

    • Thank you for sharing your heart here, Dawn. This is such important perspective. Listening well to my husband is even more important to me because I know what it feels like to have lost a husband and navigate days alone. We must be thankful and love by listening well. Working on it!

  7. Thank you for your honesty and encouragement, Dorina. As my husband is on the front lines, navigating his non-profit through this bewildering time, and as I walk alongside my kids and our church family these days, I need to be particularly mindful of this.
    Prov 15:23 may say “A person has joy in giving an appropriate answer,
    and a word at the right time—how good it is!“ but I bet more often than not, the “right time” for that appropriate, good word will come AFTER listening! 😉 Thanks for the reminder.

    • So good to hear that perspective from your situation with your hubby on the front lines right now. I imagine he’s having to do a lot of listening and serving right now. What a great gift you could give him as his wife to listen well! Love you, friend!

  8. Yes, I am learning my husband and I don’t listen well to each other because our personalities, like you and your husband are so different. He’ll say, “tell me in one sentence the point of all that chatter.” He wants to use as few words as possible, and I want to ramble and then turn back to the point. Also reading, You’re Not Listening. A good book on listening.

  9. Oh boy doe this hit where it hurts! I’m am SO bad about hearing but not listening.. This is an awesome reminder to not only listen but to HEAR and WAIT before speaking. Thank you so much for this lesson and reminder!

  10. Dorina,

    Most people don’t listen well. They may hear you talk, but it is just noise. My hubby used to ask me the same question 2-3 times a night. Finally I said can we have “together” time in the AM? Let’s talk no devices. We fully listen to each other. We seem to have meaningful conversations & we both get heard. I love our time together. Often in today’s society I see families eating out together & everyone on their cell phones or other devices. Hardly any face to face communication. People want to be seen, heard & know that you care. Part of that equation is listening to them. Taking time to hear their stories & opinions. I know for me TO feel loved all you have to do is spend time with me. Just listen or talk to me. I desire face to face communication. Like you my hubby is an introvert & reader. He is quiet & processes information slowly. I tend to want to put my opinion out there. I’m going to go the extra mile & really love on people by listening to them.

    Blessings 🙂

    • What a good practice to call a time with no devices. I need to do that more. It’s hard to put aside the phones right now when it feels like a crisis, but it’s good for our souls. Thanks for sharing your experience and reflections!