The sign for an all-women’s gym near my home always snatches my attention when I drive by:
Strong Girls Lift Each Other.
The words of that bright pink sign usually send my thoughts scampering down bunny trails (but hardly about anything related to fitness or personal training). What does it mean to be strong? Why should I, and how can I, uplift the women in my life?
If you’re anything like me, you have a hard time brushing off the harsh, thoughtless words from people you care about or forgetting hurtful actions by friends. And while you might have come to grasp that “hurt people hurt people,” it is painful to be left out, forgotten, or on the receiving end of a verbal assault, even if you know it comes from a place of insecurity, envy, or plain old lack of consideration. Unkind and especially mean-spirited words or deeds may not draw blood but they still cut deep. Even exchanges with strangers — an impatient waiter, a rude cashier, the less-than-helpful DMV clerk — can leave you frustrated or furious if you aren’t thinking beyond yourself.
In the fractured and polarized world we find ourselves in, it’s helpful to remember the dog-eared sentiment attributed to Reverend John Watson: “Let us be kind to one another, for most of us are fighting a hard battle.” Those battles can range from personal offenses and cross words to crippled relationships, illness, financial hardship, or job insecurity. People are lugging around a ton of invisible baggage, and I’m convinced we can help lighten the load.
What if we approached every encounter with our family, friends, and neighbors as if we had the power to make it better?
What Jesus has done for us through His life, death, and resurrection makes it possible. The power of the Holy Spirit working in and through us transforms us to be like Christ. We’re different as a result, and we’re able to live out what is asked of us in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 to “encourage one another and build one another up.”
Darlings, encouragement is a secret power. Have you ever thought about that? It can mend a bruised heart, disarm hostility, and diffuse tension. Sometimes kindness is all a person needs to feel better. A kindhearted word of encouragement has the potential to brighten someone’s day.
When my daughter was younger, she and her friends would have a “Power Hour” where, one by one, they’d take turns affirming one another, speaking words of encouragement to counter all the junk and negativity that would find themselves into their teenage heads and hearts. More recently, I was among a group of friends, and time was set aside to speak truth and encouragement over one another. No matter what we brought into that room, each of us left that space buoyed by the precious words poured into us. As we lifted each other up, we were building muscle, becoming stronger in ways that would carry us back into places that aren’t always so kind.
When we encourage one another, we reflect the heart of Jesus and honor God. These are three of the most life-giving ways others have encouraged me and what I try to do likewise:
- Tell them how you see Jesus in them. I cannot overstate how powerful this is to hear. We receive a million negative messages a day — some are self-inflicted — and the positive affirmation of someone seeing Christ’s qualities in us makes us want to be even more like Him.
- Give them the freedom to share their struggles, pain, and insecurities without trying to fix what’s broken. Have you ever seen listening as encouragement? It is. And it’s not passive either. Listening without offering remedy requires restraint. Allowing someone to pour out their heart and loving them without feeling the need to judge or fix them is one of the kindest, most unselfish things you can offer.
- Celebrate their joys and successes wholeheartedly. Someone else’s gains don’t mean you’ve lost, but if we’re honest, sometimes it feels that way. When people are wholeheartedly for you, you know it, but we also know when people are half-heartedly for us, don’t we? By centering on the one who has reason to celebrate, we resist the temptation to focus on ourselves and believe lies of scarcity that simply aren’t true.
Women whose strength is in the Lord can empower others by encouraging them.
What is one way you’re inspired to lift each other up today?
I love when I’m feeling down if a sister in faith listens to me and says I believe you are in pain. I am here to listen. When people say Buck up God loves you, it’s like they want me to just be fake. It is nice to have someone listen to me. That caring meant so much I knew God’s love made it okay and things were going to turn out. It made all the difference.
Ariel,
Being heard makes such a difference indeed. I’m so thankful you have that person (or those people) in your life, Ariel.
I love the idea of a Power Hour. When I was a school counselor, and conflict arose between students, one activity to mend feelings was having them say something positive about the other person/s. It always amazed me how quickly the children would be able to overcome hurt feelings and move forward.
Madeline,
Your comment made me think how much easier children sometimes reconcile compared to grown-ups. Being quick to forgive and offer kind words is beautiful.
This is such good advice! Thank you.
🙂 Appreciate you reading and taking time to comment, Gail :).
I’ve been blessed to have some college kids that text me prayer requests. I immediately as possible text a prayer for whatever is the request calling on God’s character that ministers to that issue. I then blow them away days later by following up to find out the details how God answered the request. They are pointed to the God who is able to meet their needs & then reinforced that I was listening & I care. My husband & I are called their Columbia parents. We laugh that we didn’t birth them, diaper them or pay for college & yet are so honored to be highly thought of. It’s a God thing for sure. Praying & follow up is such a wonderful gift! Thanks for this post with other great suggestions to be encouraging to others!!!
What a blessing those college kids have in you, Ruth! (and I know you must delight in them) To point them to Jesus is what will serve them best <3.
I hear what you’re saying, and I agree that it’s true that we all need encouraging and need to be generous with doling it out. I appreciate the three ways to encourage you provided. “Without trying to fix what’s broken” I think is key to distinguishing between encouraging and codependency. It made me a little nervous reading “What if we approached every encounter with our family, friends, and neighbors as if we had the power to make it better?” The truth is (and we probably are both on the same wavelength here) we absolutely do not have the power to fix everything that’s broken, and approaching a situation like I do can set me up to play a very warped role in a codependent relationship. Anyway, I’m sure that’s not what you meant, and I appreciate your message. I just wanted to draw that distinction between codependency and encouragement for anyone else who has ever been sucked into the realms of the unhealthy.
Hi Pearl,
I hear you and 100% agree that we have zero power to *fix* what’s broken. I do think we can control our responses to every conversation and that means we can make them better….or worse. I hope you hear my heart in this :). And, goodness, indeed–codependency is dangerous and toxic, and you’ve made some good points. (I used to not set healthy boundaries with friends, and I learned the hard way why that’s crucial in relationships!!) Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective.
Robin, I hear your heart, and it’s beating with love and kindness. Thank you for your response. 🙂
🙂 xo
Thank you, Robin. I’ll try to do better at this!
Irene,
It’s always so good to live intentionally, isn’t it? 🙂
You know I’m all about this!! Such good encouragement and reminders, Robin. Thank you!
You are a Queen of Encouragement! <3
I liked the key phrase Strong Girls Lift Each Other. I shared it with my girl friends and they each loved it as well. That phrase started an uplift with my sister that we both needed today! Thank you for this wonderful message today and PTL, always!!
Yes, Mary! Let’s hear it for strong girls lifting each other!! <3
Robin,
As a weightlifter, I loved that quote. Thanks for sharing that as well as this encouraging post. Much appreciated and much needed for many of us. May we be encouragers.
Oh, Jennifer…I love that. I’m not working out in this season, but it still struck a chord with me. What does it REALLY mean to be strong, you know? Yes…indeed…may we all be encouragers! xo
Robin,
God has made me an encourager. Love sending texts, cards or emails to others letting them know they are being prayed for & loved. You can always find me at work (ICU clerical at large hospital) cheering on the patients when they go from bed to chair-especially if they get up & walk the halls. It makes them smile & know that someone cares.
I have some really close friends that know I’m a safe place to land. I’ll listen to you speak but not even try to fix it. Sometimes I may say “I’ll pray for you” that’s it. They in turn do the same for me. It’s nice to be the one people can confide to.
Blessings 🙂