About the Author

Mary is a writer and speaker who lives for good books, spicy queso, and television marathons – but lives because of God’s grace. She writes about giving up on perfect and finding truth in unexpected places at MaryCarver.com. Mary and her husband live in Kansas City with their two daughters.

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things we love
& you will too!
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Recent Posts

Reader Interactions


  1. Reminding myself that we are each made in the image of God gives me a starting place when my snap judgement would gloss over another’s value. Seeking to see what reflection of God even if so very dim is there focused me on seeing the common ground between us. Blessings Mary!

  2. God didn’t give me my husband to change him, but to love him.
    God changes people. The circumstances I want God to change
    may be the very circumstance God uses to change me!

  3. This is just what I needed to hear this morning. Struggling to keep my mind on things above, and focus on what we share, the good things, instead of our differences and what I feel is lacking. God is still working. Thanks, Mary.

  4. I’ve been having a hard time with people lately. Your post spoke to me and gave my heart a little hope. Thank you Mary!

  5. Thank you, Mary! I struggle with some of my friendships, due to differences in opinions. I want to do better. Thank you for the encouragement!

  6. Thank yo Mary for todays reading and for you being honest about what you said. We have to all of us remember it say in the Bible the Husband is the head of the House. The wife should submit to your own Husband as to the Lord. We find this in Ephesians 5:22 on wards it also goes on to say other things about a Marriage. We have to look back at our Marriage say when we don’t see eye to eye with either. What brought us together in the first place that we loved either to want to get Married to either. Especially when we are not getting along for what ever reason. As we all have to work at Marriages. It is not a bed of roses with all pretty colours etc. How did the rose get to be the beautiful rose. It got there because he pushed through the thorns. Did not let anything get in it way to be that beautiful Rose. We have to do the same in our marriages. As we not always get on or agree with either on every thing. But we people in the Marriage will like different things and some things we will both like together. There will be some things we will do that will annoy either as we don’t like what the other person is doing. But we have to find common ground. Get past the things that we do that annoy either that they will not annoy us. We will get we pass no remarks on them. But it can take time for us to get like that. As if we let it annoy us the thing they are doing that we don’t like. It can cause rows with both of. We don’t want that. So we have to work on it for it not to annoy us. I know this true with my Husband. As he does things I don’t like. I do things he doesn’t like. But we learn to work through them in Love so as no rows are caused with us both. We have to remember when we made our vows we made them for life. Satan the old Devil is out to do anything to cause rows and break ups in Marriages. We don’t want to let Satan the Devil do that. As we have to also remember it was love that brought us together enough to make us want to get married and live together for the rest of our lives. If it is Football your Husband likes and he wants to watch it on TV. You are not to get annoyed especially if you don’t like it. As he could be going to pub or his friends houses to watch it. You be thankful he watching it in own home. Your Husband has to do the same with you over something that annoys him. As you could be away with you friends and not be at home with him. It all about compromise. We in Marriage both have to do that. Be thank full we have either. Now and again it nice to tell either we love either and show either that we appreciated either. Love Dawn Ferguson-Little xx

  7. Excellent! Especially now that the mid-term elections are upon us creating more of a divide than any of us want. Bending a little is better than breaking; sharing common ground is a good place to start healing relationships. Thank you for sharing your story and Pau;’s wise words.

    • Bending a little is better than breaking—yes! Why did it take me so long to learn this? (And why am I still actually in the process of learning it?!) I’m thankful for this reminder myself, Bettye!

  8. What a beautiful vulnerable article! May God bless this perspective and your words.
    So needed!!!!

  9. This article could not have come at a better time. My husband and I have a deep chasm in our relationship. Over the years raising children I was the single parent too often. I did try marriage counseling by myself. Slowly things changed a bit. However I spend time w/o him too often. He makes other choices a priority and they don’t include me. We’ve lived separate lives for so long. I was hoping retirement would be different. But I guess I need to be in charge of my own happiness and build a life in retirement. I do try to focus on common ground but I overhear snide comments about wasted time. Very discouraging ☹️

    • Marlene, I am so sorry. I can hear the pain in your words, and I pray you can find a new connection with your husband and peace no matter what. You are so loved and so valued!

  10. Thank you for your vulnerability, Mary! I think there are a lot of us who can relate to your story. It reminds me of a rainy morning at the bus stop a few years back. It struck me, as another mom offered shelter under her giant umbrella, that rain is an opportunity to share an umbrella—to see how we are much more the same than different. Without an umbrella, we are equally soaked—regardless of our stories, status, passions, and preferences.

  11. Mary,

    Yes to finding common ground. It takes the heart of Jesus to look beyond the differences & find something you can talk about. Jesus even talked to a Samaritan Woman-Jews never would associate with them. He started with small talk & made her aware that He knew her life. May be we could do that. Start out with simple small talk. Avoid the hard topics & see what happens.

    Blessings )